SAHM or private school for DC(s)

[Gatorade]

I have a 4 month old DD and I am starting to think about what I want to do in relation to going back to work and future school options (these decisions appear to linked as affordability starts to come into the equation).

We could comfortably afford for me to be a SAHM and send DD to a private school (well pre-school nursery first, but then through the private school system), this again would be ok for a second DC. The difficulty would be if we have more than 2 DCs, if we are lucky enough we would like 3 or 4.

If we were to have 3 DCs I would need to work at least 3 to 4 days a week to ensure that we could maintain our lifestyle (which is quite basic really, we are not extravagant people) and fund the school fees from earned income.

I am not too worried about my own future career, I feel I have achieved what I wanted to in terms of work before I had DD and if I don't have a professional career again in the future (if, for example I take 10+ years out of the workplace) this wouldn't concern me.

So my question, what would be more beneficially to my DD and future children, having a SAHM or going to private school?

I don't think- I could be wrong- that I did make it about me. I really wanted metabilis to expand on her ( I paraphrase) SAHMs damage their children post. I asked about it several times and didn't feel she had.explained it. She now has. She then brought up a remark I made about breastfeeding a couple of days ago- which I explained- not to her satisfaction. Which brought on an ad hominem post from her. Meh.

Xenia, You talk about men casting women aside, leaving them without means of earning an income, which can and does happen. However IME not opinion I find that quite often men cast women aside when they feel redundant, and their wife has no time for them. I think its quite understandable that the man would look elsewhere. I like to keep my dh happy because I love him, and I know he does likewise. Its nothing to do with being sub serviant. I also know without doubt that I have the power to manage our whole household, have respect from dh and dcs, in our home. My word is God.

To clarify I wasnt agreeing with wordfactorys post getting at you seeker.

It's a shame posters are still using this thread to have a go at indivduals. That's clearly unhelpful.

@word It's what always happens. To be fair though, it's no different than Xenia's chain yanking. Best to ignore.

Ohhh I simultaneously disagree with Xenia and morethan, is that a record?

I think men 'cast off' their wives if they (the husbands) are twats.

I think marriages break down when there is fault on both sides.

I think women 'cast off' their husbands if they (the wives) are twats.

It doesn't automatically happen because one stays at home and takes up living in the slave quarters. Or because the other goes to work and forgets to rub her DHs feet. Both of those arguments are equally sexist to my ears. Most people surely have lives a little more complicated than those outdated stereotypes.

And now sea re all dooooomed to be cast aside. What larks.

I dunno seeker.

You just seem to take stuff terribly personally and get het up.

For some people MN is not a force for good. They spend inordinate amounts of time arguing the toss with folk and getting hurt and upset. Hours and hours every day, arguing...

morethan I know toooooo many women who have devoted their lives to their husbands and families and still been cast aside. Sadly, as a plan to keep one's husband, it is fatally flawed.

Meta - sorry if I offended you with the comment about the school, when I was talking about the issues with the school (everything being during the day) and you said you had the same issues and changed it I assumed you got everything changed to the evening rather than asking for more notice. We do not have the issue of lack of notice as you did, we have plenty of notice for things the point I was making was that there is so much going on that to take time of work and still be there for everything would be impossible. With my remark (maybe a bit snide sorry) I was trying to get across the fact that by changing situations to be more available for the working mums that this would have an impact on the staff in the school that are also working mums. I don't believe there is an answer to this and I am also very aware that teachers go home and work aswell so to kick up a stink for the concerts, parent consultations, sports events etc to be in the evening may be making things better for some parents and worse for others. This to me didn't go well with the message of fighting for all women.

Sorry, I should have said. My word is God, unless the footy is on. In which case me and dd have wonderful girly only time.

Don't worry, word factory- I crusade in real life too!

Wordfactory. I totally agree. I didn't say devote your life to dhs, nor plan anything.
I know my dh wouldn't cast me aside nor would I him. We both compromise and in fairness over our 20 year marriage, he has made more sacrifices than I have. We communicate well, are soul mates and in love as much as when we first met. When I thought I wanted a change of career dh supported me all the way, and once again made sacrifices to his own career, that he loves (not a job)as it turned out it didn't make me happy and I decided to be a sahm. This didn't make him bitter at all, because he supports me.
Its not about power and gender disputes imo its about supporting each others decisions, respect, trust, love and caring.

Sarca - "I think women 'cast off' their husbands if they (the wives) are twats."

Are you accusing wives who find the courage to 'cast off' abusive/violent husbands of twat-dom too?

No obviously not. talk about trying to start rows.

I can't believe that in a thread of personal attacks my assertion that one of the posters hates women has been deleted . Anyone want to own up to reporting it?

Not me. But I do think it was out of order...

You don't have to post if you didn't report it, I'm curious who did.

I didn't report it, I thought it quite funny. But no more to add to this topic now.

I didn't report it either. This thread has just got plain odd.

Not I. I responded, that is all. It's pretty irrelevant really- it was a personal attack of sorts, no matter whether the person(s) it was aimed at were upset or not.

I didn't report it. I;m not sure I even saw it. Now I want to know who you think hates women.

I take it that OP has left the building...?

Anyway the matter has now been decided in the press. Working professional women are the best looking and slimmest in the land. We rock. In fact we are the only group not fatter than 10 years ago. It's all over the press.

So we keep looking good,. Housewives get fatter. Thus on the casting aside theory (assuming you think people need or want a partner of course which is a pretty big assumption but something you would expect a web site of mothers to assume) fat dull housewife at home ceases attracting husband and he seeks pastures new. Pretty slim high earning interesting working mother wife ensures he cleaves only unto him... Laughing as I type. The route to a healthy weight - have a well paid career and be female. Best diet tip you will ever read on Mumsnet and you heard it here from the Oracle.

I rarely object to anything posted about me on line. I don't hate anyone, women, men, even housewives but people can write what they like within reason. I want us all to feel we would die to defend freedom of the press, that it is so important to us, that we would rather read every day views we abhor about the merit of stning women for adultery or the superiority of men than live in a country where we are censored.

Xenia - don't always agree with you, but you do make me laugh.

Xenia, we've had our differences, but that's just one if the BEST, most outrageous posts I've read in ages.

I might actually quite like you

I'm laughing my head off, and boy did I need a laugh today...

Three hours spent at the eye clinic while DD2 (only 2) was tortured by various members of the medical community, a stressful drive back to drop her (traumatised and treary) at nursery, park car, grab lunch and reply to clients, one of whom is RIGHT ROYALLY trying to rip me off, hot foot into C.London for a new business meeting, and get back in time (just) to pick up both from nursery, get two tired, grumpy girls home and to top it all off it's bloody HAIR WASH NIGHT.

That, OP, on the (highly unlikely) possibility that you're still reading, is the life of most WOHMs. It's still what I prefer, but sometimes it's really tough.

The light moments of today have been provided by a positive response to an in depth proposal worth quite a bit of filthy lucre, the prospect of Thai food from our local later and your last post...

Thank you.

db
xx