Binge Eating Disorder Support 3

[FightingBed2014]

Welcome, this thread is for those that have disordered eating / Binge Eating Disorder (BED) and need support. We are all working towards a better relationship with food, together. Everyone is welcome to join in and share as much or as little as you like. Our focus is on learning to be happy with who we are right now and moving away from our negative self image, thoughts and eating patterns one step at a time.

Previous threads can be found here:

Thread 1 March 2014
Thread 2 October 2014

My blog following recovery from BED can be read here:Fighting BED

Many of us are following Dr Fairburn's Overcoming Binge Eating Second Edition book Here This is also used by a lot of Eating Disorder services in their treatment programmes.

Although we have no rules, we would ask that people either avoid talking about or be mindful when it is necessary that the following can be a trigger for those with an eating disorder; asking advice on how to start a new diet, talking about specific weight and clothes sizes. Please also remember that those supporting you need support too.

This thread was started by a BED sufferer and the majority of contributors are Eating disorder sufferers and not professionals. As with any online forum, it is best to supplement support on here with real life support and advice from professionals

I feel I have to admit this, as I feel awful reading your posts. I'm the opposite, I am that flakey friend. I feel terrible about it now, but I would, especially over recent years, dread the play date thing; and if I was feel really low, I know this is awful but it would take me weeks to ask that person back or I would cancel a few days before because I couldn't face it. I know some people have just given up with me. so I don't have many great friends anymore, I've always been quite introverted (although, apparently appear more confident than I am) but I sometimes feel more comfortable in my own company. Interestingly years ago loves socialising and had a wide group of friends. Unless I am really close to a friend I find it hard work- yet come on the Internet and find lots of like minded people! So I'm just saying sorry, I am that flakey friend that has to be chased and I feel awful about it now. But I still dread it, I dread meeting up, wondering if I have anything to say. I really don't know why! I feel for my poor friends. I'm not a very good one in that sense but just wanted to say, it's not fair you do the chasing but they may be like me a bit anxious. Speaking to my very confident sister in law she says she drops anyone she has to chase or who lets her down- no second chances and that works for her.

Running Lou I haven't read all the posts yet but randomly read yours. You say about wanting to join slimming world maybe to meet like minded people. How about joining something like parkrun (not sure if you are in the UK, apologies if you're not but maybe something similar local to you) people are so friendly and as a like minded introvert, you are focused on a common interest - ie running, so people aren't there to talk about weight but when I went once they were all shapes and sizes and abilities (damn the man that ran past me twice!!!) and people smile and say "see you next week" it was great (my knees aren't up to it and I couldn't get cover for my lo and step kids so have it up) but maybe a group activity? Nordic walking? That way there is less pressure on "making friends" you'll be doing something that you may enjoy and you will be with people interested in health presumably?

Elfin, I definitely do not mean friends who may be a bit on the shy side. Tbh, I think most of my friends are damn self-confident and I guess they are all about 20 years already my friends, it can not be pretence. So it is rather that they get on with their life, re happy if someone organised something but thats it.

Hi everyone, just caught up with the friends topic. It looks like a lot of us have felt BED affect our social confidence at one time or another.

I have over the last year reduced what I will tolerate from so called friends. I cut my circle down to just a few very close friends and I am happier for it.

Runner your stepping back sounds healthy for you. Although it can be a sad process, removing those that don't influence your life positively is a good step.

Elfin I can relate to the worry you have about meeting up. Is it any easier for you to maintain contact via social media? Don't feel bad, your protecting yourself rather than doing anything out of malice.

Margo are you thinking of changing how you approach your need to see everyone? It sounds like it causes you a fair bit if anxiety.

I am making new acquaintances as my social life improves. I have been burnt by selfish people and not having valuing myself enough too many times, so count very few people as friends.

Elfin I am a dedicated parkrunner (got the 50 t-shirt and now working towards 100!) but I go to quite a large parkrun with 300+ runners and I really do turn up, run, and cycle home to DH and DC ... No idea how I'd actually go about making friends there TBH.
What worries me is that I have recently made excuses/refused invitations from friends because of weight gain (i.e. I felt that they would judge me). I just don't want to meet up with people! I hate social media and am not on fb etc. I've even deleted what'sapp and other similar off my phone as I felt like I was being stalked! I am incredibly, instinctively anti-social. But, I do feel a lack of friends at the moment ...

Hi everyone. Just thought I'd let you know that I'm having a go at cutting out refined sugar at the moment. By that I mean no sweets, chocolate, biscuits or cake, and no white bread either. I'm doing it because I know that is my major "addiction" and the main feature of my binges. I've also noticed that it makes me feel very bloated physically and very low emotionally - I feel far more guilty post-binge when sugary "crap" has been consumed in indecent amounts... So I have now been (almost) sugar-free for 2.5 weeks and have to say, although the binge episodes still occur, I am feeling quite a lot better for it.

Runner, I think it is OK if you clearly feel itis the additive stuff for you. I do it for fertility issues and I do not miss sugar much at all. White bread I sometimes miss, but can do alternatives with different flours so as to remain gluten free, if not grain-free!

we did a charity run with my kids and hubby today. All together ran in 2,5 hours 68 km - 24 my hubby, 20 me, 10yo did 14 and the small 6yo did 10. they ran alternately, came with me one circle (2km) and then stopped for one circle with feet in fountain, then came on again. Was great fun.cmuch more fun than just running 20k myself. The 10yo can run shorter distances now almost as fast as me - must be getting old. Now waiting for indian food delivery and planning on a great guilt free dinner of everything!

Interesting to hear of the sugar ditchers. I know sleep believes in the power of it too. I just think for me that is a restriction too many for now but I hope it works for you.

How was everyone's weekends? Had birthday drinks for the first time in years which was nice.

Eating hasn't been great too much grazing. Trying to get back to 3 meals & 3 snacks.

DH and I have been trying some different things with DS and it seems to be paying off a little. I find parenting/my concerns about parenting a big trigger, so it feels good to be trying something different.

Margo, I had and have my doubts, too. I only restrict for fertility issues and tbh am not very much invested into it. i have the attitude of "if I fail to avoid the sugar, no big deal", but so far so good. I also take it as temporary measure, as of course I will not remain trying for a baby for ever.

Posting on here for help tonight. I'm trying to lose weight and it's been going really well. However, yesterday was my birthday and somehow allowing myself one day off my diet has crept up to two, then three days. There's loads of cake here and this evening I ate 4 pieces in quick succession.

Now I feel really unhappy about how much I've eaten, but just want to eat more. I actually feel like purging just to try and minimise the damage though it's too late for that.

Hi Gast please try not to feel guilty about enjoying birthday cake, you have the right to eat cake if you want it. The logic behind the binge-beating programme that lots of us follow on here says that dieting and restriction lead to bingeing. Because you're not normally 'allowed' cake according to diet rules, when it's there you want lots of it, but also you need to cram it all in within a small time frame as you know that you are likely to impose even stricter restrictions on yourself tomorrow as a result. It's an easy pattern to fall into and a hard one to break, as I and lots of us know. For tonight, put the cake away, leave the kitchen and go and do something totally unconnected - have a shower, do your nails, chat to a friend. Tomorrow morning, have the normal breakfast you would generally have. Eat regularly throughout the day to avoid evening hunger, and be kind to yourself. One binge dies not make a binge -eater and we are all on a spectrum of normality when it comes to attitudes to food. If you want to, ask yourself if your diet is a little extreme or strict - would it be helpful to just focus on nutrition rather than weight-loss for a while, just to prevent binges? I know exactly how hard it is to put weight-loss aside when you have successfully lost before but sometimes that is what you need to do for general wellbeing. Post any time.

Hello

deep breathes

Cam I join before I eat myself to death?

I will try & read some of the thread & get up to speed.

Welcome Gast and Wire

Glad you found us, but sorry you need to be here. Tell us your 'story'?

Do read through the thread as there are lots of helpful links and people sharing.

I have been on here a year. In that time I have:

• Started to accept myself
• Started to be kinder to myself
• Sought RL help and attended a CBT group
• Started to understand why I binge
• Reduced my binges and the severity of them

It is a hard slog and the promises of diet clubs seem so appealing but I have tried them all - I am bigger not smaller!

I slipped last night. Not completely sure why. I do get to to post-DC bedtime and think "I must do x, y, z" when all I want to do is just watch some TV. It is perfectionism the should thoughts.

As Lou says I plan to eat normally today, to get back to a normal pattern. Interestingly I had to eat my breakfast in about 2 mins yesterday as I rushed out. I am out early today to get to a meeting but have decided to eat porridge out. I also had white bread which I don't normally do.

I just find it so hard not to eat quickly. Anyone else?

Have been getting more sleep though and feel better for that esp as DD (2) is now in a bed and deciding to get up at 5.30!

Hey everyone, welcome Gast and Wire.

mrsMargo I think you are so right about the 'should' thoughts being damaging. It can be an interesting exercise to jot down every 'should' thought you have through the course of the day and then ask 'actually, why should I...?' and take it to the ultimate point. Most of the time it really isn't a good reason and all the 'should' is doing is reinforcing what you aren't doing or being and making you feel crap about yourself for no good reason. Next step is to work on catching the should in your head and stopping it.

Gast, I have afeeling you have dropped by earlier as well? Hello to Wire, too!

I have also had a really bad week foodwise. It has been a party week with lots of wine and food. I have enjoyed it but am finding it hard to go back to normal eating habits. I have to say I really enjoyed the parties and food,guilt free. i now of course want to dig my scales out and see the damage done - there is damage, I can feel it from my work costumes. But to the hell - I feel so free I do not want back into the straightyacket. The holidays start Friday, so hopefully I can get proper food on my table from Saturday - fresh from farmers' market! Right now eating mostly fridge leftovers as travelling to country of origin for hols.

Thanks for the welcome.

I feel disgusting, a right greedy fat bitch.

Once I start, I can't stop.

Didn't have food as a child. Now I have access to food, I can't stop. I've lived away from home for over 20 years. I have no self control whatsoever.

Will post more later.

Yes I've popped in before. I don't think I have a 'story' really. I've always had a tendency to comfort eat. I've been following Slimming World in an effort to lose weight and have noticed that I still eat too much, but it's healthier food allowed on plan rather than junk, but I need to address why I'm doing it at all. I've just bought '7 simple steps to stop emotional eating' so am hoping to sort it out once and for all.

I ate 4 pieces of cake in quick succession today, then purged. I ended up having to throw the rest of the cake away or I'd have eaten the lot. I hate it.

Gast if you are purging then do consider seeking help e.g. CBT - I have found this helpful this year and it has ended some of my more destructive behaviours around food. It can also deal with emotional eating, if that is what you do. I was in a binge/purge/restrict cycle and thought it was all emotional but now I have ended the binges I can see they were a physiological reaction to the restriction. I had got myself into a state where as a general rule I was eating less than I needed and then my body would rebel against this and would have a powerful, uncontrollable drive to find easy calories and fat/sugar - i.e. cake and biscuits. By ending the diets and focusing on nutrition I have managed to stop this cycle so far.
What I have realised is that I wasn't an emotional eater. I am in fact an emotional under-eater - if things weren't feeling 'right' in some way I would diet in order to regain a sense of control / to change body-shape to boost self-esteem. This isn't in itself necessarily bad, as long as the diets aren't so severe that you end up pushing your body into binge mode.
I have used the Fairburn book that is recommended on here and found it helpful, though challenging.
Wire your situation sounds so difficult and I'm not really sure what to say. Please post again so that we can start to understand a bit more ...

Wire I too starved when child. i think it has impact. I have always eaten all I could get my hands on, but when I could afford it thongs started to spin out of control, then I did diets of course and therefore ended up suffering this binge esting disorder. If you can read through our threads you will see that the urgency lessens as soon as we can stop thinking of dieting and açtual dieting. This takes the edge off the binge, and this is thevery first thing you need to achive. Give yourself permission to eat. reaffirm daily. promise yourself you can always eat all you want. Within weeks you will see that food starts to lose its magic. It takes years to feel relatively cured, but the first step is always - allow yourself to eat. next would be to try and first eat stuff your body needs (veg, fruit, fish, etc) and after that allow yourself to eat whatever you want. if you get through the first stages you can be sure that your weight will stabilise (admittedly at higher point than you dream it should be). Then if you are really medically overweight you can start to look for gentle ways of nudging yourself to est more healthily and in lesser quantitites. But first - srop that binge by stopping restrictions and make yourself really believe that it is for life!

Thank you. Break up from school tomorrow so will have more time to read the thread & post.

Also Wire, try and find a kinder voice when thinking about yourself, you will achieve most by being kind and loving, or least by criticising and hating. You are not a greedy fat bitch! A good way to practice this is stop and ask yourself if you would ever say such things to your child or best friend? If not, what would you say to them?

I've been utterly disgusting today.
Breakfast biscuits with coffee.
Then there was cake in work.
Got home, had most of a big bag of crisps with some dip.
A big bag of malteasers.
Chinese food.
Coke.
Just had an ice lolly.

I'm going to try & sort my eating out in the holidays.

It's hard when I'm in work (admin in school) as I'm up for work but deal with SN child & 2 teens who hate school. Drop SN child at school get to work. Have only had time to chuck down a coffee. Then I don't finish till 1445 & go straight on the school run & get home by about 1530. I will have only picked through the day. Usually on utter shite. Eat shite most of the evening. Feel sick by the time I eat with dh at about 1930, but try & force some dinner down so he doesn't know I've been binging.

4pm is a dreadful time for me. Get a huge slump & just trough utter crap.

I can hopefully get some sort of eating routine in the holidays.

Breakfast, lunch, a decent snack & dinner.

I'm going to weigh myself tomorrow morning.

I've done every diet known to man. I'm just foul.

I've been trying to tackle this for so long. I've not purged for over 3 years though. Quite tempted now it's the summer holidays. I'm also quite tempted by some slimming tablets. Just something to stop me eating. I hate myself, I'm so disgusting.

Wire in the nicest possible way, did you read my post ? Who on earth would you say those things about, other than yourself? Have a read of this.

You are not disgusting wire, you have an eating disorder.

As difficult as it is, you need to be kinder to yourself. It is really difficult to make positive change whilst full of self-hatred. We tend to judge ourselves 1000% more harshly than we would of others.

Have you read Fairburn? He talks about being kinder to yourself and accepting that you are ok.

for you.

Thank you. I did read what you said sleepwhenidie but I'm so full of disgust. & self loathing.