What should I do and am I being overly sensitive?

[JennyLee]

my ds is 7 has changed schools as we are homeless accomodation. He thought school was great untill today. He has problems writing and had a white board and pen at previous school and about a year ago had feelings of being dumb as he could see what the other kids did but his old school helped him so much he started to know he is clever and stopped feeling like that. He is also 2 years ahead in verbal comphrehension and understanding and has a wide vocabularly was assessed, so isn't stupid. Basically cannot write very well because of coordination in hands but was progressing.WE told the head teacher this when he started and his teachers do not talk to parents so have never had the chance to discuss it with her.
today ds was asked write a story about a cat and a dog.He tried to write and got as far as 'one day cat' but he felt it looked wrong so knew it wasn't done correctly.Techer said'get a move on' ds puts his head in his hands trying not to cry and feeling angry. Teacher says 'hurry up lewis' he asked 3 kids sitting at his table to help him of course they could not. he asked the teacher for help but she said no as she was dealing with another child, that is fair enough. 'Goldentime' where they get to play and do fun things began and the other kids who has finished it (not all the other kids) went to do that.Lewis had his head in his hands for some of this time. When 'goldentime' finished and lewis had not got any further she said 'lewis, you're lazy, you know' Teh it was home time. At home time I waited for ds he was the last one out had a face like thinder and he ran home all the way home across 2 roads, with me limping behind(have bad ankle)when i caught up with him at the fron door, he said I'm stupid I'm going to clean the streets everything went wrong at school I hate school and then burst out crying and sobbing.I called the school to ask to see the teacher next week and was told by the office girl that parents are not allowed to talk to the teachers and I would have to go through the head teacher....sorry for long post

Glad it was better for him

Yep, was me on the student aprents thread LOL. Organised? what's that? On enrollment day, I have to:

attend a Uni training course for the little mentoring job they offered me

do all the school run as DH ahs a full day job interview (jhe works night which does work well for the family but makes him ill every six months and he hates it)

be at a full day enrollment

Obv. mentoring been delayed, the other two? Oh I'll do it somehow- LOL!

Really amazed at the school teacher policy of not seeing parents; whena re they due an Ofsted?

thats some amount of stuff you must be very motivated!! lol

the last OFSTED school report was feb 2004.so not when the next one will be

we still dont knwo if dh going back nor has he applied for his loan.

he passed one resit so one more to pass to get back in as a ft student for him

Ofsted , you can contact them about the way the teachers refuse to communicate and they will look at it in their review when it comes due

Good news about your dh, at least he is half way there! Would it be an idea for him to do the finance applications now, theya cn take so long to process.

yes, he wants me to do the forms for him but I want him to do it, I have done mine. definately think will raise the point to ofsted.

when he changes school again i will make before hand that I cant talk directly to his new teacher and make sure sn are catered for, will learn from this experience

I finally got that meeting with the school today, with the scary patronising head teacher, I got a letter on the 15th sept saying as DS is new we would like to have meeting to discuss his education, please call and arrange a meeting. And I got a slip to sign saying he will be getting help from the special teacher and sign it to give your permission, these were sent out on the 14th sept. So I will seeing her at 11.00. I must try not to get flustered as I am a bit apprehensive as it was his actual teacher I wanted to see.

Good luck today JennyLee. I'm sure you will be fine. Did you not get any response from the teacher then? Or is this the response?

No I never got any response untill these notes in the post. and it just says as DS is new, we would like to offer you an opportunity to discuss ds's education at a mutually convenient time. there is no in regards to your letter or mention of any previous discussion at all. when I read it I was like 'cheeky gits' that is all I wanted to do in the first place, to have a meeting! only waited 21 days to get the meeting, so all is not lost lol

They sound like a strange bunch at that school! Let us know what happens. Good luck.

Best of luck Jennylee

they were actually really nice, the head teacher and the special teacher. did not patronise me at all this time god knows what she was thinking that day i phoned it seemed like she was a diferent person. But it was all bad
It seems that since the move my ds has regressed to about last October in behaviour and ability in fact even worse. and they are getting him assessed by an ed psych again, which I welcome. I had not idea it was this bad and has been for weeks they said. I feel utterly deflated and dreadful as a Mother and my poor ds he had been doing so well at his old school and it has all gone to shit because of us moving not to mention that we are moving again whenever we get a permanent house in god knows where, although I will put this town as one of my mandatory 15 choices now altough there will be a 1 in 15 chance of us getting housed here.I could scream ds is still at school and i will send dh to collect him as i feel crap. he is not naughty or anything it is that he can hardly function at school it seems.even the housing benefit people are messing us about or we coudl get a private rental here or back at the old school(students at moment) Rant!!!!

they were actually really nice, the head teacher and the special teacher. did not patronise me at all this time god knows what she was thinking that day i phoned it seemed like she was a diferent person. But it was all bad
It seems that since the move my ds has regressed to about last October in behaviour and ability in fact even worse. and they are getting him assessed by an ed psych again, which I welcome. I had not idea it was this bad and has been for weeks they said. I feel utterly deflated and dreadful as a Mother and my poor ds he had been doing so well at his old school and it has all gone to shit because of us moving not to mention that we are moving again whenever we get a permanent house in god knows where, although I will put this town as one of my mandatory 15 choices now altough there will be a 1 in 15 chance of us getting housed here.I could scream ds is still at school and i will send dh to collect him as i feel crap. he is not naughty or anything it is that he can hardly function at school it seems.even the housing benefit people are messing us about or we coudl get a private rental here or back at the old school(students at moment) Rant!!!!

just want to cuddle ds and tell him he is okay and lovely just want to help him

Oh JennyLee, I'm so sorry for you and Ds . I'm glad that the head and the SENCO were nice to you though. Poor Ds. Well hopefully having him assessed by the ed psych again will help in the short term, however, realistically things won't settle down until your housing situation is sorted!
On the plus point, at least the school are now aware of the situation and hopefully there will not be a repeat of the 1st September!!

Yes I believe now they will treat him well and try to help. But I feel so shit, his life was getting better and now it is a hell of a lot worse.his old teacher thought he would be okay as he is so friendly but he is not okay. I wish I was not at uni and could home school him really want to look after him . I am going to be calling the housing benefit every other day to try and get resolution as if we are entitled at the moment we can look for a private rental near his old school or something. I don't know what we can do to help. I knew things were bad this week as he hit a kid in front of its Mom (I was mortified and apologetic) and the next day gave him the finger and later hit him in the school day. which was so bad of him and we are nto bad parents and on Friday Morning I asked him to apologise to the Mom and her son which he did very graciously and I'm sure he meant it and she was fine about it, but now I realsie he has been obnoxious for weeks but no one told me. he has been saying he is Rocky(he has not seen the film! one of his old friends had the PS2 game )to us and also it turns out to the senco and saying he is mean and no one will bully him and is living in a fantasy world. I tried to explain that as he has been bullied for being coloured since we moved here in our street and so since he was battered about 2 or 3 weeks ago we have kept him in completely as it was constant hassle even with me watchng him outside or out of the window the whole time he is outside like a crazy woman, even with that he was getting in fights/battered by the other kids if I just stopped watching for 5 minutes. So maybe that is why is acting like that at school but I already after the hitting incident told him no one wil be your friend if you act like that. I think it is him trying to defend/protect himself. He said at school to senco he has no friends here which is true. and at home I knew he hated school but he never said anything else.he says his life is a living hell and he hates it here and cant go out like in a jail. but we do take him out. Well this move has messed him up big time and will happen again in a few months or sooner.

and the other thread thats says poeple with bad kids want a diagnosis to explain their childs behaviour because they can't cope can get stuffed, I never wanted my ds albelled with anything and now it looks likes that is what will have to happen.

LONG>>This is mainly a thread where I talk to myself but I am going to post anyway. Last week my ds punched a boy in the queue in the morning on the way in, in front of his Mother, so I apologised and said I would talk to him. the next day he stuck his finger up at the boy in the queue in front of his Mother, again I apologised. Later that day at home time the little boy told me he hit him again at break, so again I said I thought it is unacceptable and apologised and after another talking to that night he apologised to the boy in front of the Mother on Last Friday. I then went to meet his head teacher and senco last Friday as I have mentioned. Everything they said he does lately was like reading 'symptoms of Dyspraxia' when before he had been progressing well at his old school and never misbehaved. Well this is the whole point of this post..yesterday at home time the head teacher called us in 'for a little word' and told us Ds had lifted another boy by his neck and that the boy and ds could offer no reason and ds said it was just because he was angry.The head, after the teacher had already told him off went away to speak to him and brought him saying 'what we agreed Ds?' instead of just saying 'sorry' he immediately tryed to punch and attack me and started also kicking his Dad in front of the head and teachers. i think he was scared of being in so much trouble but that is not an excuse. then DH tried to just get his shoes on him and get him out of there but he resisted and caused a big scene in the changing/ peg area with the head still trying to talk to him. in the end we calmed him down .thank goodness all the parents and other kids were away. We left. at home later we both spoke to him for some time about how he could not hurt other kids and has to try at school even if it is hard and he hates it. he has no playstation now and we took away a favourite cd he likes. he said he would stop hurting people and being mean.today he went in fine. he said to the head in his temper that the boy 'gave him bad face' no excuse and that he felt angry. I am bloody upset. what if he gets excluded? and now they will really have him stitched up as dyspraxic and adhd or whatever they want to call him. when before he was assessed as fine with a bit of motor coordination disorder with his hands and writing. i want to home educate now , untill wwe move. dh is horrified says I cant to that and uni. no offense to other people i myself am meant to have dyspraxia . But he had a clear ed psych assessment before and was well behaved at old school so much so the teacher would always comment on that. so is hard to believe that stuff will just come on all of a sudden, and he is fine at home. i think it is changing schools

If anyone manages to get through that entire post, want opinions on if home ed is a good idea or not. and if it is a good idea could it be done alongside my dissertation year at uni or would I have to leave uni. am only actually in classes up to 4 hours a week. although the work is obviously more than that.

Sorry read most of postings but not all so hope I have got this right. Sounds like your little boy is getting frustrated with all thats going on sometimes kids will do stuff to receive any attention good or bad! Have never been very impresses with Ed psychs as when one of mine was younger and I had trouble getting him to school I was told to take him in his pyjamas! which I did and the teachers looked at me like I'd got two heads! Anyway finally it turned out that he had had an eye test at school 6 months pre. and he had problems with his eyesight (this info was never passed on to me) He got a pair of specs and we never looked back after that (apparently he could not see the blackboard but thought he was just thick because he couldn't understand what was wanted of him.) Perhaps it might be a thought that if addittional tutoring at home may be possible! He needs to continue to mix with other kids as this builds childrens social skills. Good luck with Uni by the way.

Thanks for the reply he had an eye test last winter and had no prolem but is due another test so I will bear that in mind and make another appointment to get his eyes tested just in case thank you, had not thought of that.
Also am not planning to whip him outof school unless things were going to get worse, as I know he needs to see other kids and was fine and happy at school before so it must be a phase, but is hard to see that when it is going on. thanks for your reply

JennyLee, unfortunately, I can't really offer you any advice on he etc, but I've just read your story from the beginning, and it has moved me to tears. The thought of your little boy (same as as my dd2) sitting in the class trying not to cry is heartbreaking .

I couldn't not say anything to you, you are obviously doing everything you can for your son, in difficult circumstances. (sorry, hope I don't sound patronising - I don't mean to).

As I say, I don't know anything much about he, but I do know you don't have to follow a set curriculum with set times etc, so in theory it would be possible to fit it in round your uni work (my dsis is having a baby in her final year, so I suppose anything's possible lol.). There's an organisation called Education Otherwise which gives support and advice to people wanting to HE - a good place to start for information, I would have thought.

I don't suppose I've been much use to you, but I really feel for you and your son, and I will be following your story, and hope all gets resolved soon.

I am happy that you have replied, am sitting at my pc hoping he does not do anything else that will get him in trouble today. It is nice that you posted

Although I have been really lucky, and had no major problems with my dds' school, I can really empathise with the feeling of powerlessness, and things being outside your control (except for me it's relatively minor things, like dd having to wear PE kit under her clothes all day - long and boring story).

Our school seems to go out of its way to discourage communication with parents, so you've really struck a chord with me.

Hope your ds has a good day today.

Thanks, I know I hate not being able to just chat with the teacher if necessary, like last night he had stuff to copy into his homewrk jotter, and I said where is it DS ? I did not know you had a homework jotter? and ds said 'the teacher wont let me take it home as you have not put a cover on it' and I was incredulous I said I did not even know you had one and that it needed covered, you never told me or brought it home and no one else thought to tell me. so because he has been too confused or whatever to bring it home , they wont let him take it hom and they have not told me""?? its enough to make you scream lol