Binge Eating Disorder Support 3

[FightingBed2014]

Welcome, this thread is for those that have disordered eating / Binge Eating Disorder (BED) and need support. We are all working towards a better relationship with food, together. Everyone is welcome to join in and share as much or as little as you like. Our focus is on learning to be happy with who we are right now and moving away from our negative self image, thoughts and eating patterns one step at a time.

Previous threads can be found here:

Thread 1 March 2014
Thread 2 October 2014

My blog following recovery from BED can be read here:Fighting BED

Many of us are following Dr Fairburn's Overcoming Binge Eating Second Edition book Here This is also used by a lot of Eating Disorder services in their treatment programmes.

Although we have no rules, we would ask that people either avoid talking about or be mindful when it is necessary that the following can be a trigger for those with an eating disorder; asking advice on how to start a new diet, talking about specific weight and clothes sizes. Please also remember that those supporting you need support too.

This thread was started by a BED sufferer and the majority of contributors are Eating disorder sufferers and not professionals. As with any online forum, it is best to supplement support on here with real life support and advice from professionals

Jass, it's great that you're at the stage where you can clearly see the trigger approaching, and plan for it. It doesn't sound it was that bad a day, given the circumstances?

I was introduced to flamkuchen by a friend who lived in Saarland for a while - yummy! I've tried to recreate them a few times since using tortillas and the DCs love them.

in fact we were in Germany, had to cross Mosel to go to Germany for food because everything on Luxembourg side were the pool was, closes at 14.30 only to reopen at 18.30-19.00. Terrible:-)

I did in this sense have a bad day that when I got home I had to eat something I liked too and I overall clearly overate yesterday, but that was yesterday. A single day does not matter in any sense

Lou I read your post yesterday, I would say it sounds nothing like your worried about. You seem to have had a really great breakthrough and should be rather proud of that.

sleep is right I can definitely relate to what you're going through. It's a tough phase but I can say it is most definitely worth it! Just go with it one day at a time, I have a counselling session once a week and it has been invaluable for me to be able to work out the tangled emotions. Are the sessions something that will be regular for you?

JassS it must be a good feeling to be able to look back on a day as something that won't affect today.

How is everyone else doing? Thinking of you.

Hi fighting
Cc ladies,

I do relate to the posts above regarding low mood and wanting to break that with food or whatever comfort that may be.

I am struggling with two things;

1 what to do when low mood hits when walking and running aren't an option

1. I keep making the same mistake, in quite impulsive and choc and bagels at home isn't working for me-if it's there I polish it off. At the same time I don't want to create tension around food, and despite overeating each day I have not binged. However, I calculated my morning kcal as 1000 kcal and thought I've got to be careful. So the chocolate and bread may have to stay out of the house; I thought maybe I would by a nice sandwich on the way to work and have that, or a bar of choc out but I find I'm snacking my way through a lot if I let myself, yet limiting myself to a few squares is tough! I don't think with the choc its bingeing as such (where as with the bread it is) it's just the choc doesn't fill me up just gives me a boost and I have the compulsive urge to eat it all- I am a smacked too and if I don't watch it I will eat all day! So I probably made the mistake of calculating kcal too- and this am had a semi binge (which goes to show the "I ate that so better not have that" mentality doesn't work! A note to self 100 g bar of chocolate doesn't fill one up!

Good luck to all of you, jass you sound very insightful.

Elfin There isn't any one thing I can offer as a quick fix. In my experience they are both one situation, rather than two.

Finding something else to do when you feel yourself heading for food as you have identified, is important. It won't always work and takes lots of repetition to get it to stick. Do you have any old hobbies that you could do, maybe sketching?( I forget if you have any counselling going, so I apologise if this is already happening) getting out how you feel is essential, be it blogging, a diary or talking to an empty chair. Basically we have these habits for a reason and the more we explore and identify them, the more we can adjust them. By the end if a session you may be surprised how much comes out compared to not being sure what was wring when you started. Assumptions that you shouldn't feel a certain way or should be over something by now can hinder you, if its coming up allow yourself to acknowledge your emotions.

What we eat is a tough change to make. Finding what works for you is key. Breakfast is part of my routine now, simply because I know my body can't run properly if I don't put fuel in. I tire easily so that is my way of helping myself.

Rather than trying to tackle all meals and how you eat in one go, break it down. Say just work on breakfast for now, finding something you really enjoy that will give you a good start. (For me its museli) Allow the chocolate either along side or as your snack a shirt while later? As sleep suggests, take some on a plate or bowl and go sit down. Eat it slowly and try to enjoy it. If you want more go back and repeat those steps. I found asking myself 'will I never have this again?' helped to gradually stop me going back multiple times. This took months, so try to remove any time limits.x

Lou, with regard to the tiredness, I can sympathise. Its frustrating at times isn't it, do you feel you should be doing much more but just cant?

My councillor helped me to understand that I was dealing with decades of difficult emotions and situations all coming to the surface. Kind of like releasing all the yuk I held in. It was the only way to live free of it and the body is bound to react.

The paramedic I saw when I had a panic attack said if you had a broken arm people would treat you gently and you would feel OK resting but because you can't 'see' what we have others will carry on as they are and we feel bad resting. She said its harder to get over than the broken arm but is doable.

Your body is healing and it will take time (I know I sound like a broken record with that line) but I promise it helps. The amount of arguments I've had with myself, being angry with myself for not doing enough, then frustrated for not looking after myself. I finally decided to take as much time as I needed to get well, its not forever right?! That was when I started to come out of my dark patch. Each dip back will be less and less, as will yours as you move on.

We're here to help you, with those times and make sure you remember to celebrate the good moments too. You're doing great Lou, I'm really proud of you.x

Hi Fighting,

Thank you for your post. May I ask what you do for a hobby when at home... I have to be honest I don't have a hobby apart from look after little ones. I used to like cooking but I notice I feel most relaxed in the kitchen, that says something doesn't it!

I haven't had a great day and perhaps I have known it from the start but the binge feels like a tension release. I felt tearful before and then it was a massive relief. Now I think why on earth did I do that.

I am sorry for taking time up on this board. I wonder if anyone knows of a councillor they can recommend ... who doesn't cost too much.

Thank you x

Your welcome Elfin. I write the blog and come here. You will see I post in spurts when I'm feeling worse. I learnt how to get my feelings out that way. Also watching a tearful film when I knew something was up but couldn't identify, as you found crying helps too.

I rediscovered my love of books and historic programmes. I watch lots of them and get lost in it for a while. MN is also a good place for lurking. I have tried a hand at gaming and other things, some I like others I don't. You could always post in chat for ideas?

You don't have to apologise posting on the thread, its what its here for. Smaller posts are easier to reply to when we're all on the move, so don't be disheartened if larger posts generate less response, I use my mobile and it relies on me remembering what is written which isn't easy. Also we all have good and bad days, so sometimes its quiet. We're not professionals and need to all support each other through those days.

Recommending someone for you to see isn't really easy as we are all over the world. You can search online for councillors in your area, make sure you attend someone who specialises in eating disorders though, if its this you're addressing. x

Hi Fighting,

Thank you for your really supportive post. You actually made me laugh, imagining myself gaming (that sounds a little wrong!). One thing that is really obvious, and ridiculous, everything I do is in the kitchen, the Mac is in the kitchen, my Nespresso machine is in the kitchen ( I'm very spoilt), I read online stuff (so all in the kitchen), I cook - a lot, for the family, so obviously... in the kitchen, I watch catch up tv.... guess where! I think surrounding myself with food and letting myself eat whatever I want may not be the best idea!

It's strange isn't it, I can not realise, at the time, that I am upset or anxious about something, my instant thought will be "food"... only later I have a delayed response, the emotion. When I feel like that carbs are lovely carbs (as I said I'm not actively avoiding them, but I also drink a lot of coffee and eat chocolate - so maybe there is a lot os self medicating going on, I know food is food and there isn't anything good or bad).

Ah thnx re: specialist, I was hoping people might say "yes this one was brilliant and now I am fixed" type of thing. Lol, I'll do more research and I'll also read your blog fighting.

x

ps great thread thank you.

PPS, lurking is good, I'll get back to it and maybe peak at other threads too! xx

ppps I am an empath too!

A lot of us can relate to that delayed response. Some of us have managed to flip it round and know how we feel, so there is hope!

I drink coffee too (decaf for intolerance reasons but recommended if you have anxiety) but I couldn't care less if its a placebo effect. I use chocolate almond milk for a mocha, gives me a nice drink for a change. The chocolate lure has worn off now.

I have dark chocolate (again for reasons) but have found once I broke the habit of having sweet milk chocolate I couldn't revert back. So perhaps there is an element of learning that not all what we eat is forever, finding something that satisfies us more can help.

I don't eat any jarred sauces etc now, they taste awful, yet before DH I didn't know how to cook from scratch. It taught me about real flavours as opposed to what I was having. The more I expand beyond my 'lovely carbs' the less alluring they are. That said I am terrible for not seeing anything in, DH likes to cook and sees meals. He does most of the cooking now, until I'm ready to again.

i think Elfin you should remove tour life from the kitchen! I can not even stay downstairs once the meal has been had. Ok, sometimes I can, but most of the time I have to put one or two flights of stairs between me and the kitchen!
What helps me if walking is not an option, Is reading - again, on the third floor only! (our house is classic central europeean 60ies house, narrow and high). I might also do some stretching/body building exercises, really good at keeping munching at bay.

But most of the time I find that if the binge wants to come it comes and the usual reason is that I have eaten too little in previous days or in the morning. In these cases the binge comes anyway, I have learned to accept that and let it wash over me, i.e I eat what I want until I have had enough.

On chocolate - my method is different from small amounts and mindfulness - I eat all I can in one go and then I am so aick of the stuff that I am immune for several months against it. If earing little amounts does not help some might want to try the opposite. It does take me 200- 300 grams to make sure I am done with it. i eat it shamelessly and wait for the need to subside. Then feed the rest to my skinny sons and the whole househols can then wait for months until I think about bying it again. they have their own stuff in the house, but I am very picky with my choc choice so it does not bother me!

That's a really good point about the kitchen JassS, I forgot to mention it.

I also like your approach to the chocolate, it makes a lot of sense.x

Fighting and jass, fantastic responses and really cheered me up. I love the way you are so self assured Jass, I think that's a better way for me too perhaps- let myself have as much as I want but on given occasions - not every day (live your honesty on the amount too :-) yep me too!). I also need to move - a few flights of stairs between me and the kitchen sounds like a good plan :-) I love European houses! Thank you for the replies ladies a massive help for me today c

Hi everyone. Crazy weekend so sorry I haven't posted. I had a long reply posted but lost it

Jas I agree with what you're saying. DP knows I will have fail days. He sometimes fails on a Thursday or Friday.
We generally agree Saturdays are for a large meal out and Sundays are a binge day (fat Sunday) we had a large dominos each yesterday. I let him have two slices of mine. Today I'd gained a kilo

Oh and maggie, no I didn't do that video. Maybe tomorrow...

Hi all

Distraction - I sometimes clean/tidy, or make a cup of coffee in the posh machine or purposely watch a TV programme. I think the key is finding what works for you.

And as mentioned, sometimes you need to go with it.

I had empathy with yr post Jass. Was at a kids party on Sun at a softplay. Trying to decide if I should order some food or not. None of the other parents were....

Luckily the kids food arrived and we were invited to share the food but was torn between ordering and being then only one versus being really hungry and knowing what they could mean...

A psych said to me if "we" can remove the hunger-inspired binges we'd be half-way 'there'.

Sleep is a trained person (as you guess from her v helpful posts). She does skype I believe which might help with location.

She is incredibly mindful of not promoting herself (I think there might be 1 mention across 3 threads). I haven't used her as a space came up on a NHS group, but out of all the ppl I have sought help from she seems to have the best grasp of BED etc. I am sure if you PM her she can tell you more.

I am off to bed. So much for going to bed early to ensure I am not tired...

Thinking of you all.

I cannot see today going well. I am currently trying to buy a house and sell a house. Our buyer has forgotten to place mortgage paperwork. He has only got his agreement in principle. Everything else apart from survey is ready to go both sides.

I keep getting so angry and thinking biscuits etc etc. grrrrrrr. No exercise again either. I'm turning lazy.

Sorry to hear that cassie. Can you rationalise with yourself? You have done what you can, it will work out ok etc. Write it down if that helps?

How often are you hoping to exercise? I have settled with '2 times a week is good enough'. I struggle to fit any more in.

Cassie, you have my sympathies with the house situation it sounds like a total headache. It will be over soon_ in the mean time have you got a bean bag you don't need anymore that you could take it out on?

Margo, its a tough situation with the party food. I think even those without ED's are reluctant to order food first. In my social circle I know everyone would be relieved you did and then follow suit. The advice you had is sensible, like being comfortable rather than sweating in the summer, eating when hungry is another way to look after yourself.x

Cassie, what does exercise mean to you? Is a brisk walk an exercise? i find that if I am too stressed/irritated to do the running or sth, just walking for an hour calms me and also the appetite somewhat, it gives this "getting out of the cage life has put me in" feeling. Can you have time to do at least that?

Am having a very busy work week and do not feel like running yet after semi, so brisk walking only here, too. Am preparing for a week off, so need to anticipate all the emergencies of next week and tweak things so they would not arise! HOme now, totally hungry, went through about 20 nori rolls of sushi and still needed cherries and cheese, too! But it seems to have calmed down now, not spiralling into seriouos overeat.

Everyone is giving each other such great support and advice here, its fantastic !

margo

Elfin - baby steps. You are doing the right things - apart from expecting too much from yourself too soon . Its wonderful that you are relaxing and enjoying food. The veg and chocolate included! As Jass said though, it will take time for you to adjust your portions naturally, it takes time for your mind to truly accept the absence of restriction, even if you are physically doing that - think about how long you have been living with the little voice saying what you 'should' or 'shouldn't' eat and there's no way that's going to go away overnight . So try your best to relax about weight for a while, there may be a small gain, but it should settle in time and then possibly go the other way.

With regard to finding other things to do when you want to eat, you had the exact answer from fighting - you need to reconnect with the things that light you up, that fulfill your human need for other things - be they creative, sexual, physical, intellectual, spiritual etc (did you see the Whole Health Cairn I posted before? Have a read of that article and a think about your life in the context of each stone. I'd also agree with getting out of the kitchen a bit more It can be hard to deal with all the different things that come up for you on here, but PM me if you would like a chat, I'd be happy to do that .

Cassie - I have to be blunt - you sound like someone on a diet! With regard to weighing, some people find that ditching the scales is the best way forward (the camp I tend to fall into and what the '8 keys' authors espouse), because I don't think the scales ever provides the 'right' answer in terms of how it makes us feel, even if we get an initial high from a loss then anxiety about regaining, the sense of still not being 'perfect' and/or a sabotage mentality can kick in shortly after. Others, (including Fairburn) suggest regular (but not too frequent) weigh-ins to provide reassurance that any weight gain resulting from the removal of restrictions is not 'out of control' crazy. Everyone needs to experiment and find their best way.

Your use of the word 'failure' also implies diet mentality and judgement about what you eat. You must let go of these things and try to find a kinder way of treating yourself. I'm not sure that working with DH is the best plan. He may well be very knowledgeable about nutrition/diets but is less likely to 'get' all the other stuff involved when it comes to bingeing? How have you got on with the recommended resources/reading through the threads?

20 sushi rolls?! Are they nice? I have never dared!

Alas, I don't have a bean bag but I wouldn't mind my estate agents face being used instead

Yes, I am on a diet. I need a purpose to stop eating. I feel weight/the happiness that will bring is the goal that drives me. I also won't stop the binging for any other reason so I focus on that. I cannot use appearance. I seem to have some kin d of body dismorphia but the good kind. I look in the mirror and think 'that'll do nicely' but I see pictures and am disgusted sometimes. DP thinks I just like to eat. He doesn't see a problem. I had a chocolate flapjack today as my emotional binge. An old lady gave me a packet of starburst and I ate 10 ish, I was proud. Then I got home and have DD a strip of aero. In two seconds I went from promising I'd have none to gobbling two strips. Luckily I could stop there.

I haven't had chance to read any more into it

Exercise is 1/2 mile jog or 50 x sit ups/leg raises/press ups/squats etc and a bit of a dance. I'm too lazy to get up at 4.30 am and too busy to do it after work.