Binge Eating Disorder Support 4

[IronMaggie]

Hello, and welcome to our 4th(!) support thread for those affected by Binge Eating Disorder (BED) & disordered eating.

Our manifesto - we recognise that diets are absolutely not the answer, and that overcoming food restriction can help us to have a healthier relationship with food, and with ourselves.

So join us. Share your story. Or lurk quietly in the shadows. Either way, most people feel relieved to find others who know what they're going through.

For some background reading, here are the first 3 threads:-
Thread 1 March 2014
Thread 2 October 2014
Thread 3 April 2015

Here are a few resources to kick off your recovery journey:

• Overcoming Binge Eating - the 'bible'; used by many Eating Disorder services' treatment programmes, this is a good place to start.
• Brain over Binge - an alternative view; the scientific approach to understanding and stopping binge urges.
• Women Food and God - an interesting look at why we overeat that resonates with many.
• Some of us also follow the blogs of coaches within the ED / body image online communities - Isabel Foxen Duke and Summer Inannen are just a couple of examples, full list of online resources to follow shortly...

Please bear in mind that most of the contributors to this thread are eating disorder sufferers and not professionals. As with any online forum, it is best to supplement support on here with real-life support and advice from professionals.

Hi Everyone. So many new names, I'm glad you feel like you have found others who understand. Lots of posts that resonate with me and my experiences, past and present.

Still no news as yet regarding my course but still hoping. In general I'm feeling a lot of the same worries of late; what should I be eating, do I want to go out wearing a certain item of clothing, am I doing enough in all areas of day to day life...and on it goes. I definitely share the thoughts going round and round non stop .

As always, reading your posts I see so much good in everyone and what you're all doing. Margo you're a great mum and so deserving of those adoring looks from your DD. Maggie you're such a strong support for all posters and juggling so much daily too. Everyone is working to make changes and make head space for emotions previously hidden / blocked out. These are all great steps, be proud of those!

Hi, could I join here too? I've had bulimia on and off since I've been 14 (along with other MH issues - dissociation, depression, anxiety, PTSD etc), but while often enough I get my purging behaviours in control (it comes and goes), the binging urges are always there. My weight has crept up more than 20lb in a year, and it's all a bit depressing.

I see a councellor for all my issues, but her attitude seems to be that as binging is a coping mechanism, it's probably going to be around while I'm dealing with all my other crap, and that I shouldn't hate myself for it. I really struggle with that idea. I recently read Brain Over Binge to try to get a different view, but found it really upsetting for some reason.

I hate my body and the lack of control. But nothing quiets my head the way food does... :(

Morning everyone. New to this thread but not to MN. Struggling a bit this week due to various life situations but feeling better today.
Had an ED since before I was a teen and decided to try and get a grip when I turned 40. Have had some counselling, which has been really helpful but struggling with issues over control and impulse. You know, the usual!
Am so pleased to see that recommended reading, I'm going to check out a couple to read.

Thanks Margo

I hate my arms too! Always wear a cardigan or similar even when boiling hot! But I never notice other people's arms so doubt people notice mine. I'm sure you looked lovely in your dress...did you go in? I hope you had a great night and forgot all about your arms!

I've had 4 interviews...been 'pipped to the post' 3 times and was 'overqualified' for the final one...not sure why they bothered to interview me but I really, really want to work! Am really bored at home and need to use my brain. Boredom causing me to binge I think.

Bursasrs you never need to ask to join us. We're all in the same boat here and you're very welcome!

With regards to your councillor, are they specialised in ED's? It may seem odd but its recommended that when we have an ED we only see those specialised, as someone not properly trained in this area can, although well meaning, give bad advice.

I think you're with a lot of people here who very much resonate with food quietening your head. Its a coping mechanism which does serve a purpose but comes with terrible conditions for that brief peace. We can get past it and retrain our brains. Although it may seem never ending circles, they can be broken. Speaking to others is a great start already!x

I haven't read Brain Over Binge, like Margo Fairburn's book was a great resource for me. It was so eye opening to how much of what we deal with isn't a problem with us, rather the ED and that can be changed.

Do you have any ideas what may have been upsetting you with the book?

NewYear Hi .

Your post reminded me of something.... This week I had a follow up with EDS and they mentioned that they aren't getting many referrals for their service from GP's for BED. They are aware of the numbers of people wanting / needing help out there but word of their service isn't getting through. My specific one has contacted all GP's surgeries in our area but the lack of knowledge is both frustrating and scary.

I would highly recommend all of you who haven't asked already and want help, to speak with your GP and ask to be assessed by EDS (Eating Disorder Service). The funding is there and they are an amazing help, I can't reccomend the course enough.

Don't let anyone tell you your not suitable for the service because you're not exhibiting Anorexic or Bulemic symptoms its not correct at all, there is help for us.x

MumUndone your situation sounds incredibly frustrating for you.

One possible option (if you have admin experience) is to approach churches. They often have lots of admin and need people with experience to do part time hours and understand family restrictions. (With exception of Hillsong types who won't have non members) Might be worth a try.

I hate my arms as well, although don't care at all what other people's arms look like!

FightingBed Thanks. The counsellor isn't a specialised ED one, since my ED isn't my worst mental health issue by far, and she's experienced with my other diagnoses - and most importantly she just feels "right" so it's a good long term counselling relationship. She's not really big on giving me advice on the ED to be honest, more on me getting able to talk about it (I've been too ashamed for most of my life).

But I noticed Overcoming Binge Eating on her bookshelf today and have borrowed it. I'm not really sure if I'm upto reading it right now, but at least I can have a look. I've read other books on bulimia, but I don't think I've ever read this one.

I've not been binging loads just recently, but definitely comfort eating. We're having IVF just now, and I'm both hormonal and stressed by it. Feeling quite emotional and randomly upset today. I think I had a bit of a mini binge - one that feels like it, but wasn't objectively a huge amount of food. Maybe because it included bread, which is normally a "binge food" for me.

How's everyone's week been? Friday tomorrow😊😊😊

I have a full time corporate job and on a Friday after work I deliver pizza for dominos. I used to do it every week night but missed my daughter too much (now I just miss the cash) and I generally eat a large pizza or however many sides I can get as I drive around and then take a pizza home for the next day. Funny because when I worked every evening I was so tired and stressed that I barely ate and lost a lot of weight. Even then I desperately wanted to eat but couldn't until lunch time n then not much. My boss was also a massive are so I got a new job. Big step for me as I have no confidence at all.

So I went to the doctor today. She listened and she took me seriously. She said something perfect. Eating for fuel is necessary. Eating for comfort is natural. What you do is beyond that. She is referring me to the specialist eating team.

Strange though. She asked me if I purge. I said I've thought about it a lot and stood over the toilet a good few times but as someone who hates sick it's not something I could really do. She said it's bulimia and the purge is the stereotypical but bulimia doesn't necessarily mean sick. Is that true?

I do try and exercise extra calories off. I really work at it and if it makes my stomach turn and I'm sitting g on the toilet, I am happy as it usually means I'll be thinner/weigh less.

BursarsFrogs
It is good you have a counsellor you feel right with. It sounds as though you are going through a very stressful time too.

Good luck with the IVF

If you could add more protein, omega 3 oils and vegetables in the form of three meals and two snacks at regular times everyday, that in itself can help with depression, hormones and help towards not feeling a physical urge to binge from your body thinking it is starving. It will also mean you will be in overall very good health too.

Whimsical
Strange though. She asked me if I purge. I said I've thought about it a lot and stood over the toilet a good few times but as someone who hates sick it's not something I could really do. She said it's bulimia and the purge is the stereotypical but bulimia doesn't necessarily mean sick. Is that true

Purging can also be from the mis-use of laxatives and over exercising.
To get better you have to eat enough calories everyday, so if you exercise too much that could make them too few - so the exercise can have a purging effect.
Not eating enough/purging both make binges more likely.

Hi everyone. Bursarfrogs It lovely that you have such a good relationship with your councillor, your absolutely right that is a good thing to have. It can be hard to find.x

Wow - lots of action! Welcome Bursar & new

Bursar I think this thread has taught me, there isn't - unfortunately - one answer. I think reading around the topic and seeking different views/models will probably help you work out was is right for you.

I find - when I am feeling strong - that thinking about reducing unhelpful behaviours is better than focusing on stopping them. ED sufferers can think in very black & white terms - ie either binging or not. All the diet crap we have been spouted supports these extremes too: 'good/bad', big/small, sticking to diet/giving up. Any reduction has to be a good thing and is part of the recovery etc.

Your counsellor sounds like a good fit. And maybe she is right, maybe you do need it for now? I sometimes feel like that. It sounds like you have loads going on. Good luck with the IVF.

Mum that sounds frustrating with the job. Like fighting says, can you volunteer for now if you can afford it? I do stuff with the charity sector and most orgs would love time from a skilled person.

Thanks all for the arms support all. I have to admit I rarely look at anyone's arms (!) but feel mine are obscene!

For work, I did volunteer to appear in an article (to be clear no Daily Fail sad face articles/picture) about childcare drop offs which required a pic of me + DD. So I got DH to take a pic and I sent it in. This feels like a big deal. I am very mirror/photo phobic, so it feels like a big deal.

Whimsical glad your Dr was supportive. As fighting says there is support, so good to access it.

As Kind has said Bulimia is binge + activity to balance the affect. BED is 'just' minus the activity to balance bit.

I think the issue for most of us, is that is not about food but emotions. Food is the drug of choice. We need to work on the emotions & our self-esteem in order to move towards recovery.

Hi, it is great to see so many new faces here (although obviously sad that it is the case).
I just wanted to encourage us all to keep the talk of specific food & weight numbers to a min if possible. I know from previous threads that ppl can find it triggering.

It is a balance, as I know how much of a relief it is to be able to share on here and sometimes you just want to get it out. B-eat have a similar policy on their online forums and I think it works well there.

Mum just a note, the jobs can be either voluntary or paid. I also get that working in any environment is subject to where we feel comfortable too.

Bursar the IVF must be a very emotional time for you both. Its a lot going on for you, you're doing great talking about it. I hope you feel supported in RL too.x

Oh, I'm sorry I mentioned a particular food! I didn't realise, but it makes sense not to!

Thank you everyone for the good wishes for our IVF. :)

Margo Damage reduction is definitely the thing that works best for me right now. I think I actually get upset and more likely to binge/purge if I think I really shouldn't do it, and must cure myself of it right now. Whereas if I'm thinking of it in terms of giving my body a break, or something like that, I can often go weeks without a binge/purge.

And well done re. the picture and the article! :)

KindDogs I've been trying to focus on getting enough of normal healthy food rather than worry over the too much, but it's easier said than done of course. I think my normal meals are quite healthy though, and I'm no good at restricting right now anyway. :)

Whimsical Good that you're getting referred for some appropriate help.

Morning all. Thanks fighting interesting to know how much help is out there. Part of my own stuff is that I live outside the UK and in fact am
moving country again soon. I find the whole food/exercise thing a way of keeping control of myself and of my surroundings.

I'm seriously considering setting something up specifically for people with EDs living outside their own countries and culture. I've learnt that wherever you go in the world, you always take you with you, if that makes sense.

It's far too early to be profound and I have a cracking hangover!

Newyear that sounds like a great idea. There are a few of us here who want to do something to help others in different ways, when we're well enough, too.

I know not everyone will be well enough to do it or have the desire but I belive the more we share, the more we can help others starting out on their journey. Its something I'm very passionate about, paying it forward if you like.

I understand how difficult accessing services can be when abroad, you're such a lovely person to want to change that.x

WhimsicalWinnifred I meant to say I'm so glad you were taken seriously when you spoke about your concerns. I do hope that you get the help you want / need. Thinking of you.

Oh wow - we've had rather of a flurry of chat in the last couple of days. Hello everyone, and big hugs to any newcomers.

MumUndone what field of work are you in? Is it something that you might be able to temporary projects in?

Whim it's great that you were able to speak to a doctor who understood what you (we?) are going through - that's a really positive first step. Hope it's not too long a wait till you get to see the specialist...

I need to catch up on the thread and come back but just wanted to say we should probably have a self-policing approach, to a certain extent. Avoiding mentioning weights / sizes is really quite key, but sharing our experiences with certain foods and discussing nutrition is also important. I've been on B-eat forums before and in some cases, they'd been redacted to the point of being nonsensical. But Fighting as you say a healthy balance is good.

I haven't been particularly balanced myself because I've been so busy with work over the last week or so. But have given myself Friday afternoon off to go to the gym, get some chores done, and maybe even have a nap if there's time!

BursarsFrogs
KindDogs I've been trying to focus on getting enough of normal healthy food rather than worry over the too much

Sorry, Bursars that is absolutely all I meant. I apologise if what I said came across as something other/troublesome.

Best wishes for everything.

How has everyone's day been?

"Maggie* your Friday plans sound great, always good to have time out for you.

We have a much needed kids free wknd with friends planned, trying an Escape Room for the first time. Have any of you tried one? I've only ever seen them on an episode of Big Bang Theory.x

I had a look at doing an escape room recently. Looks great fun! Where are you in the world?

It's lovely and hot where we are so we'll be hitting an outdoor pool tomorrow and that's about it.

Today has mainly been around sorting through the DDs toys and clothes and getting over a cracking hangover.

Naturally the thought of being in my swimming costume tomorrow is on
my mind. Bleugh.