Binge Eating Disorder Support 3

[FightingBed2014]

Welcome, this thread is for those that have disordered eating / Binge Eating Disorder (BED) and need support. We are all working towards a better relationship with food, together. Everyone is welcome to join in and share as much or as little as you like. Our focus is on learning to be happy with who we are right now and moving away from our negative self image, thoughts and eating patterns one step at a time.

Previous threads can be found here:

Thread 1 March 2014
Thread 2 October 2014

My blog following recovery from BED can be read here:Fighting BED

Many of us are following Dr Fairburn's Overcoming Binge Eating Second Edition book Here This is also used by a lot of Eating Disorder services in their treatment programmes.

Although we have no rules, we would ask that people either avoid talking about or be mindful when it is necessary that the following can be a trigger for those with an eating disorder; asking advice on how to start a new diet, talking about specific weight and clothes sizes. Please also remember that those supporting you need support too.

This thread was started by a BED sufferer and the majority of contributors are Eating disorder sufferers and not professionals. As with any online forum, it is best to supplement support on here with real life support and advice from professionals

Thanks so much for going into that detail. Much appreciated. Will look at that website.

I'm so miserable about my appearance - and I'm started to become worried for my long term health - that I feel nervous about engaging with a process where I may not lose any weight. But I can see the reasoning behind what you're saying.

Is the idea that once we disempower the hit (or perceived hit) that bingeing gives us, it will lose its allure? Or something.

I struggle to be to the right degree of 'in the moment' with food. I think about it all the time, whereas I want to be one of those people who forgets to eat lunch because they just weren't hungry. I think about food all the time, but once I've given in to the demon and bought the biscuits I'm eating them so mindlessly I couldn't even tell you what they taste like.

jass said everything I wanted to say so much better than I would have! And mentioned some good resources. Self help has always helped me the most but I did have counselling too initially to get me on the right track. do you have any support?

Skoda, to answer your question yes that is the idea. It has worked well for me. As jassS said this takes time to happen. Using the books for support is a good plan.x

Thanks. I have support in the form of my DP, his eating is also out of control so we're in the same non-judgmental boat and both want to get sorted.

Sorry for my absence. Felt overwelmed by most things and withdrew which is really the opposite of what you should do when you need support!

Great to see some new faces and the 'old' ones too.

Will come back later, but wanted to take the first step of posting.

I am struggling so much at the moment. I bought the Fairburn book, as I think I've mentioned, realised I was a classic bulimic, started on the self-help section and am struggling with the monitoring, which I hate and makes me feel like a complete and utter freak, and which is also really hard to do in terms of time, and eating 'normally'. I was trying to follow Fairburn's advice about eating 3x meals and 3x snacks, but not worrying about what was eaten, but it has just turned into an excuse to overeat. I am so, so concerned as I didn't previously overeat - I would starve and binge. Now I am overeating and bingeing which is terrible as I am gaining weight very fast and bursting out of my clothes.
I feel disgusting.
I am just so confused as I know what you are all saying about food being a symptom of an underlying problem like depression/boredom etc, but what if some of your low self-esteem or depression generally comes from the fact that you would like to lose weight?? I do not feel comfortable in my body, and I would like to lose weight. I don't think there is any way I could change that. Is there a safe/healthy way to try and lose weight while monitoring etc or is it just that you have to put that on one side? I just don't think I can deal with the depression/anxiety etc and accept myself like this I hate myself and the way I look.

Hi everyone, so sorry I have been absent for so long - and the thread has been busy - every time I tried to sit and post there was so much here to read through I ran out of time to reply properly!

Maggie - you say you are anxious about being out of routine, do you mean anxious about food in particular, or generally you dislike not having a routine? Can you say why you prefer a routine?

Also - when you say you want to eat less sugar/wheat, why? Do you think they are inherently 'bad'? Or do you suspect you may have some kind of addictive reaction to them? Can you remember any period in your life when you could eat, say, just a few biscuits and then stop?

Can you detail what you would eat on a 'good' day? From getting up through to bed time?

Finally - the decluttering - did it help quell the anxiety a little? How would you describe your home environment? Is it very neat and tidy or disorganised?

Imust - welcome! How are you getting on with Fairburn? Wrt getting help, it is definitely worth it, there are lots of self-help books out there but having someone (or a group) to listen, understand what you are going though and not judge and to cheerlead you along is invaluable. It doesn't necessarily have to be a qualified specialist (IMO) - but it does need to be someone who has some understanding and only sympathy for disordered eating - and not someone who will think they are being helpful by recommending a diet!

Jass - how are you doing? Even if you are struggling yourself you are helping others hugely with your great advice here and you are right, that post does show how far you have come - print it out and keep it somewhere handy when you need a reminder! On the mindful eating, I love to eat and read too, don't stop that completely, but try without any distractions just a few times a week and the rest of the time focus on eating speed perhaps?

Fighting - glad to hear you are taking care of yourself and are feeling slightly more on an even keel with monitoring - and excellent observation that when you don't eat enough in the day things tend to go awry with food in the evening - a perfectly normal biological response and a mistake that so many of us make

Daj - welcome - and sympathies on the sleep deprivation, it is so hard, affects everything else in life . When it comes to seeking comfort, can you identify what really would comfort you when you reach for food, knowing that it isn't it?

With the running, be kind to yourself as Fighting said. How about putting on your trainers and just going for a walk in the spirit of giving yourself a relaxing break and some fresh air? That in itself is hugely therapeutic and if one day you feel like breaking into a jog then you can go for it, but no pressure .

You mention the CBT stuff, my recommendation would first be to try and journal your feelings, however briefly, before, during and/or after a binge, whatever food it is you are bingeing on. A 'binge' is subjective - its not so much about what or how much you have eaten but the feelings that surround it. If you can start to identify these then it is the first step to unpicking them .

Also - catch yourself when you mentally say you 'should' or 'ought' to do/eat/not eat something - it is judgemental and damaging. Aside from basic moral values who says we should or ought to do anything - and why?

Welcome too to Skoda . I'd like to expand on the point that Jass touched on about allowing all food and making sure you include the 'healthy' food always. First, the biological aspect - if all or most of what you eat is nutritionally poor foods, no matter how many calories you consume, your body is still going to tell you it is hungry, because it hasn't had the nutrients it needs. This can lead to a vicious circle - eat empty calories, still hungry, eat some more.. ad infinitum...you can see how it plays havoc with cravings (we usually interpret cravings for good nutrition as cravings for sugar/carbs - not steak and broccoli ) and binges.

Second, by making all food equal, ensuring we always eat enough nutrient dense food, and trying to eat as mindfully as we can, we learn to enjoy and appreciate the 'healthy' food we had previously labelled 'good' and so less desirable, and maybe realise that we don't necessarily enjoy the rubbish as much as we thought we did (the forbidden fruit aspect intensified its appeal, as you recognise) - or at least we can realise that we can get the same enjoyment from a small amount and not feel compelled to eat several portions - because if we want, we can have some more later/tomorrow/whenever - ie there is no wagon to fall off any more.

Margo - lovely to see you, what has been happening?

Lou - hi! I have to do SR now but promise to come back asap

I am on week three of the overcoming binge eating programme. I am finding it hard to control the binge eating when I'm tired. I have done as the book has said with not having my binge foods in the house. I have been feeling like a failure as ds1 flunked his reading sats. Rationally I know this isn't the case but still... I have just eaten a 500g pot of yoghurt and realised I have binged on healthy food. So now can't have large pots of yoghurt added to the list! So glad to know you guys are here and feel like me.

It was my birthday yesterday so a lot of cake. I am sitting on the sofa eating cake after feeding the baby. (Who just slept 8-2 longest stretch for over 2 months) I hope it's a sign of things to come. I had a horrible panic attack in a pub on Sunday and had to leave and go to a different one. The sleep deprivation was starting to make things so much harder to cope and follow a healthy lifestyle/attitude/habits.

sleep and fighting you've both inspired me to get my running shoes on. I really feel like I will get back into it soon. Starting with walks like you both suggested. I'll be doing my 10k runs in no time I'm sure

As for the BED I've just got back in contact with my counselling guy and I'm hoping that will help but it the meantime I'm just going to eat and not beat myself up and just think I've taken positive steps to rectifying it again. I've beaten it once and I can get there again. Even if it takes me a year who cares. I've been in deeper, darker places than this.

spanky I haven't tried that approach but I am interested in how it works so will look into it. I never thought about how it would feel to binge on okay food. But it still counts as a binge/emotional eating ... Which is good that this approach aims to tackle the core problem. Sounds like you've got a lot on your plate and things going on that feel out of your control but cbt would probably tell you not to personalise them. Tiredness is a killer. I joke with a friend that I'm in upside down world when I'm sleep deprived. That's honestly what it feels like!

daj - good to hear you sounding so positive . I know just what you mean with the tiredness - I always feel like I'm going through life behind a slightly fuzzy pane of glass when sleep deprived .

Spanky - welcome! Stay with us and chat.

Lou - are you trying to eat slowly and mindfully? I think you need to remind yourself that you have a choice here, your health and recovery or your desire to be slim. To date, the overriding desire to be slim is badly affecting your health and happiness - so something needs to change and you have to try and relax and let it happen, as hard as that is . The general experience of people going through recovery and not restricting is that, unless they are underweight to start off with, they don't gain weight. There may be a period of adjustment where you do of course, because you have the sort of 'kid in a sweet shop' response to lack of restrictions and overeat. It can take a little while for the reality that you are allowed to eat what you want to genuinely sink in and then your weight and eating should stabilise. I'd also ask, what, in your mind constitutes a binge/overeating when you are eating 3 meals and 3 snacks?

I just read this article about body acceptance and thought it was worth linking.

In my mind a binge is where I eat too much at a meal, to the point of feeling over-full, even if what I am eating is very healthy, such as veg and lean meat. Or, eating outside of a 'designated' snack/meal time. I know Fairburn talks about planning eating times and trying to stick to them. I find this nearly impossible at work, but I try to do it at weekends as we have that rhythm with DC anyway.
Sometimes I can try and kid myself that I am not bingeing as I do tend to eat healthy food generally, lots of fruit and veg etc. But, I can binge on anything, be it oatcakes, grapes, wholemeal bread, yogurt ... whatever! And whilst I am trying also to follow Fairburn's advice about the weekly weighing, I am aware by how my clothes fit that I am gaining massively, and from the weighing I have done I know that I have gained over 10lbs since October.

How much in terms of quantity would you say makes you feel over-full Lou? Would it be more than other people might eat and think normal?

I have no idea of what other people might eat and think normal any more! I struggle with the idea of 'normal' eating a lot. My colleagues at work do not eat at all during the time I see them (9-3). My family are all very overweight other than my sister who was severely anorexic last year and is now in recovery. I have no friends at all here who I ever meet up to eat with. I have never calorie counted so I do not go by max. calories. I really have no idea at all.
Today I have not binged or felt particularly hungry other than at 4pm but I have eaten a random collection of foods (all of which I like and think are healthy) at what felt like random times:
7:30am coffee; green juice (spinach, celery, apple, cucumber); 2 small slices rye bread and cashew butter
12:30 banana; 9-bar (seeds); greek yogurt
4:00 carrot and celery sticks with houmous; avocado with half tin of salmon
7:30pm chopped apple, banana with greek yogurt, millet flakes, sunflower seeds
Looking at that now I can see that I ate breakfast and dinner, and lunch was sort of split in half between home and work as I cannot leave my desk at work and don't like eating a proper meal there as I feel like I don't enjoy it properly or register it as a meal as I don't take a break.

Also looking back I can see I eat maybe too much fruit? I have had 2 bananas and an apple today. I know I tend to reach for sugary things when I eat at all, so like fruit and yogurt etc. And I also had another juice at 7:00pm which was carrot, apple, lemon and ginger.

Ok. And a day when you have binged, what would that look like?

Sunday I binged (it's very commonly at the weekend or towards the end of the week as I get more tired/fed up). I had 3 slices of toast and jam for breakfast with 2 cups of coffee, then a biscuit at 11:30, then roast lunch out, with rhubarb pie and custard for dessert back home, then cooked dinner again at my mum's (as lunch, veg and meat but too much of it) then a yogurt as couldn't eat brownies which were served for pudding due to my anorexic sister being there (cannot eat sweet carbs in front of her) then 4 brownies back home - took them 'for the kids' but knew full well as I did it that I would eat them in secret and not with DH.

Lou, I think you have slightly undereaten, if anything - so no worry about the fruits on the list!

I have difficulties in replying to all today, so much activity - good,we are writing it out here!

The issue about underlying issues and the idea that there has to be sth else but the desire to be slim. I have also seeked, but mostly indeed, my BED, too, seems to be caused by the wish to be the perfect woman everyone envies, slim, fit etc. Also professionally successful,with kids and great family life. If perfectionism is underlying issue,then yes, I have one. But in general, it is my vanity which has got me where I am - severly struggling with BED. Yes, i have repetitive pregnancy loss as well, but BED was here before that.

For me a binge is eating until it hurts. Maybe I should by now requalify and say binge is when I eat more than I my body needs, but I am reluctant to do so. Simlpy because i think normal people sometimes under and sometimes overeat, I want to get there! I do not want to know I am eating "right " amounts etc. I want to just do what feels best for my mental and physical wellbeing. I want to stop all the analysing and obsession around food. Well, I sometimes can and sometimes not. Today I certainly have overdone things, without any particular reason. Apart from being stuck at home. This is one thing - I want to be able to view home as safe place, not the place were BED hits as soon as I have a bit of a lazy time. I absolutely have not sorted this issue so far. All my progress is dependent on keeping busy and having no free time. How to get my free time snd lazy reading hsbits back, without eating all the time when I have the time to do so? Have not figured that out yet....

Lou if restricting food was a scale from 0 (no restrictions) to 10 (very restrictive), where would you put today, Sunday and a typical restrictive day before you tried the Fairburn approach of 3 meals and snacks?