Binge Eating Disorder Support 4

[IronMaggie]

Hello, and welcome to our 4th(!) support thread for those affected by Binge Eating Disorder (BED) & disordered eating.

Our manifesto - we recognise that diets are absolutely not the answer, and that overcoming food restriction can help us to have a healthier relationship with food, and with ourselves.

So join us. Share your story. Or lurk quietly in the shadows. Either way, most people feel relieved to find others who know what they're going through.

For some background reading, here are the first 3 threads:-
Thread 1 March 2014
Thread 2 October 2014
Thread 3 April 2015

Here are a few resources to kick off your recovery journey:

• Overcoming Binge Eating - the 'bible'; used by many Eating Disorder services' treatment programmes, this is a good place to start.
• Brain over Binge - an alternative view; the scientific approach to understanding and stopping binge urges.
• Women Food and God - an interesting look at why we overeat that resonates with many.
• Some of us also follow the blogs of coaches within the ED / body image online communities - Isabel Foxen Duke and Summer Inannen are just a couple of examples, full list of online resources to follow shortly...

Please bear in mind that most of the contributors to this thread are eating disorder sufferers and not professionals. As with any online forum, it is best to supplement support on here with real-life support and advice from professionals.

I'm in the UK Newyear.

Swimming sounds nice for cooling off. I can understand your worries, wearing the swim gear can be tough at times.

I'm a little nervous about our up coming summer holiday for the same reason. I have a couple of items to cover up with if it gets a little much but mostly planning on letting myself be cool rather than uncomfortable, on what someone may think.

I wonder how often while we're worrying about how we look to others, most don't see us for worrying the same thing about themselves.

We have likely spent so many years hiding away and feeling unworthy of showing some skin whilst seating under extra tops etc. But we are as valuable as anyone else and I would hate to know a friend or family member felt that way about themselves. Working towards showing ourselves that same consideration and care is a good direction I think. Small steps at a time, as always.x

I hope the hang over is long gone, so much fun making them but with DC they make the morning after seem so much harsher.

Hi can I join in here please? I've had a problem with binging for a while but just recently it's been getting out of hand. I really hate myself not just because of the weight gain but the example I am setting to my dc. I just wish I could stop and learn to love myself.

Hi nickname. Good work for finding this thread. It's a tough road. Any thoughts on why it's got worse lately.

Just a lot of stress recently mil dying dh thus not around a lot. Dd on going health issues ds diagnosed with anxiety list goes on.

That's an awful lot to be dealing with. Stress is definitely a trigger, at least for me. I tend towards anorexia but found myself recently wondering if I could make myself sick. It shocked me. It really shocked me.

Everyone would tell you I'm very laid back and normal to talk to!

Do you have much support in RL?

Not a lot I work with dh so I just feel I have no break from it all. Eating I often feel is my only realease but then I feel disgusted with myself.

I would like to join in please. I'm feeling desperate tonight. I've ate all evening and now feel stuffed and uncomfortable. I'm overweight and dislike how I look feel.
I'm
Recently divorced, food and overeating has been an issue in the past, but now it's spiralling and I can't seem to stop.

Hi eating. How are you doing today?

I've been better today. I felt so unwell last night and struggled to sleep as I was so uncomfortable.
Just need to keep it going. I've cleared the kitchen of foods that are a trigger. Just need to resist buying them when I'm out.

Welcome nickname & eating glad you found us.x

New year have you spoken to anyone in RL about the current thoughts you mentioned?x

Nickname I agree, you do seem to have a lot going on lately. I think its understandable that you are finding it hard. Are you feeling like you are coping with a lot of it on your own?

Do you have any hobbies or interests that allow you space and time for you? I know having DD and DS as well as DH to support, may leave very little time or energy for yourself.

What I can say is your wish to no longer binge and to be able to love yourself, is possible. Those of us further ahead have found the key is small steps. Unlike the false promises of diets and rubbish the media spouts daily saying it can happen in days or weeks, a slow approach will get you there. It may be worth considering not having timescales at all.

As always I would recommend seeing your GP and asking for help. We are always here to chat and support but they can give you access to experts and great resources. Its no where near as scary as it may seem at first and so worth doing.x

Fighting no I haven't. I feel a little ashamed about where my thoughts went to. I'm not sure who I would talk to tbh. I started counselling but with the summer holidays it's going to be hard to book a session with small people around.
It's got me thinking about what people do to "get better" and if you ever will. Hmm.

eating I was going to respond to your post separately but I think my response below covers the same area...

Newyear firstly and probably most importantly, there is absolutely nothing for you to feel ashamed about (if only it was that easy to tell our heads sometimes).

We aren't our EDs, what we do and how we are with food doesn't make us bad people. Its a coping mechanism that serves a purpose, that can be replaced with more positive ones over time. Please tell yourself as often as you can, you're just as worthy of as anyone else of love and respect. I know it may not feel that way right now but 'fake it 'till you make it' can actually become a good habit over time.

If you feel up to the reading, maybe skim through the first few threads. It gives you an idea of how some of us have progressed and how similar we felt at the start; Will it ever get better?, how will I ever break the cycle?, and the dread and fear of not trying to control what we ate after so long. (Again it is no where near as scary as we imagine it to be).

It's not an A to B journey for sure but it is life changing.SleepWhenIDie was a great help and posted a lot of resources for us that you may find helpful too.

Saying exactly where to start is hard, as we all have different experiences and emotions but a good idea could be to think about where your triggers may have come from? I couldn't tell you what I felt or why I binged 2 years ago but now I can sit with my emotions and know an urge has an origin. I take those as my cue to give myself time and headspace to work out what is really wrong then take steps to address it. I know my list of triggers now and I no longer binge. I do however over eat still and have a way to go yet but hopefully I / we can help you and others here get to a better place too.x

Welcome eating.

Re recovery - annoyingly it is a process, as opposed to a quick fix. So you need to try to think in terms of taking small steps and try to see the good in anything that is helping you deal with your emotion and food issues.

I would urge everyone to read Fairburn, it has been written to help people just like us. There are books out there by a person who has recovered sharing their stories, but he is a Dr and has worked with lots of 'us'. Having said all this, there could be people out there that don't find it as useful, but I'd suggest you try it first. Get the latest edition.

I found starting with trying to be kind to myself was a good first, but very difficult step. It is v v v hard to make positive change whilst you are constantly hating yourself. As fighting has often said, we would never talk to a loved one the way we 'talk' to ourselves.

I found once I started examining my thoughts about myself, I realised how out of sync they were with how others saw me and also how others without ED thought of themselves etc. They are still there - the negative thoughts - but I am better at challenging them and I think they are duller/less obvious.

For me, a feeling of not being good enough (from DF) drives my reaching for food. It blocks it all out.

My bingeing has lessened over the 2 years I have been on here. I am still overweight but that is feeling less important than it did. I understand myself a lot better which is good too.

I know we don't want to be overweight in front of the kids, but I think addressing our emotional issues is just as important, as they could be picking on then too.

Finally, one of the biggest surprises I have found through this process, is that being hungry has resulted in binges. I was so brainwashed into the 'diet mentality' that I never truly felt ok about eating - every meal I approached with guilt. So in addition to the emotional issues I was also actually hungry as often I would restrict/restrain. It has never occurred to me that my actions (not eating for hours on end) was leading to the binges.

Fairburn says that a lot of binges are hunger related.

So if you can do 1 thing today, I would suggest eat enough and regularly. Fairburn's approach is 3 meals + 3 snacks. It could help reduce the binges without even addressing your emotional issues. It is especially important if you have binged yesterday etc, as you need to get back onto an even pattern. It is easy to think "I won't eat today" etc.

It is difficult, but we can hopefully all support each other through it.

Great post Margo. I'm firmlynin the Fairburn camp too, I'd still hug the man for an uncomfortably long time if I ever met him!

My phone has gremlins, it posted that on its own then took me to the Active page .

I was going to say, I also agree with the kindness approach. Its so easy to be the last priority on our own lists but it helps so much. All the things we can put off 'until I look how I think I should' could be done now and enjoy the life we have. It doesn't have to be huge gestures or plans but even a small treat beats wasting life waiting for something to happen. Perhaps thinking about things that you want to do but haven't got round to yet.

With regards to triggers, mine are

• emotional
• hunger (not eating enough)
• anxiety
• tiredness

They probably all sound obvious but as Margo said, I just didn't see it really. Eating regularly has made a huge difference to a lot of things, not least giving my body more of what it needs.x

Morning everyone.

I've been reading Overcoming Binge Eating, and have mixed feelings about it. A lot of the things don't really "fit" for me somehow. I'm also disappointed that it (like most other books) says you can't think about losing weight while tackling the ED. I actually kind of realised that if I'm totally honest, the main reason I want to tackle my ED is so that I could lose weight - not so I could just be healthier etc.

Not thinking about my weight is also sadly not really an option... I get weighed a lot in hospitals and I'm pre-diabetic, and can also access fertility treatments as long as my BMI is under a certain limit. I'm starting to think this round of IVF hasn't worked. Still a few days till I'll know for sure though. We still have a couple of embryos in the freezer, but if we're to need another fresh cycle I'm seriously going to need to crash diet, as bad as I know it will be for me. :(

I'm having a really shit morning really. I feel fat, hormonal, depressed and ashamed of everything about myself. It all definitely makes me want to binge. But I've had a normal filling breakfast and I'm trying to just get on with things.

That's hard bursars. You could really do with the spotlight being off you but I guess it can't at this moment in your life. I think fighting's advice is probably still sound about taking small steps.

I've thought about that too and am considering next steps. I'm not overweight but the price for that is huge. The control involved is crippling. I'm pretty sure it's possible to stay healthy in a normal way but I need to figure out how.

Today has been better. The DDs are being hilarious and I practice eating normally in front of them. It's good for me.

BursarsFrogs
I am so sorry for all the immense stress you must be going through and feel for you

Please do not give up hope with the ED as people do get better and come back into their own balance ripple by ripple.

In agreement with Fighting, I believe being kind to yourself matters. I was wondering if it would help you to do one lovely thing everyday as a counterpoint? For my part, I like to walk near some wild flowers or put some flowers in a room, or buy a book for example or go to a film with a good friend. It seems so difficult to remember just how much loveliness, love and care you - all of us - deserve everyday - even from small things.

You must be so busy with all you have on your plate, and forgive me if you have done this already, but I wondered if you have had a chance to read through the earlier threads 1, 2 & 3 on Binge Eating Support that Fighting so thoughtfully started in 2014? The reason I say this is because a poster called SleepwhenIdie wrote, imo, some extremely helpful advice addressing all sorts of concerns. I believe she works in the field of coaching for this problem professionally, (on one post she mentioned her service) so she really was speaking from a base of sound knowledge and experience. Her posts seem to express a wealth of both nutritional & psychological insight.

In my opinion, I'd have given anything to have had the information she gave when it really mattered (and I had not only read a lot but spoken to lots of help lines and several counsellors and still think this) Other books are suggested in those threads too.

Sometimes I find that trying to tackle something head on can be exhausting, while working from the inner more spiritual self outwards brings insights and new directions more effortlessly. Examples would be gently doing a little Yoga or Mindfulness, or EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) would be an example.

Bursars I had that frustration too - it's hard to reconcile wanting to lose weight with recovery, and irritating to not be able to do both immediately. But I do now realise that even though it might take longer to get there, I need to have stopped bingeing before I can even start to think about controlling my weight.

I'm also now in the habit of giving myself permission to eat, as Margo and others have said. In fact, I treat it as a mandate - I absolutely must eat large enough meals, with regular snacks so that I don't feel hunger pangs which might lead to binges. And yes, I won't lose weight quickly that way, but it'll be stable, which would be amazing progress for me, having spent the last three years yoyoing dramatically.

When I look back at my food diaries at the time that I was following the Fairburn programme, I realise that I was trying to diet at the same time. I was limiting my intake, while still eating 3 meals and 3 snacks, which is definitely not the idea. I don't know if it's that he doesn't say it explicitly enough, or whether I just wasn't receptive to the idea, but it's only recently I've realised (with an ED counsellor's help) that I need to eat literally twice the amount I was before.

I've read other recovery-related books and articles since which are much more specific about the exact amount we should be eating (based on size, activity levels etc), which I've found really helpful. I imagine many people read Fairburn and interpret it as another diet plan.

I also stopped weighing myself last year, in an effort to completely shake off the diet mentality. Just stepping on the scales was a huge trigger for me, although some people might be able to manage better by weighing in weekly as he suggests.

And I don't often make blanket suggestions, but I do think that everyone here should consider removing themselves from all diet / size-focused media. They keep popping up but I do try to unfollow anything that talks about '7-day fat loss plans' or 'bikini body diets' - basically all the social media and bloggers that say there should be less of me. It's sometimes a bit tricky because there's some health and fitness stuff that seems fine, but then they hit you with an 'only drink this green smoothie for 7 days for a six-pack' email etc etc. It's all complete piffle!!

Oh and Bursars is there someone involved in your fertility treatment that you can talk to about what you're going through?

I don't know much about these things but I'm pretty sure that if they knew how hard this was for you, the last thing they'd want you doing is going on a crash diet. They'd no doubt decide that it was better for your overall health to be at a stable, if higher weight temporarily.

Iron it's fascinating that eating more would actually help you on a path to eating less/healthy amounts. Shows how important stable, regular eating is.

I'm a massive restrictive eater and am often hungry. I've also managed to stop daily weighing and am down to once a week.

I also subscribe to My Fitness Pal but I'm beginning to doubt that it really is a 'pal' and is more of a tyrant!

The idea of letting this go though is terrifying. Obviously I would become twice as big in a matter of minutes and lose all control.

Oh I used to log every single morsel in MFP too! I've deleted the app now but I did use it quite recently - to make sure I was eating enough rather than to restrict.

But I think the question is would you rather manage your weight through bingeing and compensating by restricting? Or would you rather get to the point where you're able to eat intuitively without any binge urges, even if the outcome is exactly the same, weight-wise. I know which I'd prefer. Doesn't make it any easier to stop restricting though, and that's perfectly natural. It just takes a while to shake it off for some of us.