What should I do and am I being overly sensitive?

[JennyLee]

my ds is 7 has changed schools as we are homeless accomodation. He thought school was great untill today. He has problems writing and had a white board and pen at previous school and about a year ago had feelings of being dumb as he could see what the other kids did but his old school helped him so much he started to know he is clever and stopped feeling like that. He is also 2 years ahead in verbal comphrehension and understanding and has a wide vocabularly was assessed, so isn't stupid. Basically cannot write very well because of coordination in hands but was progressing.WE told the head teacher this when he started and his teachers do not talk to parents so have never had the chance to discuss it with her.
today ds was asked write a story about a cat and a dog.He tried to write and got as far as 'one day cat' but he felt it looked wrong so knew it wasn't done correctly.Techer said'get a move on' ds puts his head in his hands trying not to cry and feeling angry. Teacher says 'hurry up lewis' he asked 3 kids sitting at his table to help him of course they could not. he asked the teacher for help but she said no as she was dealing with another child, that is fair enough. 'Goldentime' where they get to play and do fun things began and the other kids who has finished it (not all the other kids) went to do that.Lewis had his head in his hands for some of this time. When 'goldentime' finished and lewis had not got any further she said 'lewis, you're lazy, you know' Teh it was home time. At home time I waited for ds he was the last one out had a face like thinder and he ran home all the way home across 2 roads, with me limping behind(have bad ankle)when i caught up with him at the fron door, he said I'm stupid I'm going to clean the streets everything went wrong at school I hate school and then burst out crying and sobbing.I called the school to ask to see the teacher next week and was told by the office girl that parents are not allowed to talk to the teachers and I would have to go through the head teacher....sorry for long post

Jenny have you applied for him to be statemented yet?

he may benefit frm haveing his needs spelled out and the school wil then be forced to take his problems seriously.

Let us know how you get on.

I will definately be posting tomorrow, fattiemama and Christie, thanks for your support, am a bit anxious about him going in but will try to appear confident that he will be fine so he will feel okay.

Wishing you and your DS all the best for tomorrow.

Christie I will be using your draft almost exactly as you have written it and have found 4 workbooks with May and June 06 work in them and a lot of the previous teacher's writing of answers is present in these as well as lewis's own writing. and have put the lot togther in a plastic folder for either Lewis to take or if I see a teacher hanging around near the doors in the morning I will try and hand it to her or a colleage to give to her. HumphreyCushion thanks for the post. My next post will be tomorrow, thank you again to everyone who has replied, it really helped so much.

So glad I did your version Chritie when I handed her the letter and work she said 'oh thanks very much' and seemed really nice. Lewis also went in fine a bit apprehnesive but okay

Hi Jenny, sorry i didn't see this earlier. If you don't get the outcome you desire:

We have ahd problems at our school with them refusing to accept DS1's Sn until he got a full diagnosis of ASD (autism, although he is on upper end of scale). We called an organisation called IPSEA, theya re great and would really help you. I shall link to them in a minute. I agree you need an IEP to be established for this school, and would find out the details of the school SENCO and demand a meeting. If his isn't forthcoming, speak to the Governors.

PArenting a child with SN should mean a partnership with education; too often it means a battle.

Good luck (will get link- keep ringing until they answer, they're busy but fab)

here

Thank you for this link am just about to have a look at it. I can't wait to get him home later and know he is okay, my Mother in law has offered to pay for tuition, for his writing but I think I am capable of helping more myself.At his old school they really were so good that they told me he did not need extra work at home as he was working so hard at school and really trying, also he was not interested at all in doing it at home so it was not something I did unless he asked me to help him write a story or words and he wanted to, but I think with this school being the way it is I will begin to do it for a set time a few times a week if lewis is agreeable and wants to and does not react adversely to the idea (used to hate doing it for me at home )Also not sure there exists such a thing as a handwriting tutor.

Very good site , thanks! if nothing positive comes of my letter today and it continues, will definately give this organisation a phone.

To me he just has problems with his hands, so I did want not him 'labelled' but I guess maybe just saying he has a problem with motor coordination and can't write very well was not enough for the head teacher at this school, it seems they need the label in order to take any notice.

I feel like this because of Irving Goffman's labelling theory where he kind of says that if children are labelled at a young age as having some sort of problem, everyone that teaches the child and knows this information expects less of the child and the child is less likely to do well in life. but if teachers in this experiment were led to believe a child was gifted and talented, whether this was true or not this led to these children doing much better at school because more was expected of them and they wre encouraged, and I really did not want Lewis's labelled as disabled for this reason. I now realise this was not the ideal apporach for a new school environment.

Whilst I kind of see your point, there is another side to it, that I had a very lonely childhood etc wondering what the Hell was wrong with me all the time- now I know I have the same AS traits as many of my family, albeit less than Sam. I really do believe that for some kids a label teachers them they're not wrong, they're different.

have you considered chatting to people in the dyspraxia societies or looking at brain gym? They might well be able to advise on excercises that can impriove co-ordination in a fun manner, aovidingt he need for extra 'work'. For insatnce, Sam does swingball to help his co-ordination. Brain gym works by integrating the hemispheres of the brain.

you are right I had the same lonely childhood, thinking what is wrong with me why can't I catch a ball or realise more what is going on, and felt confused often , forgot how to do tasks as soon as I was shown and also did not undetand the concept of zero for ages and took untill in my twenties to relasie that there is category of numbers called hundreds of thousands and what number like 125.000 mean etc, I just sat there in all my maths classes after the age of 7 waiting for it to be over, head in hands wanting to die as I felt so useless,then in high school colouring in triangles in maths with the other 'thick kids' I did not get a diagnosis for myself for dyspraxia until my mid twenties. but I do not use the disabilities advantages like extra time in exams etc as my course is writing and essay based -nothing too do with maths and like my ds I am in the top 2 per cent for verbal comprehension etc, but I felt as we already know about my son and his writing from a young age it won't be like that for him as you can see I am fighting his corner and I am more aware of the system than my parents were so he wont have the same experience, he won't get lost to education like I did untill my twenties as I am aware of what is going on for him , whereas my parents were told I was attention seeking and anxious and introverted and that was the way I was and that I only had ability with english, and my mom is very anxious and let us stay home at the weakest excuse so I went to school hardly at all and felt safe at home, my momwould say education is not worth getting so upset and crying and not sleeping over and feigning illness voer and gave up, same for my brother too. but still I do not him labelled as not being able when he is very bright, butobviously i know he has a problem I am not in denial about it but I don't want it to define him and hold him back , thanks for your post though, I do not know anyone else who is on the dyspraxia spectrum apart from me and ds

JennyLee, I don't know if this is appropriate for you son, but thought I would mention it. When I was taking my Pediatrics class in optometry school we looked at a study where they gave one classroom alphabet stencils to work with. The next year hand/eye coordination and writing skills were dramatically above the children who had not done the stencils.

we go to the brain gy with my ds 10yo they are very helpful, and teach us to use front of our brain, doing exercises one way then the other, using both arms or legs achieving opposite co-ordination! - its really interesting stuff!

Sorry if that sounds gobbledigook!

Brain gym are on the web, just type 'brain gym' you can find an instructor close to where you live, mine costs £35 1st consultation then £25 each time we visit, they arn't pushy sales people they are genuinly helpful, and leave it up to you whether you want another appointment!

Shouldn't have to pay though if I had back up from school and doctors!

oh we got him swingball recently lol I used to hate it as was bad at it and still am but ds does it with dh but was dreadful at it for the first week but now enjoys doing it. dh sometimes takes him to play with a football and that is good as he used to not be able to kick it very good and of course in Scotland kids always like to play football. But we are both not sporty, when dh was a boy he joined a kids football club and went home crying on the first day as the coach told him 'you could'nee kick yer own arse never mind a football' so like you we think there is a genetic link. although my dh could skateboard and do jumps etc, he is not sporty either. One thing though I think what is 'clumsy' then? Can people not be clumsy anymore, does clumsyness have to be given a label and made into a spectrum of disorders called dyspraxia? is being crap at sports and having crap motor coordination really a disability, or a preference - not liking things you are not good at so naturally avoiding these things, i think the label dyspraxia can mean things that are not necessarily disabling. Maybe it is just that 2 clumsy parents who are not good at sports ad are easily confused would have a similar child .mm I think I am contradicitng myself a bit here

Good idea about the stencils , there are a lot of amazingly good ideas on this website

he was going to the OCT and doing activities but was discharged from it as at school he had someone that would do stuff with his hands playdough hand stuff etc.

Also had a bad experince when his 1rst o.c.t lady left and the new one was not patient with ds and asked me questions then in her report on ds put things I had never said in it and took things I said out of context and it seemed made things up, including that he behaved bad at school and attacked and other pupil which never happened and even his teachers agreed with everything I said and were very pleased with the complaint letter she recieved, a copy of which was sent to everyone who had read her report so it makes me wary of health professionals, this lady wanted me to get him a disabled knife and fork which was the final straw as he uses cutlery, maybe not absolutely perfectly , but one in each hand and the food gets eaten without spectacle, her report was a made up child I certainly did not recognise. So I try to play it down as just something wrong with his hands as sometimes once they get you in the system they take it too far and intervene too much, guess the new school is the opposite, not enough intervention, there has to be a balance

You might want to look at the Montessori stuff too- lots of ideas like using fingers to write in sand etc. Sam attended a Montessori nursery and flew there, had no educational issues until mainstream education at 5.

Sounds like we're quite similar LOL.

Try posting for dyspraxia on SN forum, you might get loads of replies and advice there- some Sn parents are a bit wary about 'straying' into other forums unfortunately.

yes definate similarities I think, and again another good idea.

peachy just realised you were in the student parents thread lol I am meant to matriculate o thursday and sign up for classes on Friday AAARGH! hope you have you stuff organised lol

peachy, whats sn parents?

jennylee, hope today went ok at school

sn - special needs

After all this fuss and anxiousness.......nothing at all.

He came home fine talking about a girl he thinks is nice and he likes to sit beside.

he said the writing they did today he found easy as he wrote 'boy' and the teacher did not seem to notice he could not do the rest. he was happy that their topic was ancient Egypt he said it is a 'brilliant' topic and they coloured in pictures on that theme. He said when he did his reading and did really well the teacher said 'good'. there is no correspndence in his bag and I did not see any teacher at the doors. So who knows. I am glad that he had a really good day and managed write one wrod and not get anxoious that he could not do the rest, I guess maybe the school will respond in a few days and maybe she has not looked at what I gave her yet. Thanks for all the information about groups and learning schemes, websites and ideas. All lot of possibilities for me to look into further.