Teen Eating Disorders Thread 4

[SoTiredNeedHoliday]

Starting a new thread, no 3 is full

I’ve woke up in a depressed mood today. I’m feeling trapped, frustrated and a tad resentful. I feel like everyone else is enjoying the relaxing of lockdown yet we’re still in it! I think the football being on last night and everyone having drinks and BBQ’s and being in high spirits has brought home how restricted we are currently. We haven’t been able to meet up with any friends or family for ages. Firstly because of lockdown and now because of DD. We are not able to go out to restaurants as a family. We are going on holiday to Devon in 5 weeks and I can’t see how DD is going to manage to eat out every day which is what we usually do on holiday. We were hoping that we might be able to book a last minute holiday abroad also if it was allowed but realistically I can’t see that will be a viable option with DD either. Just feeling a bit hopeless today. This illness affects the whole family so much!!

I know what you mean but it will get better. To be honest this year is a write off thanks to Covid anyway. That’s what I’m telling myself.I refuse to spend money on inflated prices and crowds in restaurants at the moment. What about beach cafes where you can mix and match? How about spending cash on activities instead? It’s easy to look at tv/ SM and think everybody is having a great time when they’re probably not. Could you pop the money you’d spend on eating out in a pot and save for next year when things could well be better.

Where in Devon are you going?

I was the same yesterday roller but @Scr1bblyGum is right. Social media is bad for that.

@Rollergirl11 one step at a time. I think sometimes we have to look back months or even years, rather than days, to see progress.

Well my post on the FB group has been deleted altogether now. I'm not sure whether to leave altogether (DD1 is pretty much at target weight and a lot of their advice never applied to her anyway) or whether to just lurk in the background. It's a real shame that they've decided on a 'no criticism' posting policy, though. Nobody improves if they ignore constructive criticism.

@Scr1bblyGum we are going to Barnstaple in North Devon.

I know that you’re all right and SM has a lot to answer for. I know that we are making progress but it just feels painfully slow sometimes. DD is definitely having more frequent periods when she seems more herself so that is good at least.

Lougle you naughty girl, what did you post on the FB group to have it deleted?! 😂

@Rollergirl11 I posted a concerned post that some admins seemed to be attacking posters and that the tone of the group had changed. 125 comments followed, with the vast majority saying they agreed. An admin replied that we needed to suck it up because that's the way it is, and if it didn't affect us, keep our beaks out. I replied that we have a collective responsibility to stand up and be counted if we see injustice. Admin replied 'we'll agree to disagree and if you don't like it, there are other groups.' Then she stopped comments on the thread, then it was deleted

Lougle ahh I think I saw that. There have been a flurry of Admin posts since saying how the “tea & sympathy” approach doesn’t work and how it’s their obligation to tell people bluntly if they are doing things wrong. Or words to that effect. Just seems like one bun-fight after another at the moment. I haven’t been a member long but I discovered very quickly that it’s far nicer and more supportive over here with you lovely ladies! ❤️

Lougle that is what they do. I applaud you for standing up to them.They post bullying diatribes that actually go against FBT which is to empower parents and value them as experts on their own child.Ranting about struggling parents being weak and simply not caring enough, not having their dc’s backs if they don’t take on a full on forceful approach that they have followed. Taking doors off, punitive punishments, dragging, sitting on kids, ignoring cahms etc. They get in what they want to say then mute if anybody says anything different or criticises them. They do what they want to do too. What was all that don’t post pics of your dc then a great big close up of admin’s dc with “ suck it up”.It’s a bloody dictorship and don’t even get me started on their ignorance re autism and the damage caused pushing that approach on the ASC kids who are demand avoidant,need their safe spaces, have sensory issues and will simply worsen with increased anxiety and lack of any control. A forceful approach may work with some but absolutely won’t with all, doesn’t mean you’re not still doing FBT if you adjust how you handle your child as regards getting food into them with the best way that works for them and you as a family.The Iack of knowledge and presentation of themselves as experts with such appalling bullying mean girls behaviour is so incredibly damaging. It really worries me.

Nobody is saying you don’t do anything you can to get food into your child but parents are the experts of their own children and know best how to facilitate that. You work with your ED team to find what works. It takes time.All our children and circumstances will vary hugely. There is no one size fits all.

That FB group has made me appreciate MN and their admin more. MN seems positively tame in comparison.😂

They are talking from their experience, which I understand completely. I've said my bit, so I'm happy. I'm not overly invested anyway. I get what I need elsewhere.

Yeah I thought their latest response Lougle was really bad and your post was spot on. I do find the group useful at times if I have a specific question but telling struggling parents to basically suck it up and get on with it is really not that helpful.

Sorry you're having a hard day roller, sometimes thinking too far into the future is just overwhelming.

We've actually had a not too awful day, dd has been in a good mood and done okay food wise. I've been able to do some gardening which is my therapy 😁

I get that but don’t think their experience can speak for everybody to the extent they criticise and run down struggling parents who don’t do it the same way. It really made me feel crap reading some of their bullying posts and when you have a 16 year old you can’t even get to the table you do perhaps over invest in a group that is supposed to support. The U.K. bit in the title makes you think they are more than they are which is just a Facebook group, nothing more than that. I’ve not joined groups before so it’s been a steep learning curve.

I feel so much more confident now. Get my support from our FT and the much kinder Autistic Girls With Eating Disorders Group and info from the Autism Parenting group.

I’ve been doing gardening and it’s my therapy too. Trying to find a space for new Agastache and Echinacea. May have bought a load of plants to cope with the stress.😬

Dd is doing really well but trying to just focus on each day as you always worry restriction could be just round the corner. I’m feeling more confident with giving her more control. Results day won’t be fun. She’ll have done great considering the year we’ve had but petrified she won’t see it that way and will spiral.

Hi everyone,still lurking
Just wanted pop in and add hugs to those that need one,and well done lougle with DD weight almost restored!

Same old,same old here with lil zoo
She completely refused eat on plan for couple weeks.trars and tantrums on teams chat with nurse Thursday and after firm words were said we are back on it
Dd2 (17yo) referral has jumped forward from sept to end July/beg aug for assessments and marsipan.natirally she's now fret about the 2stones gained in a year and trying to restrict/exercise.not helpful around lil zoo the endless talk of be fat and in can't eat X,y,z
Also advice required- lil zoo form tutor is a genuinely nosey but nice guy who is semi obsessed with what the class eat.always asking what they had for breakfast,gently nagging those that don't eat anything.he was patrolling at lunch the other day and commented on a wrap one girl was eating as was 600 calories.lil zoo felt very uncomfortable with it all and tends squirrel her lunch quickly and quietly off radar.hes not meaning to be triggering,he has grown up kids and its intended in an affectionate kind of mother hen way,but how do I approach it?

@Stilllivinginazoo I think you need to tell him that it's not helping your DD. I'm sure he'll be ok with it.

I've just written an email to DD1's school saying that she didn't eat her roll or pretzels on Friday, and that a cheese string and a cookie isn't enough. I've asked them to supervise tomorrow, pointing out that if she loses weight she'll be kept off school. They've emailed back to say they'll supervise.

Hi there, newbie on here.
My dd is only 11, but everything I read on this thread resonates with me.
I noticed last year that she was missing snacks at breaktime, went vegetarian, then rapidly lost weight. She was hospitalised for 2 weeks in May because she was critically ill. She was 29kg on discharge, but is now 25,5kg as weighed at the health centre today :(
Any help to encourage her to eat would be very welcome!

Hey @Fraochsmum, sorry that you find yourself here but this is an invaluable place, full of guidance and support!

You don’t say if your DD being hospitalised in May was due to her not eating or if it was something unrelated? Was she seen by a doctor today? Are they not concerned about her incredibly low weight? If so will they refer her to your areas CAMH’s/ED team? If not, depending on your area, you might be able to do a self-referral. Do you happen to know roughly how much your DD is eating in a day? Would you mind giving your DD’s height in cms and DOB and then one of the other posters might be able to work out your DD’s weight for height which will give more of an indicator as to how underweight she is. But her weight certainly sounds very low.

DD just texted me from the PE changing rooms to tell me that lots of girls are talking about burning off loads of calories at the gym tonight. She isn’t even doing PE at the moment but has to just sit and watch her peers doing it. I’m going to email her HOY as I fail to see why she has to go and sit in the changing rooms herself if she’s not even doing it!!

@Fraochsmum

Hi there, newbie on here. My dd is only 11, but everything I read on this thread resonates with me. I noticed last year that she was missing snacks at breaktime, went vegetarian, then rapidly lost weight. She was hospitalised for 2 weeks in May because she was critically ill. She was 29kg on discharge, but is now 25,5kg as weighed at the health centre today :( Any help to encourage her to eat would be very welcome!

Hi are you under an ED team? Are you doing FBT? How much is she currently eating in 24hours?

Sorry for more questions than answers. Her weight sounds dangerously low, is she out of school on bedrest?

@Fraochsmum I echo these comments. You'll find lots of support here and empathy. God, vegetarianism, who'd have thought it would be such a red flag?

@Rollergirl11, I totally relate to your comment about feeling locked down. DD and DH had a big row on Saturday because her trying to scrape the cream from her dessert down the sink caused him to miss goals 2 and 3 of the England game. Much swearing ensued from both sides. Her disorder seems intent on ruining every small pleasure. We too have a UK holiday booked, but we've managed to more or less maintain eating in restaurants and pubs, so really hope this will continue or it will be even less of a holiday than it's going to be. And a foreign one booked for later that is in the balance for Covid and ED reasons. Would be such a shame.

Bloody hell the FB group sounds terrifying! I think all of you are brilliantly and appropriately tough on getting your children to eat, so much more so than me with our pissy 4kg weight gain.

4kg is not to be sniffed at, @Valleyofthedollymix

@Fraochsmum the best thing you can do is to start giving 3 meals and 3 snacks each day. That's the basic treatment for underweight children/EDs.

4kg over six months though! At current rates of progress, I think she'll be weight restored in 2030.

@Valleyofthedollymix that's how I felt before DD1 started Olanzapine. She'd put on and lose the same 200g. With the Olanzapine, she's put on 16kg in 3½ months.

@Valleyofthedollymix 4kg is good though. We’ve gained effectively 0kg over the same timeframe as every time we gain we then lose!

I didn’t realise vegetarianism was a red flag? DS went veggie for a couple of years. He started eating meat again a few months ago - I managed to tempt him with a McDonald’s cheeseburger. I do think he got thinner while he was vegetarian as he mostly ate just carrots and broccoli.

Because the surgeon has told him food is medicine and he needs more protein before his surgery or he will find recovery harder he’s been researching foods with protein and has decided to eat a piece of cheese and an egg every day. I just hope we can keep up the momentum.

I’m worried the surgery might set him back as it’s on his neck and mouth and if it’s painful that could stop him wanting to eat. I’m also worried because it’s been suggested he have orthodontic treatment for overbite. I never had braces but my brother did and it always made him reluctant to eat every time it was tightened.

It's great that he's willing to increase his protein, @NelleBee. DD2 (13) has braces for an underbite. She's coped quite well, even when she had to wear elastics between the upper and lower brace.

Thanks for all the comments guys.
I am based in the south west of Scotland, and am being supported by CAMHS, a dietitian, and a psychologist. She has an an appointment with a psychiatrist next week.
I took her to the health centre as an emergency, as I couldn't wait 2 days till she could be seen. The GP took her through to A&E and we were taken by ambulance to Glasgow. Her blood sugars dropped to 1.7 enroute and they were ready to get her on the helicopter from Lochchgilphead, but the paramedics were amazing and got some sweets from the nearby shop. Her BS elevated as a result. They continually monitored her on the 5 hour journey, and were absolutely brilliant!
She has been out of school since May (which she absolutely hated :( ), and has had minimal exercise since then too. I try to give her 3 meals a day, but find it extremely hard. Snacks are even harder :(

@Fraochsmum so sorry to hear this. Have you got a meal plan if supported by a dietitian? Surely they would look to alter out of so, given that her weight has dropped.