Binge Eating Disorder Support

[FightingBed2014]

This is our second thread, helping each other through the ups and downs we experience with binge eating. The original thread can be found here
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/new_blog_posts/2029166-Eating-Disorder-Recovery

This is open to anyone, no mater how good or bad things are for you. We are all here for support and help to recover from our disordered eating. Talking about how we feel has been the first step to recovery for us. There is hope and life without it.

I blog about my recovery as I go through each new experience, if you want to have a read it's here

ellechapmanblog.wordpress.com

That's amazing Jass , accepting and working on understanding a binge, rather than fighting it and beating yourself up afterwards is huge progress. I sometimes liken a binge to a big scary seeming dog in terms of our reaction to it - if you can manage to relax and attempt to befriend it (as strange as that strategy sounds), it often loses it's ferocity and effect on you. And inevitably in the process of recovering from binge eating, there will be binges - acceptance and forgiveness around this, along with trying to see what each one might be teaching you, is key.

Oh and I know where you are with the DC's and skiing. I realised last Thursday that my 9yo is a better skier than me - felt a weird mix of pride, and dismay . The other 2 won't be far behind...

jassS I agree with sleep, going with the binge and not punishing yourself is a fantastic step. As is accepting your body is different now.x

Well done jass, a step forward. How you feeling this new day?

Sleep LOVE the queen idea!!

Thanks for sharing that fighting.

My story is: chubby child, think I started binging at A level college & have carried on since. In secret. Only telling DH until recently. Have had periods of restriction which worked at the time. Have tried most things diets, Overeaters Anon, hypnosis, counselling & workshops.

Been on the thread since last summer. Want to address my issues as I have a 1.5yr old DD and know there is a powerful connection between mums & daughters & food/body image. I come from a line of overweight women

I am feeling preoccupied with size at the mo

Went to an interesting 'taster' session this info about presenting (in a professional sense). I was dwelling on ppls (generally v nice) appearances....but it was interesting how everyone had insecuries. A reminder than even being an 'ideal' weight doesn't mean life is all rosy!

A friend who has been out of the country complimented me on growing my business. I don't find it easy to accept compliments but I am trying to hold onto them. Might write them down somewhere.

Hope you are all having good Mondays.

Margo I was going to suggest exactly that - printing out/writing down those messages of positive feedback and keeping them pinned near your desk or somewhere easy to find when you are slipping into self doubt . Are you feeling preoccupied with size at the moment for any particular reason? Often when we 'feel fat' its actually more to do with something else being off kilter, has anything happened to make you feel like that?

I will do that!

Thanks sleep. That it is interesting & has made me think. I think it is some comments from DM about weight. She & DF are enabling me to get to the NHS support group (by looking after the DC) for which I am v grateful for.

However, it does mean it has given DM permission to talk to me about weight. I think she has high expectations about what will happen at the group - ie dramatic weight loss. And that is making me feel really anxious.

I have tried to talk to her before but she doesn't really get it, so I'd asked her not to talk to me about weight etc. Anyway, I have taken the bull by the horns and just emailed her a link to BED & explained that I need her not to focus on my weight. Hopefully that will stem the questions & focus.

And breathe! Thanks sleep

You say your Mum is overweight herself Margo - next time if she opens up the conversation maybe question her experiences with dieting and where she is now with food/weight/relationship with her body? What do you think she would say? Is she still steadfast in her belief in dieting or is there room to admit that maybe it is a flawed and miserable approach? Could she ever see that dieting actually contributes to the problem of disordered eating?

Short recap of my BED story - it started out in my 20ies, after the birth of my second child. First diet ever. Followed by about 20 years of dieting and gaining afterwards. every diet/binge cycle ended at slightly higher weight and I never got back to where I was after my first diet (which was very low BMI, although nothing drastic). I had to diet myself to the upper end of normal BMI range (not going over only because I am an obsessive runner as well, need to start dealing with it as well before I exhaust all the joints in my legs). before I realised diets do not work. Found the overcoming overeating strategy and started to realise diets are no answer. I still have difficulties with accepting that I will never again lose weight, but seeing that not restricting and concentrating on eating three proper meals a day, not counting calires and generally enjoying the food is not adding any kilos on me convinces me we are trying to do the right thing here.
I am also struggling with accepting relapses, even if I know that BED is incurable. And I suspect even people with no eating disorders occasionally eat more than their need. I have to tell me really strictly that one binge every now and then will not change my weight, it is important to not restrict after a binge and keep my calm. I hope long term it helps.

Jass - you never know, you may lose weight in future, our bodies are constantly changing, its all about flow. And when you relax and go with that flow, things can change . Have you thought about doing some alternative exercise to running? Yoga would be ideal (I am an annoying yoga convert after 20 years of believing it to be boring/not proper exercise). It is also amazing for helping with body image and acceptance IMO - as well as helping improve performance in other forms of exercise, especially running .

On your point about people with no eating disorders overeating sometimes...of course they do! Some food is just too delicious to stop when you have eaten just one portion, just as we can sometimes spend more money than we should, drink more alcohol than we should, stay up too late when we know we are tired - its part of being human, no one is perfect

I also wanted to suggest Jass - would a cleaner for a few hours on a Friday, doing the jobs that you want done, help ease the tension and make the weekend more enjoyable for everyone at home? May be a good investment?

It's been very interesting to read everyone's stories and see similiarities in many ways.

Since I last posted I've been in the process of clearing all of my diet books away into some of those plastic crate box things. I've got together my non-diet recipe books and will pick a few interesting meals to try from them.
I'm also in the middle of clearing my wardrobe of everything that doesn't fit me right now. I've even got shoes that are too tight since I gained weight. I've started boxing these items up too, my house looks like there's been a Plastic Crate Invasion .

I love clothes and fashion and I read lots of style blogs. I realised at the weekend that reading these blogs isn't good for me at the moment. All I do is compare myself to the bloggers, who look great, and tell myself I must go on a diet so I can really enjoy my clothes and look good again, and then this triggers a heap of self loathing and a binge. So I've stopped reading them and have removed them from my Feedly account.
I've done all this to help me to work on accepting myself as I am now.

Foodwise, I'm concentrating on just getting some structure back to my meals and snacks as my eating has been chaotic for so long.
I'm working on eating 3 meals and 2 snacks. I'm not bothered about the content of those 3 meals and 2 snacks at the moment. I want to spend a month getting that structure into place and then I'll look at how I can improve my food choices to make it a bit healthier. I did a small food shop this morning and all I could hear in my head when I was trying to choose food for the next few days was this endless chatter - "that's got too many carbs" and "there are loads of calories in that" etc.
I'm not ready yet to focus on healthier choices, I just need to get used to eating regularly again.

Dusky what an update! Removing all those triggers and pressures on yourself is so good. You should be really proud of yourself.

Giving yourself time to adjust to eating regularly is also fantastic. It sounds like you have been doing a lot of thinking. Looking after yourself can only be a positive. I'm really happy for you, well done.xx

I have just had my results from the ED clinic and have an official diagnosis of BED now. The small group therapy, led by a psychologist has been offered, the same as for Margo. It won't be for some time yet as the service has such a huge waiting list but its all great news.

I feel fairly neutral with the diagnosis, I already knew I guess it just has a more official label now. The GP will be told too so it helps them to help me. They did comment that I should be proud of all the work I have done so far. I'm not good at taking compliments but I am trying to change that.

I hope you are all well.x

Hi all, I hope everyone's well? I've been lurking for the last week or so as I haven't been in the best space recently. I had a bad few days after my last weigh in, but I'm back now, and ultra-determined to get back on track!

It's super interesting reading everyone's stories. Mine in a nutshell (she says) is:

Ultra-sporty and very slim as a child, but with a big appetite and sweet tooth, all until I filled out a bit at 18 (had boobs for the first time, yay!). Was pretty normal until I broke my ankle in my early twenties and quickly ballooned by a couple of stone. Once I realised my clothes didn't fit I low-carbed (Atkins was the all the rage at the time) and it all went away.

Fast forward a decade and I was still doing a lot of sport and not thinking about food too much. In hindsight I was actually eating quite unhealthy but I guess exercising enough to balance out. Until the babies arrived. Two pregnancies in fairly quick succession and eating for three, plus no exercise meant I came out of it 3 stone heavier than ideal. (No exercise was through utter exhaustion and my blood pressure being so high I was passing out from my normal intense exercise, I just couldn't keep it up).

So post-baby I discovered myfitnesspal, and realised how easy it is to lose weight - eat less, exercise more. What could be simpler!? And it took 3 months to get back to (what I thought was) my ideal weight. I was just 3 pounds away from the nice round number I thought I should be. But then the binges took hold. Instead of eating 1,500 calories I'd eat 4,500 or more, and keep going for days at a time.

Which is where I am now, only a bit heavier.

Following the Fairburn process is the closest I've been to feeling like there might be some kind of solution to this problem, as I'm so worried that it's affecting my long-term health. When I've been binge free for a few days I've felt such relief, but I inevitably get dragged back in again.

Just seen this - that's great news Fighting, if it means you'll get more support now. I'm really pleased for you. How do you feel about the prospect of group therapy?

Dusky, those are all such great steps forward, you sound like you're in a really good place! I always notice that when I'm trying to be something I'm not I'm at my unhappiest. And sleep made a great point about this upthread - I'm definitely at the age when I'm getting to know myself better, and be the best version of myself I can, rather than someone else entirely.

Hello Margo! That's great that you can be frank with your DM about not focusing on weight, I need to do the same with DP. I know he means well and he's been very supportive, but when he makes (even positive) comments about the way I look, it can be triggering in a way. I'll just have to work out how to say something tactfully.

Also, you'll be pleased to know I finally did the assignment you set me MONTHS ago, of writing down ten nice things about myself. I did it during my 'miracle morning' today (ie getting up at stupid o'clock to think/plan/write/drink tea uninterrupted), and I actually made it up to 17! It's given me a lift all day, so thank you for that :)

OK, I'll stop hogging the thread for a bit. But hope everyone's well xxx

Sounds like everyone is doing well .

I discovered Lissa Rankin a few days ago and was blown away by her 'Whole Health Cairn' model. Based on the idea of those piles of rocks you see at the coast, that remain steady even whilst tides whirl around them. Each 'rock' represents different essential aspects of our lives and when one rock is destabilised, then the whole structure is affected and the rock on top, our health, is the most vulnerable. She advocates (as I do as a health coach) 'treating' the relevant aspects of our lives in order to restore balance and stability, as opposed to attacking the manifestation of the problem which is so often seen in our health (including weight and eating). At the very bottom is the base of it all - what she calls our 'inner pilot light'. I thought of this when I read your comment Maggie about feeling unhappy when you are trying to be something you aren't - and probably like you, Margo and Jass when you don't speak up about something you are unhappy or angry about - it's sort of our conscience, our instinct, the thing that acts up when we aren't being true to ourselves and our deepest needs and desires. When it flickers then the cairn becomes shaky and that top rock suffers most. It's all stuff that I have tried to explain throughout these threads but (IMO) brilliantly illustrated. The idea with the cairn is to look at each rock and consider which brings peace and happiness and which is a source of stress or discontent for you. From there, think how to restore the 'wobbly' rocks. What do you think?

Hi Maggie it's good to know you have been lurking. I do hope that people do in orser to still get the support. Consider my post a huge hug for you. I am immensely proud of the list you made and glad it made a difference to your day. Do you think doing this on a regular basis would keep that feeling going?

Margo I do hope you have had some positive feedback from DM.

sleep I can see why you were happy to find her. It sounds like such a great way to look at emotional stability, it will stick with me.x

I need to catch up with this thread! I posted a little while ago and then seem to keep not-reading the thread. I'm avoiding my own demons! Argh! Will read later :) I'm so glad you're all here x

Hi Teacup, it's good to see you back. Don't worry about not reading until now, we are here as and when you feel up to contributing or even just lurking.x

I've just been watching this video of men talking about their relationships with their bodies. They are amazingly eloquent and insightful and provide a great reminder that it isn't just women who suffer in this area. The first speaker nails it with his description of how his subconscious is keeping him overweight to be 'safe' but away from reaching his true potential/self ie -the things I was talking about earlier in this thread - how weight might be serving us and also how what we truly fear is our 'ultimate self', per the quote by Marianne Williamson. If you don't have time to watch it all, just listen to the first and the fourth as I think their words will probably resonate the most.

I have been pointed in the direction of this thread by another poster...I don't mean to butt in.

I've read some of the thread but I don't even know what to post.

But, hello anyway

Welcome Happy, it's an open group. You can write as little or as much as you wish.

We have been recapping recently on quick introductions for those of us have been here a while. If you want to feel free to add yours (no pressure to share anything you don't want to).

Also meant to say, I like the username.x