Binge Eating Disorder Support 4

[IronMaggie]

Hello, and welcome to our 4th(!) support thread for those affected by Binge Eating Disorder (BED) & disordered eating.

Our manifesto - we recognise that diets are absolutely not the answer, and that overcoming food restriction can help us to have a healthier relationship with food, and with ourselves.

So join us. Share your story. Or lurk quietly in the shadows. Either way, most people feel relieved to find others who know what they're going through.

For some background reading, here are the first 3 threads:-
Thread 1 March 2014
Thread 2 October 2014
Thread 3 April 2015

Here are a few resources to kick off your recovery journey:

• Overcoming Binge Eating - the 'bible'; used by many Eating Disorder services' treatment programmes, this is a good place to start.
  
• Brain over Binge - an alternative view; the scientific approach to understanding and stopping binge urges.
  
• Women Food and God - an interesting look at why we overeat that resonates with many.
  
• Some of us also follow the blogs of coaches within the ED / body image online communities - Isabel Foxen Duke and Summer Inannen are just a couple of examples, full list of online resources to follow shortly...
  

Please bear in mind that most of the contributors to this thread are eating disorder sufferers and not professionals. As with any online forum, it is best to supplement support on here with real-life support and advice from professionals.

[MrsMargoLeadbetter]

Sounds like a though week Maggie. Well done for getting through it.

I think SW/WW groups are meant to be motivational, but they don't really focus on why ppl are o/w which is a big part of the issue IMHO.

I just shudder now with how they made me feel as a binger not really understanding my behaviour/feelings.

My counsellor suggested trying to increase veg by adding frozen veg to our dinners which is generally working.

Wow Whim 5.30am! Feeling strange about Brexit. I voted in, so I am gutted we lost. However, I believe in democracy, so I feel we have to accept it and hope it works out. It is just stiring up so much emotion everywhere. It all feels weird.

We went to Mumsnet Bookfest and saw a Diary of a Wimpy Kid Show which was good. Was interesting how few girls volunteered when the host asked them to come up and do things on stage.

It frustrates me in my sector (marketing) how few women speak at industry conferences. Depressingly I wonder if that lack of confidence starts from primary school age.

Had DD's party too. All went ok. Had lots of size related thoughts beforehand. I nearly wore a new dress I bought (online order that had just arrived) but didn't really like it - was v much a "cover up" as plus size companies call lots of their clothers - but it was clean and loose. Glad I didn't, as I know I would have only worn it once.

I know DD is about her, but it means seeing parents of her nursery friends who I don't really know. Also there are photos etc.

Have managed much exercise this week. My gym partner is out of action. Need to plan for this week.

Whim sorry to hear Dr wasn't helpful. If you aren't a certain BMI I think there can be sceptisim around BED and Bulima (from the experience of the ppl I meet in my ED group). Keep pushing though.

[MrsMargoLeadbetter]

haven't managed much exercise

[WhimsicalWinnifred]

I don't do much about diary of a wimpy kid but I hear it's a love it or hate it thing. I didn't hear about book fest but it sounds good. There's so much we can do to make our girls more confident. I try so hard to be gender neutral about some things and dd is very interested in the body, science, mud and dressing as girly as possible.

It's so hard to pick clothes out. Men don't have the saMe hassle.

I am gutted that the majority of out voters either did so to be rebellious/to change the status quo or out of ignorance towards immigrants. The guy I debated with last night genuinely thought he'd researched it but had no facts and kept going back to getting immigrants out.

I used to be quality control in a factory/warehouse and so worked with a lot of polish ppl. All of which were lovely. The production manager said Friday was insult after insult from English staff with things like when a plane flew past "that's the first lot leaving" and the south African even took the piss "are you going to eat some of this British pizza?" She's had hate directed at her on the street and she's never felt so unwelcome.

My bmi is 27. I go to the gym 4 days a week. Last week I learnt I cam burn 1000 calories in half an hour. Treadmill probably wrong...

[MrsMargoLeadbetter]

I think if you are overweight enough I think you prob tick some box for help. I wonder if 27 isn't high enough. Not agreeing with their stance etc.

Wow 4 times! Do you use the gym or classes? I prefer classes.

Feeling anxious about a friend situ today. Feels v silly but still it causes a real "feeling". Do any of you relate to have thoughts going around and around?

[FairyDogMother11]

Yes Margo! I'm very much the sort of person who gets anxious and cannot shake it off. Like if something minor happens at work I'll fixate on how I could have done it differently or if my partner and I ever argue he'll have moved on long ago but I'll still be very much there and it'll replay constantly to the point where I'm upset about it hours or even days later.

[WhimsicalWinnifred]

What happened with your friend? Is everything ok?

I too get incredibly anxious. I will over think thongs constantly, exactly as fairy has said. Dp is doing some pennine challenge tgis weekend. I'm genuinely scared as he lifts weights and does a bit of cross trainer. He has done tough mudder 2 years ago but has never cycled far. He seems to think you don't even get out of breath cycling... through the pennines. I can't stop thinking about him giving himself a heart attack or similar.

I'm currently up with a very painful stomach. I ate a garlic pizza bread from dominos and some chicken strippers for tea. I ate the chicken even though I felt sick by the end. Think this is the repurcussion.

Gym is by myself. I have tried weights but I felt I bulked up then cross trainer and then just last week I discovered the treadmill which I think I will stay at. Classes are better for pushing yourself I think as you have to carry on. I set my limit and meet it. I usually increase it the next time but I have seen results from friends taking classes and they're great.

[WhimsicalWinnifred]

I went to the doctors this morning for my pill renewal and spoke to the nurse (she may have been a doctor but think nurse) and told her about my issues. She was amazing and booked me an appointment to see the doctor. She really took me seriously and it was extremely refreshing.

[IronMaggie]

whim is your DP one of those naturally super-fit people who doesn't need to do much training to get into peak condition? Lucky him!

That's great news about the nurse. As far as I remember when I spoke to my GP about my eating she just asked how I felt and what impact the binges were having - nothing about weight / BMI.

If you're not having much luck with the way you're eating at the moment it might be worth seeing how you feel with a less processed / more varied diet? What fruits and vegetables do you really like? And what do you like to cook? Maybe we can make some meal suggestions....??

[WhimsicalWinnifred]

No dp really works for it bless him. He was the fat one when we first met. He goes to the gym every weekday at lunch and about 2.5 hours on a Saturday. He eats really well in the week and we'll on a Saturday but we usually have a dominos on a Saturday night. He's how I want to be but I don't have the willpower.

Well I hate cooking. Usually we have chicken and veg or chicken and something for lunch and tea. I love these and they're easy to cook. It's what I eat around this. Today I had two garlic pizza breads from dominos, a little plate of biscuits in a meeting and a Krispy Kreme doughnut.

How about you guys? How's everyone's day and eating been?

[IronMaggie]

Impressive discipline! He'll definitely have a good base then, if he's training hard every day.

So when you make your chicken and veg does your DP tend to cook it? And what's an ideal breakfast for you? Once you have your meals sorted (and in big enough portions), you could think about allowing for 2 or 3 scheduled snacks during the day - that might help to avoid those pesky urges.

I had what was probably my most horrendous day for a long while - poor DS2 had complications from his chicken pox so I've been in hospital with him. DS1 is really sad about missing his brother and DP and I are both surviving on very little sleep.

Eating-wise, all fine so far - I think I'm now in the habit of keeping up my 3-hourly meal schedule and planning ahead for it, so that makes it easier to cope with ups and downs. But I have a long night ahead with catching up on work, so let's see how it goes - I don't tend to cope well with extreme tiredness...

[WhimsicalWinnifred]

Oh no. Is ds2 ok? Is he still there now? Sounds really tough. Hope everything gets better very soon

Once I start, it's extremely hard for me to stop. I almost feel myself getting more hungry as I eat. So snacking isn't a good idea. In the past when I have taken snacks to work I've known they are there so after 30 mins or so I'll get so annoyed of thinking about them that I say "well just eat one" and then I actually get hungry and eat the rest. then my lunch and then hungry in the afternoon.

Breakfast is usually peanut butter on toast or jam is a recent addition. Then i will see the banana that wiĺ be a mmidmorning snack amd eat that too. Quite often i will enjoy my first two slices of toast that much that I have two more. Chicken is cooked in bulk so always taken from the fridge for lunch with some th ING as a side. We alternate cooking with no obvious rota. I'm struggling financially at the moment and have a few extra jobs. One is dominos delivery (which presents it's own problems) but the garlic and herb or honey and mustard dips make the chicken heavenly. Sometimes we have gammon or other meat.

[WhimsicalWinnifred]

Once I realise food is there it will not get out of my head until I have eaten it. It's impossible le to concentrate. I feel like starving myself is the o n ly way to stop this but that usually just means a night time binge.

[MrsMargoLeadbetter]

for yr DS Maggie. Hope you get some sleep.

Whim lots of the advice is that 'we' need to forget about the concepts about good/bad/not allowed foods. I know there this can promot fears of losing complete control/gaining lots of weight.

But I believe with myself that some of the binging was due to my internal lists of what I couldn't and could eat. I am not completely there, but trying to remove or at least try to ignore those thoughts has helped curb binges related to feeling bad about x food.

I was like you with eating all the snacks early in the day, but allowing myself to eat large enough meals and big enough snacks has helped a lot.

I also have learnt to notice "the feeling" which signals hunger is coming. And to plan ahead.

Sorry if this all sounds 'I am all right Jack'. I just feel like I have been there.

Extra jobs sounds tough.

Day ok here. I proactively ate lunch as I thought it would be too late after my meeting.

I also gave notice at the office I am renting and booked a home hairdresser for my bday do so she can do an updo. I let my usual hairdressser convince me that a 9am appt for an updo for the evening was a good idea. I am quite assertive in someways but not so good in others.

Friend issue above was basically me feeling like I should have bought a more thoughtful gift for a friend. I just gave cash. Another friend had bought bday friend an "experience".

I think my mind (or ED?) likes to latch onto a situ and use it to remind me I am not good enough etc.

Anyway, bed calls! Hope the day has been ok & that DS sleeps ok Maggie.

[coffeecupsandlongbooks]

Hello everyone.

I'd really like to join you, if that's okay. This seems like such a supportive, positive space.

I've been bingeing/restricting since I was 12 years old, so over half my life now. I am so ground down by it all. I want to stop having the same destructive thoughts over and over again, and just be 'normal'.

Getting the keys to my first house on Friday. When I picture myself in it, I imagine starting afresh with a clean slate with regards to eating (it's v rural, so it'll be much harder to buy binge food for for starters), but I know that in itself is part of the binge/restrict mentality... How after all these years, can I keep saying 'one last binge, after this I'll never do it again' on a near daily basis, with complete sincerity?

Anyway, looking forward to chatting with you all. Hope you're having a good day.

[KindDogsTail]

Whimsical
Once I realise food is there it will not get out of my head until I have eaten it. It's impossible le to concentrate. I feel like starving myself is the o n ly way to stop this but that usually just means a night time binge.

You have had a good insight that starving yourself is not helping you.
If you could take great care of yourself with regular meals and nutritious snacks, gradually you would be able to build up normal eating patterns.

As others have mentioned, lots of people have been helped by following Fairburn's advice in Overcoming Binge Eating.

As to not being able to get the food out of your head once you know it is there, some people are helped by Kathryn Hanson's advice in Brain Over Binge - eat enough food through the day so your primitive brain will know you are not starving; practice a sort of mindlefulness to surf the urge to binge; realise over exercise is a sort of purge that could drive your primitive brain to think you are starving..

Adding vegetables fruit and adequate protein to what you eat throughout the day can help establish normal sugar levels and reduce cravings.

Please take care of yourself and always realise you are worthy of it.

[MrsMargoLeadbetter]

Hello coffee welcome. Sorry you have to be here though.

Exciting about having your own place!

I agree that putting lots of pressure about a clean break might not help in the long run. I also think the media sells the idea of the 'light bulb' moment whens someones life changes. I think changes, esp recovering from an ED is much complex and multi faceted.

I found looking at 'unhelpful thinking patterns' useful. Struggling to post a link to a PDF.

Do you know why you binge?

[MrsMargoLeadbetter]

Difficult day here. Had a nice day out with DD but was so focused on size, it took the shine off. Also she was looking with such love and admiration at me, but all I could think was about negative size related thoughts. :(

Food has been ok. I didn't eat breakfast early enough I think too which probably didn't help. I also didn't snack in time as I felt self-conscious about eating in public/being overweight and daring to eat!

Really tired. Going to go to bed soon and hopefully tomorrow will be a brighter day!

[coffeecupsandlongbooks]

Thank you for the welcome, Margo.

Yes, so very exciting to have our own place. It's been a long time coming: our offer was accepted nine months ago and there's no chain!

I'm definitely still holding out for a lightbulb moment, even though I've had hundreds (thousands?) of false starts...

I think a huge part of why I binge is because I feel overwhelmed and can't cope. Bingeing is a way of getting out of and forgetting (for awhile) difficult tasks.

So sorry today has been difficult. What did you do with DD?

At least food has been okay. Really sorry you felt you couldn't snack in public... I used to feel like that when I was at my thinnest, but no longer. Today I ate two large chocolate bars on my break at work, in front of colleagues, because I couldn't wait to get home to binge... Not sure which is worse...

Hope you get a good night's sleep and tomorrow really is a better day.

[MrsMargoLeadbetter]

Glad the place is going through despite Brexit etc. Do you need to decorate?

Have you talked about yr DP (assume that the we means a DP) about it?

I hear you on coping. I think one of the 'benefits' to me is zoning out/suspending everything.

Interesting to hear about not eating when in public when you were at yr thinnest. I think it is when I am with friends that I have the issue. Isn't a prob when I am alone.

Took DD to a one day festival for pre-schoolers. There were lots of glam mums in their 'Daisy Duke' cut off denium shorts looking v lovely.

Am going back to bed been up working at 5am 2 mornings. But it is good I am doing that rather than binging and then going ti bed.

[IronMaggie]

Welcome coffee, and congrats on the move - one more day to go! How's your packing going??

This could certainly be a fantastic opportunity to create some new healthy habits, even if it doesn't magically solve the urges themselves. Do you think you're ready to stop restricting?

It sounds straightforward, but it took me a good few months (at least) to get to the stage where I could actually come to terms with the prospect of not dieting, and also understand what that practically meant in terms of my daily food intake.

Whim I've definitely been there with the hyper-awareness of food. More than once I've prepared meals / snacks for the day and burned through them by 10am, able to think of nothing else till they've all gone!

Breakfast-wise, could you experiment with a few different options, to gauge what is most likely to sustain you till your next snack? Eggs are a good high-protein base, and porridge is nice and filling, and you could add stuff to it to make it interesting - nuts, fruit, seeds etc...

I also just wanted to share a series of podcasts that really resonated with me.

And thanks for the positive vibes - none of us got much sleep last night but at least DS is back home now and on the mend. It's one of those times that I'm so grateful for the NHS and worried that bloody Brexit might mean that we no longer have it!

[KindDogsTail]

MrsMargotLeadbetter
I am sorry to hear you had I bad day yesterday, but it sounded lovely you were out with your daughter and she is right to look at you with love! How horrible for you that you did not dare to eat when you were out - a snack is your medicine and your right.
Coffee
I hope your new home will bring you lots of happiness.

[MrsMargoLeadbetter]

Glad to hear DS is back home Maggie.

Thanks Kind.

Good luck today coffee!

[MrsMargoLeadbetter]

How is everyone doing?

Ok here. Been reading lots of ED recovery blogs of overweight ppl. It is interesting how they all say you are still the same person. I think they hoped a different body shape/size would deliver more than just a different body shape/size IYKWIM. And I know Fairburn/others suggest focusing on accepting that we are good enough/ok now.

I was massively diverted on the way to the gym due to an accident, so I arrived too late for my class. I was contemplating going home. But I reasoned I should go in as it helps with my mental health. And I did. I think I need to try to make those small choices that help me when I can. Not always easy though.

Today we are off to see a local park that has been regenerated thanks to 4 amazing mums who led a fundraising campaign to raise £100k!!

What is everyone else doing?

coffee how was the move? maggie how is DS doing?

[MumUndone]

Hello everyone, please could I join your thread? Long-term issues with binge-eating, linked to depression. Have struggled since being made redundant in April and finding it difficult to find another part-time role.

[MrsMargoLeadbetter]

Hello Mum

Sorry you have to be here.

Part-time jobs are really rare. Have you had any interviews?

Have you tried anti-ds for the depression?

I am standing in central London debating whether or not to go to a black tie do for work. I have a nice dress but it exposes my arms, so I feel uncomfortable about wearing it. But rationally I know ppl couldn't give a toss....but even still here I am worrying about it......