Binge Eating Disorder Support

[FightingBed2014]

This is our second thread, helping each other through the ups and downs we experience with binge eating. The original thread can be found here
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/new_blog_posts/2029166-Eating-Disorder-Recovery

This is open to anyone, no mater how good or bad things are for you. We are all here for support and help to recover from our disordered eating. Talking about how we feel has been the first step to recovery for us. There is hope and life without it.

I blog about my recovery as I go through each new experience, if you want to have a read it's here

ellechapmanblog.wordpress.com

KissMyFatArse and Spanky2 welcome. I hope you find the thread a postitive place to come and get support. As I mentioned to ourglass, you can follow where we have started and how things have changed over the last year for all of us.

Feel free to share your stories as much as you like (we all know the feeling at the start, where you worry you have talked to much when really you haven't). We are just a group of people with BED who give each other support and don't judge.

Please remember we can't replace trained professionals. I do hope we can inspire others (if you haven't already) to get real life help. There is plenty there and is really isn't as scary as you may think. I have 'come out' about my ED recently to lots of people and its been ok. I write a blog along with being here and will soon be seeing a professional team. I will post as I go through so that it gives others an insight.

I hope you find the thread helps you both.x

Fighting - so glad you are feeling better. How is the business going?

Hi spanky, welcome. Have you sought counselling regarding your parents/childhood?

Hi sleep. Yes much better now thankfully. I am eating much better and less focused on food again, even getting out of the house.

The business is going well. I have a quiet period at the moment which suits me. I am working on technical skills and it means I have no deadlines looming over me. I have started a project which I hope will help me, a kind of therapy. In the same way blogging gets my emotions out, I have always wanted to do it in a visual way too, so I am teaching myself how to do it.(Maggie & Margo do you do the same?).x

How is everyone today? I managed a whole day without binging yesterday which is a massive accomplishment for me.

Does anyone have any Friday or Saturday night 'rituals'? For us we will have a drink and a takeaway (but that could always set me off, as I think, well I'm going to eat tons tonight so may as well eat tons all day too). I think we may skip it tonight. What do you think?

Hi ourglass, it sounds like the book is really helping you.

We tend to go for a view of not resticting food. It may not work for everyone, those doing overeating anon have foods they avoid.

Would it help to still have that take away but perhaps change what you would normally eat? Either order something with more vegetables in or just nodles or rice rather than both (DH helped me see i didnt need both) What myself and DH do is swap to Thia and it can be more nutritious. I tend to eat less too doing that.

With regards to the thoughts of 'sod it I can eat whatever' perhaps try and remember this is early days, those thoughts will linger while but you don't have to fight it. How many times ha e we all gone on a diet, put rules on food, snapped and stuffed our faces with everything that was off limits?

Work with the positives and focus on those. You can eat anything you want but ask, 'do I need it'? Will eating lots of junk reduce how much you will enjoy your take out? Also keeping yourself busy can help squash the thoughts. Ultimately if you can't go without it you could eat any food, just do it in small bits. Go and sit down with say one biscuit rather than the packet. If you want another one go and get one. I found after while the idea that nothing was off limits really reduced the buzz and need for a lot of my go to foods. Or something in a baby bowl was enough for me. A lot of the time they don't Interest me now.HTH.x

I didn't know how to make that link work, sorry. I have stop over eating the 28 day plan to end emotional eating by Dr Jane McCartney. I have read a lot of self help books had counselling and cbt, and am in the process of being assessed for more counselling/cbt. I have also got books on developing the inner child! But I am not good at recognising negative emotions, until I have eaten . It isn't even eating I can't even taste it. I have been more under control as I have given up drinking. I tell myself that it is the best I can do while I come to terms with my parents behaviour, but my wobbly body makes me feel unattractive and tbh disgusting. I have also got a book on post traumatic stress disorder. It is so difficult to resist the urge to eat. It is so nice to be with people who get it.
How about ordering a takeaway, but don't drink? I find if I am sober I binge less. It is hard work though!

spanky2 that was my fault with the link, I didn't do it right. It was Dr Christopher Fairburn's Overcoming Binge Eating. A great book.

It certainly sounds like you have a lot of determination with your recovery. I think that you continuing to try new avenues says a lot about you, in a great way. I'm glad you feel like you ar in a good place with the thread.x

How is everyone doing? I hope the weekend is going well for you all.

I am having a good one so far. Keeping busy and doing fun things with the family. I managed to remember breakfast so that helps me not to pick on rubbish and start off in a bad way.x

Howdy all - we had a tiny flurry of snow this morning, but it's all gone now so it's just a bit grey and drizzly. Has anyone got enough proper snow to play in it?

It's my first day of Fairburn step 2 - eating regularly, and I'm finding it surprisingly difficult. Trying to fit in extra snacks is not great if the snacks then develop into full-fledged meals, so I'll have to get used to planning what I'm going to eat (and how much) beforehand. DP baked the most amazing peanut butter shortbread cookies at about the same time as I'd planned to have my mid-morning snack and that started off a mini-binge, but I think I'm back on track now.

Also, inspired by some of the ladies on the thread, I've roped in a babysitter for tonight so DP and I can have an evening out - really looking forward to it!

No, still waiting for snow! It's one of my favourite things to walk in the quiet when it comes down.

Your night out with DP sounds great! I hope you both have a wonderful time. Glad you feel inspired.

I think getting used to all the meals is hard. I naturally eat less in the day and more in the evening. Obviously part of my bad eating. I am struggling a little with that area too. I hope to get some meal and snack ideas from the clinic. Doing the book last year, I just ate what I could and followed it as best I could. Give yourself time to adjust. The evening snack being designated was nice. Far better than stressing over not having anything.x

This fell off my threads Im on page - I've had a good few days eating wise but still feel i havet a clue what I'm supposed to be doing - will reread posts and catch up.

I think I will give that book a go. Thank you. I started reading the book on post traumatic stress and it was like the author had looked inside my head. It did make me sad but over eating was one of the things the author wrote about, so reassuring.
I am glad you guys are okay. The evening is my binge eating time as my dcs can't see me. Apple and lemonade. It is so good to know it is not just me.

Welcome ourglass, spanky and kiss

Spanky I think that reading books and trying to understand your triggers is really important. Sorry to hear of your v difficult past.

Ourglass we have pizza on Fridays. I have started buying smaller pizza or only cooking one. Having lots of leftovers is not good for me!

Nice to see you again newme - how are you?

Fighting do you cook the dinners (sorry if you have told me this already) but I find trying to do something out of a cook book or magazine once a week keeps me from getting too bored. I was bought a subscription showing my age to Essentials which always has nice food in it.

W/end ok here. Took DS to his first football match, League 2. We all enjoyed it. And he and his friend sat for 3.5 hours and behaved ok which isn't bad for two 6 yr olds.

Still finding his behaviour difficult generally, but taking one hour at a time! Thanks for the support and kinds words sleep & fighting.

Sounds good Maggie - did you have fun?

Re Fairburn, I think the main thing with the snacks (and they can be difficult to fit in) is that you eat for a period of time and it ends. I am not sure at this stage it matters how large/small? Not all my snacks are snacks but they satisfy me until the next meal. However, obv that is just my (unqualified) take!

Still sticking to 3 meals and snacks. Have done well not to overeat at night, a real trigger point for me. I cannot tell you how amazing that feels.

Still waiting to hear from DH's private health care to see if they'll cover CBT. If not, I need to work out how to get to the NHS groups I have been invited to attend as I don't have childcare for DD on the day they are running it.

Off out for a long walk with a friend shortly which I am looking forward to.

Thinking of you all.

Hello, me again - I had to take a short break from Fairburn after a bad day on Sunday - I could feel the binge approaching and was powerless to stop it. I tried a lot of the different techniques I've learnt here (or at least they passed through my mind as I stuffed my face), but nothing worked. That meant that I couldn't bring myself to eat breakfast on Monday - I had a light lunch and dinner instead. But I'm back to it today, restarting step 2.

I've been thinking about the trigger for Sunday. I'm trying to be a lot more body-positive at the moment, and I looked in the mirror in the morning and thought I looked fine, (nice even!) and that I probably didn't need to lose any more weight and could just focus on getting healthy and balanced. I suspect that thought may have worn down my resolve later in the day - my gremlin said 'Well why not just eat the entire cake, it's not like you need to lose weight now, don't worry about it'. Sorry if that doesn't make sense, but could feeling positive lead to self-sabotage? This is all so confusing.

Glad things are going well Margo - I spent Sunday morning with some high-energy 6 year olds and your DS sounds incredibly well behaved in comparison!

Everyone be careful out there, it's super slippery in the snow / ice - I very nearly wiped out on the way to work this morning :)

Spanky and ourglass -do let us know how things are going?

And Fighting - I laughed when I read your latest blog post. Just yesterday I turned down an invite to an event that I've had hanging over me for a while - to the point where it was keeping me awake at night. I have to remember that I'm not actually obliged to do things just because people expect me to. :)

I hope February has started off on a good footing for everyone.

Margo I do most of the cooking but don't have a natural talent for coming up with new ideas. You have inspired me, I like the idea of getting a cook book out. Some of the dishes I make were found on BBC Good Food online. The family love them, so I could expand on it.

Maggie, reading through your post it sounds like you were worried about the binge. It is going to happen sometimes and isn't, as you have shown yourself, the end of any progress. This is a new day and you are on Step 2, thats great well done! How are you feeling about the programme?

This week is much improved. My eating is stable and I have been achieving much more of my tasks. The house is tidy and and mostly clean. That's always a sign of me feeling good.

Our plans for the DC to eat more fruit and vegetables has really paid off. They are starting to eat meals without and fuss (DC1 definitely doesn't now). I feel better knowing they are getting more nutrients. I am trying to very relaxed with sweet things too. Rather than have them rarely they can ask for them but fruit is always within easy reach, visible and they can eat as much as they want. Which they do. I try really hard not to mention food as a treat or reward / punishment. It's hard as the age old 'if your good you can have..' is a hard one to break. I want food to be neutral for them as much as possible.

I am feeling pretty rough today thanks to the dreaded cold, so it may be an easier couple of days. Hope you're all well.x

Oh Maggie. I read your post and thought "It is all so difficult for "us" isn't it. Binges can come from happiness or sadness".

I totally self-sabotage. I think it is possible to feel happy yet still want to binge to upset the good chi...

Sounds like you came through it and were able to think about the reasons which is good. Great you have come through it. It is the long game...

fighting I think making stuff from a recipe feels a bit like the whole 'bothering to exfoliate & moisturise myself' - ie I feel like I am making an effort and I like that. Although DS wasn't keen on my potatoe pie that I made yesterday :(

Sounds like great progress on the fruit front. Glad they have responded. Well done you - it takes effort to do that sort of thing. Have a

We have told DS he cannot have sweets on Mon - Thurs & at the weekend we relax. He just wants them everyday. I know restriction isn't great, but we got into a habit of letting him have them every day. I will let him have them if they are given to them at school etc. He is able to eat other stuff.

DH and I are going to try an 'electronic device free' bedroom for a week to see if it helps him to sleep better. He was advised to try it and hasn't. We have a bookcase groaning with unread books. It will do me good to get to bed too. We shall see!

Hope you all had a good Tuesday. xx

Maggie, sorry just realised I didn't respond to the self sabotage. I tok struggle with this, in the wqy you described. It is a bad habit I have when a diet is going well, I can suddenly eat lots of crap and my mind says the same as yours 'well you lost the weight so it's ok'.

There is also an element that sleep discussed with me in the first thread, regarding losing binges. She helped me to see that my coping mechanism was being removed and I had to replace it, I actually needed the binges to be ok. It was at times a panic of 'what will I do without them'. My brain took some adjusting as it will for all of us. Could there be any of that for you?

Hi everyone, glad to see you all .

With the self sabotage, it's definitely a thing, as you've recognised . It might be helpful to consider the gremlin as a not entirely evil presence. If it were something that is (mistakenly) trying to protect you by sabotaging your weight loss/healthy eating efforts, how could it be achieving this? Another way of putting this is to ask how, subconsciously, your unwanted weight might be serving you - it could be that it is a layer of protection so you feel less sexually appealing (often the case with survivors of sexual abuse/rape), or it could be a reason to avoid fully engaging in aspects of life you feel uncomfortable about, such as certain social situations, eg dating - - 'I'll start dating once I've lost x kg'. Or it may simply be providing a distraction, it may sound strange but it can actually be hard adjusting to life in a slim body when you've always lived in the opposite with the constant preoccupation of being on a diet/feeling you should be on a diet/falling off the diet! Who would you be without that? There are lots of examples like this...what do you think?

(Waves) sorry been mega busy with work etc and the gym
Adoring the training, eating plan is going well, now 13lbs down and feeling really well

Ladies,
can I join? I have read the first thread back and feel I really want to join you all. I am a self-diagnosed BED sufferer, who would never admit to anyone In RL that I am. I have a history of dieting for about 20 years, with less and less success and more and more binge eating episodes. I guess I am also compulsively exercising, although working full time and having 2DC at home (2 grown up kids too) keeps me busy enough to make sure I do no more than 5 workouts per week. My husband does not believe I have a problem, because he generally thinks most MH problems like stress, eating disorders, CFS etc are a good excuse to be lazy, fat, not to take care of yourself (he is a stay at home dad for last 6 years, pulling his weight at home so that I can have my really well paid job (we are in a country where he speaks no local languages, so he still does not work) but I guess otherwise a bit too relaxed about the stresses of everyday life. He does not comment negatively on my weight (but I am at normal weight, albeit 10 kilos heavier than when I could still "stay" on my oh-so-virtous constant diets).
I do not feel stressed myself, so I really have no idea why I overeat, but have had some hormone treatments during last years for recurrent mc, so maybe that has had an effect. And the sadness from rmc, too. Although I guess the biggest reason for falling into BED trap is the 20years of dieting.....My binges invariably happen in the evenings and for some reason I am just not able to remove myself to the third floor of our house and seek refuge from the fridge/kitchen.
I am staring to have digestion issues from BED, so I know it is time to stop before I ruin my body in addition to my already ruined mind. Last week I read your thread and was managing 3 meals 2 snacks a day, but after big party on Saturday I just can not get back to the right track. Yesterday was good, today - bad again. Tomorrow is another day. I hope you accept me here and sorry for a long intro!

jassS, welcome

Im glad uou found us and I'm impressed you have already read the first thread, its quite a lot of reading. We welcome everyone and hope it is a place you find helpful. It does sound like you are in need of someone to talk to. I'm sorry to hear you can't get yhe support you need from DH at the moment. Life does indeed sound very full on for you. I think a lot of us share a similar history, in yhat we have been on thw diet band wagon for years. Evenings seem to be a sticking point for most of us too. You are definitely not alone in how you feel. Consider yourself part of the group, we may not be trained professionals (they are definitely the best place to get the right help in RL) but we are here to help and support each other. A hand hold through the day to day of it all.x

Thanks, fighting, I read the previous thread mostly last week, to support my resolution of no diet and no binges. Well, the no binges have failed, I now have to climb back on top of the things without starting to restrict. I have over the last year already mostly managed to kill the calorie counter within my head and I am quite happy about that achievement. I now only allow it to come out if I suspect that I have actually eaten too little and that is causing cravings. But often when I then find that indeed, it was too little, I can not stop at eating the "missing amount" but rather overdo it. So maybe I should try harder to forget how many calories stuff has (I am forgetting, my calculations are gettin more approximative).

yesterday was such a catastrophe - breakfast and lunch were fine, I ate quinoa salad with egg, lots of greens, avocado, salmon, no salad dressing.

But after lunch, while I was trying to work from home, things started ot disappear into my mouth - during the afternoon and evening, about 200g of home-made chicken nuggets, 3 apples, 6(!) oranges, about 300g of cheese, a piece of baguette with home-made pesto, then a small piece f chocolate hoping to get that signal to my brain I was full - did not work. Then some healthy pumpkin soup I had made for dinner, but it did not taste good anymore at all due to all the stuff which was already in....My problem is not how to get healthy things on my menu, I love greens and fruits, and good fats too - but unfortunately the amounts I can do away with are just fit for an elephant..... I can overdo choc and home-made fruity cakes (luckily I do not like shop variety, cookies or crisps, I grew up without them and they do not appeal to me at all). Cheese is something I seriously crave, and bread with butter as well.....It was my no-exercise day, too, I find I tend to binge more on these days. This morning I struggled to eat breakfast and finally managed to do so at 10.30.

jass, so much of what you're saying applies to me as well. On a non-binge day my diet is pretty healthy, and I fit in a lot of exercise, and enjoy it. When I'm that frenzied binge mode my brain seems to be missing the switch that says 'that's enough now', and it could be fruit and nuts, or it could be chocolate / cereal, it doesn't really matter.

One of the things I'm working on, as well as following the Fairburn program, is to work in foods that I wouldn't normally consider - the theory was that I might be unconsciously rebelling against pressure to 'eat clean' all the time. So I've stopped buying egg whites / super lean meat etc and counting carb / protein grams, and am eating a more average diet. I'm still training because I love it, but I've always focused on performance rather than the way I look, so I don't feel that's a factor. It's hard to say what the impact is as it's early days, but I'm hoping that relaxing any rules I might have been following will help too.

'sleep', I've been thinking hard about what you said about self sabotage and I can't pinpoint why I might want to hold on to the binges. They serve no purpose that I can think of. Fighting what do you think your reasons were?

Margo, cutting down on screen time is a great idea, I'm trying to do that as well, downing tools once I get home in the evening. I find it difficult, as there are so many things I use my phone / tablet for. It's definitely doable though.

Glad things are going well good, that sounds like great progress!

Sorry, that should read sleep, I get carried away with putting bunny ears round words in real life too :)