Binge Eating Disorder Support

[FightingBed2014]

This is our second thread, helping each other through the ups and downs we experience with binge eating. The original thread can be found here
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/new_blog_posts/2029166-Eating-Disorder-Recovery

This is open to anyone, no mater how good or bad things are for you. We are all here for support and help to recover from our disordered eating. Talking about how we feel has been the first step to recovery for us. There is hope and life without it.

I blog about my recovery as I go through each new experience, if you want to have a read it's here

ellechapmanblog.wordpress.com

Lots of xpost with fighting as I wrote my reply on the tube!

I just wanted to quickly check in. I was worried that I'd killed the thread so I'm pleased to see all the recent posts

Fighting thank you so much for the PM, I've just seen it but couldn't reply to it as it was showing 'send from...' my usual MN name and I've nc for this thread. It was very kind of you to reach out, especially as I see you've been feeling quite low.

My weight is getting me down so much. My tummy is now so big that an old (30+ years) appendix scar is so stretched that it's actually feeling sore!
I'm so conflicted between dealing with BED and the need to lose weight. Every day I resolve to eat healthier but it's just not happening.

Going to get my Kindle out this afternoon and really get stuck into Fairburn again. Unfortunately the one area he doesn't really address is what to do if you're an obese binge eater as I am and need to lose weight. (My BMI is at the top end of obese, nearly going into the morbidly obese category ).
I can't accept myself like this. I'd be happy just to lose 3st to get back to a BMI of 29 which is the top of the overweight scale for my height.
Sorry for talking about weight. I know it triggers me if I read posts about weight or weight loss etc so I feel bad talking about it but I'm just so fed up and unhappy like this.

Hi Margo, no worries with the crossed post. I think between us we covered it.

Teacup & Dusky I think you are perhaps both at the same stage in the journey. That is a key to getting past where you have before, remember it's more about the journey than the designation. Throw out the goals and pressures and just be you! Throughout everything we have all learnt so much about ourselves, I liken it to putting a puzzle together. Each of us has our own to put together. There are so many wonderful aspects of yourself currently hidden. Let those shine and you will get better.

Being kind to yourself is the best thing you can do. Everyone of us has voice telling us we need to lose weight. What we have to do is flip the equation we have carried for years 'once I lose weight ..... will be better and I will be happy'. Keep thinking 'if I am happy how much more will I enjoy life'. When we make happiness the only goal, it is absolutely achievable! The side effects are the things we punish ourselves to achieve but never gain.

I don't refer to my BMI or weight deliberately as I have learnt it isn't important and as mentioned it can become a trigger for all of us but I thought perhaps your concerns warranted an exception. Most of the time now I can talk about it mator of factly, I am very overweight, you are definitely not alone in that area. For health reasons I understand I have a significant amount to lose but you what? continuing on that diet cycle will just ensure I gain and gain making my health far worse. If dieting meant I would be healthy, I wouldn't be here. It would also destroy what self confidence I have built up. To be honest i have eitched them for good and couldn't go back now. Emotional eaters can't diet because THEY don't work for us. Diets are a massively false economy, imagine how much is made from repeat business for the main companies. Now consider how many you alone have tried, doesn't sound like a recipe for sucess does it?

This isn't something I would normally say but given that I am the furthest along in the journey...I have actually lost weight now, yet I haven't dieted for over a year! I like myself and look after myself more now than I ever have in my life. The best thing is that isn't a temporary change while I pay a membership to a group, I have permanently dealt with causes and continue to do so. They can't affect me like before so each one is a step closer to recovery.

We so often chase a huge end goal with massive promises to ourselves. The all or nothing is what we do repeatedly. Let that go and tell yourself every day 'I am not on a timetable' what ever time you need let yourself have it, If its a year, 2 years and beyond it doesnt matter, you are worth that. It's probably a fraction of what you have struggled with BED etc.

There are no quick fixes only slow steps. Finding a guide like Fairburn etc that suits you is a good step forward. Its all about what you can do from now on.x

Hi everyone, sorry for the radio silence, I am away skiing and was planning a bit of unplugging but it has been fairly enforced due to internet/3G reception being atrocious

Fighting I'm sorry you are having a rough time, I suspect the illnesses are all part of going through the tough emotions you talk about. You are doing brilliantly and you have it exactly right, the process isn't easy but it is necessary, keep the faith that you will gradually feel better and better and the rough days will get fewer .

Got to dash but back ASAP to speak to everyone else

Thanks sleep. Have a wonderful time on your trip.x

Teacup and Dusky you have had really great advice from Fighting and Mrsmargo, we all know exactly where you are coming from with regard to the desire to lose weight. But to start to do that you must first accept where you are for now, this is not a matter of resigning yourself to being overweight forever. Ask yourself how many years have you been trying this via eat less/move more idea we are all indoctrinated with as being the only way? How many diets have you started and how many resolutions have you made and broken? A large chunk of your lives have been spent doing this if you are typical dieters. And where has it led you? Acknowledge that this route does not work (for 90% of people generally!) You need a different approach now. That starts with sorting out your attitude to your body - no matter how much you don't want it to be the size it is, hating it and punishing yourself will not make it what you want it to be. Think of how you love your child - is that dependent on their size/appearance/intellect? Try and take the same approach to your body. We don't take good care of something we hate, so vowing to eat healthily etc coming from a position of hate is a bit like your left hand fighting your right...as is denying your appetite when on a restrictive diet. Find your kind, parenting 'voice' to speak to your body, when the negative, critical one pops into your head, answer it with the kind one as you would if a friend or child said those things about themselves.

If you are looking for a meal plan, then just start with 3 regular meals and 2 snacks. Set a routine with food that allows your body to work to a regular, natural rhythm and it will relax and function better. You will also get back in touch with your true physical hunger that way and from there learn to regulate your food intake naturally. You may well find this quite a lot if you have been on a binge/restrict cycle so try not to worry about tipping into an abyss of non stop eating . Don't ban anything - give yourself choices. Try and include plenty of protein and good fat and veggies - it can be useful to tell yourself at each meal/snack that you will eat these things first to feed your body what it needs and also have the option of less nutritious food afterwards if you still want it - go ahead and have it - but don't beat yourself up if you choose other stuff, even if it's cake for breakfast! It's a learning process, starting to tune into your body, to care for it and pay attention to the effect different foods have on how you feel. Relax and think about how much you really enjoy the tastes and textures of different foods, how you feel after them - full, energised, sleepy, bloated, comforted? Do you notice any pattern with headaches, digestive problems, skin flare ups when you eat certain foods? Think of it as relearning how to eat, like a child learning to walk - a practice, not a perfect and put aside thoughts of weight for the time being.

I hope everyone has a lovely weekend. I am just about getting to grips with the dairy free eating. Made some silly slip ups but had a lovely dairy free cake from a friend today, which was very kind. Thinking of you all as always and wishing you a good day.

Maggie, Margo & Italian, how are you all?x

Hi everyone . I've just found this thread and thought I'd join if that's ok?
I've had a problem with binge eating and yoyo dieting for a few years now. I'm not massively overweight but bigger than I should be considering the amount of exercise I do. I eat in secret and until I feel sick. I also have a history of depression and social anxiety disorder.

Hi witch welcome.

Hopefully you find the thread helpful. Reading our posts will give you an idea of what we are all working on. Some of the recent posts from sleepwhenidie may be of help to you.x

witch I also have an anxiety disorder. Do you find eating is a way of self medicating?x

MrsMargo, I so like your description of a recovery strategy. It is exactly like mine! And I am also on the same page about not managing all the time, but most of the time. Also, my weight is stable. There are still some issues - like, I got back from ski holiday and of course could not resist thinking "Maybe I have lost a kilo?". Of courseI have, and of course eating normally and being back in normal routine will mean it comes back. That is what is called weight stability, that sometimes you lose some and then gain, but on average, it comes out the same at the end of, say, every year! No stress about it.....But if you are such a weight-conscious person it is as difficult struggle to not to be happy about weight loss and then try again to restrict to sustain it. the binge-and-bust cycle can come from all different angles and corners.

Dusky, I think if we need to talk weight here, it should not be a taboo! I think go ahead if you need! the only part I think the overcoming overeating book ideas some me wrong is "not to talk weight, not to think weight". I much prefer to face up to my weight - like Fighting here has done. You face, accept and make sure you remember weight does not equal happiness or unhappiness. No more than color of hair or height or having glasses/not having them does. I also believe into wearing clothes that fit me and truly am amazed at these websites where big people get into clothes that make them look ridiculous, call that liberating and beautiful and sexy! of course it is their right to do so if it makes them happier, but I feel it is mugh better to accept my upper legs are really not the best part of my body to flash and instead go for a plunging v-neck which looks good on me but not on any BMI20 middle-aged woman. She can show off her slim legs, me my bosom - fair enough. I am not jealous for her legs, mine are just different and better underneath something knee-length. I am not jealous of her wrinkles, She prob thinks her wrinkles are worth having if they come with a derrière which fits skinny jeans. each to their own and each should be proud of their own.
trick is not to DO anything about weight, but eating habits. And start with eating what is good, as Sleep said, rather than not eating what is bad. Focus on things to do, not on things to avoid! regular meals you really like and can enjoy. maybe you need to find them, as you have somehow on the way forgotten how good some simple self-made stuff can be. if you tell what you might fancy I might share some receipe ideas. I try to cook simply, but never eat anything I actually do not really like. This for me is terribly important rule in the book. And I have found great adaptations to tricky stuff which make cooking a lot easier. Important part for me was to relearn how real food can be good, as my damaged brain tended to think everything which is healthy is bland by definition. Well, a lots of thyme and romarin and olive oil and goat cheese ahead, I can tell that there is no such a thing like bland veggies! but it was hard relearning process, mainly accepting that veg needs that fat component to be tasty, water-boiled broccoli just is not going to do it for me!

As I just spent 7 days in the Alps sharing ski lifts with all kind of different people with all kind of different body shapes with nothing else to do I have really been thinking a lot how different people really look. And not only weight -wise. humans are as diverse as dogs, if I may say so! Colors. Height. hair. Noses. Cheeks and cheekbones. All so varied. Why. On. Earth. Then. Body. Bloody. Shape. Should. Be. The. Same? No way it should!

I think anything is allowed on here.

The key is being sensitive & empathetic (which most posters are).
It isn't a weight loss thread as such but weight is often part of BED for many, so sharing if you have the need should be ok.

Jealous of the skiing jass & sleep hope you all had fun? I love skiing, such an all consuming holiday. I find you really feel like you have had a break.

Interesting point jass. I think that when I look at DS in his swim lessons. They are all different shapes even as kids.

I have had a nice w/end at FILs.

Avoided having a KFC 'Krushem' from KFC on the way back. It is a milkshake with chopped up sweets or chocolate in - who thought that up!!

Managed a run out in the frost which was nice. My back was hurting before I ran. It makes a difference if I don't swim on Fri's. I need to try to get to swimming and not drink full caff coffee.

I know that these things all help me to feel better - mentally & physically. I think that is a learning for me, that there are lots of elements to well being - it isn't just about eating well/better.

Work is better as I have been busier. I also received some nice direct feedback on a presentation I delivered, which was nice.

Have a busier week ahead too.

Also pulled DH on something today. Think before I would have just left it/sat and stewed.

Hope you are all having good w/ends.

Welcome witch. Have you talked to your Dr?

witch - sorry that was a bit direct/short. What I meant was: Sorry to hear you are struggling too. It all sounds very similar...Have you tried to seek RL help?

And re the Krushem. I'd already eaten lunch and didn't need it etc. Rather than I'd ruled it out as bad/shouldn't have etc.

Hi I take escitalopram and beta blockers for my anxiety and depression but I do medicate with food and alcohol too. Food has become more of an issue since I stopped smoking 8 years ago. Before that I was very underweight. I'll have a read through the thread and familiarise myself with everyone.

After reading your post witch I thought it may be good idea for us who have been here a while to recap on introductions and share a little with what we struggle with individually. Also areas we feel we have made good progress. I want to keep this a place that anyone can join, where we are all equal and your voice is just as important as the next person.

I will post mine now...

I started restrictions when I was 10, increasing to anorexia for a time. I would have brief periods of better eating and then go back. 7 years ago a bad depression triggered daily binges. In Jan 2014 after hitting my lowest I started the thread and blog. I needed to get better and had to do something to change my 'i will get thin and exercise' cycle. My weight had gotten higher than ever before and it worried me.

I started out not knowing why I binged at all. I felt panic at the thought of ditching dieting and letting go of that control. My self esteem was shot and I couldn't tell you anything good about myself at all. My reflection made me cry and binge more. No one in RL knew how I felt.

Over the last 13 months I have learnt so much and identified my triggers. Tackling them hasn't been easy and only last week I confronted my biggest. With help from the lovely people here and in RL I have discovered parts of me again. Sleep has taught me so much with her guidance. I have slowly learnt to accept myself as I am and like what I see, even if im not yet recovered I am far away from where I started. I hope by sharing that I can help others too.x

jassS I like that you had time to tjink while you were away. Your observations are so true, we are all different.

Margo not having the shake was a great step. It can be so easy to ignore how full we are and carry on.x

Hi, finally home from the holiday, it was loads of fun but is pretty full on with young DC's. The journey to and from was beyond excruciating (broken down cars, heavy snow, snow chains that don't fit, tummy bugs-total shocker!) but it was all worth it to see the dc's getting properly bitten by the bug .

Welcome aboard witch . One thing that jumped out at me from your earlier post was your mention of the weight you 'should' be....I think that as part of learning to be kinder to our bodies it can be helpful to start to question that 'should'...who the hell knows what any of us should weigh? As Jass says, we are a diverse bunch and yet we become convinced about how bodies are meant to look by the media and society and also by dieting mentality that says if we eat less and move more we will shrink - which of course is true, but only up to a point and without any other factors at play .

jass it sounds as if you are making great steps towards being more accepting of a body that doesn't look like a slim 20 yr old . Can I suggest another consideration, that at our age (I am assuming we are similar in age but estimating 35-50 range), we should be more like 'queens' in our disposition than 'princesses', that is to say, less in need of external approval, more comfortable in our skin, our style, our sex appeal, to not have to fit a mould that 'everyone' finds attractive. To be a princess is appropriate and understandable when we are younger but later on, the need to please (if I can term it like that) becomes unattractive and a poor role model for younger people such as our daughters. Think of some role models who come across as 'Queens', for me, Susan Sarandon, Julianne Moore, Helen Mirren, Helena Bonham Carter.....

Margo you sound like you are doing really well too . Great to have the positive work feedback!

SLeep, indeed - I am 45 and I have been teaching myself I do not have to look willow-like, in fact it would not suit me anymore. I have to be a rock for my family of 4 children, even if 2 have grown up already. Steady, strong, capable of lifting a little boy with his skis back up if he falls. (OK, both my 10 and 5 year olds ski really better than me thanks to the excellent Ecole de Ski Francais. I also find small kids are no bother at all on the slopes as long as you send them to school from 9.30 to 16.30 - it is my most relaxing holidays every year!).
But,as I recognized yesterday, I still felt that happiness for having lost a kilo and the will to keep it this way. Which resulted in a Sunday binge - we were home practically the whole day and of course I kept going to and fro from kitchen. But Having recognized the trigger, accepted the binge and agreed that Monday I will not go back to restricting I let the binge run to its natural end, i.e. Bedtime. I am not happy I binged this morning, but I feel I understood it this time.