Binge Eating Disorder Support 4

[IronMaggie]

Hello, and welcome to our 4th(!) support thread for those affected by Binge Eating Disorder (BED) & disordered eating.

Our manifesto - we recognise that diets are absolutely not the answer, and that overcoming food restriction can help us to have a healthier relationship with food, and with ourselves.

So join us. Share your story. Or lurk quietly in the shadows. Either way, most people feel relieved to find others who know what they're going through.

For some background reading, here are the first 3 threads:-
Thread 1 March 2014
Thread 2 October 2014
Thread 3 April 2015

Here are a few resources to kick off your recovery journey:

• Overcoming Binge Eating - the 'bible'; used by many Eating Disorder services' treatment programmes, this is a good place to start.
• Brain over Binge - an alternative view; the scientific approach to understanding and stopping binge urges.
• Women Food and God - an interesting look at why we overeat that resonates with many.
• Some of us also follow the blogs of coaches within the ED / body image online communities - Isabel Foxen Duke and Summer Inannen are just a couple of examples, full list of online resources to follow shortly...

Please bear in mind that most of the contributors to this thread are eating disorder sufferers and not professionals. As with any online forum, it is best to supplement support on here with real-life support and advice from professionals.

Sand is = sandwich

Today's gone rubbish. Started off great! Then, at just after 2, I had 1 cookie. 1 cookie! That set everything off cake, crisps, toast, crumpets, sausage rolls, biscuits, chocolate etc. Everything. Even a tin of pears. My dog also died this morning, had her 12 years and am very upset I just feel like disappearing and a waste of space. Feeling very down

Marvel so sorry to hear about your DDog.

I don't want to comment in detail on your food or weight, as a) I am not a professional b) I don't know you in RL and c) generally we try to avoid that on here and follow Beat's (the ED charity) approach to not mentioning too many specifics as it can be triggering for some. Hope this doesn't come across as unsupportive, just trying to make it work for all.

However, it does look like you are not eating enough. In our ED service they gave us some fake diaries entries to look at and they were v minimal during the day and then they'd lead to a binge. And as on "outsider" you could see why.

I found one of the most useful things about Fairburn was it gave me the 'permission' to eat 3 meals & 3 snacks. I had so many years of telling myself I shouldn't. It was a relief. He suggests in the book that sometimes 50% of a persons binges could be eradicated by eating enough/regularly.

Please try to engage with your Dr if you can. You can hopefully then get access to professionals. We are obviously here to support each other, but an ED service would probably benefit you?

Big unMN hugs.

Hello new great update!

I was tempted to weight today but didn't - what is going to 'give me'...not very much about from negative things.

Glad you are able to swim etc. I was thinking about doing C25K but as yet haven't managed to get out this week! Not a great start. Have had to do a couple of early morning starts for work which hasn't helped.

Marvel sorry just saw what you said about the Dr's. If your ED has come back in another form (if that is what has happened) then you are entitled to further help.

I do think there is an issue with some Dr's only really taking ppl with high BMIs seriously as they (me) are on their target list! But you need to force them to help you.

BED is newly recognised, so it might take time for Dr's to get to grips with it.

Thank you Margot

I keep kidding myself, thinking if I eat more I'll binge more, but I know that isn't the case. I'll try hard tomorrow to increase my amount and see what happens. Will also try and contact an ED support group (is one local I think). Feeling okay now, just still a bit down and stuff. Thank you for the support and unMN hugs - it really does mean a lot.

God, I can feel my anorexia coming back I ate a lot today, not binged, but just ate a bit more than a normal amount. I can feel that urge to starve and I just know I'm going to do it

Hi marvel sorry to hear that. Please book to see the Dr asap. We obviously want to be supportive, but that cannot replace the advice of an ED professional, especially as you have 2 EDs potentially at play.

Can you identify what feelings/thoughts are leading to your ED behaviours?

Feeling quite anxious & 'bingy' here. Not really 'feeling' Christmas this year and have a mix of annoyance at myself & guilt that I am not delivering a 'picture perfect' Xmas for the DC. The reality of xmas for lots is (esp reading some threads on here) not like that I know, but I find it difficult to shrug off the media induced perception. Actually Xmas will be lovely, it is just how I am feeling about it. Anyone else going through something similar?

I've got a Dr appt for just after Xmas, so only have to wait a few more days.

I just feel down all the time, looking at recent vs old photos of me where I've gained 3+ stone and it makes me feel bad/sick. I don't want to starve or binge, but I do it anyway. My mood is the thing that seems to determine my eating behaviours, but I can't seem to address it.

And yes, I'm not looking forward to Xmas as much as I should. Luckily have three wonderful dcs (15, 13, 11) and dp here with me, so it should be amazing even if I'm anxious over it now.

Well done on the Dr's marvel.

Are you able to identify the thoughts behind the moods? Obvsiously everyone is different but I know myself there is often one difficult thought that leads to thinking about binging. But then I start thinking about other things etc. It is like I invite more negative thoughts to 'the party'. And generally the original thought comes from a place of low self-esteem. Eg I might start thinking about my size in relation to booking a sun holiday next year.

I read this and thought of us all beatingeatingdisorders.com/2016/12/18/you-can-do-more-than-survive/

It is a good message 'xmas can be better than 'survial''. Depends how you are feeling I am sure.

Have a good Monday. Do post if you feel up to it.

I really have no idea about the moods, at all. Sometimes I feel really happy, and want to be healthy. Then I see a photo of myself and how I used to be, and I just want to throw up and starve. I'm really messed up at the moment. I've eaten a fairly normal amount today (albeit unhealthily) and feel extremely guilty I cant win at the moment.

My DD (15) has also struggled with anorexia, then bulimia, then binge eating. She hasn't binged since October now, has begun eating healthily and is working on gaining muscle and is very happy. She weighs 125lbs (lowest was 67 and highest was 138) and is really self confident right now. I'm worried about projecting my worries onto her, but she's so supportive of me and helps me a lot. I feel like a bad mum, I'm always worried about myself

Feeling crap today. Ate loads, but no tea. I'm not eating for the next couple of days. I've put on 3lbs and there's no way that's staying on. I hate myself I've just been crying for ages today, I feel so worthless.

Hi marvelous . Sorry to hear you've been struggling. But I'm fairly sure that planning to not eat isn't the answer, and I expect that you know that too.

What do you normally do that lifts your mood and makes you remember all the things you like about yourself? Is there an activity that you could plan over the next few days, that will take you out of the spiral you're in at the moment?

Please do try to start back on regular meals as soon as you can. If you can manage to eat something balanced (a mix of fats, proteins and carbs) every 3 hours or so, that's sooo much better than restricting and bouncing back with a binge later on.

And as a general rule we try to steer away from numbers / weights /sizes etc because it tends to be unhealthy for us and others to focus on them excessively, and potentially at odds with long-term recovery. How often are you weighing yourself (and your daughter) at the moment? Do you think you could do it a bit less? I know Fairburn talks about weighing once a week at a set day / time; this can help because it reduces preoccupation with natural weight fluctuations - 3lbs could easily be the difference between a morning and afternoon weigh-in, so shouldn't affect your mood to the degree you describe.

Hope you manage to lift yourself out of this slump - it'd be a shame for you and your family not to be able to look back at Christmas with fond memories.

Hi Iron. I'm usually happier when I'm with friends or out and about somewhere. My friends have all gone away for the holidays, and I just don't feel like going out at all at the moment.

I weigh myself quite a bit, at most maybe 3x a day, least maybe 1 time every 2 days. DD gets weighed by the GP at her appointments. I'm trying to stop it as often as I do it, but it is tricky for me. When I was anorexic I weighed myself about 7 times a day. I might just try and do it Saturday mornings, but not try to focus on it that much.

I'm really trying to be healthy & happy but at the moment it just isn't working

Hope everyone else is doing better.

Thinking of you marvel. I was anorexic too and the weighing thing is a very hard compulsion to break. Off to to my parents tomorrow and dreading it for all those reasons.
I won't be in control. Much will be made of how I look and there will be weighing scales there. I haven't weighed in for several weeks and am so much happier. Had a very bad wobble this week and nearly skipped a meal (always the start) but made some good decisions and was proud of how I coped.

My DM is sadly the origin of much of my issues and two weeks is going to make me crazy.

I wish I could make you feel worthwhile and lovely. I wish I could lift this burden from you, from each of us but stay strong and stay talking.

Hi new thank you. The batteries in my scale have run out today, so am debating whether or not to put new ones in or not.

I'm so lucky that I have my DD. She recently started boxing and is so positive - she gets me through the day most of the time (along with my 2 boys). I'm trying to remain happy for the dc, and it really is hard but I'm trying.

Feeling a bit better now. Obviously I've binged loads but feeling okay.

Hope everyone is okay, has a good Christmas and continues to post here regularly.

Also, I've decided to try and adhere to 'normal' eating patterns for the rest of December, and then in January work on my health & fitness.

Doing ok today. Skipped breakfast as woke up late, had a ham sandwich & kitkat for lunch, went to park with kids. Having a buffet tea later so will definitely binge but am going to try and enjoy myself.

I hope everyone has a good Christmas tomorrow x

Merry Christmas all. Hope you are having a nice time. xxx

A very happy new year everyone!! How did everyone get on with Christmas?

DS2 and I were struck down with a stomach bug for almost a week and I've only just re-emerged - still can't venture too far from home though... It meant I was fast asleep well before midnight on NYE, so the whole thing rather passed me by! Hope everyone else has managed to stay happy and healthy...

Happy 2017 all.

Gosh Maggie that sounds nasty. :( Hope you recover fully soon. Did it mean lots of cancelled plans?

Ok here. Had a nice time seeing lots of friends and family. With all the celebrity deaths on the news, I tried to focus on being grateful for those that are here and still in my life.

Felt fairly ok about food. Although I am now hyper aware how much 'New year, new you' messaging there is. Also every other thread on MN is about weight loss etc.

On a more positive note I have joined a great FB Group of people like 'us'. It is really active with lots of ppl being really open about their struggles. Even if you don't want to join in, lurking might be helpful. I know sadly this thread isn't that busy, so if you want something more regular maybe join us.

www.facebook.com/groups/151962781660959/

I have started a journal for 2017. Let's see how far I get with it!

As work approaches, I can feel my anxiety rising. So I really do need to try to find peace with running my own gig this year. Interesting I read an article about a bloke that suffered a breakdown after working alone. He got better and started working in a co-working space permanently. I think the lack of ppl for me is v difficult.

Anyway, do post if you feel up to it. Would be nice to hear how you are getting on....

Hi all. Hope you're all recovered from the bugs going around! Spent the holidays in the U.K., which has been tough but didn't do weighing so feel better. I do feel a sense of panic lurking because I feel bigger and more unfit but I'm determined to see it as ebbs and flows rather than a reason to have a meltdown.

I'm looking forward to being in control again and back in my own home. Joined that facebook group as well though I'm nervous I'll know people!

Anyone making good, healthy new year's resolutions?

Hello Newyear! Well done for choosing to observe your very natural and normal variations, it's just what our bodies do. I can imagine you're itching to get back home and into your routine again?

I'm being pretty militant about blocking out any 'new year, new you' messages, so don't have any radical resolutions this year - I don't need to completely change myself, I'd just like to continue to build on the progress I've been making in a few areas.

I was toying with the idea of going back to keeping a food diary a la Fairburn, mainly because I'd like to see what foods trigger stomach problems, in the wake of this bug. I'm feeling much better but still not 100% and am a bit fed up with it now.

Margo is your journal a food or feelings one? Or just to keep you organised? I keep seeing gorgeous Bullet journals everywhere but I know I'd never keep one up. Love the idea though...

Hi, I have suffered from Compulsive Eating/BED type issues from an early age. I can remember bingeing as a young child, even and hiding food in my room. I tried all sort sof things to help "fix" me, none of them worked. I tried a greysheet approach and used odd behaviours to try and get rid of food , including spitting food in a napkin, laxatives, vomiting. I have also battled other addictive behaviours including shopping addiction, self-injury, compulsive internet use. I seem to lurch from one obsession to another but the big constant go to in my life has always been food.
I am very heavy now, been diagnosed with PCOS and Sleep Apnea. But dieting has not fixed me. I have been in and out of MH services since a teenager for various other diagnoses but when it comes to the food they haven't been so great, (been told i may have actual BED, but no help available inMH services near me), although when I went for help with a therapist about another diagnosis I've had since my teens , they did look at the food and my therapist said this is another form of self harm and you need to use your DBT (Dialectical Behaviour Therapy) skills to deal with. It helped a little with the food but wasn't going far enough.

 Went to Food Addicts in Recovery Anon which spiritually was excellent but they require a food plan which was not possible for me as I am physically disabled and find just getting through the day a struggle, cooking etc is a nightmare at times. I was told to look into Overeaters Anonymous, and I have been there a while now. It is helping me a lot and after going to a  lot of meetings and trying out 4  different sponsors I have now found one who works well with me. We study the OA 12 Steps and Traditions and use some AA literature too. There are online groups on the OA Great  Britain website and also detail of  email skype and face to face meetings.

I hope it is ok to mention OA as a resource? I also recently bought a book called Stop Bingeing by Lee Janogly. It kinds of tells me a lot of stuff I knew already but there are some good bits too?

Anxiety, boredom, fear, anger are triggers for me too but i also have shame as a powerful trigger? Anyone else? Good to meet you all. Am glad we have this thread to support one another. is it too late to say Happy New Year? (I tend to think January is still new year!)