Binge Eating Disorder Support 3

[FightingBed2014]

Welcome, this thread is for those that have disordered eating / Binge Eating Disorder (BED) and need support. We are all working towards a better relationship with food, together. Everyone is welcome to join in and share as much or as little as you like. Our focus is on learning to be happy with who we are right now and moving away from our negative self image, thoughts and eating patterns one step at a time.

Previous threads can be found here:

Thread 1 March 2014
Thread 2 October 2014

My blog following recovery from BED can be read here:Fighting BED

Many of us are following Dr Fairburn's Overcoming Binge Eating Second Edition book Here This is also used by a lot of Eating Disorder services in their treatment programmes.

Although we have no rules, we would ask that people either avoid talking about or be mindful when it is necessary that the following can be a trigger for those with an eating disorder; asking advice on how to start a new diet, talking about specific weight and clothes sizes. Please also remember that those supporting you need support too.

This thread was started by a BED sufferer and the majority of contributors are Eating disorder sufferers and not professionals. As with any online forum, it is best to supplement support on here with real life support and advice from professionals

Elfin how are you doing today? Reading through your post, as I think Fighting (or Margo?...sorry, on phone with dodgy connection) said, you need to try and move away from the black and white thinking with food being good or bad. Make choices based on what you know your body needs, together with what you fancy. Nutritionally speaking, that means protein, good fat, plenty of veg. Make sure you are working these in to every meal and beyond that, have what you want...this is in order to get back on an even keel with eating a range of foods, blood sugar and mental state. For example-buttered toast or bagel for breakfast, nutritionally speaking, is fairly empty and will give you a blood sugar spike, quickly followed by a dip, leading to cravings for more sugar/carbs which will continue that pattern. But put the toast with poached eggs, or the bagel with smoked salmon (bonus points for some spinach/asparagus with butter and lemon ) and you have a much more nutritionally dense (and enjoyable) breakfast that should keep you satisfied at least until mid morning, if not lunch.

I'd also suggest giving some thought to what you say about eating endless amounts of pizza 'like a child'. Is that how you would characterise yourself sometimes when making food choices (especially the 'sod it' moments)? If so, why might you be rebelling against? Are you a 'good girl' when it comes to life generally?

Hi ladies, I hope the wknd is going to be a good one for all of us. I just wanted to share something with you, given that some are really struggling at present.

I have just come back from shopping, a quick pick up for dinner as DH isn't well. He had requests for items and we are DC free tonight, this would usually be my worst time for buying far too much grabbing everything I want in sight.

I found DH's items, picked something I could sensibly eat and enjoy too and got bored! I had free reign and didn't want most of what I saw. No thoughts of restrictions either. As I went through the till I thought of the thread. This is 18 months since the beginning for me and something I never thought I'd be able to do, control let alone lose the impulse to 'binge shop' if you like. I have nibbled a bit of chicken but fancy a rest before dinner, so haven't dived into eat it all.

Over the last two weeks I have done 2 tiny trips to the shop and without realising until I got home, only bought what I needed. Who knows I may be able to brave the big family shop soon.

I hope this can give others some inspiration. No matter how impossible it seems, things can and will change given time.

Well done fighting - so nice to hear that things will get better - thanks for sharing.

Elfin & lou I am not sure that Fairburn is yr cuppa and this is link to that sort of approach...but I wanted to share this sheet (which I was given at my CBT group) about Feelings of fatness.

On a different note Huff Woman featured a nice article (with video clips) about a larger lady who found yoga helped her embrace her size. I have been thinking about this sort of thing recently as I have joined a gym.

Sleep I made myself look in the mirror at the swimming pool earlier, I am going to do more mirror work - thanks for the prompt.

Had a nice time with the DC earlier at the Olympic Pool. DS then nearly made me cry at dinner time when he asked us 'What is the best thing about having children?'. It felt like such a grown up thing to be asking, he is 7 bless him. Loved sharing those thoughts with him.

Hope those of you with kids have had a good half-term.

Fighting so good to read such a positive update. Well done on your hard work in 'fighting' this!

Margo thanks for the links. I loved the yoga one and would love to discover 'poise and calm' . It's very hard to feel poised at my size.

I've had some good news, and that is my job hours are increasing again which means more money which means I can go back to the ED counsellor. She's been brilliant, even though I had to sign her off she's sent me an email every week or so giving some advice or asking me for an update.
I'm ready to get back to our deeper work together now.

The eating plan (not a diet!) she gave me really does support my recovery. It's very much like sleep advocates and we tied it in to Fairburn perfectly. So I'm eating 3 meals a day and 2 snacks. Lots of protein, veggies and good fats. For starchy vegetables and grains I'm eating smaller amounts than before, and much smaller amounts of simple carbs. But nothing is banned! I'm eating slowly at mealtimes.
I don't keep binge foods in the house, just as Fairburn recommends for this stage of the programme. I'm still on Step 2, Regular Eating.
I've lost quite a bit of weight which on one hand is great, and will make my GP happy when I see her in 10 days. But on the other hand I have to be careful because I know that weight loss can trigger more diety thoughts and the urge to be stricter which I know may well lead to the desire to binge. I have to keep switching my thoughts away from 'losing weight' to 'eating for better health' and this does help me a lot.
Of course I'm still obese and still don't recognise myself when I look in a full length mirror. It's like the opposite of body dysmorphia.

Blimey,this has turned into another of my epic updates, sorry!

Have a good weekend everyone and for those who are struggling.

Hi, after reading some of the recent posts i though it may help to have access to all the different resources we have had shared on the threads from the start. It has taken me quite a while, so if anyone is aware of any i missed, or any you think may be of use, feel free to add them on. Hopefully those of you who are having a tough time will find something to help in the treasure trove of resources and info. (Huge thanks to sleep who has shared most of this with us).

Tsk...you guys...apologising for your posts when that is the whole point of the thread - stop it!

Dusky so pleased about your increased hours and therefore counselling

Fighting you must feel fantastic (and a bit bewildered)! How lovely to have a breakthrough like that . Inspirational.

Elfin I'm glad I've given you food for thought , keep us updated with where you get to on the good girl stuff...It was also good to read that you are getting into an 'observing' pov when eating (the first stage of changing unwanted behaviour is awareness) - perhaps see if you can think of what else might provide comfort other than food, not necessarily doing it but just giving it some thought .

This is the collection of resources and info shared on all 3 threads so far. I hope it helps to have another look or to see them for the first time.

Websites:
Over Eaters Anon
ANAD
NHS Eat well
Institute of Psychology of Eating
CBT self help resources

Blogs:
Lisa Rankin Blog

Videos:

Books:
Overcoming Binge Eating Second Edition
Eating By The Light of The Moon
8 Keys to Recovery From An Eating Disorder
Nourishing Wisdom: Mind-Body Approach to Nutrition and Well-Being
When Things Fall Apart: Heart Advice for Difficult Times
The Gift of Our Compulsions: A Revolutionary Approach to Self-Acceptance and Healing

Articles:
Yoga Helped Me
Living With BED
I wasn’t Happy After Weight Loss
Body Images Project Jes Baker
Article Jes Baker
Photo Worries

That's fantastic Fighting, I have a few to add in the morning (1hr ahead where I am this week, time for bed!)

Dusky what a fab update. So glad you have found an approach that is working for you. And that work has increased to help you pay for the support.

I get what you mean about the dangers of it becoming too diety. It is always in the background for me. It was never a good experience (frustrating as I didn't really understand BED) so not sure why it has the allure...

Wow fighting thank you very much. That is useful to have the links together.

Hope anyone who is lurking is doing ok. Do post an update when you can.

Hello ladies, just wanted to say I'm still kind of lurking. I wasn't getting the pings telling the thread had been updated so assumed it had gone quiet, but no - here you all are! :)

I think I've made some progress over the last couple of weeks which I'm keen to tell you about, just need to find ten minutes to sit and do it. Will be back later! And thanks Fighting for the list, will definitely be working through it. Hope you're all well x

Hello ladies, just wanted to say I'm still kind of lurking. I wasn't getting the pings telling the thread had been updated so assumed it had gone quiet, but no - here you all are! :)

I think I've made some progress over the last couple of weeks which I'm keen to tell you about, just need to find ten minutes to sit and do it. Will be back later! And thanks Fighting for the list, will definitely be working through it. Hope you're all well x

Can't wait to hear your update Maggie!

Here are a few more hopefully useful links - most of these are coaches selling their services but also have free blogs/webinars/Facebook or emails that are worth looking at

Isabel Foxen Duke, I really like her approach and find her quite funny sometimes (always helps )

Maddy Moon - a very young coach who was a bikini (bodybuilding) competitor. Definitely one for those who identify with the idea of chasing the perfect body.

Beyond Chocolate "the UK's largest no-diet community", founded by Audrey and Sophie Boss. It was Audrey, a friend of mine, who inspired me to follow a similar path.

Natural Balance, me , hope that's ok, I need to get back to blogging!

More to follow...

Dusky your update was wonderful to read, so happy that you are able to go back to your therapy. It certainly sounds like you have someone who genuinely cares and understands your needs.

Margo the mirror work is a great move forward, have you taken any time to celebrate with yourself, that progress?

Elfin, I'm so pleased you have found the resources useful. Reading your posts was what gave me the idea of collating it all. Different approaches work for different people, hopefully we can help unlock yours for you.

Maggie, it will be lovely to hear about how you're getting on.

Saturday is a chill out day for me. Feeling very much back to me, had lots of time to myself and it has helped massively. I am noticing after each bad patch I am coming out of it much further ahead in my relationship with BED. I guess it's a cathartic process I need to experience in order to shed years of issues.

I hope everyone has a calm and happy day.

sleep, thank you for the extra links. As you said we're not to apologise, neither should you feel worry about posting your link. You have given us all so much of your time and guidance for so long, it's nice to be able to see more of what you do. Thank you.

Lots of v good manners on the thread.

Elfin it is natural to share lots when you are trying to work out what is going on. I think the different stages we are all at makes it an interesting & helpful read - I always learn from other posts.

I know I worry myself about the balance of my posts. I think the phrase fighting used on her OP 'those who are supporting you, also need support' is one I try to be mindful off. However, I know that sometimes it just isn't possible to post for a variety of reasons including going through a difficult patch and sometimes you just need to get it out.

Thanks for the links sleep. And it is only fair that you share your website, you have been incredibly generous with your expert advice. As the majority of us here are sufferers, I just don't know what this community would have looked like without your input.

Glad you are ok Maggie - look forward to your update.

I have treated myself to some lovely new shoes today. We talked about the difficulties of clothes shopping at the CBT group, but shoes have also been something 'normal' I can buy. I want to work on the clothes shopping but for now I felt like I deserved the shoes :).

Hope you are having good Saturdays.

Hi, just seen this post for the first time. I would really like to join you to have support and be the support anyone needs.

I have a huge problem with overeating, to the point where I sit there surrounded in food wrappers and self hate. I haven't yet made myself sick but contemplate it at least once a day.

For example, yesterday was a good day. I ate a healthy breakfast and wasn't even hungry but for lunch ate 5 wagon wheels and a mcdonalds. I then sat there in the evening thinking what to eat. I ate the other 3 wagon wheels and a homemade burger.

I just can't stop and any advice is greatly appreciated

Welcome cassie sorry to hear of your struggles.

All are welcome. I hope I didn't sound like the 'thread police' as clearly I am not! I was just sharing how I try to approach being part of the thread.

I really care about it (maybe too much! ). It has changed my life. If you told me this time last year I would be able to days/weeks without binging I wouldn't have believed you.

There have been other overeating threads on MN over the years but this one is the only one that has kept going. Thanks to fightings sharing & tenacity & sleeps generosity with her qualified advice.

I would suggest you read the rest of the threads when you have time.

Can you start by thinking about what makes you reach for the food? I get a clenchy feeling. What are you thinking about?

You also need to work on accepting yourself. Easy to type v hard to do. It is difficult to engender change from a place of self-hatered.

Some of us are following Fairburn's book which takes you through his suggested programme.

No, don't worry. I always ask to join threads. Nothing you said

I will look at the book you suggest now. Guessing amazon

At the minute, I need to not accept myself. I'm full of self hate when I've eaten too much but all other times I don't think about it. I need to make sure I no longer settle that how I look is ok! It isn't for so many reasons

Welcome Cassie, always good to have someone else join us.

Just yesterday I posted a list of resources we have all found helpful over time. I hope they will be of use to you, I particularly love the TED talk.

If you don't mind me asking, why don't you want to accept you as you are? I ask because keeping hold of negative thoughts against ourselves is part of what fuels the disordered eating. Acceptance of who we are and all we are deserving of is such a different feeling, one that can lead only to happiness. We can't go wrong if that is our only goal...to be happy.x

Hi fighting! I'll look at the resources and ive just bought the fairburn book.

Good question, I feel if I accept what I am, I won't need to change. Accepting it will mean it's ok and it really isn't ok.

I assume you mean the disordered eating is what you don't want to accept? If that's the case, perhaps it may help to look at what it gives you? This is a question that has been asked of us by sleep in the past. Removing the huge fear (I know as Margo says easier typing than doing) we can associate ED's with also helps to remove their power iyswim. They serve a purpose and don't define who we are. Sleep puts this much better but hopefully that makes some sense.

I hope Fairburn helps you in the way it has so many others. Reading the first part was such a revelation for me.x

Cassie the Fairburn approach suggests that we need to accept how we are (for now) in order to address the binging behaviour. Which probably very much at odds with our inner voice and the general messages about weight/size/shape that the media/society give out.

I think that is one of the most difficult things to accept, or it was/is for me. It is scary to let go of the idea of trying to improve our body....

I want to lose weight (I am v overweight) but I just about managed to accept that it was worth giving another way ago. I reflected that for all the thinking/berating myself about needing to be thinner, I wasn't actually any smaller...so I wanted to see what this approach could offer.

It isn't giving up on wanting to improve things, but it is focusing on trying to achieve some normality with eating with the hope that I can reduce my body size in time.

I have managed to achieve days/weeks without binging. I have removed all of my rules & restrictions around food and I am about the same weight. All those years I have feared peanuts etc!

Fairburn isn't for everyone, as you will see on the thread, but I think there are lots of good elements to it, at the very least it will give you an insight into the complex make-up of an Eating Disorder. It is not lack of will power - it is a mental health illness.

Sleep often says we need to try to be curious about our eating - understanding why you binge is the key to all of this. Which in itself might seem overwhelming, but even if you just try to tune into to the thoughts that is a step forward.

I 'slipped' on Wed due to a situ where I wasn't able to speak out, plus feeling tired and being too busy at work. It all combined into too much pressure and I reached for the food. Are you able to recognise what you are thinking or avoiding thinking about when you binge?

Posting on here is the first step - well done.