Binge Eating Disorder Support

[FightingBed2014]

This is our second thread, helping each other through the ups and downs we experience with binge eating. The original thread can be found here
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/new_blog_posts/2029166-Eating-Disorder-Recovery

This is open to anyone, no mater how good or bad things are for you. We are all here for support and help to recover from our disordered eating. Talking about how we feel has been the first step to recovery for us. There is hope and life without it.

I blog about my recovery as I go through each new experience, if you want to have a read it's here

ellechapmanblog.wordpress.com

Thank you Fighting

Well...I think I admitted to myself last night that I'm a binge eater.

I ate a 10inch pizza with four toppings, 8 onion rings, a cheeseburger and a large portion of chips with mayo. All in about 20-30mins. The pain and uncomfort afterwards was awful. Plus I felt like crying.

I was in a horrible place last night, so disappointed with myself as I haven't done it in about a month. When it happens, it's almost like I cant control how much I eat.

I've done it for about 5 years now but I've never eaten that much food before. And the stupid thing is I've lost so much weight since having my DS, I'm only 8kg from target!

Sorry....turned into a bit of a rant.

I think that was quite a good post, no rant in sight.

When you say you were in a bad place, do you know what triggered those emotions? You don't have to share necessarily thats up to you.x

Hi all

On the app with limited phone battery, so in random order:

Maggie - wow that is fab! Well done! Could 18th be (if not already included) being a contributer on the thread? It has been a number of months I think...?. Without contributions it would dry up. We all make up the supportive community that fighting started.

fighting "glad you feel ok about the dignoisis & that they will provide support. Did you tell them you are leading an army to recovery?

sleep great anaology. You and fighting have helped me to see that it isn't just about one issue but a series of interlinked things. Will look Lissa up.

Dusky thanks for sharing. Have you looked at plus size fashion bloggers? There are lots out there I believe. Ask for recommendations on Style & Beauty.

Hello teacup - how are things?

Thanks for sharing happy - do you know what last nights binge was about?

And DM didn't really get it (as I thought might be the case) but at least I conveyed the message I don't want to talk about it..I think she feels it is within our control to stop binging. She said - very matter-of-factly that she used to binge . Anyway, I can cope with all of that as long as we don't talk about it..So am pleased I got my msg across.

Onwards to the 1st support meeting.

Have also argued with private health co, think they might support me too.

Thinking of you all.
x

Welcome Happy, glad you came along . Your first two posts made me smile a bit - if you care to trawl back through the threads, almost everyone here, in their first one or two posts, talking about themselves and situation, have apologised for 'ranting' or simply talking too much about themselves . Hopefully the thread will help you relax, like others have, and talk about yourself (or whatever you wish) for as much as you like - we are all listening and understanding !

Margo Lissa's TED talks are great, but you may find her FB etc a bit marmite - v spiritual (Gaia etc) - I am not as far along that path as she is but I love where she is coming from .

Thanks everyone.

I think the binge was related to the stress I'm under with my son. He's 18 months old and is sick pretty much every day.

He's under a gastroenterology consultant currently, we get results of some tests back next week which should tell us if there is inflammation in his lower G.I tract, which means Chrons etc.

He's also just been referred to the neurologist department to rule out a brain tumour.

I am so very worried. Plus with a full time job, studying for a degree and being a single mother...I'm a little frazzled.

I'm usually okay with stress. Mostly.

Oh Happy what a lot to deal with. Sorry to hear about your DS, must be terrible watching him suffer.

Can you ask anyone in RL for help/support? I know a number of us on here are great at coping/putting others first (obviously ill kids comes first).

I hate asking for help/support but I make myself do it...it sounds like you could do with it.

Is there an exDP in the picture?

Yeah, it just makes me want to cry for him. But he is absolutely amazing. To look at him, you wouldn't know that he was sick. He's a little trooper, always happy and smiley (apart from the usual toddler tantrums) and doesn't let the sickness phase him! He vomits and then is happy to continue playing or eating, bless him. Even when it's 1am, mummy is stripping bed sheets and we're both knackered.

His Dad is great and has twice weekly contact with DS with one overnight a week, at weekend. He's great with DS' illness too and does his fair share of taking time off work, moving shifts around if DS is poorly. We've got to the stage now where we are good friends.

I do have RL support. If DS is poorly and I or his Dad really can't take the time off, my sister will step in and look after him for me. She's done this a few times, which has helped me out quite a bit. To be honest, it is getting a bit better as after lots of discussions with his childminder she has accepted that DS doesn't have a viral infection when he vomits and it's something going on with his body, so she doesn't send him home that much anymore. Perhaps about once a fortnight.

And I have amazing friends who help me feel like me when I get some time to myself. I actually don't have much to complain about .

I'm feeling much more positive today re. food. I know that I can manage what I'm eating most of the time. It's just bizarre how, on occasion, my brain function goes out the window and it's almost like I don't process that I'm eating too much food. I just wolf it all down and the normal thought process doesn't return until I'm finished. Then I feel horribly ashamed and digusted at how much food I've shoved down my throat!

Gosh, I'm talking loads about myself! Would anyone mind giving me a brief background on themselves? Misery loves company and all that.

Hello there, can I give a tentative wave? I've found it really helpful reading about your experiences.
I won't bore you now with my story but basically have always loved food and am quite small framed but put weight on in puberty, the rest of my family are pretty slim which was and still is a bit hard. My mum doesn't have lots of willpower she just isn't that bothered about food, can leave choc in the cupboard and forget about it - you get the picture!
Anyhoo like most of you I've lost weight in the past, yo yo'd and concluded that 'dieting' makes me worse in the end. Spent hundreds (thousands?) on private counselling & explored my 'issues', feel like I know the theory and whats behind it but struggling to translate that into a change in behaviour.

Currently am 24 wks preg with dd3 and massively struggling with guilt - bmi was 31 when fell pregnant and am prone to high BP in pregnancy which affects growth so baby is currently not growing brilliantly and pretty small. Feel awful that basically this is my fault for overeating. Comments from health professionals about red flag for the future as it means I'm likely to develop high BP, stroke, heart attack in later life - great. As we know feeling pressure to lose weight doesn't exactly help with our mindset. Feeling scared that I have to halt preg weight gain and lose weight after but I now know there's no quick fix as I've tried it all.

At the moment trying to eat when hungry, stop when full and make sure I have lots of protein and not too much sugar or salt but of course am failing miserably. Anyway sorry didn't mean to go on so long but it's nice to have found you all and you're all doing so well.

Feel like the thing I haven't tried us going to GP about this specifically and asking for referral to eating disorder service but don't want to do this & have it on record if I wouldn't meet their criteria - anyone know what criteria is? Is it weight based?

Hi Happy, you most definitely have a lot to cope with. I think you are incredibly strong to cope with it all. We all know seeing your child ill is one of the most heartbreaking things to go through. My DC2 was very ill from birth and I understand it takes its toll. (You wouldn't really know to look at the whirlwind run by now).

Please don't have to feel talking about you is a bad thing, having somewhere to share those thoughts and worries is important. As sleep said, we all worried about that when we came here. Remember you are important too.

When we have disordered eating, our thoughts centre on the negatives and we feel guilt and many other things. Here we all know how that feels to live with. We don't judge only offer support.x

Welcome Iwant & congratulations on your pregnancy.

It's great that you have already identified and addressed the need for counselling. I think putting the theory into practical steps is a very difficult process for us all. It has to be in very small steps and can probably be likened to the moving stairs I the old fun houses at the fair. A work in progress is a good way to look at it rather than hoping for a definite switch quickly.

The warnings from health professionals can be very waring. They have to give this (well meaning advice) to everyone. What they can't see is the underlying cause and we can't help it being a trigger or knock to our confidence. It sounds like you are trying your best. I would definitely recommend speaking to your GP.

I have just gone through the referal and wish I had sooner. I don't know their criteria but it wasn't an inquisition. In fact the opposite, full of support, care and compassion. They are the experts and know how best to help us.x

Hi Iwant Congrats on the pregnancy. 3 girls - how lovely :)

I was 35 BMI at the start. I hated being treated differently. I worried about 'causing' obese babies.

I think you approach sounds like a sensible one. Some of us are following Fairburn and his approach is to eat regualry including planned snacks, which is feasible in pregnancy

I found the freedom of pregnancy re eating v scary.

I don't know the ins and outs of diganosis either (have recently been referred - following fightings brave approach) but I believe they focus on behaviour/how you feel as opposed to weight.

I wished I'd gone years ago too.

Iwant, my GP has told me I can't get any help in our area until my BMI is 40. It's currently 38, and although I have high BP, there's no help available.
Being pregnant may help you to get help, or the criteria may be different in your area.
Good luck!

Had an awful day yesterday.
I bought some cornflakes the other day when I did my shopping. Haven't allowed myself to eat them for about 10 years since I discovered they have a high GI. Haven't had a banana for years either, same reason, high GI. Note I never stopped myself eating my other binge foods even though they too have a high GI and are far less healthy than a banana !
Anyway, bowl of cornflakes for breakfast yesterday morning, OMG they set off the most horrendous cravings. as bad as any I can remember for a long time. Needless to say I ended up giving in to the urge and binged. I vaguely remember cornflakes being a trigger food in the past. I'm clearly not ready to eat them again just yet, and maybe never will be able to eat them, so I need to throw the box out.

For those of you who are working with the Fairburn book, did any of you find that you resisted filling in the food monitoring diary?

Happy, I hope your little man's problems can be sorted out and it willbecome gradually easier.
You said that you have 8kg to go to the target weight, i.e. you have been dieting and losing weight. Binges are just a sign that in addition to being under stress your body is worried that it may never again get fed properly. it simply takes over from your brain and then you have a binge. This is how diets end and how yo-yo behaviour starts. It is perfectly natural thing.......

Dusky others have talked about cereal on here. I know it was a previous food of choice for bingeing for me. Try to be kind to yourself.

MN mentioned on FB that it is Eating Disorder Week. Beat have published a report, only skimmed it but it does mention BED. www.b-eat.co.uk/support-us/eating-disorder-awareness-week

Have my first support group session today. Feel ok about it.

Hope you all have a good Friday.

And Dusky yes I don't keep the Fairburn diaries as I should. I am sure it is a mix of avoiding writing down feelings, avoiding being accountable mixed with the desire to do it perfectly!

However, I kind of think that eating regulary is a big step, so I am trying not to berate myself for not writing it all down.

I feel like I have been living by other people's rules re food for years, so it is time for me to decide what I want to take from advice.

Dusky - why do you think you are struggling to keep the diaries?

Morning.
Margo, good luck at your group session today. I'll be interested to hear how you get on.

As for the Fairburn diaries, I think you've hit the nail on the head exactly with what you've written. Especially for me is being accountable and seeing it in black and white when I haven't done it perfectly.

I haven't eaten anything today yet, some mornings I do feel as if I have an appetite and will eat. Others, like today, the thought of food just nauseates me.

Thanks for all the good wishes re the CBT ED group. It was good. The two women running it were very sensitive and inclusive which was good.

They got us all chatting quickly. Everyone in the group seemed lovely. So many shared issues - low self-esteem, body image issues & obv the food issues.

They also explained CBT which was interesting. We have to do a Fairburn style food diary. And we will be weighed once a week to chart what is happening with weight.

It felt the most focused on ED thing I have ever attended. I really hope it makes a difference.

If you are thinking about going to the Dr I would urge you to do so, hopefully there will be something in your area.

Hope you all have good weekends.

Hmmm... food diaries and weigh-ins..... I really hope this approach suits you, Mrs. Margo, as obviouSly you liked it very much.

I could never ever do it. i am trying NOT to think too much about how much and what I ate, as long as it happens only at mealtimes and until full, not too full. And weigh- in would be a trigger for me - first to restrict before going and then binging obviously. You are clearly much more advanced on this road if you can do it this way.

I am currently 6w pg (no congrats, I usually lose them all, so before 10 w it is only a line on test, not a future baby). Taking prednisolone, which is causing life-threatening appetite..... I accept I may not be able to control my eating as well as it has been last month, both from stress (fear and almost ineviatbleness of mc) and medcines. Its going to be rocky, it is today already, but I am tyring to be kind tom e and even enjoy the food I amevery now and then putting into my mouth. I am on prednisolone already for three weeks, originally e appetite was not too bad, and during ski trip food was not around th corner all the time. Today home alone and woah.....

jass pointedly not congratulating you can I make a suggestion that might make you go WTF? Plan a binge. Think about what you really would love to eat. Get the best version of it you can. Lay the table, put some music on, use your favourite bowl/spoon/whatever (tell me it's not just me that has these ). Then serve yourself a portion of the food (put the rest away in cupboard/fridge), sit and try and relax and enjoy it - savour tastes and textures. If you want more, serve another portion and repeat as necessary. Try and be aware of what comfort or otherwise you are getting from the food and process. This, I think is likely to be better for you than feeling as if you are continually suppressing the urge to binge, getting yourself more stressed, picking at food and getting no nourishment or satisfaction from it . What do you think?

Another tip for when you are feeling stressed or struggling with the urge to binge is to make yourself a cup or two of miso broth, it can be quite calming.

Margo glad you liked the group. Like Jass I am a little sceptical about the food diary and especially about the weigh-ins (for similar reasons) but I understand the reasoning behind them and guess that it must work for lots of people.

I didn't mean to alarm ppl. Hope I haven't put ppl off seeking help. This was the approach at my local ED Clinic, maybe different elsewhere. They also provide 121 help, but there is a much longer waiting list, so I opted for this.

I just wanted to share as I found it a positive experience. And frankly all the other things I have tried have not worked, so I am willing to give 'their' way a go.

I also think I was brave going to a support group, so I wanted to let others know it wasn't as bad as you might expect.

If you had asked me last June before I joined the thread I would be willing to walk into a room full of other BED sufferers (strangers!) and sit and talk out loud about my issues I would have said "Don't be ridiculous"...but this thread, fighting, sleep, the other posters on here & Fairburn's book have all helped me get to a slightly better place.

I think the diary is about - 'you cannot manage what you don't measure' & they need that insight as it is just once a week.

And the weighing is about finding a medium between 'head in the sand/being v afraid of the scales' to 'weighing everyday/all the time'. Which they did explain. I am sure it will be triggering for lots of the group.

I had stopped weighing but the Fairburn book suggests doing it weekly so I have been.

It has shown me that depsite my fears introducing lots of 'banned' foods back into my diet hasn't made much difference to my weight which has been helpful.

I feel exteremely unqualified to comment on BED in pregnancy Jass but I know how difficult I found food/eating in pregnancy, so you have my sympathy.

We had a lovely time with friends last night. However, they bought lots of cakes with them. I feel a bit anxious about it.

I have started to buy flowers/posh handcream as gifts when visit and this reminded me it is a good idea.

We try not to have cakes etc during the week, so not keen on having them hanging about. Guess I should throw some away. What does everyone else do about 'goodies' that are bought into the house?

Hope you all have good Sundays.