Binge Eating Disorder Support

[FightingBed2014]

This is our second thread, helping each other through the ups and downs we experience with binge eating. The original thread can be found here
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/new_blog_posts/2029166-Eating-Disorder-Recovery

This is open to anyone, no mater how good or bad things are for you. We are all here for support and help to recover from our disordered eating. Talking about how we feel has been the first step to recovery for us. There is hope and life without it.

I blog about my recovery as I go through each new experience, if you want to have a read it's here

ellechapmanblog.wordpress.com

Welcome Jass

I was beginning to think I'd freaked everyone out with the suggestion that unwanted weight might somehow be serving us - just to emphasise, it's a subconscious thing that often has to be uncovered so that it can then start to be dismantled...

Maggie you don't really have weight to lose as I understand it, so your situation is a little different. But I would suggest that your binges are happening to call your attention to some area in life where change is needed. It's hard for me to say what that might possibly be for you without more clues , but common themes are perfectionism, not being true to yourself, emotions that need to be expressed, needs that aren't being met (could be anything - intellectual, emotional, sexual, creative). Would any of those apply?

Jass well done on your progress so far , I'd agree that letting go of calorie counting even further would be good though. It sounds like there's a lot of pressure on you being the breadwinner and going through the mc's . What support or help have you had/sought to help with the m/c's?

Hi everyone, I am feeling quite unwell with a cold. Finding it hard to concentrate but when I feel better I will come and reply properly. Hope today is a good one for you all.x

Sleep, I have had all kind of help for mc, I am confident that all there is available in Europe. I have one (additional little) job in university with pretty good mc research in the university teaching hosp, with contacts over all Europe, and my case was once used as a case study for a seminar with all kind of different experts pariticipating. That was after mc no 7, I guess. I have added another 7 I think, most of them really early, so noing to sort out even. A couple of ones have lasted 7 weeks, but never a heartbeat has appeared. Profs found it an intersting case as I actually have 4 kids, and no mc inbetween. But my placentas have gotten more and more difficult to get out, and they have a theory that my body is attacking the feritlised egg to prevent implantation, as body knows I would die of hemorrage if I had another child. Body has no idea there is modern medcine to help me..... Thing is, this kind of immune reaction can disappear if uterus is recovering, so I keep trying. It is quite common for mothers to be secondarily infertile esp. afte having had sons, and my last 3 are boys. There is research which shows that after women had a son, some 10% of them only had next child after 5 or more years - it comes out from church registries and the pattern holds for centuries. It is fascinating female body mechanism to prevent maternal death, even if I am not too happy to be an example.

I have a day off. Always a huge trigger. Will go out to take at least a two-hour walk.....

Jass, it sounds awful. What about counselling?

I do not feel the mc is much of sn issue in my binge eating, so I have not seeked counselling there. Yes, I do binge when waiting to mc, but I do it in all other limbo situstions as well (waiting in airports, having time to be on my own etc.). I have accepted that I may not get my last baby, but I have 4! Cannot complain really, can I?

I think my binges are more related to attempts to return to my ultraslim body I had 20 years ago and which I have basically dieted to its current proportions. I think I have during last year got quite close to beating the urge to diet, what remains is beating the urge to binge. Half of the cycle is gone, the other half remains......
I was very thin child (I think partially malnourished, even if I did then not think that way, but I grew up in a country with severe food shortages). When food became available, I immidiately had to start restricting, oh the irony. First few years were easy - fruit had arrived into the shops of my country, but they were really expensive, so I could not overeat just for the lack of money. My treats then were a few oranges or two babanas or a kiwi. No money left then to buy more! But I had unhealthy traits in my eating already then - I never for example was ready to share my fuit with anyone else, so had to eat it when alone! Now I can afford all the foodtuff I wish, and of course I do not regret it, but it is tricky - all food is inviting! Even the most common ones!

Great self-perception with your diagnosis Jass . Can I ask, would you describe yourself as a fast, medium or slow eater? And when you were at that 'perfect' weight, 20 years ago, is my understanding (from your earlier posts) correct that you dieted to get there even then? If I asked a dozen people who know you now about their perception of your figure, what do you think they would say?

Oops I put when I meant ! Slick!

Morning. jassS I agree with sleep, you have a lot of insight. That can be a great tool for you. Did you manage the walk?x

I am new - hello! Hope you don't mind me joining you :)

Feeling very low.

I am single Mum to a toddler with a terrible, terrible binge problem. I've had a long history with anorexia with multiple hospital admissions in my teens. I'm now in my 30's and am holding bmi at the bottom end of healthy around 18.5 - mainly through bingeing. I eat in excess of 8-10,000 calories in each binge (which last all day and can go on until the early hours) and then do not eat anything for days to make up for it. I am exhausted, depressed and at the end of my tether with it. I don't now what to do next. My binges are debilitating to the point I can't move/breathe.

I am trying to stick to a meal plan to regulate my eating patterns, but the binges come anyway. And then I feel so ill and disgusted with myself that I starve myself again.

Sorry for the rant! does anyone here have such extreme binges like me? (Not just a packet of biscuits!)

Lily welcome, sorry you are feeling so low. Have you seen your GP and told him/her all this?

Hi sleep,

I see a private counsellor once a week..

Figthing, yes I managed my walk. Ant two others today, as it is iced over where I am running is not possible at this mo. I never run in gyms, they lack oxygen.
Sleep, I think if people look at my body they see a strong snd athletic woman, even if with the emphasis on strong. In fact I am even myself able to see it sometimes, but then I try some of my old size 10 trousers and can not get them past my hips. And of course I am lumpy in upper legs- but all pear-ahaped women my age are. And since the weight trend has always been up, I am always scared that it never stops and the trend can not be controlled.
In my 20ies I first dieted at the age of 24, when my second child was weaning. Since then, it was off and on until about 3 years ago when I read overcoming overeating book. It helped, but only to make it clear to me that diets do not work and never will. I am probably 4 kilos heavier than 3 years ago(but have yo-yoed a lot, so am not even sure). Since then I have tried to be more accepting, but as I do not diet but still binge excessive exercise has to come to help as well. Or is it excessive? I know many people who run far more than my 25 km per week in 3 runs and I also skate twice a week....Are they all sick? At least they are ramrod thin, among my sports peers I am by far the heaviest.....
Lily, I have spent years starving-bingeing like you do now. It never helped. I started to look to exit the cycle by the time my BMI had gone from 18 to 23, while I was "on diet" all the time. Unless I was, ahem, eating tens of thousands of calories..... But I have never been anorexic, so maybe that adds seriously to your situation. On the other hand, when I entered my thirties I was also at BMI of 19, and I think it became unsustainable as I got older. Which added to the strictness of my diets and the ferocity of my binges.....The only times I was at peace with food was during my last two pregancies which ended with healthy kids, at 35 and 39. And if I look back over the last 20 years, it is textbook - I have dieted myself to much higher weight! i have now realised I need to relearn all the eating and preferably that would be eating 3 times a day and not spending all the time in between thinking of food. A couple of snacks are good, too, but I seem to be one who needs 4 more or less equal meals a day, no snacks. I shifted my goal from weight goal to normal eating goal. It is precarious though, I have done it before and always got scared about gain, so re-restricted. I hope I can see this out this time, even if I understand I will always be a damaged eater....

Oh,a nd Sleep, I am definitely a fast eater. In addition, I eat and read. Or at least, watch TV. Unless it is eating with family, but this only happens in the evenings, and i tend to continue snacking after the official meal is eaten. Family mealtime eof course does not mean concentrating on my food but on keeping my 5yo and 10yo at the table, concentrated on what they eat and not running around the table (only the younger one). Both are very picky eaters and often want nothing of the warm meal, so try to suggest alternatives from previouls leftovers etc. I feel my "meal time" starts only after these two have left the table, even if I have already eaten quite a lot by that point.

Hi Lily, so the counsellor is to help you specifically with addressing your eating? How is it going?

Jass I think there is plenty of potential to improve your situation but it will take small baby steps and lots of time to get there . Which is ok! How about starting with one change, to slow down with eating and when possible, do it without distractions. Focus on relaxing, savouring and enjoying what you eat? Think about how it looks, the tastes, the textures and what you think of all of these. How does that sound?

Hi all. Just looking in to say hello and hope all are well.

Had a terrible bug thing this week and just felt too ill to do much. Been asleep tonight and now wide awake!

Had a bit of a break through this week. I went to a meeting at my church (C of E) as various members had said they wanted to be part of a prayer ministry team. We were a select band of about ten people, a mixture of men and women, and we went round the room talking about why we were interested in prayer ministry. We also had a little reflective Bible thing, very different from what I am used to, the story was a blind man being healed and we were asked stuff like 'Who do you think you would be in the story?' And 'What would you ask Jesus for?' I decided to confide to the group about my eating disorder. Something I do not usually do! I said I would ask for healing for my eating disorder. It was helpful to bring up because we also noted the need for confidentiality. As although I was happy to tell the group, I would not want it repeated. I am generally quite selective about who I tell.
Normally, it is only close friends or total strangers (or people on line!). But this was not that at all. People I know a bit!

Anyway, since Tuesday I have felt amazingly different about food. I mean I have also felt ill for some of that time but normally feeling ill doesn't make me want to stop eating! (Unless it is a stomach upset, which this isn't). So anywhere things have gone so well since Tuesday. And I do feel for me coming out to a group of supportive people in that context was very helpful. This may well say something about God's healing power or about my own feelings about my 'condition' and what would help me personally.

anyway not anywhere!

Italian, great to hear you feel better and supportive.
I am OK considering what I have eaten, but considering that I can not calmly watch wintersport/ read papers without thinking of my next meal bothers me.
I tried this morning to concentrate on food only, doing nothing else. I tended to pig faster, to get back to my reading! Lunch in front of TV went better - I could concentrate more on what I was eating, but trying to give up totally on multitasking seems insurmountable. I just like the experience of food and Tv/journal....

supported, not supportive...

Italian It is lovely to hear you not felt able to share in RL but also have support. You definitely deserve to feel the way you do. Long may it continue.x

jassS its also good to hear small changes are making a difference for you.x

I hope everyone is having a positive weekend.

I am still struggling with this cold. It just won't go away. I had a small binge last night but I hadn't really eaten with sleeping so much. I am nervous but also hopeful about my upcoming appointment. I had to complete lots of questionnaires to take with me. The results at a glance don't look very happy or positive but I guess that's to be expected. Hopefully with some professional help those things will change for the better.

Hello all

Thanks for your thoughts on 'self-sabotage' sleep. I think I know why I do it. I am trying to examine why a bit more...

Italian - great to hear from you (was thinking about you yesterday & wondering how you were) and to hear of your sharing success/comfort. Great that your faith is helping you. Hope you continue to feel well/supported etc.

Welcome jass & Lily thanks for sharing your 'stories'.

jass life with 4 kids (even with a SAHD) sounds busy. I personally find parenting brings so many stresses and concerns, could that apply for you?

Lily - sorry to hear you are feeling low. Did you access support to help with your anorexia? Could you go back to them? With the restriction afterwards it sounds like bulimia (not that means you aren't welcome here of course) and that is from what I have read - I am not an expert just a BED sufferer.

Sorry to hear about the cold fighting, it is difficult to feel positive when you are ill. Try not to feel nervous about the appt. I know your previous experience wasn't great, but the psychiatrist I saw was lovely - hope yours will be too. And a negative sounding questionnaire is what they'll need to help. The only way is up. :)

How are you maggie? Back to Fairburn.

Things are not great here. A tough week with work. A difficult & unsuccessful big pitch & not hearing back from other potential clients has left me feeling a failure & lonely whilst everyone else I have interacted with this week seems to be groaning under the weight of work. :(

It is all very much part of the freelance 'game' (feast or famine, never nicely balanced) but when it all comes at once it is a bit much. There is also the worry about not having any income generated. I have a little in the bank but I need to generate some asap!

I also received a computer generated letter back from DH's priv health ins and they said they cannot treat 'binge eating' (didn't bother to include the disorder bit!) as it isn't an injury, illness or disease'. Charming. They cover bulimia & anorexia. I can fight it I guess but it will take a while. So I need to decide whether or not to start the NHS group thing, but it means arranging & paying for childcare for DD and missing her swim lessons. Feeling a bit torn about it.

Haven't exercised this week after which I know has an impact in how I feel.

On a more positive note prior to the big pitch I was feeling v anxious and I very purposely rode out a binge. It was very uncomfortable but it passed. Not sure I have ever done that as proactively.Feel off the wagon the next day, but trying to hold on to the fact I managed it. Back to following Fairburn today.

Getting to bed at 10 and reading is going well - with no electronics in the bedroom. I think I feel better for it, although my instinct is to stay up etc but I know I need the sleep. And DD occasionally wakes up so we both need a store of sleep to 'dip' into if she does.

Anyway, thinking of you all. Hope you have had nice weekends.

MrsMargo, you have my respect for being brave and freelance! That would give me the stress of the world, afraid.
I am not actually having for kids at home, two are already grown ups, so only two at the moment and a vague hope of the petit dernier sometime in next year or after that. I think work-and-kids-related-stresswise I am at much lower levels than I have been for years.
I have pottered around the house doing chores with husband sitting in the attick watching TV and looking at his PC the most of the weekend. It is so unfare that as soon as I have more free time I have to take up more cores at home. DH does not necessarily assume I should, but as his accpetable level of mess is much higher than mine it just happens. Plus he does not really like cooking and see no reason to iron. I am a total pain in the ... with these things and I get angry with him even if i know it is unfair.....If I fid not clean on Fri he would on Mo,but I want the house clean for weekend! I am not here during workdays His point is to clean out weekend mess and enjoy. Understandable, but irritating little things about life. I am seething and resisting a binge. But I resist them all the tome that I am not eating. There is practically no time after meal (if I have time to sit and think about it) I do not crave to eat. I want to be able to read calmly, not think of food. Abstaining from overeating takes all my energy and concentration right now and I am really not liking my free time because of it. So I am even more crazy about house chores and even more angry w DH. Rage:-)))

Thanks Jass I don't feel brave currently!

Sorry to hear about you doing all the housework whilst DP sits about.

There are lots of threads on MN about DPs not sharing the housework. The generally accepted view (in MN world!) is that even if a partner works full-time out of the home and one is a SAHP then housework/chores should be split when both are in the home, so that both then have equal free time. I would share your anger.

Holding things in (which is maybe what you are doing a little?) is something I do and definitely results in binges for me....

Can you talk to him? Find a compromise?

Hi all. Hope all are feeling good.

I am feeling amazing (apart from this crapola cough!).

Since last week someone else shared with me about eating disorders. It was encouraging to know they have been healed of it and I would never have guessed they had had a problem with it. Sometimes we can feel like we are the only one.

At the church service tonight I got some prayer and I just felt very encouraged. I believe that God heals but I also feel we have to do things for ourselves too. I think in the past it has been all or nothing for me, and I've either been looking to do it all alone or be be miraculously healed! Now this feels a lot more like I can make positive changes, I can stop when full, eat slowly, avoid too much temptation, not buy or not open things, limit some choices when I need to (I am not meant to have sugar because I am diabetic so I really limit it. However, I had two very small items (TINY) at a friend's house recently! I loved enjoying them and not feeling like I had to keep stuffing them in my mouth, i could stop!

It is early days.

I have not acted brilliantly all week but I have felt so much better. And when I was really hungry I made myself a proper filling snack instead of just light snacking on empty calories. It's all a learning curve. I am trying to put into practise what I have learnt over the last 30 years of trying to get out of eating badly!

PS this is normally my key snacking time and I have not eaten a thing since dinner!!!!!! Yay!