Binge Eating Disorder Support 3

[FightingBed2014]

Welcome, this thread is for those that have disordered eating / Binge Eating Disorder (BED) and need support. We are all working towards a better relationship with food, together. Everyone is welcome to join in and share as much or as little as you like. Our focus is on learning to be happy with who we are right now and moving away from our negative self image, thoughts and eating patterns one step at a time.

Previous threads can be found here:

Thread 1 March 2014
Thread 2 October 2014

My blog following recovery from BED can be read here:Fighting BED

Many of us are following Dr Fairburn's Overcoming Binge Eating Second Edition book Here This is also used by a lot of Eating Disorder services in their treatment programmes.

Although we have no rules, we would ask that people either avoid talking about or be mindful when it is necessary that the following can be a trigger for those with an eating disorder; asking advice on how to start a new diet, talking about specific weight and clothes sizes. Please also remember that those supporting you need support too.

This thread was started by a BED sufferer and the majority of contributors are Eating disorder sufferers and not professionals. As with any online forum, it is best to supplement support on here with real life support and advice from professionals

Yes to post binge effects - it is like a hangover...I even look different :(

Welcome gast glad you found us.

So good to hear you are still finding Brain Over Binge useful Maggie. It is great that there is more than one book/approach.

Nice that yr DC day worked out too :)

My day turned from rubbish to great:

1. With help I realised that something that could be a trigger, doesn't have to become one...

2. My weight is due to the binges not the rest of the 'normal' meals. I think I had convinced myself that my binges were small and therefore not really the issue. Looking at my weigh-in pattern at the CBT group shows no binges = lower weight..

I am sure this sounds so obvious but it was a bit of a light bulb moment for me. The leader suggested I focus on stopping the.binging not worrying about what the scales say.

I feel v positive. Thanks for support.

What is everyone doing for the weekend?

Love your username gast!

I just find myself counting calories kind of as a reflex. I also find myself saying 'well those 700 calories from x don't really count. I'll just ignore them'

I also find myself saying 'I'm insert emotion here so it's ok to eat.'

I was speaking to my friend whose wife is on mat leave and back home in Poland. She was the one who made me realise just how big I am. She is my goal weight. She is perfectly skinny and I am a lot bigger. I asked if she was back to pre baby weight. He said almost (November baby) she has been doing... Wait for it, 11km a day HIIT on the cross trainer in 30 mins. I do 2km in 18 and think I'll die.

I don't get gi issues any more. I used to be unable the bathroom. Nowadays I think my body is so used to it that I just feel very sick and get quite a bit of pain. Sometimes I get nothing.

Cassie when you say your friend made you 'realise how big' you are, do you mean she spoke to you, or you compared yourself to her?

comparing yourself to someone else isn't going to help you. It is completely fine to be you, more than fine. Learning to live you for all your amazing attributes and even the little flaws we all have is a much better approach. As you said this lady runs so much you wouldn't be able to. The comparison isn't applicable. When you look after yourself, making that your project you will feel the benefits. Punishment is just that, pain and loathing.x

Really feeling the urge to binge right now. Just dropped the boys off at their father's (it's a fairly recent split) and seeing our dog again has really upset me. I just want to run to the shop and buy enough chocolate to feed an entire continent. But I'm posting on here in the hope that someone can sympathise/advise on a coping mechanism/suggest an alternative.

Gast can you

• write down how you feel - all the emotions etc It sometimes helps to 'work through it'. All the things you might not want to say out loud.

• do something to distract yrself - read, go out, organise/sort/have a shower/go for a run etc

Too hungover to post anything worthwhile.

Saw this and thought of you all

www.buzzfeed.com/sallytamarkin/staying-motivated-while-losing-weight?bffb&utm_term=4ldqpgp#4ldqpgp

Hope you've all had a lovely weekend. Will catch up tomorrow if I feel more human. Fingers crossed please

cassie, if you say that wife of your friend is perfectly skinny and youearlier said you are really big then this comparison is useless. i got the impression you are seriously medically overweight from previous posts, that would mean having skinny as a target is absolutely useless even as a recovery goal. it should be healthy BMi and that bthw is very, very far from "perfectly skinny". i am at healthy weight, and I was at healthy weight when I was 12 kg slimmer. So, if you need a perspective, then after besting the binge you should aim to get to healthy weight, upper end.
if in fact you are just big compared to your skinny driend and close to healthy BMi, upper end, I say- forget it. You are healthy, too. And even BMIs up to 27-28 are not considered unhealthy, they do not make ppl die quicker. More statistics - people size 14-16 are are generally happier than skinny size 10 people, just for fun!

On her (desperate) measures - I can run 11km a day, but it does not make the binge go away. So, no need to ency that poor woman who is instead of enjoying her baby and this first year, dieting and exercising like crazy. i always look at postpartum people and their round forms are so gentle and cute. esp. Those who otherwise are really skinny. i am actually sad that your friend, the husband of that skinny lady, does not seem to enjoy that. Or maybe he does and just did not tell you, of course, that is possible.

Cassie, you need some confidence first in the shape you are right now, otherwise you can not beat the binge. until you have the binge beaten, even gentle healthy eating habits trend to lesd back to bingeing.

have to run, but needed to reply. Oh, and gast, try just ealking instesd of walking to that shop. Mocing, some exercise, stretching, etc., helps to beat the urge to binge. If not, then just have that choc and tell you you can always have it - after a couple of months of goes you notice eating it becomed poitnless.

How is everyone doing this week? Hope you're all getting some you time.

I am travelling, doing generally fine, as no free time to binge!

Still going well-ish, had a couple of snacky days over the weekend where I picked at things more than I could have. Not binge territory, but lost track of how much I'd eaten. I definitely need to plan meals better, but we've been so busy I didn't have the chance, or am too disorganised. Also have hardly slept, but that's completely my fault. Going to do an hour's work now then get ready for bed.

Hope everyone else is doing ok? This week is going by so quickly!

Hi everyone! Finally human.

How did you do gast? So sorry about your recent split.

So... I compared myself to her. She didn't tell me I'd got fat

I thought we weren't allowed to talk weights here? I don't want to break any rules. I have a weight that I am happy with and feel I look good. At that point, I'd like to be thinner but there is no need so I'm happy. I was talking to her husband and he said she was that weight. It shocked me because I thought she'd be less. It was a harsh reminder of what I used to look like and just how much weight I have put on.

It's not a huge amount but it's bloody hard. My bmi fluctuates between healthy and overweight. At my goal weight I am a solid 'healthy'. I am lucky considering what I eat. Very lucky. But I am still too big.

DP dhowed me a picture he'd taken on Saturday. It was hard to look at.

Why can't they invent a food that has no calories?

Saw an advert on YouTube today for BED. The woman had an unusual name.

Cassie I can really relate to what you are saying, as I have really struggled to disassociate stopping bingeing from achieving weight loss. I am still grappling with this! However, they are not the same thing. Stopping binges does not necessarily equate to losing weight. Achieving 'normal' eating patterns and a healthy relationship with food does not necessarily equate to losing weight. I have to tell myself this repeatedly!! I am trying to follow Fairburn's advice re: regular eating and weekly weighing but I still find it hard not to expect weight loss after a binge-free week. But then, if what I have done is eat 'normally', as opposed to follow a diet, why would I lose?
I have had a couple of CBT sessions around bulimia, and one of the things that has stayed with me is the definition of normal eating. Normal eating means: responding to hunger signals, stopping eating when you're full, eating regularly, not allowing yourself to get starving hungry too often, over-eating sometimes, under-eating sometimes, allowing yourself more on special occasions without guilt, not having good/bad/banned foods. It also means not counting calories, not weighing food, not having compensatory behaviours (over-exercise, purging etc), and not trying to lose weight constantly.
I am focusing on this definition while trying to achieve a more healthy relationship with food. I think I will have to do this for a while (6 months at least, according to CBT therapist) before being able to try to achieve weight loss safely - i.e. without putting myself in danger of either starving or bingeing.
It is hard, very hard, to let go of a desire to lose weight as it is generally universally expected that every woman wants to be slimmer, and we hear that message so often. I have not let go of that desire and I don't know if I ever will, but I see the point in not focusing on it for the time being, and trying to establish a more normal eating pattern and be binge-free.
Obviously there are some people who are able to think - I know, I'll go on a diet from tomorrow and lose that half stone/stone/whatever that's bugging me so much, and they do it, and they're fine. That's great for them! But, there are others who have become trapped in a cycle of unhealthy eating patterns and dieting is likely to exacerbate this, in the short term anyway.
I have no particular solutions to offer and I remain unhappy with my current weight but I am happy not to be bingeing! It is hard but we are here for you.

That's a really good response, running. That's exactly how I feel. Does cBT work?

I do expect a weightloss after healthy eating for a week tho. I never bloody get it.

I'm getting better at huuuuge binges but not so much at the 'well I'll just have one. Two won't hurt. Maybe a third' type eatings. I think I'm having more of these as I cut out the deathly ones. I could tell myself it's a step in the right direction. I've stopped counting calories, as best I can. I am becoming much closer to making myself sick after now.

I can't describe it but it's basically annoyance that I did so well for part or most of the day until I just fuck it up. I need to be back at my original point. Sometimes it's eating that does that. I sat at work yesterday for a good ten/twenty mins thinking I should throw up the flapjack I just ate.

Cassie as I said I am like you and expect weight-loss when I have been binge-free and made healthy choices, but realistically it may not happen. It's a really hard fact to face! You just have to try and let go of that for a while as a motivation, and focus on wellbeing rather than weight. The success of normalising eating is not one that can be measured on the scales (if indeed any success can), but in terms of a reduction in feelings of guilt and shame around food, and a more healthy attitude towards food as fuel and enjoyment rather than a way of dealing with/avoiding emotion. If you are sitting at work thinking about throwing up flapjack, that to me says that it would be more important to establish a healthy attitude to food rather than try to lose weight, for a while anyway. Those kind of feelings are horrible to experience.
The CBT programme does work, research evidence suggests, for both BED and bulimia. Have you got the Fairburn book? The second part of it outlines the CBT programme that most groups follow. It starts by asking you to monitor all your food, i.e. write down everything you eat, identify binges, and say how you were feeling at the time or what the circumstances were. This is all you have to do initially. The idea is that after a few days/weeks patterns emerge that you can pick up on. So for example, you would have written down how you felt before and during the time you ate that flapjack yesterday. Then you could try and think about what triggered the binge, and, further down the line, how to avoid similar situations arising. I have not got too far with this, but I know tiredness is a trigger for me, also not having eaten quite enough earlier in the day, and there are emotional issues there too. Some people have boredom as a trigger, and also stress/anxiety.
Certain foods are also triggers for me. So for example, I am not able to limit my eating of things like biscuits to just 1 or 2, as you say in your message, so for the time being I'm not buying them and am choosing not to eat them. I am using other things that I like, such as individually-wrapped health food bars etc, when I need that sugar fix. There is a stage later in the Fairburn programme where you work on reintroducing foods that you have been avoiding, in order to eat them in moderation/as an occasional treat. I have not got to that stage yet, but I know it is there to work towards.
Recovering from this kind of eating is a long process. The idea of CBT is that you work on changing the behaviour, and then after a while your brain catches up! So after the monitoring stage in Fairburn you go on to eating regularly (he recommends 3 meals and 3 small snacks per day), which you plan in advance. Then when you get an urge to binge, you can either register the fact that you are not hungry, if you had a planned meal/snack in the previous couple of hours, or that you will have something else coming up soon. This planned food schedule is meant to calm binge urges also. Personally I don't do the snacks as I don't have a lot of time at work to eat and don't feel I need them, so I am focussing on 3x planned healthy meals. It does seem to have calmed things down, though, as my body and brain have accepted that a decent amount of nutritious food will arrive at regular intervals and there's less of a need to hunt it down in between.
Hope you have a better day today.

Hi everyone, it's been quiet here lately, hope you are all ok. Still some great support and advice from the longer standing posters . I'm really posting to make sure I see you on threads I'm on but Lou sounds like you are really doing well and Jass your more recent posts really make me smile because I can see what a foodie (by which I mean very selective and appreciative of high quality, well prepared and delicious food) you actually are and it's lovely that you seem to be finding your way back to it

On the calorie counting thing - I know the knowledge is there from sheer practice over the years. But try not to dwell on it and the habit of totting up will fade eventually, in the meantime, if you count, try not to judge the total, just observe.

I somehow just lost a massive post. I pressed post and it's gone! I'll try to summarise! I hope I don't come across as rude because I'm summarising.

I do have the fairburn book. I've not managed to read any more than the first chapter. Thank you for posting his theory tho. I should work on it. It could really help.

I had a bad day today. My binges at work have a different to my binges at home. K feel both coming but let them happen anyway. I end up angry and disappointed that I failed again and disgusted at my appearance and that I let it happen again.

Today was a bad day. After I'd eaten, I felt as above. Angry, disappointed and disgusted. I felt strongly that I wanted to cut the fat from my legs out and that would make me thinner.

I ate breakfast, three doughnuts, two aeros, one chicken breast, a cucumber and an ice cream from the van.

I want to not eat tomorrow but I know it's impossible and unhealthy.

Cassie I frequently have fantasies about liposuction - you are not alone there!! I used to binge at work too (whole packs of biscuits/pastries from staffroom). I was worse if I was stressed at work or as it got towards the end of the week. I always felt more ashamed/desperate about those binges. I really hope today is better for you. Can you post from work? Would it help to post when you feel the urge to binge and say how you are feeling right then? Are you eating decent portions of nutritious food at mealtimes so as not to feel too hungry? At the moment I am having millet/oat porridge with nuts and fruit for breakfast and either brown rice or oatcakes at lunchtime and it is helping ward off hunger. I am no expert on food choices though!! So sorry you lost your long message. You don't sound rude at all. Fairburn is not for everyone. I carried his book around in my work bag for a couple of weeks before I could face reading it. Then I just dipped in and out. Even now I am sceptical about some aspects. But, I just find it helpful to have a framework, even if only to adapt it to my life/needs.

Sometimes I can have my phone, sometimes I can't. Work is stressful at the minute. Lots of changes and consultants.

I don't know what would help. I'm tempted to say nothing. Once I have the thought of eating, I'll dance around it for a while. Sometimes even an hour but my will ALWAYS gives up.

How was today for you Cassie, and everyone else? It has been a bit quieter here, hope that means everyone's been enjoying the good weather?

It looks like I was right not to be complacent about my recovery - after a 5 week hiatus I had a huge binge today, and the day before my friend's wedding too. I'm not quite sure what happened, but I'll need to have a good hard think about what I do next. One thing I know isn't helping is lack of sleep - why I'm still awake at this time I'm not quite sure as I couldn't tell you anything productive I've done this evening. Maybe I'm just trying to maximise time spent alone after a full day of being around people? Not sure.

Bizarrely I'm both pleased at having gone such a long time without succumbing, but also horrified at a setback after such good progress. I'll re-read the book and do the exercises again this weekend, and hope it all clicks into place again.

Cassie, Maggie, I am by now convinced that binges can weaken, can be less often, but can not be totally beaten. They remain with us, but their power lessens. it is possible to learn not to dwell on them, to move on and not to starve next day, to not count the calories of a binge. This is achieveable. Every book that tells there is a total cure and claims they know there is - and of course all these books do, at least my overcoming overeeating does - are a bit overadvertising and thus creating expectations. What is needed is the ability to not think about food past the normal level - like, what will I have for breakfast, lunch and dinner and what will I give my family? No more. I have to say that thinking of what to eat has become tiresome for me now, and I think it is good that it has. It is not interesting anymore. Nothing is off limits, so all food is equal, even if I make sure healthy stuff is there first. That is lower level of obsession than I have had for years. But the binge is still here. i would say a weak presentation about 1-2 times a week (overeating after dinner). A mad one seems to appear maybe 2-4 times a year, it seems. I think maybe there is more progress to be made, but I do not know.

Will you be ok for friends wedding maggie?

I can see that jass. This will be my third stage of 'recovery' (if I ever get there) but I always had a binge at some point.

Yesterday was fantastic until I got home and ate basically everything we have in the house.

I got really annoyed yesterday. My new boss is pregnant (really happy for her) and we were talking about birth and she said 'c section over my dead body'. It really annoys me when people have that attitude. I had 20 hours of labour followed by a section with the midwife shouting for a crash team to save my babies life. I said she may need one and not have a choice. (I couldn't care less about sections and after that experience will be electing to have another) she said 'oh yeah that's fine but I'm not one of these women who elects to have one'. I feel so judged for something I had no choice over. Previously, I mentioned it and her and the other lady said 'oh cassie why' in a disappointed tone. Fuck right off.

Hey guys,

Sorry to butt in, I just wanted to say I had been much better with not bingeing but I'm still really overeating each day. By overeating I mean I'm probably having 3000 kcal each day but no binges...until today.

This am at 5.30am PMT central, so how do you all cope with PMT....I had cereal binge at 5.30am! I hadn't been restricting...

x

ps sorry just read some of the above posts, it sounds like we are all struggling a bit, but jass to get to that point where food is just food is amazing. With a little self analysis though, and I don't know how you all feel about this, but I had a bad day the other day and my bagel binge that followed calmed me- gave me an alternative reality for a few hours. It seems to me, I'm not sure how I would cope without food, does that sound very weak? X

Elfin, I overeat before period, too.
I do not know about the calming effects of food - I have never felt this. if anything, it has always added to my anxiety if I overeat in addition to stress. When truly stressed I seek an exit from the problem so intensely that I may not eat at all. If it is a stress I can not solve (like sitting in the plane knowing I will risk missing next flight because the damn thing is late, but there is still hope - so inbetween the hope and accepting to wait for another connection), I can not eat all. But as soon as stress is over, I eat.
On the other hand, I get much more stressed than most people whenevr there is a chançe to be late, even if I am just going for a birthday party! So after the stress at the party I may have a post-stress bingE.

If you eat bagels to resolve the stress, I would say - food for you! Most of my friends and me would grab some wine maybe. So you are doing better there than many people!