Binge Eating Disorder Support 3

[FightingBed2014]

Welcome, this thread is for those that have disordered eating / Binge Eating Disorder (BED) and need support. We are all working towards a better relationship with food, together. Everyone is welcome to join in and share as much or as little as you like. Our focus is on learning to be happy with who we are right now and moving away from our negative self image, thoughts and eating patterns one step at a time.

Previous threads can be found here:

Thread 1 March 2014
Thread 2 October 2014

My blog following recovery from BED can be read here:Fighting BED

Many of us are following Dr Fairburn's Overcoming Binge Eating Second Edition book Here This is also used by a lot of Eating Disorder services in their treatment programmes.

Although we have no rules, we would ask that people either avoid talking about or be mindful when it is necessary that the following can be a trigger for those with an eating disorder; asking advice on how to start a new diet, talking about specific weight and clothes sizes. Please also remember that those supporting you need support too.

This thread was started by a BED sufferer and the majority of contributors are Eating disorder sufferers and not professionals. As with any online forum, it is best to supplement support on here with real life support and advice from professionals

Hey Wire I just had to reply as our situations are so similar, job-wise, and I have found work and food a huge challenge! This is my first year working in school admin after a job change - it is a bloody nightmare for eating habits!!! Since I identified my problems and faced up to them properly around Easter time I have been really determined to eat regular, nutritious meals. Never underestimate what lack of a proper breakfast and proper lunch will do to your eating habits - I too found I had no time to eat at work and frequently just started the day with coffee. Then I would have that 4pm slump that you describe and binge in the kitchen after the school run with the kids.
Since reading the Fairburn book I have really made an effort to make time for breakfast in the morning - either millet/oatbran/barley porridge with nuts/seeds etc, or rye bread, peanut butter, avocado ... something with protein and good carbs to keep me going. If you really don't have time for this in the morning, could you make yourself a bircher muesli (soak oats in almond milk/yogurt over night then add fruit in am) to take into work and eat first thing?
I then avoid the staffroom at all costs as there is guaranteed to be junk. Having had a decent breakfast makes me less likely to eat it anyway. Then I always make time for lunch now. Generally brown rice/quinoa with salad/broccoli/salmon, then yogurt and fruit/a nakd bar. Always some protein and good carbs. I force myself to make time for this, generally eat at my desk while working, but lunch is my protection against that 4pm binge and it IS important. I have no idea why part of the job description for school admin should be 'do not eat between the hours of 9am and 3pm. Ridiculous really! I think it is because the job is slightly de-humanising to be honest!
It is very, very hard to resist a general workplace culture and I know my colleagues probably think I am weird eating mackerel and broccoli at my desk while they drink their 4th or 5th cup of tea and have another biscuit but WHATEVER!!!!! Yes, my 2 closest colleagues are slim but they also complain of migraines, insomnia, bad PMS etc. It is dehydration and bad eating habits. I am at the top of a healthy BMI but I have a rock-solid immune system, and can run my 5k in under 24 mins now.
I know it is possible to be slim and healthy, but given the choice of the above, I would rather be healthy. Sorry, rant over!
I have also found it incredibly challenging going straight from school-run into work, and then straight from work to school-run, without a moment to myself. I can only properly calm down when alone and this work pattern has nearly destroyed my sanity this year. I have decided to go for flexible working and will be doing 2.5 days from September. This will be tough financially and I realise it is not an option for all, but I think it is very important for me. Could you consider a change in working pattern at all?
I have found following the plan of 3 nutritious meals, fairly evenly spaced through the day, has stopped my junk eating at work, the 4pm kitchen binge, and general bad behaviour around food. I have not lost any weight, but I have decided to hold steady with this for around 6 months before considering a diet.
I too am hoping to use the summer holidays to try and work on healthier eating patterns and also more exercise - am too tired in the week to get out running as much as I'd like. Do you do any exercise? It is therapy for me. I can look at myself in the mirror and think of all kinds of foul adjectives to describe myself, similar to you really; but when I'm out for a run I can look down at my legs and I don't see cellulite, I see power. That probably sounds trite but I hope you know what I mean.
You are NOT foul, or disgusting. You are HUNGRY and undernourished. It is hunger, not lack of will-power or anything else, that drives you towards high-fat, high-sugar food as your body is scrabbling around for energy to maintain its basic functions. Biscuits for breakfast followed by cake have zero nutritional value. Feed yourself REAL food - you deserve to be putting good stuff into your body. Take care of yourself.
Happy to be a healthy summer holiday buddy if you need one.

Wire can you see that it is the disgust and self loathing that you need to address, not the food or eating? . It's pretty impossible to change the latter and have the former alter as a result.

Hi everyone, just reading to catch up with everything. Will post properly when I get time. Thinking of you all .

to Fighting. I am just watching 'Fed Up', it's all stuff I know but nevertheless I'm finding it shocking. I'd highly recommend a watch if you have any interest in how powerful sugar/processed food can be

Sleep I kind of disagree with you a little bit re: self-loathing and food. I have major self-esteem and relationship issues but my image of myself HAS improved since I got binges under control. I still don't have a very positive idea of myself, but it is better now I eat regularly as I am dealing with less guilt and don't have to cope with the diet rollercoaster of unrealistic targets and regrets. I see my eating now as one thing in a whole range of things I need to work on to feel better, rather than the marker by which I continually judge myself and find myself wanting. So I think regularising eating patterns can help combat feelings of self-disgust ...

Which is why I banged on so long about doing exactly that (eating regularly, not restricting) to you Lou - but you were restricting very severely (or attempting to and managing it fairly successfully for periods) - you found it hard to let go of the restricting rather than the bingeing. By eating regular, good quality food, you have improved how your thought processes are working as well as removing the inevitable biological urge to binge that followed such restriction. In doing that you removed the self hatred that arose from a binge and so your self esteem starts to recover. But everyone is fdifferent. You were very low Lou but never spoke about yourself in the terms that Wire is using about herself and in line with that, she appears to be using food as a form of self-punishment - being able to recognise that there is no reason to feel that she deserves to be punished is, IMO, key to starting to recover.

How is everyone doing?

Wire did you read through this thread (and old ones)? What do you think about it all?

How is tennis going sleep?

How is everyone? wire gast maggie fighting jass running lou & anyone else who I haven't included.

I hit what I felt what the bottom last week. I was just so conflicted between wanting to feel better (by binging) and not carrying on the behaviour.

I sat hysterically sobbing (was alone at home) and found myself thinking "Perhaps I just need to accept that for me I will binge and that is the lesser of other ways to cope (drugs, drink, self-harm etc) with how I feel". I just felt exhausted by the whole BED thing and spending so much time thinking about it/food/shape/weight etc.

Which obviously isn't the answer but actually it feels like giving myself permission has reduced the allure. Well for now anyway.

Also I don't think I was truly eating without restriction, so I am trying to be true to what I actually want.

I do feel a little bit better...but who knows!

I did tell a friend about the fact I'd found support online for my ED last night. And aside from crying (I find talking about my attempts at WW v upsetting, I feel sorry for myself struggling not realising what was wrong) it was good to tell her.

It also sounds like she has some food issues too and she was going to buy Fairburn. Interesting how common EDs are when you open up.

What does the weekend hold instore?

Sorry for silence. i am on holidays and not always close to internet. But sorry to read Wire about how you feel about yourself. You sound like a hero to me with 3 kids and the work. Are you a single parent? Sounds like you are from the description of your days. Even more of the hero!

Try to feel proud about what you do, not so angey about how you look. Looks are totally overrated, esp. if we talk about lasies with full family life and responsibilty for children. Looks as society describes them - as acceptable - are not meant for many people with some age and family. This prssure creates unrealistic and unneccessary expectations and that again creates BED and other eting disorders. Loathing must be directed against society which objectifies us this way that even in middle age we still want to look like 20somethings. They have us (and you!) totally trapped, and we tend to keep ourselves trapped.
Move on - be proud for what you are and try to carry around some fruit or veg, the ready- to- eat carrot packs or apples or whatever. So you can down something which makes you feel good about your food habits? Start with abby steps, do not worry about what you down, worry about what you do eat not - and try to add. Plants first, then all you want, even the junk if you want!
Have to run...

Hi all. I've been gone again as found it hard to visit here, but am back. I've just realised something really important: it's very hard to stop a binge I think because it never really starts off intending to be a binge. So you know what I mean? Like today I just had a couple of pieces of dark choc mid morning and didn't straight away think I'd blown it, but as the day went on there were a few little slips here and there and then it eventually turned into an all out binge. My problem seems to be stopping it before it gets to a binge but this is hard as it never seems like a binge almost until it's over. Don't know if that makes any sense but welcome your thoughts.

Hi purple

Nice to see you back. Did you feel you shouldn't be eating the chocolate? Even if in moderation. I have in the past found that even a little of something 'naughty' then leads to binging later as I feel like I have failed just by eating the small something etc..Does that resonate?

I am trying my best not to restrict & restrain (and thus not labelling food as naughty) so I can eat anything without it leading to a binge. It is hard though, these are long established habits.

What were you feeling/thinking today? Can you link the binge to that too?

Yes exactly. I thought I probably shouldn't eat the choc because I'd promised myself to stop eating rubbish after a week long binge. So then it started me off all over again. Lots of things going through my head today. Like "enough is enough. I'm going to stop eating x,y,z and exercise more and then lose weight. I am sick of not sticking to any diet. Blah blah blah" etc.

Hi all. Just checking in. I've been trying to binge on 'healthy' stuff rather than junk. I've also found chewing gum helps when I've felt the urge to binge. I'm aware it's not dealing with the underlying problem but it stops the disgust and purging so it's a start. I don't really know why gum helps, has anyone else had this?

Classic, sosopurple. We are all in this trap. The only way out is to face you overate yesterday and today is another day when tou need to noursih yourself properly, good nutrients first! That is the only one which finaly will cut through the binge-diet cycle. Thinking that one must diet leads to immidiate overeating because a diet, after all, is due. So one can, even must,enjoy while one can all the stuff around and available.

Accept yesterday and just carry one. Try again to prioritise good food and eat proper meals. If the binge visits again, just shrug it off. no other way out, I am afraid.....

Evening ladies, finally found some time to sit and reply. There is some amazing support going on here, its so wonderful to see, as well as some familiar names returning.

Hi wire & gast bit of a late welcome from me. Apologies for the lack of posting, got a lot going on at the moment. Big wave back to sleep too.

I can't repeat enough how great the advice so far for the newcomers has been, I agree wholeheartedly. Those of us further along have learnt so much about the importance of giving our bodies what they need, ditching the false promises (aka diets) and throwing that 'all or nothing' approach out of the window!

i think I am slowly gaining through the summer holidays. But I can not check, as my scales are at the other end of Europe! and guess what - I just could not care less. keeping up exercise and looking and feeling fit.Eating lots of fresh berries but also some sweet stuff I can only have here in my home country. It is sugar and I am theoretically off sugar, but I want my holidays without any restrictions.

Good to hear you are relaxing JassS. Hope you have a wonderful time.x

I am having a bit of a freak-out, as have arranged to meet up with an old friend that I've been avoiding recently as she is has lost a huge amount of weight on a very restricted diet and is a bit fixated on food issues. Made the mistake of hijacking DH's fb (have never been on fb as creates too much angst!!) and saw recent pic of this friend looking skinny. Literally stared at the photo and felt like I was having a panic attack! I am still so hung up on all this that to see someone else who has successfully restricted and lost weight makes me question my very existence!! Have no idea how I am going to feel confident / comfortable when we meet up. Eugh!!

Lou have a think about that definition of 'success' - you've 'succeeded' at diets before yourself...and then what? You don't want a life being fixated with weight and diet. Meet her, tell her she looks great and then steer the conversation on to other, more interesting topics, the other things you two bond over. If she keeps going back to food/diet then just try and observe, people like this are a bit like someone drunk when you are sober, it's pretty tedious (banging on about any obsession to someone who wants to talk about something else is) - rather than sending you back to a diet it might help you realise that's not what you want to be?

Thank you sleep, so insightful as always! That is really helpful. I think I just needed to rehearse some opening line in my head and you have really helped with that. 'Hey, lovely to see you, you look great, love your top (or whatever) ... How are things?' and then like you say try and steer the conversation away from food/diet onto other topics.
I am normally quite a detached person and can be quite objective and 'stand outside' conversations as you describe, but somehow anything that involves shape/weight I tend to take far too personally. I just need to think that everyone chooses their own way of eating and I am choosing the one that works best for me at the moment for overall wellbeing, even if it is not leading to weight loss ...
I am very, very anxious about eating around her and choosing what to eat (I am staying overnight) but I am trying to remember that it's not some kind of test that I am going to pass or fail - if all else fails and I feel very tense or awkward, I will just say that I need to get an early train and will grab something on the way to the station in the morning.

Just keep reminding yourself that you are in a far healthier place than you were when you were dieting Lou, and your weight is just fine. Give yourself the option of leaving without eating as you say, but you are getting much better at letting go of judgement around food so stay with that for yourself and just (again) observe it if you sense it from her (you most likely will ). Remind yourself that is her thing right now, not yours

Skinny does not describe success to me anymore, I have to say, having read the "skinny friend" discussion. I do have to take care that I do not turn weight-racist, but the other way round. i certainly thought bigger people had something wrong with them when toung and skinny. Now I tend to go to the other extreme of the pendulum, thinkig skinny is ugly when you are over 35. have to watch my step here.....

Lou you have done so well to get where you are. Hold onto that success, its real.x

Lou how was the meet-up? i hope you had lovely time despite the diet talk trouble:-)

Hello? Just a tentative hello as I'm new here. Haven't really ever talked about B.E. but been doing it for so, so long... I always vaguely assumed that I'd eventually 'grow up' and it would all stop, but I'm a middle aged woman so I might have to face the fact that that won't happen on it's own!
So this is my first step: Just saying 'hello' here...