What should I do and am I being overly sensitive?

[JennyLee]

my ds is 7 has changed schools as we are homeless accomodation. He thought school was great untill today. He has problems writing and had a white board and pen at previous school and about a year ago had feelings of being dumb as he could see what the other kids did but his old school helped him so much he started to know he is clever and stopped feeling like that. He is also 2 years ahead in verbal comphrehension and understanding and has a wide vocabularly was assessed, so isn't stupid. Basically cannot write very well because of coordination in hands but was progressing.WE told the head teacher this when he started and his teachers do not talk to parents so have never had the chance to discuss it with her.
today ds was asked write a story about a cat and a dog.He tried to write and got as far as 'one day cat' but he felt it looked wrong so knew it wasn't done correctly.Techer said'get a move on' ds puts his head in his hands trying not to cry and feeling angry. Teacher says 'hurry up lewis' he asked 3 kids sitting at his table to help him of course they could not. he asked the teacher for help but she said no as she was dealing with another child, that is fair enough. 'Goldentime' where they get to play and do fun things began and the other kids who has finished it (not all the other kids) went to do that.Lewis had his head in his hands for some of this time. When 'goldentime' finished and lewis had not got any further she said 'lewis, you're lazy, you know' Teh it was home time. At home time I waited for ds he was the last one out had a face like thinder and he ran home all the way home across 2 roads, with me limping behind(have bad ankle)when i caught up with him at the fron door, he said I'm stupid I'm going to clean the streets everything went wrong at school I hate school and then burst out crying and sobbing.I called the school to ask to see the teacher next week and was told by the office girl that parents are not allowed to talk to the teachers and I would have to go through the head teacher....sorry for long post

also am no better than anyone else not really posh, just trying to give you a picture of how I felt I came across

It also helps to get a teachers point of view,thank you for your replies

I really hope you get it sorted and that he settles in over the next few weeks.

I can honestly say I have never heard of a school which doesn't allow parents to talk to the teachers.

You sound like you were calm when you spoke to the head so I agree with your plan to send ds to school on Monday with a letter.

I would be really really worried about a school which discouraged me from talking with my children's teachers. In fact I would expect that the school should encourage you to talk to the teacher - our school asks you not to try and talk with the teachers at the beginning of the day when everyone is busy, but you can always have a quick chat after school and make appointments if there are any issues. Given that you son has some special educational needs and has transferred I think it is extraordinary that you are unable to meet with his class teacher. The only time we have been encouraged to see the headteacher was when ds behaved very badly, all our special needs conversations were with the class teacher and SENCO. Can you talk with any of the other parents in your ds's class at all (I know you may not have got to that point yet)? It may be that in practice parents do talk directly to the teachers, just that the headmaster is a control freak. I'm afraid I would still have grave doubts about whether the school is for you and your son - I would have thought you would have a particular need to have a closer relationship with the teacher, but even if your son didn't have any special needs you want to be able to make some contact with the person that your son is spending a significant part of his life with. Really strange - I hope things improve.

Thank you Panicpants and Nooka, will be doing the letter thing and hoping for the best.

If it gets better and lewis is happy it will be fine, that is all I want.

I respect teachers and think they do a very important job.

Feeling much better having 'talked' about it

also thanks to mumsnet

I do have doubts about the school because of this but I am hoping this is just a hiccup and not representative of the school in general, as I want it to work, ds might have to go through it all again in the next few months when we get re-housed, so it is not forever and not ideal , I know it is the worst situation for a child like mine and I am hoping we get housed in the catchment area or close to his old school, that would be a dream come true.

Jenny,

your poor son - it's sounds as though his self-esteem and all the good work done at his previous school has all been undone.
Regardless of what the circumstances are, I too find it extremely strange that you're not able to talk to the class teacher to resolve it. In all of the schools my children have been to, the teachers have made a particular point of saying that if there are any issues that need discussed that parents should discuss them with the class teacher, either informally ie at the end of the school day or formally by making an appointment.
I hope you manage to get things sorted out next week.

thanks bogwobbit

just read this thread, and hope that things improve for you and your son, Jenny. tbh, if it doesnt get better, Id move heaven and earth to change schools, even in teh middle of a school year.

I am having something similar, but different details, with my children's school at the moment. I put it in the hands of lawyers, and discovered that the school had failed in their legal obligations in several ways. I didnt know the law off by heart, but I could see when they were taking the p*ss, iykwim.

fistfullofnappies sorry to hear of your bad experience, hope your child gets the help that is required.
thanks for your post, I will remove him from there if it was to continue, hopefully is just a minor hiccup, is bad as we will be moving again somewhere in the county/region in the coming months as we are in temp council homeless accomodation (is okay 3 bedrooms and clean)at the moment waiting on a permanent house as the landlords sold our old house, so he will be changin schools again before the year is out

I am stunned that a new pupil in a school, who has a diagnosis of dyspraxia which the new setting would have been informed about, how behaved so cruelly towards him. My eldest DS has dyspraxia and dyslexia, and he has hand tremors that make it difficult for him to write. He uses triangular pencils, and school allowed him to use lined paper with large spaces for him to write in, as he has trouble forming small letters. How much would this whiteboard cost? We applied to a local education fund and were awarded some money to purchase some software that enabled us to print out cursive script. He finds it easier to write in cursive, and although the school did not teach this type of writing to the other children, they were happy to support him in learning it. I don't want to appear negative, but I would have serious doubts about whether this new school was the ideal environment if they are being so unhelpful and unsupportive after just a couple of weeks.

This is the letter he will be handing in , I have changed names etc for mumsnet, do you think this is fine and explains everything? sorry for long posts.

Dear Teacher,

Due to a misunderstanding between yourself and DS on Friday where he believes he was told to ?get a move on? and ?you are lazy? when he could not complete the task he was set, which I realise may be subjective view of what actually happened, DS ran home from school and began screaming and crying and in great distress that he had ?failed at school? was ?stupid? ?thick? and he felt terrible and embarrassed that he was unable to do the task and said at some points he held his head in his hands to try not to cry whilst at his desk. I understand he was meant to write a story but did not get any further than the first three words or so. He said you were busy, which is understandable.

I phoned the school simply to try and get an appointment with you for the following week to discuss DS?s needs, so I could bring in some of DS?s old school work to you from June to illustrate his abilities and problem areas, however the person in the office who answered my call informed me that parents cannot talk directly to teachers and that it would have to go through Head teacher.

It was not my intention to call the school accusing teachers, I spoke to Head Teacher, who thought I was overreacting and that I should really work on that ?if not for my own sake then for DS?s sake? and went on to inform me you have spoken to someone from previous school who had mentioned DS?s past low self esteem. Head teacher, I feel tried to deflect the reason for DS being upset as due to a general low self esteem. This is not the case, since the New year and with previous Primary?s encouragement DS had started to progress and realise that he is clever, despite obviously seeing that other children can do things he cannot in regards to writing, his only manifestation of any low self esteem since the start of the new year was on Friday to due the misunderstanding. I am not overreacting, he has special needs and was unintentionally made to fell stupid and sat there unable to do the work and he said he asked the other children for help too, two girls called Sara and boy called Anton and he stated that when he asked you for help you were busy, obviously that cannot be helped, but I feel that the use of negative language can be detrimental to a child?s self-esteem and so would ask that a more encouraging approach be used.

Whatever happened on Friday, the details of this do not overly concern me, my main reason for calling the school was to try and get a meeting with you to discuss Ds?s abilities and the areas he is lacking in, in more detail and also to find out when we can do an EIP and when he will be getting a whiteboard to write with. I want to work with the school to help my son, who can barely write. He can write short sentences if encouraged but this has been a recent achievement, I realise you do not have his records from Previous school yet, I phoned about that and the records are with the council so should get to you soon. DS can give answers orally and can tell stories orally, he passed his level A maths for his age by giving the answers orally and the teacher wrote the answers down. As we are not allowed to meet I have enclosed a workbook, if you look through it you will find work from June to see his level of work and you will also be able to see that many times the teacher has written in the answer that DS has given orally. DS was assessed by an educational psychologist and found to be around two years ahead in verbal comprehension and understanding, so he can learn, however his handwriting does not reflect this.
I find it most unusual that parents cannot request meetings to chat to their child?s teacher and that everything must be filtered through the head teacher, as it is the child?s teacher who spends a large part of the day with the child. In any case I hope that this letter and seeing his work will actually clarify that DS was genuinely having difficulty and requires an encouraging approach.
If the school is unable to accommodate DS ?s needs please inform me so I can decide how to proceed.

Your sincerely
Jennylee

Fab letter.

you shoudl copy it and forward it to the LEA with a covering letter requesting that they organise a meeting with the school, yourself and the inclusions officer as you fe4l the school need further guidance in dealing withyour DS's needs.

the school are behaving appaulingly hun and your son is clearly a very intellegant boy who should not be forced to regress in his education simply because his teacher lacks any common sense.

good luck hun

Thanks for the support fattiemumma, it means a lot to know I'm not overreacting!

You are absolutely not over reacting. I'd be furious. Good luck with the letter. Your son does not need a horrible teacher making him feel less than he is. I am astounded the head won't let you talk to the teacher but I'd be gunning for her at the parents evening that's for sure. Your letter is great I really hope this gets resolved for you. Sending best wishes.

Thanks bosscat, I can't really believe it but I just looked at their prospectus and sure enough in this paragraph they ask you to phone or write if you want to discuss anything!

From Prospectus..."We pride ourselves on our excellent relationships with parents and the wider community.We operate an open, responsive policy with regard to questions or concerns that you may have. We would encourage you to phone or write if you have any queries you wish to make about your child or about general matters. We regularly communicate with you through monthly newsletters, curricular evenings and parents?Meetings and are always exploring other ways that we can communicate with you. WHAT ABOUT SIMPLY TALKING!!!!
"We do our best to consult and communicate with
parents on as many issues as possible"

hi,
Just had quick read of all of this and am deeply shocked by the schools behaviour!
As a teacher myself, I don't think i would like to work in a school where you are not allowed to speak to the parents!
Teaching is meant to be a partnership between teacher and parents.
I feel really angry for you. Your poor Ds. How could the teacher make such comments?! Hopefully it is just a misunderstanding.
I think your letter is brilliant!
Good luck.

Thanks possumhead, I know there are lots of wonderful teachers out there and my Ds's previous teacher was wonderful and passionate about her job and seemed to really care for my ds so I hope it was a misunderstanding too, and won't continue

HumphreyCushion was an informative post also, this cursive writing thing sounds interesting

Good luck jennylee - it must be awful for you and your ds.

I too, have problems with my school and doctors even recognising the fact that my son has dyslexia and dyspraxia, I have had to go privately for a diagnosis, and will now expect an educational plan for this next year.

I hope I get a response this time, or I won't know what avenue to go down next!

sleepysooz hope you get a response this time also, never give up!

Christie thank you so much for doing the alternative draft I have copied nad pasted it into a word document, and may actually use your version as it is more concise, and I do realise I was a bit too emotional in my version, I was getting angry just writng it this morning so it can be hard to get right to the point.

I just want him to go to school and be able to get on with his work, he has no social problems and talks to people easily so, the day before I was amazed at how easily he was fitting in, I guess that would be too easy. Thank you for your post though, was kind of you to take the time.

I just helped him write what he was trying to write 'one day the cat went out the cat flap.' It took about 5 minutes and he needed help to spell the words as he had no idea how to even start to spell 'out' or 'flap' many of his letters are back to front and I had to write them as an example of what they should like, but he did it and put a full stop at the end. and was happy as I said 'see you can do it what a clever boy!' and put a smiley face undeneath it, so he has proof he can do it now for him own self esteem.