Binge Eating Disorder Support

[FightingBed2014]

This is our second thread, helping each other through the ups and downs we experience with binge eating. The original thread can be found here
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/new_blog_posts/2029166-Eating-Disorder-Recovery

This is open to anyone, no mater how good or bad things are for you. We are all here for support and help to recover from our disordered eating. Talking about how we feel has been the first step to recovery for us. There is hope and life without it.

I blog about my recovery as I go through each new experience, if you want to have a read it's here

ellechapmanblog.wordpress.com

Margo you are incredibly brave going into that room and working on your recovery. The same goes for sharing your experience with us! It may not appeal to all and thats fine but if we don't push our safe zones and try others ways we may get stuck.

Fairburn definitely took away the fear of the scales by getting me to weigh myself and as you found when you look properly you see very little change. I can look at it as hydration changes now and not cry when it hasn't reduced in a day. in fact I don't really use them much now, I look to how I feel. I vote for keeping sharing and looking at whats out there because we do indeed bury our heads to get by a lot of the time. This is our time to break that habit.

I have had a bad 24 hours feeling incredibly anxious and thinking about food. Given all thats gone on for me lately I have decided to take a couple of weeks out from the thread.

I will lurk when i feel up to it but just need to concentrate on fixing me for a little bit. I know if I don't, I won't be in the right place to help others here or be the best I can for my family. In order to cope lately I have gone into overdrive showing how much I care about others and still not sorted me. Not 100% sure how to but I will try with the help of those I love.

As I write this I'm laid on my bed with earphones in trying to calm myself, ironically 'I hope you don't mind' are the lyrics. I care about everyone here and I hope you are all having good days. I will continue to blog as it's my therapy. Keep going ladies you're all doing great and I will be back hopefully in a better frame of mind. x

MesmArgo, as I said I think you are just miles ahead in your journey and that is why tou can do it! I just said I could not, I do no tthink you should not, if you liked it! Sorry if ti sounded like I did not want to hear about anyone getting on scales once a week, I just reflected what it would do to me. Obviously you have passed an important milestone, you can do it, keep doing it and keep telling us how is it going! As I said before, I do not support overcoming overeating approach where talk/think about weight is forbidden. I am generally Ok also to occasionally pop on scales, but I tend to do it when I feel generally good, and then the number looks OK, too, so it is enforcing the good feeling. If I had to do it at given time it would be different for me, but I guess I hop on my own scales more often than weekly. Just never when I have had a binge or just eaten more the previous evening, when I am likely to be slightly heavier. Apolgies if you felt I was critical. I was not.

Sleep, i planned my binge yesterday, how funny you should suggest, I went and bought 4 types of little pies I like (two of each, one for myself, another for my grown-up son, we were watching election campaign's last debates in my country for 3h in the evening and enjoying the food on table). I also had fruits. veg, some dip souce and some ice cream ans sorbets I like. And then we gradually gleaned it all together. MY son got more than his share, and I let it happen - so ended up with maybe around 2000kcal (di dnot count, but think rougly so) from the whole exercise which is not too much to give me even indigestion. Also, I ate the raw carrots and tomatoes I had and thus was feeling completely normal in the morning. Had a huge nice Dunday brunch, now aitting in airport ready to fly to my work location and feel like the brunch is going to sustain me until I get to my other home country.

I am nowadays considering a binge a problem only if it is so huge that I feel bad nect day. If it is just dense in energy but I feel OK, I have escaped lightly and feel happy about it/myself. I have 3 weeks to go before I know for sure whether this pg is a failure or not, and I can not be too steict with myself during this period. if overratings are limited to no more than two a week, I think I will not gain considerably. If it then ends in misery, I need ot get back in sportier habits anyway, but if it goes well... I will take it from there food-wise. I am ready to weigh a ton if it gets me this baby!

Hi ladies, lots going on here, I find it hard to keep up with who's said what on my tablet -

Fighting, take care of yourself, and see you back here when you're ready.

sleep, I quite like the idea of a planned binge - I might try that for when I know I'm likely to have one anyway, to see if it depressurizes the situation at all.

Dusky, I've been keeping up with the Fairburn food logs fairly faithfully, apart from a few really horrific binge days. I'm going into week 7 and although it makes for uncomfortable reading, it's useful to look back and get a sense of what frame of mind I was in at the time, and what I need to do differently (although actually doing it is another issue altogether!)

Jass, I do know what you mean about weigh-ins - that's something I've really struggled with, but I'm trying to see the number on the scale as exactly that. A piece of data that has nothing to do with my sense of self-worth. It's very very hard though.

Margo, I'm so pleased your first session went well, I've decided I'm going to speak to my GP again and see if the kind of group you've joined is available where I am too. It seems like a version of Fairburn, just with RL support, which I think would be really good for me.

I'm finding DP's lack of understanding very difficult at the moment. I had a major binge while he was out on Friday evening (being at home alone is one of those trigger situations for me) and he was just horrible about it the next day. He told me I'd have to replace everything I'd eaten, in a really accusing way (not mentioning that they were all things I'd asked him either not to buy, or not to keep in the kitchen if he did have to buy them. Why would he leave huge cakes and tins of biscuits in plain sight when he knows I have this problem? I'd like people's thoughts on if I'm being unreasonable - I'm not saying he can't eat them, but knowing I'm battling with this, is it too much to think he might be more considerate? I've spent the weekend thinking about how I might be better off if we didn't live together, and who would have the DCs etc. Not in a good place right now. But it's a beautiful day so I'm going to go for a run while the DCs sleep.

Will check in later to get back to everyone else. Have a happy Sunday all... xx

Maggie you aren't bring unreasonable at all in hoping/ expecting more support from DP in this when he is aware of your issues . Do let us know how you get on if you try a planned binge. I think giving yourself permission can 'depressurise' the situation as you say.

Margo please don't hesitate to share what is going on with you-it's good to hear how the group is working. Different approaches work for different people and often it's a case of trial and error, there's no right or wrong way (except perhaps when it comes to dieting ). All information is useful .

Iron, I have the same problem with my husband That he brings junk into our home, which can trigger me. But Luckily his tastes are different from me. On the other hand, he will not say anything if I ate his stuff, so it is not quite so bad.....I think you need to tell him to hide his stuff he you are not allowed to eat it. No way can he expect you to sit in the pile of triggering stuff and not to eat it! Home alone seems to be the trigger to many people....

Fighting, I hope all will be well soon! Hope you lurk and step in if you feel like it!

jass try and relax (hard I know). Focus on your wellbeing, not what your weight might or might not do. You are doing great.

Fighting, take good care of yourself

ruthbo you wouldn't happen to be the very same author would you ? Amazing coincidence with your nn if not!

Maybe we should see the spammy messages as a compliment - that our community is deemed worth spamming.

How is everyone? Thanks for the reassurance around sharing about my CBT group experiences. I hadn't considered the various reactions, so I learnt something.

Sorry to hear about DP's lack of support Maggie must be hard. Not really sure what the answer is...

I had a positive experience with the scales this am. Despite the fact they weren't down I found myself thinking "It doesn't really matter what they say, I am still me". That is a new feeling. I am sure another day I'll be back to normal, but it was a pleasant realisation.

Am finding I am being "good" ready for next CBT sess, but that will wear off! Also I am waiting to hear if I have won a project and if I don't it will be a big trigger. So have started thinking about the 'plan a binge' concept from sleep.

jass how you feeling?

Hey Margo - really glad things are going well! Your revelation around the scales sounds very positive - that's where I'm trying to get to with the weekly weigh-ins. For now though, I'm steering clear of the scales until I'm more confident I can have the same reaction you're describing. Otherwise, I'm still plugging away at Fairburn.

I have my fingers and toes tightly crossed for news of your project - hopefully they realise that not choosing you would be a huge mistake!

Jass, hope everything's progressing ok?

And Dusky - are you still with us? Are you getting on with keeping a food diary? I find it ok filling in my log most days, but that might be because I got into the habit of counting calories before, so it's almost second nature now to record my food intake in some form.

I'm having an ok week - I've set aside Friday for my 'planned binge', and am trying to see if that makes any difference to the other days. So far, so good. I've been eating out lots this week with a few breakfast and lunch meetings, which would normally spell disaster but have managed ok with it.

One of the things I'm realising is that everyone overeats occasionally! Even people who have a 'normal' relationship with food. I really need to stop letting it take up so much space in my brain - I have lots of other things to be worried about!

Maggie, exactly, everyone overeats sometimes! Thing is, if it happens once a week or less, tour body will not manage to grab and hold on to calories!

I have also gone through of a period when my planned binge day was Saturday every week. But it was not a good idea. I tried to put into me as much as thgood stuff as possible these days. So now my planning is more like if I feel it coming, make sure I have things I love, and try to enjoy the food. Guilt free enjoyment bthw is a huge detrigger - you can not enjoy anymore if you are too full. So you break and wait until you can continue, but sometimes the full feeling lasts long enough to stop the binge. And it is over, back to normal.

I now find also I hate the full feeling - being 7w pg is the hight of the bloating phase, so it is more uncomfortable now. Thanks for asking about progress, honest answer is I do not know. I have no mc sumptoms, US last week at 5+6 showed yolk sack only, but it was early. Next US is 25th of March. Doc wanted to do earlier, I redused, zi want one conclusive scan, because progress falling short of the expectations would affect my confidence. And I believe hugely into psychosomatic factors is one's health. if I have reason to believe this pg might fail, it fails for sure. If I act normal - normal women do not get scanned before week 10 etc., maybe I have higher chance to end up with a baby. I have tried the highly controlled and checked way and i hate it. I know this time my betas from 3w2days to 5w3 days went from about 20 (very weak line on sensitivity 10 test, no line on 25) to digi saying 3+ (about 2600 or more), egich gives me 56h beta doubling times, not perfect, but many women have it like this and carry to term. So I am quietly hopeful. i have a day off with my 5yo who is slightly sick, spent the morning doing housework and ironing etc. Feeling happy and content, having also had proper breakfast and lunch by now. Really good day in my life, esp. as I know my pg can end any day and bleeding may be here tomorrow. For some reason i feel it will not happen, so the disappointmnt can be rough:-)))

Hello sleepwhenidie. Sorry, but was cut off by MN as I hadn't kept to guidelines. Bye.

Hi Jass nice to hear you had a good day and were holding onto the present.

I get your thoughts about additonal scans etc. Thinking of you.

Maggie that is a good thing to recognise. I think it is easy to feel so different from everybody else, when we are still ppl who do similar things etc.

Have been to the 2nd group meeting. Was good. Lots of sharing & empathy. I nearly cried listening to one seemingly lovely person talk about their self-hatred. I just felt for us all that we feel like that.

Rubbish week workwise. Still no real signifcant contracts/projects etc. Feeling really anxious about it and like a failure etc. I need to start ringing some CEOs (who tend to make the decisions) but feel so frightened about it.

Anyway, hope you all have a good weekend.

Mrs Margo, I know so well about this calling anxiety. I have done saleswork in my youth, not phone sales, but selling telecom equipment, making big tenders/presentations and then chasing after these. I found that the second I felt I do not want to call it helped if I just instead of thinking this way made that call. So it was done! I got pretty pro about selling, everyone was astonished when I left after a couple of years, telling me that they thought I love sales, as I do it so well. Yes, I loved the success, money, etc., but not the job!

I had a massive mindless food afternoon yesterday. Problem is my pg symptoms are very strong when I am full of sugary stuff, so I tend to eat to make sure I still have them. How ridiculous of me, but I am a damaged person foodwise and mc risk wise, so the two together are just explosive, I guess. I had nice breakfast nevertheless, and hoping for a better day today. No restricting allowed here, never mind how bad was yesterday! Lots of abdominal cramping these days, which I think is a sign I am growing. Normal for week 7.... I hope

I'm still here, thanks for asking Maggie.

Still struggling with the food diary although I really have seen its value in the past, it was an excellent tool to help me see what my binge triggers were.

I feel like I need more help than I give myself, so I'm going to have counselling. I'm going privately as I can't get NHS help, I've mentioned this before. I've had counselling before, although it wasn't terribly helpful, but the counsellor wasn't trained specifically in eating disorders. This counsellor only deals with eating disorders, but she's fully booked until early April. She's put me on her waiting list for cancellations but otherwise I'll see her in about 5 weeks time.
Not sure what methods she uses, what eating plans will be suggested or anything like that, just that she comes highly recommended by one of the GPs at our health centre.

Feel a bit in limbo while I wait for my appointment, however I'm sticking with trying to eat regularly.

Determined to kick this BED up the arse once and for all, because I don't think I'm over dramatising to say I feel, sometimes, like it's ruined my life. It's been nearly 36 years now and it's affected my life in every area, and had a truly awful effect on me psychologically.

I've just finished catching up on the thread.
Fighting I hope you're doing ok, and that you come back when you're ready.

Dolphin, dying to know what such a specialist would recommend! I hope you come and tell us when you finally get in there!

I hope everyone is doing well! I have dug out slighlty bigger pants formyself and tried to convince meself that its Ok because I am 7 and half weeks pg:-))

Glad to hear you are able to find help Dusky. Has she suggested what to do between now & then?

Can you try to do the diary? I know I find the idea of having to do it a burden, but I also know it should help. Anything written down is better than nothing?

Hope she doesn't mind me mentioning this....as she gives her time on here freely and rarely even mentions her profession (unlike that spammy author up thread!) but Sleep is an Eating Psychology Coach based in London - she also does Skype - if anyone is interested in that sort of thing. I am sure she could tell you more if you wanted via PM etc.

My homework from the group this week is to look at the 'Pros' & 'Cons' of my ED. Not sure I have ever really thought about it in such an ordered way. I know sleep has talked about the things that our EDs give us.

Jass I'd go for comfort. As I am sure you know after DC1 you need to move to the big pants fairly quickly!

Thanks for the empathy on sales. Well done for becoming great at it. :) I am going to tap up my LinkedIn in contacts first, I have 000s of them!

Not really related to anything, but I saw this great article come up on Facebook about running with cellulite - www.myfitfamily.com/2015/02/19/smoke-mirrors/ and how it doesn't matter. I just thought of us on here a bit.

I am going to try to exercise more this week.

Hope everyone has a good weekend.

Hi, how is everyone? Margo thank you for the plug . Glad to hear you are finding constructive support and solidarity in your group .

Cellulite was invented by cosmetic companies because butt takes more cream in than face. Full stop. before the economic crisis of 1920ies one of the first uses of latex in clothware was creat arrificial dimple layers to cover up unseeminlgy thin thigs.So,if nature made our tissues show dimples no amount of brushing, creaming, starving etc will get rid of it. I had ir when my BMI was 18 and I was 18 too:-)))

margo, yes after 4dc I know really well that by week 8 there is a risk to look like month 5:-)))

Dusky I completely understand the way you feel about BED in terms of how much harm it has done but it may be helpful to also try and think of it from another angle - similar to the pros and cons list that Margo mentions - what is it/has it done for you? It is typically a coping mechanism and without it you may have ended up in a worse position or with a potentially more damaging 'crutch'.

As an example, very often BED manifests in childhood when we don't have the tools to cope with what life may be throwing at us - food can provide solace, a numbing out, comfort where there may be none from other sources. It is a very natural thing to turn to for comfort. Viewed in that light, it is a positive thing, because where would you go without it? Depression, ill-advised sexual relationships, drugs, alcohol, suicide? Seeing the disorder as something separate from you, that has to be conquered perhaps makes it more difficult to tackle. Understanding why it exists and how it serves (or served) you is a big step to take towards then finding other ways to serve the same purpose, maybe to recognise that you no longer need it - because you can learn to feel and deal with emotions for example, or speak your truth where habitually you stuff it down with food...

I tried. I honestly did not find what BED has given me. I know what gave me BED though - the diets and the wish to be very-very slim......

Jass interesting about cellulite! Meant more that we should just embrace challenges and not let size/perception get in the way.

For me, BED gives me:

• A way to cope with stress
• A 'reason' for my body size (appreciate it is a cycle)
• A way to cope with feelings that are difficult
• On some level there is an issue about not being 'desirable' following difficult earlier relationships with men. I am concerned about being slim & conventionally desirable on some level..
• A reason to stay in when I feel I need to

What it takes from me:

• Focus & time for other things
• A healthier body
• Choices (clothes, certain sports)
• A normal relationship with food
• The ability to be happy
• My confidence

It is difficult though...