Binge Eating Disorder Support 3

[FightingBed2014]

Welcome, this thread is for those that have disordered eating / Binge Eating Disorder (BED) and need support. We are all working towards a better relationship with food, together. Everyone is welcome to join in and share as much or as little as you like. Our focus is on learning to be happy with who we are right now and moving away from our negative self image, thoughts and eating patterns one step at a time.

Previous threads can be found here:

Thread 1 March 2014
Thread 2 October 2014

My blog following recovery from BED can be read here:Fighting BED

Many of us are following Dr Fairburn's Overcoming Binge Eating Second Edition book Here This is also used by a lot of Eating Disorder services in their treatment programmes.

Although we have no rules, we would ask that people either avoid talking about or be mindful when it is necessary that the following can be a trigger for those with an eating disorder; asking advice on how to start a new diet, talking about specific weight and clothes sizes. Please also remember that those supporting you need support too.

This thread was started by a BED sufferer and the majority of contributors are Eating disorder sufferers and not professionals. As with any online forum, it is best to supplement support on here with real life support and advice from professionals

That was much better put, thanks Margo x

Was an xpost! Spooky!

It's a response to so many things. In recent years (6 or so) my attitude to food has changed drastically. I used to be very anxious and rarely ate in social situations. I'd always eat in a day but sometimes it would be a forced salad. Nowadays, my anxiety has changed so my eating habits surrounding it have. If I'm stressed, I eat. If I'm bored, I eat. If I feel sad, I eat. If I weigh myself and am unhappy, I eat. If I weigh myself and I'm happy, I eat because I earned it. Off the top of my head, I can't think of a situation that wouldn't make me turn to food.

It was mumsnet that made me realise I had a problem. I thought it was a natural human response to binge as we would have needed to in cave man days because we may not know if we would eat again soon. So I thought nothing of eating a whole pack of biscuits and when I said on a thread that I do it all the time a few too many people said 'no that's not normal, go and see a doctor'. At first I laughed it off but no one in real life has the same eating habits as me.

I will RTFT tomorrow to get to know everyone's story and hopefully help others.

We are all going for a jog tomorrow. I'm dreading it. DP is amazingly fit and muscly. When we started out he was big and I was amazingly fit. How things change.

It's more how I look because of the rating that I don't want to accept.

Hello again - so I think it's been two weeks since I said I was trying a new approach. I know everyone's different and I certainly don't want to derail anyone else's progress with therapy or the Fairburn process, but this is what's worked for me (so far). I read a book called Brain over Binge that really struck a chord. As a result I've been binge-free for a fortnight which is the longest I've gone since this started. Well I may have over-eaten and picked at things on one or two days, but not to the extent where I'd call it a binge by my standards.

This is the book (full title: Brain over Binge: Why I Was Bulimic, Why Conventional Therapy Didn't Work, and How I Recovered for Good), and there's also a workbook that I worked through afterwards, which hugely helped to cement it all for me.

This video gives a better summary of the approach than I can.

The main difference for me is the realisation that I'm ultimately in control of whether I act on the urge to binge or not. I've found myself looking at my hands, and wriggling my fingers to remind myself that I can't put food in my mouth without rationally deciding to.

It's taken the edge off hugely and allowed me to have a sense of calm about it all, rather than dreading situations that I know are likely to end up triggering a binge. It feels very different to previous approaches where relying on willpower meant I was having a frenzied argument with myself until I finally gave in.

I'm reluctant to say that I'm fixed, because if I've learnt anything it's that BED recovery isn't linear, but I'm definitely feeling better about it all, and I feel like I've learnt a lot from working through things in this way.

I still have lots of work to do on shaking off my tendency to want to restrict / eat 'perfectly'. I find myself totting up calories in my head, and thinking about losing weight, even though I am fully aware I shouldn't be thinking about that right now. That may take longer to address, but I definitely feel relieved that the binges have lessened.

Having said all that, I still have Dr. Fairburn's wise words in mind - I eat 3 meals and 2 snacks every day, but I'm just trying to make them more substantial than I was before.

And yeesh, I really need to learn to write more concisely, especially at this time of night - longest post ever :( I hope that all makes some sense.

Cassie I think maybe there is some truth to your idea around our inner cavewoman eating unlimited amounts for fear of facing starvation later. It makes sense that for some people that evolutionary response would be triggered by going on a restrictive diet. I think it did for me.

But it's fantastic that you're asking for help, and that you have a supportive partner - it all bodes well :)

Oh Maggie - how wonderful to hear you have found something that 'spoke to you' so well. 2 weeks is amazing - celebrate that...Am so pleased for you.

The Amazon reviews on the book are pretty positive too! I like the video - thanks for sharing. I love the idea of the finger waggling too!

On a different note I wanted to share this article about raising your kids to have a positive body image. I know that is something I think & worry about a lot.

How has everyone been this Sunday?

Hello everybody! A week away and so many wise thoughts to come back to. The general feeling being: BED still is something we get because we are so fixed on how we are supposed to be, not how we are or even how we ourselves want to be!
I really feel for new people here who have only npw realised that diet is not an answer and scared abput the initial effects of giving diet up. I know it is impossible (almost) to believe that giving up diet is OK.Initial gain can be terrifying - but it normally stops before it gets into seriously overweight territories(for those of us who have realised diet is not an answer bfore we got obese). Those who have taken longer to realise diet is a problem,not a solution, have to be even braver facing every day the society which is judging them on their weight. I do not know whether it helps but I have read about people who are really thin and they have a problem too - ppl think they seriously restrict even if they do not and are very free with their comments about it. SO - you cannot win this whole weight thing based on other people, only of you seek to gain the inner, personal, superiority about your own (food) choices!

I ran the Luxembourg ING half marathon yesterday evening and it was first time in 4 years (since I got back to running after my last son was born) I did not feel too big. I am of course above average on weight scale in starting posts.So what? I am bigger than most and run middle range time for my age group - so weight does not matter even if we are talking long distance running? How can it matter elsewhere? And another thing - there were 13 thousand ppl running, so 12997 who could not win - but they could be the best for themselves. Even if they lose to personal bests, they are best for themselves this year. All else does not matter. It should not matter then in other areas of life, too. Weight should be one of the easy issues - no one is paid less for their weight. Salary depends on sector we work in, whether we are female or male, where in Europe we live - but it doesnot depend on our weight. It cannot be that important, can it?

Just the things which went through my head when running. Had flied in from London the samemorning, so was a bot hallucinating I guess by km 21. But - it seemed so right - weight does not settle anything in our lives. So why?

I will try to keep this feeling for longer. Bthw, I really liked London for a week, ppl were very friendly etc., but My respect to those who have to take all the noise and crowds daily! It must be very tiring to live in such an environement. I was totally unable to think about the quality of food there, it was a struggle to find some to sustain myself and I was on holiday! Imagining to have ro work and then manage a family/food all organisation thwre - it must be terribly stressful. But London for visiting has always been my favourite! Maybe because English is my first foreign language and therefore it felt very comfortable and like I was fitting in. I speak french too but Paris is not the same! Some smaller provinces can be friendly, but not the capital....

Maggie I'm so pleased for you that you have discovered that book and it seems to be helping so greatly . I will check it out too.

Margo and Fighting thank you for your lovely words . Margo your great link reminded me of another resource I wanted to link Look Positive, I follow their fb page and there are regular inspirational posts relating to body image. It's a subject close to my heart when it comes to DC's too and it's notable that the women I know who have never dieted or had body image hang ups (they are admittedly very few!), tell me that they have no recollection of diet or judgements around bodies/food featuring in conversations when they were growing up.

Jass, congratulations on the half marathon . It sounds amazing, you must be very proud. It's so fantastic to enjoy what your body can do in such a way. Like finding treasure when you discover it !

On the subject of finding new physical experiences, I've just come back from a week in France and we had access to a tennis court. I messed around there with DH feeling very conscious that I am shockingly bad at any ball sports (memories of tennis at school are horrendous)...but I think maybe kickboxing has improved my hand/eye coordination as I actually managed to hit the ball a few times . So I'm thinking of walking the talk and pushing myself out of my comfort zone a little and trying group tennis lessons. Could be very but I'd really like to be able to have a half decent game if I wanted so I'm giving it a go .

Hey Jass, totally with you on the running! Well done on the HM. I was back out running this weekend for first time post-op. Did 8k yesterday and 5k today so not extra-long distances at all but enough to appreciate the endorphins and get the feeling that, as you say, the body can be powerful and can get you places - literally, when running - no matter what its size/shape. That said I am still utterly paranoid about Fairburn-induced gain but I am trying to tread that thin line between binge and restrict which at the moment is the closest I can get to eating normally. I have not binged since starting eating this way and am trying to make wiser food choices and remember that a healthy way of eating does involve some restrictions, but to try and see them as choices rather than rules, if that makes sense. I fully agree with the video posted upthread about Brain over Binge that if I had to get rid of all my emotional issues and anxieties before sorting my eating I would be bingeing to eternity! So it really helps to see it explained in terms of bad habits and neural pathways etc. Earlier I was eating (cherries) and got an email from my sister (in recovery from an ED) saying she was in serious debt and not managing financially. I stopped eating, as I started feeling anxious, took DS out with me on the bike, then later caught myself getting a binge-like feeling as anxiety crept up again, so went out for a run, and replied to my sister late this evening after mulling things over. I am also trying to force myself to remember the physical discomfort/pain/nausea bingeing has caused me and identify what I think the benefit is?? I think the thing I find hardest to cope with as I am gaining weight when eating normally is the fact that it feels 'unfair', like surely if I have given up bingeing I should be losing. I know this sense of injustice is not rational though. It is childish really and I know that the adult in me needs to step in to remind me that the opposite of bingeing is not dieting - dieting is bingeing's evil twin. The opposite of bingeing is eating normally. And why should I expect to lose weight when eating normally? The gain scares me, so I am trying to think more about portions as I know I sometimes eat more than I should in anticipation of impending restrictions as I still have not got out of the mindset that tomorrow all this may be forbidden. It is really hard ...

Cassie sorry I didn't say welcome last night - looking forward to getting to know you .

Lou, you are making progress, I can see it for sure. Not so long ago I don't think you could have had those rational thoughts about restrictions, let alone acted on them and recognised the fact that there are often two (or more ) personalities at work in our heads when it comes to food and we can train ourselves to listen to the right one! Maybe you should read Maggie's book too?

And Lou, you recognise that you may be eating more than you need because you still have the idea of impending restrictions in the back of your mind. That is very normal too - after years (or decades!) of restrictions that is bound to be the case. It will take time to shake off but keep practising and you will get small but significant breakthroughs.

Try and keep focusing on and learning to trust your body and think about how you are feeling throughout each meal, assessing your eating speed, how tense or relaxed you are, what level of enjoyment you are getting from the food and experience and where you are in terms of satiety. Treat it almost like an experiment, an enjoyable learning process not a stressful one . You should gradually become more relaxed around food.

It is also great that you recognised your anxiety about DSis as a potential trigger and headed it off. Can you think of any other activities that might serve the same purpose, exercise is good but if you have more options then even better

I have to go for school pick up but just wanted to say Lou, your updates were so wonderful to read. You should be really proud of your progress!

Will come back when I have more time. Hope you're all having a good day.x

Hello group,

I just wanted to apologise- I asked for my posts to be removed (sorry to sound a bit melodramatic) but I wasn't sure if they weren't very helpful to others. I am still reading your posts; mentally taking note of all the great advice offered here.

It's great that some of you seem to have come such a long way!

Thank you for all the advice you have offered me.
X

Elfin there's no need for you to get your posts removed, everything is helpful, even if you aren't giving helpful info/advice (which you certainly did), if someone recognises themselves in the things you post there can be a huge amount of comfort simply in realising in the fact that they aren't alone.

Oh Elfin I see I was too late . Please don't feel you shouldn't post about anything here, or that what you write isn't of value.

Well done jass on the HM. Glad to hear you feeling comfortable with the other runners - sounds like you hold yr own!

sleep I am enjoying The Slow Down Diet, thanks for the recommendation. Good luck with the tennis. Thanks for that link too.

elfin everyone is welcome. Most of us have been where you are. I am sorry you felt the need to remove yr posts.

On another note. One of the things the CBT group encourages us to think about is the msg the media sends out about how women should be.

I saw this Independant article about the Daily Fail (sorry if you read it) misrepresenting some fertility research.

What struck me most actually though was the SamCam side bar. When they write 'Has women asking how does she do it?' what they really mean is 'you women should be thinking how does she do it, if you don't look like her'....or that is what I take from it. Not that much can be done about the worlds most popular news site...but it is interesting thinking about the msgs...

Link! i100.independent.co.uk/article/women-the-evidence-says-its-fine-to-have-children-in-your-30s--ZJ8VJEVslx

Elfin, sorry to see you feel that way. We all talk about difficult things here, I can understand if you were feeling worried about sharing, it's natural. I think everyone has a confidence crisis when they first join, thinking have I said too much, what if I put others off? It's an internal voice a lot of us share.

Like sleep said, reading others struggles can help us feel less alone when it resonates with us. One persons bad day / period of time won't make others have them. Helping each other has done a lot for so many here, past and present.

If you want to keep posting then do. If its not for you, then I hope you can still lurk.

Maggie, thank you for the recommended book, I have got a sample from Amazon. Looking forward to reading it. So glad you have found something that is working so well for you! Keep updating how you get on.x

Elfin, since none of us here is totally recovered, we are all still on the same way and even if with lesser intensity, the "problem" , however it manifests itself, is still there. I think we will never be totally recovered in this sense that we would not need to remind ourselves the thongs we are all writing here. Newcomers are often in very dark place and it is so sad to see other people suufer the way we did in the beginning, but it is certainly not so that we would prefer not to read about your feelings. Yes, we feel your suffering, we may offer some suggestions on how to start climbing up that ladder again, but also your posts help us to remember that progress is possible - that is valuable. Because most of us were once in the darkest place, we may now be at better place, but the dark door is still there.

Lou, nicely said - binge and diet are indeed evil friends and both can be overcame by eating normally. Learning to do it normally again is hard and of course tou have no idea about what normal satiety levels mean or what normal portion size is. You have to forget it for moment and since you are sporty I am quite sure that soon the gain stops and you will stabilise. Right also to remind yourself that while eating normally one might not lose weight, particularily if one has normal BMI!

I am trying to vary my exercises more than before, so that I do not get obsessed with running a certain amount of km in a week Again. Over last year I have done figure skating practice suring winter season 1-2 times a week, now I also bike and rollerskate, and I refuse to allow myself to exercise daily (I can walk on idle days though, of I feel like it). This way I limit the other friend of binge - excessive sport - and I was particularily happy that I had not lost time on last year in HM - meaning that training less ans doing different things is actually good to my running form as well! I did only one longish training run, only 13k, most of my runs were this year actually less than 10 k, which allowed me to do some speedwork, as I was not too tired from the distances. preciously it was 4-5 times a week, never less than 10 k, often as much as 14-19, and then a few weeks of not running, because i just hot exhausted! Then of course I was beating myself up about not running etc. Quite the same like binge cycle. This cycle is slowly dying, too!

Hi everyone!

Running Lou, 8 and 5k are huge distances! Well done .

Oooops posted way too early!

Elfin, I didn't see your posts but I think you don't need to feel bad at all.

I am accepting of all 'flaws' and assume everyone else here is. We cannot make you feel worse than you make yourself.

I allowed myself a final binge (hopefully a good idea) yesterday and have a plan to eat sensibly here on in. I want and need to diet but I see that is where part of the problem is and don't want to set myself off. However, I have no 'normal' eating. For me, normal has become binging and hating.

I have received that fairburn book and read the first chapter. I really didn't realise how much of a problem I have.

I've eaten really well today and done exercise. I'm sitting here now wanting to binge. I've thought about eating my hands. I'm going to bed soon so I don't have to think about it.

How are all you getting along?

Glad to hear you sounding positive cassie.

I didn't know what normal eating was either. That is why I personally found the idea of 3 meals and 3 snacks so appealing. I focus on that rather than what for now. I will move onto the what & how much later. Would that work for you?