SAHM or private school for DC(s)

[Gatorade]

I have a 4 month old DD and I am starting to think about what I want to do in relation to going back to work and future school options (these decisions appear to linked as affordability starts to come into the equation).

We could comfortably afford for me to be a SAHM and send DD to a private school (well pre-school nursery first, but then through the private school system), this again would be ok for a second DC. The difficulty would be if we have more than 2 DCs, if we are lucky enough we would like 3 or 4.

If we were to have 3 DCs I would need to work at least 3 to 4 days a week to ensure that we could maintain our lifestyle (which is quite basic really, we are not extravagant people) and fund the school fees from earned income.

I am not too worried about my own future career, I feel I have achieved what I wanted to in terms of work before I had DD and if I don't have a professional career again in the future (if, for example I take 10+ years out of the workplace) this wouldn't concern me.

So my question, what would be more beneficially to my DD and future children, having a SAHM or going to private school?

Conors we can be barking mad together then, I'm in full agreement with your post. And I also have a job!

Ps, the only time I've ever taken up running was when I was 'between jobs'. Fwiw....

Ok, but do any wohm, get whistles then. They may be thin because they run, but so far none have stated they get the whistles.
Us sahm with our shapely curves, well toned because we are on the go all day (bend, stretch, remote, Jeremy Kyle) only have to venture out to become sex goddesses.

I was going to leave this thread but something has been bothering me.
And this isnt probably the best thread to say it on,but since we are all here.
Us women are all coming from different angles.
My angle is,I am surrounded by manly men.
If you think of the top 4 manly industries,they may well be done in my area.
So the women around here appreciate what the men do,and the men,on the whole, appreciate what the women do.
It would be rather ludicrous for the men to stop doing what they do.These industries in this country would cease to exist.And dont say well women would do them.Even if they did,these industries would be wildly inefficent,and just couldnt survive.

ddont have a bloody clue what you're on about amillionyears, but get you surrounded by manly men!!

ooohhh eeerrr missus

Not sure what you mean either amillionyears, sorry, or what your point is?

I think I get where she's coming from.

I grew up in a mining area and this is what fuelled (if you'll pardon the pun) the local economy. The jobs were mainly down the pits. Given the nature of the work, women could never have done it. Might be different now with machinery.

So basically, if you wanted a family incme the man had to work. Down the pit. And the women had to fit in work around their shifts.

Yes, but do such industries (that require male, manly workers oh er ) really account for that much of the workforce in 2012?

Not really, seen as we are mainly a service economy.

In which case while its interesting from a historical point of view- how family life was shaped up until (about) the 1980s. It's not really relevant now 30 years later is it?

When people are doing brain work the man-woman distinction is irrelevant. When people are doing manual/physical work the man-woman distinction is still very relevant and there are lots of jobs that still require brawn and men have more of it, on average, than women.

In some places the local economy will still be driven by a particulay factory or pit, or fishing etc.

My parents live in a very comfortable rural part of the UK and most of the local (ie neither commuters nor retired people) women work as bookkeepers or in shops and the local men work as carpenters, plumbers, gardeners, farmers etc.

Sorry the previous post was unclear.And had to write and run.
Yes to what wordfactory and Bonsoir have posted.
Especially Bonsoirs post of 9.16 am.

I gave up work 7 years ago to look after my 2 dc as hubby suggested this. i remember my reluctance at having to do this however, the uncertainty that followed the use of having aupairs was disastrous, high child care cost and summer holidays to keep the kids occupied.
I gave in eventually and quit my city job.

7 years later i decided to start my job hunting as the kids were now old enough only for hubby to tell me he's decided to job hunt to relocate to Singapore as he hates London and wanted a change. He found a well paid job there and off he went. I moved out there with him and my lovely dcs only to discover to my horror the ever high standard of living ie sky rocket rent prices and grocery and taxi fares not to mention the difficulty of finding a job for myself without a work permit. This put a huge strain on our marriage and we are almost on the brink of divorce. He moans at me most days, at my inability to contribute to the household income and also reminds me that my not working for 7 years was of no benefit to him but only of a huge benefit to the children.

Im now thinking of moving back to the UK to kick start a new career for myself earning my own income, as i can no longer tolerate the constant rows and the rude remarks that follow each row.

However the thought of him taking the kids from me and keeping them in Singapore as i have no finances of my own nor house to go back to as the property is in his name and rented out and all credit cards are in his name too is driving me insane. However i do need my independence back, my own finances and sorting out a retirement plan as i have none in place at all however he has.

My dcs are lovely and well rounded. However i regret massively not holding onto my career, my husbands high up in the banking sector with bonuses and pensions all sorted out whilst i've nothing . I never knew what could have been round the corner but I have no one else to blame but myself. Worst decision i could have ever made!

balimoon - I'm sorry to hear your story. It is indeed at times of divorce (or even death) that the stark realisation that you have lost earning power hits. Most people think it'll never happen to them until it does.

I will advise my daughters that if they want to have children, consider a family friendly occupation where you can go part-time for a few years without really impacting your options, eg GP, teacher, dentist etc. There are way fewer options in the jobs that sound attractive aged 25.

I think this is very sensible advice to give to daughters girlsinwhitedresses - I have two daughters myself and will be making them aware of this.

Certainly having the option of cutting down on hours and/or working part-time is a huge advantage and a real reason why people are often able to hold onto a career in those critical years. That's not to say that if they chose to they couldn't go for the SAHM or working full time option, but at least it will be their choice.

I am one of the many who was only able to hold onto their careers because my employer agreed to part-time. Having done full time with small children and being at nearly breaking point, I know for a fact I would have quit eventually as the pressure was too great to sustain.

balimoon have you seen a solicitor? You may find that your rights to part of his pension and most importantly the stability of the children will be intact. If they were born here, as far as I know, he can't keep them in Singapore. Be very careful though, as I said, see a solicitor. It may be that you need to do it on a holiday in the UK so that he can't take them back out. It sounds as though if you divorce in Singapore he would try and keep them there, the laws may be different there so be careful.

Do try the relationships thread. I can't help but think you should hide this thread as well.

We still have a welfare state here and you will be looked after for 6 months (after a bit of wrangling).

Balimoon, am sorry about your situation, you might get some useful advice / info in the relationships section.