why are some women content to do all the housework?

[honeydew]

I meet lots of mums in my local area who, like me, are stay at home mums with very young children but are prepared to do absolutely everything for their partners and DH's! They slave away cooking, cleaning and washing at home with no help and at the weekends, they still don't expect
their partners to do anything! I have friends who never get a proper break from their children, even if it's only for a couple of hours. Their DH's leave them to it 24/7. Is it just me who has found that old style patriarchy is alive and well in society once a woman gives up work to raise her brood? My DH does help me with baby DS, he also puts my older daughter to bed and washes up after I've cooked each night, so we work as a team. So many women I speak to say that their DH's are not 'hands on' parents and do virtually all the chores and baby changing/feeding. Oviously, if one partner is working during the week they can't do that much, but some men don't want to contribute at all it would seem! Are they just lazy or simply 'expect' women to fulfill that role?

honeydew - that is a different issue and should not be happening. You need to look at what others do (joint accounts etc)

There are loads of threads on this one as it is a real issue in some families that the DH's force the wives to 'ask' for money. V Demeaning.

honeydew - do you really want a loan or a credit card in order to run up debt?

I'll admit I do have a credit card (with not much spent on it) now (I should add I got it only 2 1/2 months after starting my job) and at a decent rate (better than DH's LOL) but I'd rather I was how I was before - with no debt behind me.

LOL at light dusting. Am picturing Poisson in housecoat. Also I bet you do flower arranging and have a cup of tea and a magazine at 10.30am

what htis abotu money?
the op said why are they
?
cos they reagrd it as a pice of piss

and a nice macaroooooooooooon

I'm a SAHM and I have credit cards - admittedly most from my working days, but Debenhams gave me on last year even though I haven't worked for 3 years.

we are an antiquated house. dh works and I do the housework. And I have to ask him for money. I don't really care as I have a bit of money (child benefit and tax credits) to get by on each month and I usually ask him for grocery money. He pays all the house bills and mortgage. He is self employed and his money fluctuates every month so it is hard to set up a regular payment.
I do expect dh to chip in with he childcare but I don't care if he doesn't help regularly with the cleaning or laundry. To be fair he does do the washing up frequently and will cook if I ask him to. And he does loads with the children.
I like our life and I'm not complaining.

donyt you just take it out of the bank cupper?

Cod, but you should be out there getting a job according to BAWC, it is demeaning and you are worthless if you are a SAHM.

Personally IMHO I think BAWC comments are far more anti SAHM, than anything to do with housework. If I were a SAHM I would see the housework as part of my job description TBH, I would also see going to the gym, going shopping, having light lunches with other girly friends as part of my job.

You see I don't understand that logic.

When I was working and before children I still came home and had to cook a meal, wash my own clothes and do the chores like anyone else. How is it only 'fair' then that men do nothing at all in the home once they have a family? They make mess and live there don't they? My job is to look after my children and work with my DH as an equal partner in a team. If i was working and came home every day to a meal, a clean home and freshly laundered, ironed clothes, I'd take advantage too!

there's never any money in there... He pays in enough to cover bills then everything else is cash. And we don't do credit cards (I use a debit card though).

I was offrered a £25,000 loan the other week and I work very part-time. Infact i was pretty shocked as the loan would quite obviously have to be paid for by my partner, but would be in my name.

but what if i dont giev a shit what bAWC says?

ill send her to prison instead

i did on firday

HD, but my kids are at school now, so the childcare is only after 3pm. Therefore Housework would be part of my day. You are OK according to BAWC if you have pre-school kids as the childcare element is more greater, but once your kids are older she just doesn't get why anyone would stay at home.

TBH doing the housework would also give a break from the kids, there is only so many times that you can sit down and watch CBEEBIES together

I don't mind doing the cleaning, BUT I resent that I have so little time to do it and it does encroach on my already limited time with my kids. As it is as a working mum DH is pretty good tbh, this weekebd I did the kitchen, he did the living room, the kids did their rooms (ish) and it was done. Bathrooms though are revolting

lost the thread there- responding to poisson about housework. I'd love to have time for flower arranging, tea and magazines at 10.30am! I'm into nappies and potties personally!

true, she's gone now

I just got all riled on behalf of SAHM whose kids are at school, as I am jealous and would do that in a heartbeat, but she was saying that I was wrong.

'BUT BAWC you are still saying there MAY be exceptions, what you mean is that the majority are fat/useless/worthless and going to a be a drian on your taxes as they have no pensions.' Please stop accusing me of having said things I haven't Crunchie, what I said was 'Isolation and obesity are real problems for many long-term SAHMs.' and the other issues too like financial security and I wasn't saying these aren't issues for other people too. I really don't see how you can argue with this. Dino and others here who have been SAHMs agree that these are problems too.

Caligula, I agree with you that SAHMs with pre-school children should be properly paid but do you really think a feminist position would encourage payment of SAHMs with children in school? Wouldn't a better feminist position be to fight for better, more flexible and free childcare, better more flexible and family friendly employment and sharing house-work among the whole family?? So everyone does some paid work outside the house and everyone does some house-work?

Peachy, I did say earlier that there are obvious exceptions e.g. mums with kids with SN etc.

And finally, here was me thinking that my kids sticking clothes in the washing machine and wiping the floor were just picking up on things they had seen me do or told them how to do. No actually they are geniuses in the making. And the fact that my dd1 would know to use floor-cleaner on the floor instead of say paint means she shouldn't be starting school at all she should be starting a Phd.

I think by making out that housework is some extraordinarily difficult task that only women know how to do properly is part of the reason why men don't get involved (many women will admit they discourage them because they don't feel men get it right). This is clearly one of the reasons why some women complain men don't do enough in the house because some women don't let them or explain that it's actually quite a simple thing to do.

i love beign at home and lookig after my kids
they are easier because of ti Imo

also what ahassle with chioldcare etcetc
gawd no
cat you are just JEALOUS

( get another macarroon)

I can't find any macaroons in Norfolk so may have to make my own soon. Want ones like I used to have as a child with rice paper underneath and half an almond on top.

this si a silly row
we all do what we can

I love being at home with my kids so I can do:

"going to the gym, going shopping, having light lunches with other girly friends" - you got that right Crunchie

I try and fit in a bit of housework as well, but I find Mumsnet encroaches into housework time

I actually think the blame lies with employers rather than women with children who may or may not choose to work. I don't think many workplaces are flexible enough whether you have children with special needs or children that are neuro-typical, they just aren't. It is expensive to re-train and it is expensive to further your education. Yes, times have moved on and work and education is more accessable to alot of people it wouldn't have been, but it is still impossible for alot.

As for housework, I think PeachyClair has hit the nail on the head. Alot of people do like cleaning and a fair amount do not. it depends on your own level of hygene and what you are happy with. Luckily my partner is pretty good, even though he works out of the home.

I agree wit BAWC.

Family friendly, flexible employment combined with good qaulity affordable childcare plus payment for SAHM of pre-schoolers like myself would be of huge benfefit and move society forward.

es that makes sense.

As long as I can claim in the Uni hols LOL!