Teen Eating Disorders Thread 4

[SoTiredNeedHoliday]

Starting a new thread, no 3 is full

@Nctdn
@NCTDN
@Lottsbiffandsmudge
@Rollergirl11
@Valleyofthedollymixsm701
@Girliefriendlikespuppies
@Lougle
@myrtleWilson
@silkyears
@2Earlgreysplease

Found you! Thanks @SoTiredNeedHoliday
Was listening to an interesting radio article on Times Radoo earlier with Sara Gibbs who has written a book about her autism diagnosis “drama queen’. I didn’t hear the whole piece but she was talking about her sensory issues etc and I know a lot of you on hear have DDs with this sort of issue. Thought you’d might be interested.

Thank you

Found it! Thank you for starting a new thread

Thanks for new thread!

Well our little happy period didn’t last long. DD had a panic attack in the car at lunch because she says she screwed up her 2 exams this morning. She literally had 30 mins to eat her lunch before going back to sit her final exam straight after lunch. She was hyperventilating because the thought of eating when she’d screwed up was just too much for her. I managed to calm her down and told her that she didn’t have to go back to do the last exam and we could just rearrange it. But she decided she wanted to get it out of the way so went and did it.

She says that she can’t tell anymore which is her and which is the ED and that now they are just the same thing. She says that it’s so loud in her head and it drowns everything else out and she can’t do anything else but listen to it. She wishes that she could be free of her body and her mind and doesn’t want to be in there anymore. She wishes that she could pause time so that she could have some time to not think or feel anything. It’s utterly heart-wrenching to hear her say these things.

Part of me wonders if this is because she showed a little glimmer of happiness. The ED is punishing her for this because she’s not allowed to be happy. It’s such an awful illness. It’s awful to watch her so tormented so god knows how it must be for her. 😨

She has fallen asleep after having her snack after school. I think she’s utterly exhausted. At least her exams are finished and she managed to sit them. Inset day tomorrow so she has a little bit of respite. I’m hoping that a sleepover tomorrow night with her friends will give her a little boost. God knows she needs it!

roller I think you're right in that the ED tries to punish any attempts at happiness - particularly I think happiness with a parent. The ED wants to break that bond so will come in hard. All of that plus exhaustion - the poor mite (and you) I hope the sleepover goes well.

Wish us luck - DD is off for a weekend away with friends tomorrow. She's with her closest friend who is good with the ED (in fact can say things that we as her parents would never get away with!), we've talked about eating and coping strategies. It is an important step in terms of independence but my god time will be very slow for me until her return on Sunday

Also - thank you @SoTiredNeedHoliday for the new thread - can't believe we're on 4 already - although with the stats about the increase in ED and MH issues I shouldn't really be surprised...

Thanks for the new thread @@SoTiredNeedHoliday

@Rollergirl11 it does sound like it's all too much, doesn't it? Glad she got a bit of sleep.

I feel like I'm back on the wagon today. Bizarrely, I had hoped that the psychiatrist would be helpful, so had almost given up on weight restoration this week. Once we'd had the psychiatrist visit and it was as much use as a chocolate teapot relatively unproductive, I've realised that we really are on our own, so I may as well get on with it.

DD1 is 51.7kg, so is only 800g away from her lower end weight goal (52.5-54.5kg). Tonight she did quite well with eating chicken with bacon and philadelphia, broccoli, new potatoes, and carrots.

School remains a problem, though. She wasn't in school on Friday, Monday, Tuesday or Wednesday. Today she said she 'still feels sick as hell' and thought she needed another two days off. I felt she seemed better, but she said she was 'even worse'. In the end I insisted that she tried school today. She went but she said afterwards that she hates school and it makes her feel bad.

On a positive note, I received questionnaire 2 from Psicon for her ASD assessment today. When I last spoke to them, they said that they send those out about 2 months before they offer assessment, so it could be a lot sooner than the March/August 2022 that they estimated.

Thanks for new fred, had a little panic when I saw the last one had filled up 🤣

Nothing much to report here, dd plodding on through her mocks as well, has done well so far in the ones we have results for.

@Rollergirl11 that sounds tough but perhaps it sounds positive in a way, your DD can vocalise that she doesn't want the ED? And she can also vocalise that it has taken her over completely? That has to be something that therapists / camhs can work with. She's being so strong telling you these things.

Just slowly eating our way through the day here, my entire day is now ruled by foods, not by the clock I don't even need a clock these days.....its bizarre

oh god I know @SoTiredNeedHoliday, it's so boring. I feel like my life is ebbing away as I watch DD tear an avocado and chickpea wrap into tiny morsels.

@myrtleWilson that's so exciting about your daughter's weekend away. Yay! Do try not to worry (I know, I know) and have a lovely non-eating-disorder-parent weekend yourself.

DD has just about managed the meal plan, with little shavings here and there, all week so it will be interesting to see if she gains weight. She says she's 'cursed' with a fast metabolism.

We're also investigating getting some form of private treatment. I'm very grateful to CAMHS for seeing her given the strains they're under. However, like some previous posts I find this refusal to do any treatment on their heads until they're weight restored, really frustrating. We have these meetings once a fortnight where the therapist just sits silently while we hash around the same issues and the end she just says 'the anorexic cognitions are very strong'. You think? I never get any sense of a direction. Maybe I'm asking too much.

Myrtle hope your DD has a fab weekend away! Try not to clock-watch too much and maybe so something spontaneously for a change! 😂👍

Lougle 🤞you’re ahead of the estimated date for ASD assessment and congrats on almost making it to target weight.

Sotired yes I’m sure there’s plenty there for DD’s therapist to work through. DD has always been pretty good at articulating her thoughts actually. She has high emotional intelligence so it’s especially difficult to see her floundering so much as she’s usually so self-aware.

How's everyone doing? Our wends not been too bad so far, I convinced my dd to take an additional vitamin (probiotic) Ystd which felt like a small win. I also challenged her to not touch a few signs on a walk which amazingly she managed!!

It's the little wins 😁

Hope everyone is okay.

Take the wins @Girliefriendlikespuppies!

Our weekends are always worse than weekdays. We went out for dinner last night, which was fine, but she agreed to have a dessert at home which then caused the most massive meltdown with her walking out of the house and frankly we couldn't have her wondering around the streets in a small pair of shorts in an agitated state.

She was so vile to us too. One that her sister quoted this morning was to her dad 'you're a piece of shit who'll never achieve anything'. I managed to break one of the freezer drawers (it fell out amid all the arguments and cracked) and it took ages to order a replacement.

She always apologises which we of course accept but we have now told her it's not enough to apologise, she needs to try not to say these things and to show with her actions that she's sorry.

On the plus side, she let me WhatsApp her friends' mothers yesterday to tell them and to share with their daughters and seemed really relieved that I'd done so. I spoke to a couple of them too. I'm pleased as it seems like an acknowledgment of the illness. Of course they all knew something was up. One parent told me her child's put on loads of weight in part because of DD's 'delicious protein bars'.

Well done both of you. Still trundling on here. DD1 had a meltdown at lunch time because we made her eat with us. I ended up giving her a tablet ban. She's almost weight restored now, though. From 37kg at her worst to 51.7kg. Another 800g to go.

@Lougle how long had that taken?

@NCTDN she was admitted to hospital on 01/02/21 and discharged on 09/02/21, so 21 weeks until now. 5 months takes us up to next week.

Having said that, she gained and lost the same few hundred grams in weight between February and mid-March, when she started olanzapine. So her true physical recovery has been 3½ months.

Oh God valley I know it's not funny really but I did just laugh at your Dds friend eating all her protein bars 🤭🤣 I sometimes wonder how many of my dds friends I'm feeding 🙄 a few I suspect...

My dd can be horrible to me as well, I try not to take it personally and I've never had an apology. I know it's the ED talking and that she does love me really, she's just angry and scared.

You've done so well Lougle I think we're going to be stuck at this wfh for a while 😕 I think dd has grown which actually will put her as slightly less wfh I suppose. It's so hard to get anything extra into her.

21 weeks is encouraging.
DD has also grown (only half an inch) but it will drop the wfh won't it? Typical!

Hi @JennyZinser I have popped a message to MNHQ to suggest they put this in the appropriate topic. Other people may feel able to help you but my view is that this is a support thread for parents who are already going through a tough time. I think it would have been better to put your post in NFP surveys or Non-member requests, then you could have linked to it here.

Hi @Lougle, thank you for the message and highlighting that. I have removed the post and instead placed this in the NFP surveys section. Should anyone be interested in participating in research looking at parents and carers experience, more information can be found there.

Wishing you all well,
Jenny

Hi All, Looking for some helps with motivation today, for me. It just gets so 'monotonous' and sometimes it's just too much.
Feels better to have told someone!
DD needs me so much of the time it is overwhelming, I've partially forgotten what else I used to do, every day is focused on food and body image..... and with no holiday to look forward to it's pretty exhausting.

Hi @SoTiredNeedHoliday sorry you are having such a tough time. It is relentless and I have no answers except to say keep going and hoping. Even though we are in a better place than we were I still would love a day when I don’t have to cook or think about food.

@SoTiredNeedHoliday it's so effing boring! Honestly, it's grindingly tedious. There are moments of high drama (us on Saturday night) but most of the time it's just an evil version of what was already quite dull and thankless i.e. feeding a family, day in day out.

I have no life. Lockdown easing was really hard because as things opened up, we were still closed down. Silly things that I love, like playing tennis, have been denied to me if they don't fit in with our feeding schedule. My work is intellectually stimulating but I've cancelled it all as otherwise I was at risk of letting people down at the last minute. Plus just don't have the headspace.

We booked a holiday back in January, when we had the diagnosis but don't think imagined we'd have travelled so little distance by now, and it's almost worse because we've no idea if we'll be able to go. A) covid etc and b) DD and whether she'll be well enough. And even if we do go, it won't be a holiday from boring boring feeding.