why are some women content to do all the housework?

[honeydew]

I meet lots of mums in my local area who, like me, are stay at home mums with very young children but are prepared to do absolutely everything for their partners and DH's! They slave away cooking, cleaning and washing at home with no help and at the weekends, they still don't expect
their partners to do anything! I have friends who never get a proper break from their children, even if it's only for a couple of hours. Their DH's leave them to it 24/7. Is it just me who has found that old style patriarchy is alive and well in society once a woman gives up work to raise her brood? My DH does help me with baby DS, he also puts my older daughter to bed and washes up after I've cooked each night, so we work as a team. So many women I speak to say that their DH's are not 'hands on' parents and do virtually all the chores and baby changing/feeding. Oviously, if one partner is working during the week they can't do that much, but some men don't want to contribute at all it would seem! Are they just lazy or simply 'expect' women to fulfill that role?

Kitty wrote:

"Beatie: btw does it give you security to think that you and everyone else on this thread are 'united' in your ideas as you put it?"

I think you are misreading my words Kitty and I should have made myself clearer. At the beginning of this thread I was playing devil's advocate for mums who continue to work after their children have gone to school and arguing mostly against some of BAWCats points. I like how we were able to find a lot of common ground about other issues.

Kitty wrote "Would you feel uncomfortable having ideas that were not the accepted norm?" I have a lot of ideas that are not accepted as the norm. I feel happy and self-assured that my ideas are good ones........ and frustrated that not everyone has the same sense as me

That's good to hear beatie

"I was playing devil's advocate for mums who continue to work after their children have gone to school "

Should have said "for mums who continue to stay at home"

'I have a lot of ideas that are not accepted as the norm. I feel happy and self-assured that my ideas are good ones........ and frustrated that not everyone has the same sense as me'

Absolutely how I feel Beatie and though I haven't changed my mind about any of the big ones (ideas that is). I have still learned some things.

BAWC how very strange that throughout this entire thread you have given me the distict impression that consider your ideas and lifestyle very "normal", or should I say one that should be the norm.

Such a shame to see people defined by their sex. Surely we are all individuals who bring a host of different skills to the party. Generally speaking men are physically stronger & women have the ability to give birth & breastfeed.
I could not define "manliness" by walking down the street. I could probably spot men & women whose body language indicated self confidence but that is about as far as it goes. My ex-husband was a big rugby player, very good at his job, had a PhD, high achiever, exuded sex appeal & confidence but he couldn't do a whole lot of stuff that traditionalists would consider "manly". Couldn't fill out a tax return to save his life, put up some simple shelves, work out where to put engine oil in the car, etc etc. Blonde, feminine little old me did all those jobs because I'm good at them & I enjoy them.
If Kittywits argues that men who change nappies & can manouevre a hoover are "feminised" are women "masculated" by being able to wire in their own cooker?
Are fashion designers, hair dressers, & chefs all "feminised" because they could be seen to be doing what traditionalists call feminine roles?

just thought i'd be the 1st one to post on here today. Who wants it to die away 1100+ messages later?

I am content to do all the housework, because that's my job as a woman. Im never happier than when I'm hoovering, ironing, cleaning the fridge or washing up. My absolute favourite moment of the week is washing the kitchen bin!

oooh, I wouldnt be a man for anything! They just dont get the same fun out of sitting on the sofa watching football. And housework does keep you in great shape!!

cleaning out the nappy bin even better.

In today's Grauniad:

'On the typical day last year, 77% of men and 92% of women spent time doing housework, compared with 86% and 96% in 2000. Women averaged three hours' housework a day, against one hour 41 minutes for the men.'

Interesting.

My upbringing wasn't ordinary. I never knew what it was like to have a mother who was at home, tidying, cleaning or cooking. She had 7 kids and worked full time. Once home she was incredibly lazy and didn't give us much attention or affection. We had no choice but to do housework, bath ourselves, help with cooking etc at a young age.
At school, when i hear about all the wonderful things other mums did i couldn't quite believe it. Just to have a b'day party and invite friends was only a dream.
I am a SAHM and at the moment i wouldn't have it any other way. DH deosn't help much around the house, but i would like him to help more. I do understand he works hard at his own business and it is stressful, but i still expect some help here and there.

Oh, and 'The survey provided further ammunition for women who would lik e men tot be more helpful. It said men have 30 minutes more free time on the average day - defining free time as what is left after sleep, personal care, meals, paid work, domestic work, study and travel.'

Don't shoot the messenger!

BAWC you know that nearly all these surveys are a load of old tosh.

I wonder what sort of house you'd have if neither you nor your dh ever did any houswork apart from minimum tidying and washing the most necessary dishes and clothes. If you both agreed to that basic level of housework would your house and family fall apart? I wonder how much housework and cleaning is really necessary?

ahem...my house is still standing. Dust tends to collect in corners though, and the whole place gets a neglected look.

I can't believe this thread is still limping on!

It cannot be good for anyone to do housework in this heat. Stop it now!

glad to see you around nightynight - haven't bumped into your for a while - your house sounds like mine!

Quite right, fairymum!