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Original poster

Am I over reacting?

186 replies

Badvoc · 23/04/2014 16:38

Hi
Just wanted to ask other parents/teachers their opinion on this...
My ds2 is 5 and started school in sept last year.
In feb he started feeling unwell at school - refused any lunch, wasn't drinking and stayed in the classroom at lunchtime play Hmm
The teacher did not phone me and told me all the above at 3.15 at pick up time.
I do not think this is acceptable.
I complained to the ht and the ct phoned me and basically said "I am very experienced and used my judgment"
No apology.
Since then ds2 has been very reluctant to go to school - in fact at feb half term it was a struggle just to get him to leave the house Hmm
He has had a lot of health issues too - in the past month he had had; an ear infection, conjunctivitis, tonsillitis and a cough and cold.
My gut feeling is that I don't trust this teacher any longer and I don't think ds2 does either.
So....wwyd?

OP posts:
mymatemax · 23/04/2014 20:17

As a parent and a parent of a child with limited communication skills I still think YABU.
Your son was feeling a little off colour at school
The school made sure he was warm & cared for & informed you at home time.
If you want them to act differently next time then put in a specific request to ensure that you are called to collect him as soon as he show signs of illness.
Should the teacher apologise. IMHO No, she made a call with the info available & looked after your ds.
The fact that he has not been himself since is something that you need to get to the bottom of by working with the school.
You will not be able to do so unless you are able to move on.

Original poster
Badvoc · 23/04/2014 20:17

Which means he had an inch of water from his bottle from 9am-3pm
Dr said he was dehydrated.
No shit!!?

OP posts:
Original poster
Badvoc · 23/04/2014 20:18

Star....absolutely! Smile

OP posts:
MrsDavidBowie · 23/04/2014 20:18

This was over 8 weeks ago

Bowlersarm · 23/04/2014 20:19

So you think the teacher should force him to drink?

Your expectations aren't reasonable. He is in a school! Not one-to-one with a nanny looking after him.

Original poster
Badvoc · 23/04/2014 20:19

School aren't interested.
No ideas, no help to get to the bottom of it.
As far as the teacher is concerned ds needs "tough love"....

OP posts:
napoleonsnose · 23/04/2014 20:21

You are seriously over-reacting OP. She could not have forced your DS to eat and drink if he didn't want to. The teacher did not make a poor judgement of the situation as it was at the time. She kept him in at lunchtime and informed you at the end of school. What exactly did you want her to do in retrospect?

Original poster
Badvoc · 23/04/2014 20:21

Yes, and in those 8 weeks my son has gone from a happy boy to a clingy, anxious scared child Hmm
I no longer trust this woman to care for my son.
I guess that's the bottom line.

OP posts:
Bowlersarm · 23/04/2014 20:23

But she isn't his carer. She's his teacher. OP, you asked if you have over reacted, and the answer seems to be fairly unanimous.

Hup · 23/04/2014 20:23

You say that you have had "your eyes opened" - why? Your child was never in any danger, he was looked after and had had some water. The teacher used her judgement, your child stayed inside and was kept warm. Was he crying, was he upset all afternoon, did he join in activities, was he distressed?

You were informed he was feeling ill and that he hadn't eaten. Do you expect every time a child says they feel ill that it should be sent home? Schools would be empty. At no time was your child in any danger and you have overreacted - if you have spoken like this in front of him then it is likely that you have caused him to be anxious, not the school.

cansu · 23/04/2014 20:24

tbh I do think you are over reacting. I have two dc with SN who are also v anxious. If they didn't eat lunch and seemed quiet and not themselves I wouldnt expect to be called. If they were vomiting and v hot then I would. Lots of children refuse food and drink when they are coming down with something, there is nothing to be done about this. They will start eeating and drinking when they need to. If teacher called home every time child seemed a bit unwell two things would happen

  1. Parents would complain that their dc were being sent home unnecessarily causing problems with work and other commitments.
  2. Children would quickly catch on that if they want to go home they say they feel unwell and don't eat their lunch.

The teacher told you at pick up so you could monitor him at home and make the decision to send or not the next day. She did nothing wrong and I can totally see why you havent received an apology.

I am sensing that perhaps you just don't like the teacher which is fair enough but try not to let that colour all your interactions with her. I dislike one of dd teachers but that is just my personal view it doesn't mean she is uncaring or mean, just not so great for dd. I try to not let it get in the way everytime something happens at school.

HumphreyCobbler · 23/04/2014 20:25

I too am puzzled by why you want an apology from the teacher. It is really hard to judge illness and children, especially with the young ones without any actual vomiting or fever. Just look at all the posts on mumsnet complaining that their children have been sent home when they are obviously (to the parent) fine. If the teacher had accused your ds of making it up or not given him access to any water then I could understand wanting an apology. Was she mean to him about it? Is this why he is reluctant to go to school?

CinnabarRed · 23/04/2014 20:25

I'm not a teacher, but I nevertheless think your DS's teacher acted entirely reasonably on this occasion.

I do understand why you feel so concerned for him though. It sounds very hard for you.

Schmedz · 23/04/2014 20:31

OP - is your son your first-born/only child? In that case I can sympathise with the anxiety you are feeling about his first year of school and still remember the adjustment it takes to let go of the sole parental control you have for your child's well-being and the realisation/acceptance that other adults will be spending a large part of each day with your precious child.

No one will ever care for your child the way that you do, and sometimes other adults will behave in ways that do upset you. The best thing to realise that different is not wrong. Unless a teacher actually demeans, belittles or does something to endanger a child (either through neglect or deliberate action) then they have fulfilled their duty of care.

You are being completely unreasonable about this particular day he was feeling unwell, but you have very valid concerns about your son's anxieties in regard to school and these need addressing in consultation with the school staff.

He will pick up on any of your negativity towards the staff, so in his best interests it would be worth considering whether you are able to try to work positively with his teacher to support him through this. He is not the first child to feel anxiety about school and he won't be the last.

If you genuinely feel unable to find a satisfactory solution with his teacher, it may be worth trying HE or investigating the possibility of another school.

But failing to deal with the problem won't make it go away. Resilience is an important lesson to learn and it is hard to watch your children struggle with something that upsets them and to remain positive about improvement when their distress can't help but to make you upset also!

Ain't parenting great?!

UnacceptableWidge · 23/04/2014 20:33

Perhaps the change in his personality is more to do with your DS being unwell? You say he has been unwell a lot recently that's bound to affect his character a little. I think you are being unfair to the teacher unless there are any other incidents to cause you so much worry?

Kitsmummy · 23/04/2014 20:38

Jeez you must be the teacher's worst nightmare, talk about over reaction

2kidsintow · 23/04/2014 20:38

Tough love for a 5 year old is not an appropriate message, OP.

But.... as a teacher and a parent this is a contentious issue.

I've picked my own child up after a call from their school and had them SKIP out of school across the playground. (With me manically whispering "stop skipping, look poorly!") and equally had an upset child at the end of the day saying that they'd told the teacher again and again that they didn't feel well, but had been kept at school.

At work, I've had notes from parents telling me that their child whom I sent home the day before was perfectly well when they got home and they'd known that Mum/Dad was at home that day and they think they wanted some time with them, and could I use my teacher/mother sense before phoning,

And I'm sure, although other parents have not written or spoken to me, that they feel that their child should have been sent home on days that they've said they feel unwell, but I've kept hold of them.

That's a long way to say: Damned if you do, damned if you don't.

BoffinMum · 23/04/2014 20:45

He is still alive. No harm done.

Original poster
Badvoc · 23/04/2014 20:49

The dr has done bloods - we are awaiting results. He mentioned post viral syndrome?
He is my second child.
He was very distressed at school - the teacher told me this herself.
Distressed is her word, not mine.

OP posts:
ExcuseTypos · 23/04/2014 20:49

I wonder if your mistrust of the teacher is being picked up by your son? I'm sure it will be and it won't be helping him to settle in school.

I would put in writing to the teacher and Head that if he refuses food and water again or appears ill, that you wish to be phoned. I would also tell them DS is very anxious and trust needs to be built up again. Could the teacher tell your DS, infront of you, that she will phone you if he is ill again, so he doesn't need to worry.

BackforGood · 23/04/2014 20:49

Yes, you are completely over-reacting.
Have a read through all the thread. Everyone is agreeing with each other.
The teacher acted 'correctly' on the day when he was feeling a bit under the weather, starting from 2 (?.2.5?) hours before he was due home anyway.

Original poster
Badvoc · 23/04/2014 20:51

No harm done!?
During feb half term he was so anxious I had to force him into the car and strap him in his car seat sobbing as he was so unwilling to leave the house!!
But, yes, he is alive.....?

OP posts:
reindeesandchristmastrees · 23/04/2014 20:53

I'm not a teacher and agree that I think the teacher acted reasonably. Is this perhaps something that you are maybe over reacting to because you are not happy with the school? Is there a bigger issue?

HumphreyCobbler · 23/04/2014 20:53

but we can't see what the teacher did to provoke such a serious reaction in your ds. your account of her actions contain no evidence of harm.

JodieGarberJacob · 23/04/2014 20:54

So it's not just school then. He's obviously unwell and it probably doesn't have anything to do with school if he was like it at half term. It was just unfortunate that the onset happened at school and for some reason you are blaming the school.