Am I over reacting?

[Badvoc]

Hi
Just wanted to ask other parents/teachers their opinion on this...
My ds2 is 5 and started school in sept last year.
In feb he started feeling unwell at school - refused any lunch, wasn't drinking and stayed in the classroom at lunchtime play
The teacher did not phone me and told me all the above at 3.15 at pick up time.
I do not think this is acceptable.
I complained to the ht and the ct phoned me and basically said "I am very experienced and used my judgment"
No apology.
Since then ds2 has been very reluctant to go to school - in fact at feb half term it was a struggle just to get him to leave the house
He has had a lot of health issues too - in the past month he had had; an ear infection, conjunctivitis, tonsillitis and a cough and cold.
My gut feeling is that I don't trust this teacher any longer and I don't think ds2 does either.
So....wwyd?

[Badvoc]

2kids...yes that's true .
But a quick phone call to me could have prevented all this IMO.
When my kids stop eating they are ill!!!

[clam]

MrsDavidBowie "This was over 8 weeks ago"

^ Exactly. And I've just realised I read it all on the thread you posted at the time, and if I recall correctly, everyone agreed that YWBU then too.

Why are you still expecting an apology?

[ThreeLannistersOneTargaryen]

I think this level of anxiety about leaving the house is concerning, and is not a usual reaction to having felt unwell at school. Have you spoken to the GP about his anxiety?

[CinnabarRed]

No harm done by the teacher's reasonable actions.

Your DS has clearly suffered something traumatic, to him, but I really fear you are focused on the wrong thing - blaming the teacher - rather than helping DS manage his anxiety.

[clam]

How many children are in your child's school, OP?

[Badvoc]

I am going to see gp on Friday re: his results.
Thanks to all those who have posted - you have helped me decide what to do.
I have asked Hq to delete the thread as part of it is identifiable I think.
Thanks again.

[Thetimes123]

I think a mirror may be needed, or perhaps a black kettle. Yabu

[CinnabarRed]

But a quick phone call to me could have prevented all this IMO

That's the part we're not agreeing with.

Your DS needs help with his anxiety, for sure. But I think you're barking up the wrong tree in blaming his teacher. His reaction to being poorly at school is really outside the norm.

[ThreeLannistersOneTargaryen]

I really fear you are focused on the wrong thing - blaming the teacher - rather than helping DS manage his anxiety.

Cinnabar has explained what I was trying to say, only more eloquently.

[clam]

Well, I hope you get some answers from the GP.
But be aware that even if you are told there is an underlying medical condition, it still doesn't mean the teacher was wrong or owes you an apology.

[Badvoc]

Clam... 150
123....erm....ok....

[clam]

Eh?

[Bowlersarm]

You what, OP?

[CinnabarRed]

I think 150 children in the school, and the OP is disagreeing with Thetimes123.

[Schmedz]

OP...are you actually trolling? Despite every response unanimously answering your AIBU question with a resounding 'yes', you are continuing to histrionically attribute your son's anxieties with this one particular incident!

If indeed you are genuine, I am not being funny here but respectfully suggest you seek some counselling for yourself or try some relaxation techniques. Your son seems to be showing signs of your own anxieties!!

It is neither healthy (nor apparently necessary) for you to have such a high level of stress about this teacher and this school ( I also speak as the mother of two children, the eldest having an ASD and particularly prone to anxiety - we've had our fair share of genuinely distressing moments at school, believe me )

[Badvoc]

I have bought books On anxiety for kids. I have read them with him. I have tried to talk to him. Dh has tried. His brother has tried.
God, do any of you think I am enjoying this!?
I will ask the gp about help for him.
I certainly won't get any from
School.

[Lottiedoubtie]

No harm done!?
During feb half term he was so anxious I had to force him into the car and strap him in his car seat sobbing as he was so unwilling to leave the house!!
But, yes, he is alive.....?

But this isn't a proportionate response by a child who was kept in school for the afternoon when he felt unwell. So yes, something is distressing your son, and he clearly needs the help you are accessing for him.

BUT you cannot blame the teacher for your sons disproportionate response, she's not psychic and didnt set out to harm him, just followed perfectly ordinary procedure.

[hugoagogo]

From what you have said on other threads it sounds like your ds has had a difficult year all around.

It is not obvious that this one incident has caused him to be anxious.

Like cinnabar says you would do better to focus on helping him to manage his anxiety.

[Bowlersarm]

Thanks for deciphering Cinnibar

[Badvoc]

Ok.
So.
Wwyd?
A child who previously went into school and enjoyed it suddenly becomes very distressed at going. Very anxious. Asks about when school is next all weekend/ during holidays.
Gets deeply distressed when I leave - even places he has previously been very happy to go to (pils etc)
Tells me he is worried but can't tell me why.
Seems very nervous about eating at school.
Please....wwyd?
Because - obv - I am dealing with this all wrong...

[hugoagogo]

No one thinks you are enjoying it, just that this incident is not the cause of your ds's anxiety and your obsession with it is preventing you from focussing on what is really important- helping your ds.

[teacher54321]

I'm afraid I absolutely agree with everyone else. If I sent every child home who complained in the way you described I'd spend my whole day in the office making phone calls!

We monitor things as best we can but cannot force a child to eat or drink. Also we do not directly supervise our own children all the day long, at break and lunch he would have been supervised by someone else. We do our very very best.

[CinnabarRed]

Respectfully, I think you need to seek professional help for your DS.

That's in no way a criticism of you or your parenting (or the teacher). Just a reflection of the deep and difficult water you find yourself in.

Separately, it seems that your relationship with the school has truly broken down. When things are calmer, and they will be at some point, perhaps think about whether you should consider other options for your DS.

Very best wishes to your family.

[Badvoc]

Thank you cinnabar x
I think you are absolutely right

[youmakemydreams]

Sorry I haven't read anything after dr said he was dehydrated. You are aware that the school day without a drink will not make a child dehydrated don't you?
Not ideal? Yes but dehydrated utter rubbish. If that were the case my ds1 would be extremely ill indeed, a little grumpy is what he actually is but dehydrated. He regularly goes the whole school day with nothing to drink for reasons only known to himself. I don't get annoyed at the teacher for it because he has access to water he chooses not to drink it and I feel she has way better ways to spend her day... you know like teaching rather than making 22 children have drunk several inches of their water bottle.

I can't help feeling you would also be on here complaining if the school made a rule of eating every morsel of lunch before they can continue with their day.