Binge Eating Disorder Support 3

[FightingBed2014]

Welcome, this thread is for those that have disordered eating / Binge Eating Disorder (BED) and need support. We are all working towards a better relationship with food, together. Everyone is welcome to join in and share as much or as little as you like. Our focus is on learning to be happy with who we are right now and moving away from our negative self image, thoughts and eating patterns one step at a time.

Previous threads can be found here:

Thread 1 March 2014
Thread 2 October 2014

My blog following recovery from BED can be read here:Fighting BED

Many of us are following Dr Fairburn's Overcoming Binge Eating Second Edition book Here This is also used by a lot of Eating Disorder services in their treatment programmes.

Although we have no rules, we would ask that people either avoid talking about or be mindful when it is necessary that the following can be a trigger for those with an eating disorder; asking advice on how to start a new diet, talking about specific weight and clothes sizes. Please also remember that those supporting you need support too.

This thread was started by a BED sufferer and the majority of contributors are Eating disorder sufferers and not professionals. As with any online forum, it is best to supplement support on here with real life support and advice from professionals

Jass, I know exactly what you mean about not having a specific emotional trigger for bingeing. I have enough perspective to realise that in the grand scheme of things I have a very fortunate life. Yes, there are always things I could improve (my inner perfectionist talking), but really there's no major underlying problem that bingeing helps me get through. I think my recent success has been based on viewing the binges as a physiological reaction to deprivation.

Perhaps in the course of thinking less about food I drifted back towards eating less? I almost need to study one of these mythical normal people and copy how they eat until it becomes a habit.

Happy birthday to your DD Margo! Hope she had a lovely day?

I almost think it's harder to have daughters - I would feel so conscious of having to protect a girl from all the expectations and pressure that society throws at us. Just shielding them from my family's unhealthy weight obsession would be hard enough, let alone dealing with the media etc. It's probably the only time I think of having boys as an easy (albeit energy-sapping) option!!

Margo it sounds like your sessions have been great and that you are doing really well. I agree on the PMT thing, there's a theory that says when we hit that time of the month we are most ourselves, we feel emotions more acutely, we are vulnerable, we don't subdue our impulsive responses in the same way as the rest of the month. A scary thought in a way but it's definitely when we often crave comfort and sweetness and food is a natural source of this. Personally I think it's best to go with it, acknowledge it, comfort yourself however you need to-snuggling in bed, hugging DP or DCs, tea and cake . Resistance is pretty futile and usually ends in a bigger binge or worse mood

Oh and just as an update I had a terrible day yesterday as well, food wise. No meals, just continuous snacking the entire day. It was our school summer fete and I was helping out with one of the food stalls so had even more opportunity. But I feel like it's out of my system now and am hoping to recapture the impetus that I somehow found before my last stretch. If I could match jass's 2-4 times a year I'd be pretty happy with that. Thanks so much ladies for being so supportive.

sleep It was my DF's views that made that change for me. He is very vocal about his live and how he sees me. I trust him and in his views of the world, we're very similar in that way. So I thought if he's saying this, he means it and I can accept those word from my DF. DC1 also says things often to me, he's a very emotional child and honest too (can have some interesting moments) I try to accept those too. The voice telling me I'm not really is a lot quieter now.x

Maggie you're doing so well, sometimes little bumps along the way can help us.x

I totally agree with the idea that binges can be a physiological response to deprivation - I know Fairburn talks about restrictive diets being both strict (involving hard and fast rules) and extreme (based on cutting out certain food groups/banned foods). Although I think I have a congenital tendency to overeat (all my close family, 3 sisters and Mum, are overweight bar my Dad and recovering anorexic DSis), I had never binged in my life before I began a series of extreme and strict diets 18 months ago. For me, banning certain foods, e.g. carbs, and cutting back on calories led to binges that got worse and worse as my body literally feared that I would choose not to feed it. So, this was not an emotional response, it was physiological and now I have reinstated regular eating that has completed gone.
There was an emotional dimension however in the sense that I chose to begin the cycle of extreme diets because I wanted to change myself and the other things I need/needed to change (job, marriage, life choices) are way, way harder to fix. Choosing to diet seemed a 'safe' way to try and 'fix' myself - and aren't we constantly fed the lie that slimmer=happier?
Now I have gone back to normalised eating I am ever more aware of the other areas of my life I am not happy with. I am still tempted every day to deal with this by choosing a new diet to follow but at the moment I am not doing this because recovery is still so fragile. Also I know that if I become diet/food obsessed that will just be a distraction from other issues.
I do still feel very, very unhappy with my weight/shape but I am trying to look at other areas of life as more of a priority. This is very, very hard, but needs doing! Ultimately if I lost or gained weight, would I enjoy my job more?? It's utterly irrelevant!
I think that binges can be emotionally and/or physiologically motivated, but my experience over the past 18 months has taught me that the ones that are 'simply' a response to restrictions can also point to a preoccupation with food that is a welcome distraction from uncomfortable truths, if that makes sense!

Lou, it makes very much sense! None of us starts diet to be slim per se. We need to be slim to gain a competitive advantage or impress someone or the society in general. It starts out with something like this. but when dieting, I agree then physiology takes over and overruns all the other needs. To be fed is at the bottom of the Maslow pyramid of needs, and it is sadly true that unless the lower level needs are fulfilled, aiming at higher ones is not possible. So, dieting makes us to concentrate on supressing the need to feed ourselves, and it is totally impossible to even think of the aims we started to diet for in the first place. yet another closed and vicious circle!

Maggie, I only have these huge, hurtful binges 2-4 times a year, overeating is more like twice weekly, but not enough to make me feel uncomfortably full. But since this does not change my weight, I assume it is part of being that "normal" we all aim to be:-))

Was away deom home for 10 days, ate what happened to be on my way, lots of stratwberries and blackberries, but also quite heavy meals. Got back home, and did a weigh in - no change whatsoever! I had no scales where zi was and felt very comfortsble about it - I am now going to hide the scales at home, too. too expensive model to just throw out!

I'm so with you Lou, it's just taken me a while to work that all out.

Yes Jass, definitely put the scales away, it's the way forward!

Hello. I discovered this thread yesterday and having read several posts realised I wanted to share my story. I've been struggling with BED for about 10 years. I have had 2 lengthy rounds of psychotherapy in that time but, whilst useful in some ways, it did nothing to help me overcome the ED and I won't be going back to it. DH knows about it, but he's in denial as to the seriousness of it and we don't talk about it anymore. I have 2 close friends who I can talk to, and who are sympathetic and supportive, but I don't tend to unless they ask about it (they live far away from me and I don't get to see or speak to them often anyway).

My every waking moment is preoccupied with my eating and I hate it. I have a great life - loving husband, fantastic children, lovely house etc. and no excuses for messing up the way I do; the burden of shame, of feeling a complete selfish, self-obsessed idiot, is huge. I feel, quite frankly, ridiculous a lot of the time.

One thing I should say is that I am very slim - always have been and still am, even after years of this disordered eating. And actually for me this is part of the problem: it is such a feature of what makes me me, to other people, that I live in constant terror of putting on weight, of looking different from how I've always been. For me, staying slim has become a huge pressure, but of course it is those feelings of pressure, of stress, that trigger bingeing - vicious circle stuff that I know many of you will recognise.

I hope I'm making sense...! Anyway that's enough for now. Will keep watching this thread, which is a great idea. Always good to be reminded you're not alone...

Oh, I am glad to see this pop up in active threads, I had no idea this was here! I was diagnosed with BED about 6-7 years ago and come a long way since then- binges massively reduced, weight quite stable and I don't hate myself anymore. I still have some bad days where I could use some support, so I'm going to have a good read of this thread and come back to chat with you all later

Welcome runner and cant - please do join us!

Thanks for sharing your story runner. It all sounds very very familiar indeed - apart from that I haven't told anyone in RL about my disordered eating, only DP. It's great you have friends you can talk to.

And cant, the ladies here are all lovely and supportive so hope you find it helpful on those not-so-good days.

Welcome runner and cantbelieve

I just read this article and thought particularly of mrsmargo and fighting but we can all probably relate! The hidden danger of comparing yourself to others

Maggie, whilst I know I am lucky to have supportive, non-judgemental friends, I can't tell you how excruciatingly embarrassing I find talking to them about this (which is why I mostly avoid it). I am sure if I had a problem with alcohol, or drugs, or gambling even, I would find that a million times easier to talk about. Which brings to mind a conversation I once had (years ago) with DH, who has a long-term habit of buying loads of "treats" (sweets, chocolate, crisps) at the weekend. I told him I found it really hard after the weekend to open drawers and cupboards, see all his leftover stash and resist eating it all, so could he remove it somewhere out of my sight. He did this for a couple of weeks then lapsed, and I realised he just didn't get it, so I said to him something along the lines of: "If I had an alcohol problem would you leave an opened bottle of wine out on the kitchen bench before you went to work, knowing I'd be here on my own all day?" At the time he said he got the point, but he still kept forgetting to clear the cupboards of his junk food, and I felt too humiliated and embarrassed to keep reminding him to do it.... Just an example of how hard BED is to cope with....!

Welcome runner and cant, I hope we can be helpful! tunner, I so get this "I have always been slim, what will others think if I were not?". i have to say, it has not been easy. never anyone has told me "you have gained". but everyone and their dog comments on if I happen to lose a fee kilos. So I feel they see and judge. But I am getting better at being smug about it all. I am still OKish, but far from my previous standards, and sometimes friends tell me things like "it was when you were really skinny". I tey to think they are just stating the obvious and not judging, which is probably true, and some friends have gained much more of course in theor 40ies, so it might not be a big issue. if I am alone and look into the mirror, I see myself as full-bodied but in really great shape, muscles-wise. i am sorry some ppl only see the roundness. Not the fitness. But what can I do? Nothing....

Welcome running & can't, I'm glad you have both found the thread. Hopefully you both find it a place of support. We will all resonate with your experiences on some levels. That's the great thing about having so many of us.x

sleep thank you for the article, it was a good read for me. I still haven't been able to pick up my camera and it is simply because I feel my work will be terrible compared to those I follow in the profession. It has made me think more about just doing photos for me. Logically I would improve with regular practice but my anxiety jumps when I try and I don't carry through with plans to shoot something.

With regards to body image I have a much healthier approach. Although I do still compare, I don't feel the same painful self loathing I once did and see how I may have positive atributes too, in general I am much more comfortable being me.x

running you touched on things being good at home, good life etc. I had a little breakthrough with counsellors yesterday in regards to this. I too have very little with life now to grumble about but what I don't really do is much for just me outside of the home and almost never without DH.

I am about to take up a new hobby this week and I feel excited to have something that is just mine. It has no focus on body image, (like I did when using the gym) more stretching my mind. I think having the DC I gave up that aspect and really need to get it back. I am more likely to feel tortured with toddler tantrums and repetitive sentences these days.

I was wondering if anyone else has found this affecting them? Does anyone else feel immersed in the role of wife, mother, worker but long being an individual again? (not separation, just an activity)x

Fighting...I know exactly where you're coming from with this, and I hope this "light bulb moment" you had yesterday marks the breakthrough you've been looking for. My situation is different, though, in as much as I have my own interests and hobbies, and plenty of freedom to do my own thing. What emerged from the counselling I have had is that all my life I have struggled with shyness, low self-esteem and a deep-seated sense of loneliness. This loneliness is very hard to explain, given presence of DH, DC and friends, but it has hit home very forcefully in the last couple of years as DC grow older and need me less. It is definitely yet another factor contributing to my BED - i suppose I'm trying to fill an emotional gap with food...

Yet more evidence of how complex this all is....!

It definitely is complex.x

Welcome Runner, you sound very similar to me. DP also does not realise the seriousness. He says I'm just greedy and need to get on with it. He is greedy and binges but it's not a true binge. He just eats a good amount. We are incomparable.

I could also eat what I wanted and stay skinny once upon a time. I am still less than I should be for what I eat but I am expanding at an unfortunate rate!

What support do you all get from partners/family? I'm very intrigued.

Straight from a science magazine.

Lack of sleep causes binges.

Sleep loss corresponds with decreased activity in the frontal lobe, which controls decision making and more activity in the amygdala, a key player in fear detection. Together, these neural changed create a brain mechanism that dulls judgement and ratchets up desire - the ideal state of mind for scarfing down fistfuls of bacon!

Cassie - what a post and relevant for me this am, felt awful and thought why do I feel like bingeing at 6am- that never happened years ago; pre a husband that likes to stay up late and having children! I used to sleep nine hours, now a broken six is not uncommon.

Sleep- I think you're way of viewing ourselves as those that love us do is good although my dc did say "I would love daddy to come on the trampoline then we could all bounce on his massive tummy" - I might not tell him that one.....

X

Ps hi runner, yes my hubby just says "oh some people smoke, some drink, so what if you eat some bread now and then" doesn't get it at all- and generally buys three loaves of bread at the weekend out of defiance...

Pps I don't know if this is helpful but it sort of comforted me slightly, it won't deal with binges but Matt Roberts, personal trainer, wrote for dm in answer to a child's request for help, she was overweight, 12 and had pcos. He advised eat protein and as many veg as you like. I know we need to avoid rules but for me, I am also dealing with a huge appetite (maybe I need to learn portion sizes) but I've found this helpful, and it makes me feel good- so bbq salmon for tea with mountains of salad, broccoli, tomatoes yum! I don't know if his is helpful to anyone else x

Hi Elfin. Is it a male mindset thing maybe? My DH overeats on a regular basis - especially at weekends - and he has the belly to prove it (!) but his attitude is so different from mine: he doesn't analyse it or beat himself up about it afterwards, he just indulges, enjoys, tells himself he'll do some exercise in the week, and moves on! I kind of envy him for that... As for your advice re protein + veg, that's probably a good strategy, and I do know I'm not good at eating enough protein on a day-to-day basis. As far as binges go, I find that it's the sugary stuff that makes me feel like hell afterwards, both physically (it makes me so bloated) and psychologically, and recently I did manage to cut out all the sugary crap for a few weeks. I still binged, but avoided the chocolate, cake, biscuits etc. and I actually did feel better for it. But yes I know...that's just another rule, and it's restricting, which isn't good either...

runner my DH is the same as yours. He has slowed it down a bit as I have been improving. Its not always easy to watch the care free attitude and not join in the eating is it? I think I just try to take on board his positive outlook as much as I can.x

Another one here with a husband eating mountains. Worse, since he is quite active, he is on the strong side, but no belly or anuthing. Fit and muscular. In my dieting days I was always desparing that men can have whichever weight and evne if technically over BMi 25, they still are considered good looking if they stay fit. not quite the same for women. nevertheless, I find it helps to keep fit, I feel better for it. I have lately also found out that my fitness does not decrease if I only run 3 times a week and even have weekw off sometimes. And that gentle 20 minutes of stretching/pilates type exercise keeps the rest of the muscles Ok too. previously I was clearly overexercising and tiring my body so much that only food of course could help!