Binge Eating Disorder Support

[FightingBed2014]

This is our second thread, helping each other through the ups and downs we experience with binge eating. The original thread can be found here
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/new_blog_posts/2029166-Eating-Disorder-Recovery

This is open to anyone, no mater how good or bad things are for you. We are all here for support and help to recover from our disordered eating. Talking about how we feel has been the first step to recovery for us. There is hope and life without it.

I blog about my recovery as I go through each new experience, if you want to have a read it's here

ellechapmanblog.wordpress.com

Hi ladies, hope you've all had a good week. Things have getting progressively worse, where I've been losing any control over urges to binge - if anyone's following Fairburn, I've gone from having 7 change days in a week to 1 or 2. The last 3 weeks have been particularly poor, and I've gained weight as a result.

I've been thinking about the benefits of my binges for a while and I suppose the main one is (very) temporary relief from the various stresses and strains of life. For me, eating is definitely a comfort at the time it happens, even if the feelings / after-effects afterwards are infinitely worse than they would have been otherwise. It's absolutely not worth it though.

I had an interesting thought the other night. I had over-eaten all day and had pretty much mentally given in to a binge. I was on the way into a train station that I know has a newsagent by the entrance, however it had been cordoned off so I couldn't go past and stock up on binge foods. As a result I had a 40 minute journey during which I was able to decompress and process my feelings. The end result was that by the time I got home, I had calmed down enough to not need to binge.

What I'm not able to do though, is recreate that situation on my own terms. I can't just make myself stop mid-binge, or as I feel one approaching. I almost need some external force to pull me away from the lure of the binge - does anyone have any tips for what to do about that powerless feeling? I can't really get past the current stage of Fairburn without cracking this, as the alternative activities don't enter my head until after the binge.

Hope everyone has fun weekend plans? Weekends are ironically the worst time for me, because they pretty much guarantee a binge :( Will try and distract myself though... Hugs to you all.

Maggie . Sorry to hear you are struggling. Remember that you're doing well to observe and have more awareness around what is going on with your binges. The 'foiled' binge showed you that you are able to cope without food even when you have the urge, so it was also useful, even if you feel you couldn't manage it without the physical barrier at the moment. Have you tried mindfulness? I think of you could learn to take that mental step back from whatever is going on and acknowledge that all feelings pass (as on your train journey), it would be a very useful tool for you....

Margo your list is great. The group sounds good

Jass how are you doing?

Maggie, I find it also very difficult to acoid an oncoming binge. It is like I see the truck coming towards me but unable to step out of its way! Even if by going for a walk or sth may postpone it, it usually does not kill it. What does kill it is doing something which is occupying enough to keep my thoughts in. Work, even hosuework does it, for example.
I guess having made a decision to bin the BED may initially also cause more bingeing, it is this kind of disorder I am afraid.... Do not worry about weight gain, do not restrict and do not starve after binge, that is all I know to say on this.....

Sleep, thanks for asking, I am eating consistently more that I should this week, as zi am on prednisolone and progesterone and both add appetite. Also at 8weeks pg I would feel insatiable anyway. But I have fiven myself the permission to eat, which means that while I am certain I eat too much I do not binge as such, i.e. I do not eat until uncomfortable. Also, I have wuite some amount of abdominal pains anyway, I hope stretching not signaling mc (my mc have been quite painless, so I hope stretching rather). And as the pain scares me I do not want to eat past full ad it would add to the uncomfort and worry.... I still have not gone to uktrasound, have been reconing I will go if start bleeding or then only around week 10-11, if I have not bled. Because I do not want to get mc news at scan at least. If I do not bleed by then,creasonable to expect I have a viable pg, if I start spotting I will know and the US will not be such a bad shock. A day at a time. Am off to ski for 5 days in aLps leaving today. so the 9th week will fly by hopefully. And I will be on full board in mountaintop hotel without any access to food shopping, so no food worries really!

Hi everyone, I have some catching up to do but wanted to wish you all a happy Mothers Day. I hope it's a positive day for all of you.x

Hello

How you doing maggie? I know the cordoned off newsagent wasn't your choice, but try to see the positive in decompressing - it shows you can?

Can you identify what stresses and strains you are trying to relieve? I find I start with one and then 'invite' others along, so there is a list of them!!

From the small gathering in my support group, it does seem those that are slimmer are struggling more than those that are overweight - with the concept, I obviously don't know the overall picture of their lives. I think the potential weight gain is v difficult for those that have restricted previously. You are trying, be kind to yourself.

I'd agree with Jass try not to restrict and eat regularly.

Jass how was skiing? HOw are you feeling?

Fighting nice to see you pop up. Hope you are ok?

I found myself protecting my time on Saturday and not making myself available for somebody that didn't really matter. It felt like a small step forward.

Work has picked up, so that is a relief from one of my themes of worry although now I am starting to get really busy!

Mothers' Day was ok. MY Brother hosted which was nice. I have done it every other time since I had my own place, 12 years ago!

Thinking of you all & those that aren't posting but maybe reading. Dusty, Italian, Purple Anewme

Hi Can I come back? I posted previously under a different name, then wandered off, because I struggled with changing my thinking. However, I need to change something and would like to try again

My back story: I used to be really slim, but put on a little weight with each of my 3 pregnancies, I'm now approx 2.5 stone overweight. The problem is I discovered low carb diets a couple of years ago and cut out all sugar, but now I crave sugar and can't seem to satisfy the cravings, so I alternate between eating low carb and then stuffing myself with chocolate, desserts, biscuits ..I don't know how to eat normally any more.

I don't know if this would be classed as an eating disorder, but it is making me very unhappy and stressed. I suffer with depression and take ADs, I'm 50.

Can anyone recommend a book that may help me learn how to eat normally without bingeing on sweet stuff. I do want to lose weight at some point, but can put that off for now.

Any advice to put my mind at rest?

Dh weighs far too much at 19.5 stone, so could do with losing weight, but he's struggling in the same way.

Forgot to add, I eat when I'm bored, unhappy, stressed, hormonal ..

Welcome (back) now . I don't think it matters if you would fall under a diagnosis of having an 'eating disorder' - I prefer to think of the way we eat and relate to food as a spectrum on which we all fall somewhere or other. Women who have a very straightforward relationship with food and their body (at the bottom of the scale if you like) are, sadly, the exception IME!

I think the first thing for you to try and do (like most of us here) is not be on a diet. Low carb diets can be amazing for losing weight but for lots of people the sense of deprivation is incredibly strong - sweet and stodgy foods are comforting and often delicious, there's no denying it! But this means that it can be very difficult to sustain that way of eating long term and we all know what happens then . We are also (IMO) programmed to crave a certain amount of sweet food, denying it completely goes against our inbuilt instincts. Having said that, the sheer amount of sugar that is added to today's processed foods also messes with our brain chemistry, making us crave much more that our bodies can actually cope with - its a fine line to tread .

I would suggest reading "Nourishing Wisdom' by Marc David as a starting point. It discusses how we need to feed not just our bodies but also our souls - it will hopefully give you a new perspective on how to look at food, your body and other aspects of life, in a much kinder and more forgiving way.

Margo - I'm glad work has picked up . Did you print off that great feedback we discussed ? Baby steps are all you need - well done on prioritising your time on the weekend

Lovely to see you back Fighting, how are you?

Hi everyone & welcome back to itisenough.

Margo well done on prioritising yourself, it must feel good to have achieved that.

jassS how are you feeling?

Hi sleep, its good to be back. The last two weeks have been incredibly hard but I have come through the other side a bit now.

I realised yesterday that despite feeling crap and craving binges I had still made progress. When eating I have been stopping when full and not reaching for the usual sweet stuff. No focus or plan to do that it just happend while I as sorting myself out emotionally. shopping and overspending on food is still a big issue. That and learning to have still quiet time are my next 'projects'.x

Thanks sleep and fighting

I'll take a look at the book suggested.

I think my problem is that food for me is so much more than just to fill me up physically. I enjoy the comfort. I have also forgotten or "unlearnt" how to eat normally through trying to follow low carb diets for so long, so have no idea what "normal" families eat anymore. I struggle to cook meals with pasta, potatoes, rice etc because I know they contain sugar and are bad for me, but then I pig out on chocolate etc It's difficult and I do wish I'd never heard about low carb diets, but just carried on cutting back on sugary stuff as I used to. Now I weigh more than I've ever done and am extremely unhappy

I can't speak for everyone but I certainly felt all the same things you are experiencing. BED has very little to do with food and a great deal to do with difficult emotions and inner turmoil. We get a high from eating but the crash after then guilt and so it goes round and round.

To change this we each have steps to move through, one at a time. Unlike a diet where all that focus is on the end result and we restrict ourselves, recovery is about the journey and learning to love ourselves. So with that in mind, we can all do it. Being happy and loving yourself is so worth working through why we do what we do.

Break it down into small manageable tasks and take it at your own pace. Things will change as you go. I am 14months in, I will never diet again and don't want to, I hardly weight and have no negative emotions when I do, I can now say positive things about myself and I feel proud of how far I've come. That can be you too, so long as you keep going. There at no failures, just progress even bad food days serve a purpose and tea h us things.x

Fighting, that's great. How did you get to the point you're at now?

Definitely it has to do with complex emotions. I don't feel very happy about myself, am depressed and unhappy. I don't know how to learn to like myself? [confued] Maybe that's what I need to learn first?

That is part of it too now - we/I could start making suggestions of how to start tackling the various issues at play, but really I think for you, the book I suggested may help shift your mindset a little and you will then be working from a better place psychologically, both in how you look at food (letting go of labelling things as 'good' or 'bad') and also how you treat yourself .

Thanks sleep, I'll see if it's available for the kindle, as I'm more likely to read it then ...

nowitsenough I very much agree with sleep. Using a book was the best start for me too, it opened me up to a change of thought, helped me to see I wasn't alone and was worth helping myself. it set me on the right track.x

Fighting would it help to have some kind of experience in mind to save money for when you are tempted to overspend? A lovely meal out, a massage, a day trip with the DC's? Just to put a more positive spin on not spending - as opposed to simply thinking you 'shouldn't'? A bit like when we try and think positively about what great things food can do for us rather than focusing on what we aren't supposed to be eating?

I also think applying the same approach of 'best quality' to shopping for clothes/things as for what we choose to eat can be really helpful. Get one really lovely sweater that makes us feel special, rather than 3 cheap ones that we think 'will do' for example. It gives a great deal more pleasure and reinforces self esteem, the 'being worth it' idea .

Hello, I hope its ok to join your thread.

I am really struggling at the moment with my binge eating. I have tried to confide in people who tell me to stop eat this and try an apple instead or to go on a diet.

I get upset and my crutch is food. I don't know where to begin on helping myself?

Am joining as my BED is bad at the moment and so is my weight as a result.

I am a yoyo weight loser and regainer which I know is not good for me.

I no longer know where to start to control my eating. Yesterday was dreadful and I ate huge amounts in a massive binge. Life is stressful at the moment which doesn't help but I need to find a better way than the binging.

LittleRedBird Welcome to the thread. I'm really sorry to hear that you have not had the support that you needed from those you confident in. Do you feel that they just couldn't grasp what you were trying to say, or don't believe in BED?

It is really good that you are still looking for help & joining us is a good start. We most definitely understand where you are and how hard it is not only to struggle with disordered eating but also the diet culture in our society. We don't judge here and only help each other.

Have you spoken to any medical professionals about this?x

Welcome Grateful Head. Coming to the thread is a good start to slowing the feelings your losing control and BED is taking over. This period can end and you will feel better in time.

Have you had any help in the past? Even if you haven't are there any other things that make you feel better? I know that may sound an odd question as BED is our coping mechanism, it can be hard to see other options that would work. For me listening to music and writing about how I feel helps.

Do you have anyone to share with in RL?x

sleep, thank you for the suggestions, I will give that a go.

I am struggling with low self confidence again, it makes it hard to feel like I'm worth doing nice things for. It's incredibly frustrating and I know its my depression and anxiety causing me to feel that way. Taking it a day at a time and have lots of RL support from DF & SDM, I'll get there again as i want to feel how i did before. The thought 'if I don't help myself things will never change' keeps me trying each day. Everyone here inspires me too.x