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Original poster

Am I over reacting?

186 replies

Badvoc · 23/04/2014 16:38

Hi
Just wanted to ask other parents/teachers their opinion on this...
My ds2 is 5 and started school in sept last year.
In feb he started feeling unwell at school - refused any lunch, wasn't drinking and stayed in the classroom at lunchtime play Hmm
The teacher did not phone me and told me all the above at 3.15 at pick up time.
I do not think this is acceptable.
I complained to the ht and the ct phoned me and basically said "I am very experienced and used my judgment"
No apology.
Since then ds2 has been very reluctant to go to school - in fact at feb half term it was a struggle just to get him to leave the house Hmm
He has had a lot of health issues too - in the past month he had had; an ear infection, conjunctivitis, tonsillitis and a cough and cold.
My gut feeling is that I don't trust this teacher any longer and I don't think ds2 does either.
So....wwyd?

OP posts:
Original poster
Badvoc · 23/04/2014 21:18

The dr asked for a wee sample - ds managed a dribble - dr tested it and I was told he was dehydrated.
Sorry, but your argument is with the dr, not me!

OP posts:
Sneezecakesmum · 23/04/2014 21:19

Maybe the teacher wasn't aware of your child's previous health problems and anxieties.

I am sure teachers also get grief from parents for sending children home early if there has been something minor and non specific as that is how their problem presented at the time. They have a guessing game to know if an illness will resolve or progress to something more serious.

I think you need to arrange a meeting and explain how your child is reacting now, after all she has not known him long. The only other option is to change schools and I doubt that would be easy or without its own problems.

It is awful to lose confidence in the people who look after your child, and more so if the child is unhappy. Really difficult situation, hope it can be resolved. Sad

BoffinMum · 23/04/2014 21:20

Badvoc, there's no bullying, is there?
When was he 5? You could pull him out and restart him somewhere else in September if his birthday was after 1 April.
But I agree some professional advice would be in order.

ThreeLannistersOneTargaryen · 23/04/2014 21:21

WWID?

Lots of positivity about school, smiles, encouragement. Only ever speak positively about teacher / school within his hearing.

Appointment with teacher to explain (not within his hearing) that he's been more anxious/clingy since his illness, please could she keep an eye on him, does she have any ideas about building his confidence at school back up to pre-illness levels?

Seek advice from health visitor or GP about post-illness anxiety. I think it isn't uncommon in young children, and they may be able to offer useful advice.

Hope he feels happier & more settled soon.

clam · 23/04/2014 21:21

I don't think youmakemydreams was disputing that he might have been dehydrated, just that having drunk just an inch of water that day would not have been the sole cause.

EustaciaVye · 23/04/2014 21:21

I have sensitive children. At times, I have asked the teacher to show extra support, and at other times I have asked the teacher to be a bit tough to help them get through something.

In this instance I think the teacher was doing her best and gave your son some quiet time, before home time. My dd often drinks nothing all day, despite being nagged by me and her teacher. You cant make them drink.

It sounds as if your son was poorly and has taken a long time to recover. He may have post-viral fatigue. Has the GP mentioned this? It took my DD 8 months to get back to her normal self after a bout of flu in Year 1. She picked up every big going and was, quite frankly, miserable and tired. It wasnt anyone's fault...it just took time.

I think you are focussing your attention in the wrong area. Being angry at the teacher isnt going to help you or your son. Maybe try and see if you can work with her to help improve his current situation. She may have some good ideas if you go and ask for help rather than her head.

noblegiraffe · 23/04/2014 21:22

When did you see the doctor? You picked him up at 3:15, he was running at temp at 5pm, was it the next day? In which case surely you gave him a drink in the meantime? Confused

EustaciaVye · 23/04/2014 21:25

Try this book with DS www.amazon.co.uk/What-When-You-Worry-Much/dp/1591473144/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1398284626&sr=8-2&keywords=worry+book It really helped my DD with some of her anxieties. You work through it together, and it helped her talk to me about what was on her mind.

Original poster
Badvoc · 23/04/2014 21:26

It's a dreadful situation and I am really struggling with it - as I am sure my posts show!
I have always been very involved at the school (ds1 went there) and was generally happy with things.
His teacher knows how ill he has been. She knows how anxious he is (dh and had a meeting with her and ht) but her only suggestion is "tough love" which frankly appals me.
Dr has suggested post viral yes. I will find out more on Friday.
I think that the situation with the school is pretty much too far gone now - both for ds and me.
Not sure what that means long term but ds well being comes first.

OP posts:
Original poster
Badvoc · 23/04/2014 21:29

Not sure re bullying but he is not very like the other boys in his class. He would far rather read or play with the girls than be involved in aggressive play (although he likes to beat up his brother!)
It is a worry though and is at the back of my mind.

OP posts:
Original poster
Badvoc · 23/04/2014 21:31

He was 5 in sept so that's not an option boff.
Well - it is I suppose if I De reg him til then! Smile

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Original poster
Badvoc · 23/04/2014 21:31

Thank you eustacia

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glub · 23/04/2014 21:32

have you and your son and his teacher sat down for a meeting in which things can calmly be explained and a plan made for future eventualities? i know this helped with my dd's problem. this can show you have faith in his care and that you are sending him somewhere he should be able to feel secure and confident. might help with the anxiety.

JodieGarberJacob · 23/04/2014 21:32

What's he like during the day at school? Is the teacher seeing a happy boy? Or at least a child who doesn't appear to be suffering?
Maybe she sees a totally different child to the one that you are trying to cope with at home.

stealthsquiggle · 23/04/2014 21:32

I second the book which Eustacia linked to as a way to get DC to talk about what worries them.

ThreeLannistersOneTargaryen · 23/04/2014 21:36

We have also used the Dawn Huebner book and found it really helpful.

Original poster
Badvoc · 23/04/2014 21:36

They say he is "fine" at school.
I.e he is a quiet boy who behaves.
It's just been a tough realisation for me that they don't actually care about ds at all Hmm
And if that makes the teachers on here laugh at me that's fine.
I don't care.

OP posts:
stargirl1701 · 23/04/2014 21:39

They do care, OP. It's just not as a parent. It's a very different relationship than the one you have with your son. You are not going to find a teacher who cares for your son as you, his mother, does.

You either need to let go or Home Ed.

Original poster
Badvoc · 23/04/2014 21:41

I've ordered the book, thanks

OP posts:
Original poster
Badvoc · 23/04/2014 21:44

I suppose I don't understand why the teacher hasn't tried to help ds?
I know he is only 1 of 23 and therein may lie some of the issue - ds behaves and therefore he gets overlooked Hmm

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reindeesandchristmastrees · 23/04/2014 21:47

There must be a bigger issue. During half term he wasn't in school, poor teacher seems to be getting the blame for behaviour when he is at home and not on the way to school but having some sort of episode in the heart of the family. I'm not saying that school experiences don't or won't affect behaviour at home but why OP is going on about the half term reaction and blaming that on the teacher I don't understand.

Original poster
Badvoc · 23/04/2014 21:49

Prior to that day at school he was fine
I can only go by what happened and when.
Up to that day he was ok.
Now he isn't.

OP posts:
teacher54321 · 23/04/2014 21:52

Of course teachers care! But we have to care about all the children we look after and if a child appears to be fine (ie isn't crying, is responding reasonably well in lessons, engaging in games etc) we have to assume that they are doing ok. Some children are quieter than others, them not being extrovert doesn't mean we don't notice them.

Original poster
Badvoc · 23/04/2014 21:54

He was crying.
He was "very distressed" - her words.
It would seem - according to this thread - that my expectation of care from the school is utterly unreasonable.
I just need to figure out what to do about it.

OP posts:
EustaciaVye · 23/04/2014 21:54

op - glad you have ordered the book. there is another story book about a bag of worries which is good.

also, do you suffer from anxiety?