Binge Eating Disorder Support

[FightingBed2014]

This is our second thread, helping each other through the ups and downs we experience with binge eating. The original thread can be found here
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/new_blog_posts/2029166-Eating-Disorder-Recovery

This is open to anyone, no mater how good or bad things are for you. We are all here for support and help to recover from our disordered eating. Talking about how we feel has been the first step to recovery for us. There is hope and life without it.

I blog about my recovery as I go through each new experience, if you want to have a read it's here

ellechapmanblog.wordpress.com

Italian [ flowers], you sound transformed . I'm so pleased for you, it sounds as if speaking your truth has set you free . Reducing your feeling of isolation and that you have an insurmountable task to attempt alone is clearly making a big difference...of course as you say you aren't 'healed' overnight. The same compulsions will most likely return on occasion but it sounds like you've made the crucial shift from a place of fight and struggle and 'mustn't eat' to more relaxation and kindness and caring for yourself. That's fantastic, I'm so happy for you.

MrsMargo well done for riding out the urge to binge, that can be very uncomfortable, to just sit with whatever feelings come up. It should get easier over time though . Try and keep in mind that you are doing it from a place of curiosity and learning, not pure willpower and resistance .

Jass, wow, lots going on! Obviously I'm speculating but I think what MrsM says about bottling stuff up is probably spot on. I'd also suggest that you find it hard to focus on eating when you are eating, yet can't stop thinking about it when your aren't, comes from a (toxic) deep seated conviction that you shouldn't be eating - what Gillian Riley in her book 'Overcoming Overeating' would describe as your self-imposed prison cell and what I would call a fear of food. If you have that fear it sets up all the stress reactions I've talked about here before (none are good ). And going behind that you have a body image issue going on where you aspire to look 'rake thin' ? Perhaps some intellectual curiosity wrt what being thin represents to you would be good; firstly is it healthy, would it truly make you happy, is it at all realistic (bearing in mind that even 20 years ago you had to diet hard to get there)? What are you really exercising so hard for, health or a thinner body (tip, if it's the latter then you are adding more stress to the equation... see above). You sound very motivated to have another DC - whatever your fertility challenges, it has to be a benefit to be in the best health you can be for a possible pregnancy. Could you go back to that state of mind as in pregnancy where you were truly nurturing your body? Because you should do it just as much for you as for your babies....

Thanks sleep good reminder about the motivation of riding it out!

Just saw this on Twitter and thought of 'us'. Not the losing weight bit as much, but the being ourselves bit and how it can bring rewards :) Well done Sam Smith on the Grammys :)

I'd like to join the thread please. Have skim read both this and the original started by Fighting. Have NC from my usual MN name.

I've been trying to deal with BED for almost 36 years. I'm in my early 50s. My first binge came after I went on my first diet. I wasn't at all overweight but I was at that age where all of my friends were dieting and my DM was always on a diet too, so in a way it seemed like a necessary rite of passage.
I've binged and dieted my way up to a BMI of 38. As someone upthread mentioned, this now means that I have two problems. I'm obese and I'm a binge eater.

Over the years I've tried many ways to deal with it and Fairburn's book Overcoming Binge Eating has been the most help. I read the 1st edition about 20 years ago, and have the 2nd ed on my Kindle. However, my pattern is that after a few weeks of following his programme I panic about being obese and decide that I need to lose weight. So then I put myself back on a diet - you name it - I've tried them all more than once. Every diet is followed by a binge that lasts for several weeks. I have found it very difficult to break out of this cycle.
I want to go back to Fairburn, but I must NOT allow myself any diety thoughts during the process. I can very easily get back to wanting to try to diet again - even though I'm fully aware of the process I go through and that it simply doesn't work for me !

Sorry this is long. I've got lots more to say to introduce myself and my current life situation but this is enough for now!

Welcome dusky - did you click on the TED talk that has been linked a couple of times 'Why diets don't usually work'? I can link again if not. It can be a good resource to remind yourself not to go back down that path when you are tempted

Thanks sleep. I did click on the TED talk but it was a very slim woman presenting it so I felt a bit intimidated by her!
I did bookmark it so will try to watch - or maybe just listen - this evening.

Mrs Margo, Sleep, yes. you may be right about bottling things up a little bit re DH and my wishes. And I know I need to do my fair share. I am not sure am I doing less, enough or more than is my share, but what I do know that for a husband of our eastern european culture who grew up in the seventies of last century he is doing much more than 99% of his cohort. So I feel careful about nagging in order to not come across as bossy woman. And he is great dad.

Dolphin, there are so many of here who have ownly gained additional weight from diets over longer period. I so hope it makes younger people coming to read to stop sooner rather than later the diets. Restricting makes us binge, bingeing makes usfat, you can not win anyway.....It is so hard to accept that things are as they are....No miracle cures, no "afterwards", when we look better. Try to live today somehow.

What does being thin mean to me, Sleep asked. It feels good. Always. When I have lostnweight, I have always believed I can hold it down. Never have of course. But I feel at the top of the world, if I manage to lose some. It means looking good, vainly just looking good. Even if I do not think my yoyos of 3-4 kg are even visible to most people. I have not changed dress size really for quite some time. Writing it I think it has been th same since I decided that I will not restrict anymore. I am a 14, sometimes tighter sometimes looser in my clothes, but never "eating myself out of them". So maybe I am managing the eating well enough to stay large side of normal? But I feel I am using lots and lots of mental energy to do so.

I had breakfast today which I did not finish. Di dnot want more. I left some rice in restaurant at lunch, did not eat bread more than half a slice as realised it s not what I want, had a dessert and enjoyed the experience and feeling completely. Was nicely full, not too full afterwards. And it took me 2 h 28 minutes exactly until I had that dirst nudge of "I would like sth...". I know I can have a snack, but the meal was rather big, I am not empty or hungry, it is clearly in my head.....mI decided a sit is in my hesd I write it out here and now close the page and try to leave that mental hunger here....

JassS, I agree about young people.
I worry so much that many young women - and men too nowadays - are being bombarded with messages about food and body image that are ultimately extremely damaging. Over the years, BED has affected my life on every level, not just my physical health.
If I could go back now and give my 17 y/o self any piece of advice it would be to never, ever diet.

I would like to join, if I may.

Throughout the last few years, probably about 7/8 I've either binged on food or eaten absolutely F all. I've realised that my binge eating is an emotional thing and I'm doing it to improve my mood or make myself feel happier, ect. Which needs to stop!

Today I've started doing juice plus, I used almond milk which tastes very milky, I know it sounds wired but I don't like milk, so I think I'm going to try skimmed milk tomorrow & see how that goes.

I've had a piece of fruit with my dinner & am just about to eat an apple, also I've booked in for a body balance class tonight.

Annd, though I've had a packet if crisps, I've not gorged on chocolate through out the day! Well done me!

I watched finding nemo at the weekend & the bit that's stuck in my head/made me laugh is the bit with the sharks & they say 'I am
I shark, not a mindless eating machine'
I need to tell myself that!

KateSpade, welcome and I am sure Sleep who is the most knowledgable of us all will soon come by. Is juice plus some diet?

It sounds like you have decided to be "good"from now on which is a great resolution. Pleased to hear you are trying to have lots of healthy stuff in your diet from now on, it certainly will leave less room for the not needed things! If you read upstream you will find really great adivce on how to best manage it.

I had something yesterday which started like an average binge - 2h after dinner I made myself some bread with jam, quickly followed by strawberries, orange and apples with about 200g of cheese. And then I realised I am having a binge and that I will not need to continue if I am full, because I can eat all this stuff tomorrow without restricting when I am hungry or at least empty. I was able to stop. And I managed ot have a normal breakfast this morning, even if a bit later.

Hi kate I was wondering about the juice plus too, is it meal replacements?

Ok I've been thinking about my situation today. I'm only cooking for myself these days, and this is a big problem because I just don't make much effort to eat well. The first priority for me is to get some structure back into my eating, just like Fairburn suggests. Lately I really haven't had much of an appetite for meals, I just want to snack and will grab a packet of crisps or chocolate or something instead of real food. That's because I can never really think what I want to eat.
So I think it would be a good idea for me to write down a couple of breakfast ideas, 3 lunches, 3 suppers that I will enjoy and are relatively quick and easy to prepare. This means that I'll be choosing my meals off a 'menu' and not having to think about what I fancy to eat and then shop for the ingredients.

Breakfast is easy, when I'm eating well I usually have some peanut butter on granary toast or a couple of scrambled eggs on toast.
So I'll start off tomorrow with one of these breakfasts and I'll get some ideas for the other meals.

Ok that's all for now, I'm feeling quite overwhelmed today.
Hope everyone is doing well.

Welcome Kate - how are you getting on? Have you read through the thread or dipped a toe in to the Fairburn book? And yes, I'd echo other posters' query about the juice plus, are you using it as a meal replacement or a supplement?

Jass it sounds like you've got your head in a good place, much more relaxed around food . The real, actual acceptance that there will always be more food available later, is a big step forward .

Dusky - how are you feeling today? Its a very common theme with the people I work with that they spend lots of time and effort looking after everyone else and don't give themselves the same time and attention. It usually reflects low self esteem and it often manifests as not making an effort to eat well/cook if it is just them (whereas they would go to all kinds of trouble to shop for and cook a meal for others ). Planning and having nutrient dense food easily available for yourself is a good way to start doing this and breakfast is the perfect place to start, it can set the tone for the rest of the day. Treat yourself well, like you are worth it and even if you don't necessarily believe it, the act itself will become self-fulfilling - the old faking it to make it once again . When you have a relaxed free evening, prepare something you will really enjoy - your favourite home made dish - lay the table properly, you could light a candle and put some music on, have a glass of wine and a dinner date for one!

Fighting did you have your consultation? How did it go?

Dusky, it is a good idea to have a food lego - a number of easy and really good receips you can easily make and which are good enough so that you feel you are getting a treat. I have that, and there are some old and new favourites always in this lego, I can shop automatically and I have always stuff available for a few things I truly enjoy. This way I try to make sure I never eat anything just because I was hungry, but Only food I really love.

Makes workday lunches teicky of course - I basically have to take my own food to work as canteen food is never something I like. But I am not going to eat their rubbish just to keep me going!

Hi everyone, I hope it has been a good day. I am doing my best to lurk but I have a sickness bug 2015 appears to be illness year. Thinking of you all. Will update about my assessment when feel up to it.

Hello ladies, and welcome to the more recent joiners. How is everyone?

Fighting you poor thing, being ill again - at least all the lurgies are strengthening your immune system! How are you feeling today?

Italian, that's great news about sharing with the group, and very brave - how have you felt about it since? Have you been in touch with any of them?

Just a quick one from me to say I've had a much better week, binge wise. I'm continuing with Fairburn very strictly, still on step 2. Weekdays are fine for me now, because of the structure and habit of mealtimes when I'm at work. It's weekends I need to work on now. But last night was fine, so I'm feeling hopeful.

Margo have you moved on to step 3 yet? I think I might be ready after this week, depending on how many 'change days' I have over the weekend...?

And it'll sound a bit woo, but I've started getting up an hour earlier in the morning to gather my thoughts and focus on what I'd like to get out of the day (and fit in some exercise if I fancy it). It felt really counter-intuitive in the beginning as I was already knackered from staying up too late, but I think I'm starting to get into the habit. I don't know whether it'll help with my overeating, but it allows me to feel more in control of my day.

The other change I've made this week is to absolutely stop restricting my food intake. Lots of you have been talking about it, but it's taken me a while to work it out for myself. As a hangover from dieting a couple of years ago, I'd been counting every calorie I ate, and limiting my daily number in order to allow for binges! I still use Myfitnesspal out of habit, but I've increased my limit to 2,100 calories which is what I think I should be eating. That feels like an awful lot of food when you've been trying to undereat for so long, but it's been good for me to reset my expectation of what 'normal' eating should look like for me from now on.

From reading this week's comments it sounds like we're all working on lots of different methods of freeing ourselves of our disordered eating. It would all be so much simpler if there was just one answer! I remember when I first joined the thread wanting Sleep to just give me the quick-fix - I think I'm only just realising for myself that I need to work through a process of learning more about myself first.

OK, that was way too long for a 'quick' comment! Hope everyone has a fun weekend planned. We're doing nothing for Valentine's day - it completely passed me by this year - oops :)

Hi Maggie, your post was so lovely to read. You sound like you have really turned a corner. This is all your own work and you should be incredibly proud of all you have achieved so far.

Getting up earlier sounds incredibly productive for you. Having that head space just for you is so positive. You are obviously learning to listen to what your body and mind need and implement changes, not an easy thing to do.

I am just about over this bug. I think I need to try and recover properly. Being ill has knocked my dairy tolerance so that isnout totally. If I'm honest, I shouldn't eat it at all and I need to work on keeping it that way. Just got to ease back onto normal eating after being ill.

I've had some major developments over the last week that have made a big difference to how I feel in general. Just need the energy to blog them. In a nutshell I have confronted my DM and had my assessment which will give me a RL support network to continue my recovery.x

Hi & Welcome to everyone who has joined the thread. I hope you all find it helpful.

Welcome dusky & kate - how you feeling?

Dusky planning ahead for meals sounds like a good idea. Can you meal plan too?

Jass this is a bit previous...but re sharing the housework...There are lots of female SAHP on MN (in general not this thread) that have a male WOHP who don't lift a finger at the w/end. So what I was trying to say was that you work out of the home all week and then do the majority of the housework at weekends. I suppose I just wonder if this set up contributes to how you are feeling etc. However, I am no trained psychologist (!) so I'll stop there with the armchair diagnosis!

Maggie - great update. I went on a time management course once and the trainer said we'd all achieve more if we got up an hour earlier. Lots of successful business people get up early including your MN namesake. Are you managing to go to bed at an ok time to compensate?

I am still on stage 2 of Fairburn. I saw a private person on Fri for an assessment and it was reassuring to hear he agreed that following Fairburn was advisable and that eating regularly was very important.

I have also decided to attend the NHS group as my parents have kindly agreed to help out with the DC that starts in a few weeks.

Fighting great to hear you have confronted your DM and your assessment went well. A massive week I think.

Thinking of you all.

Hi Margo, thanks for the support. It's not been an easy few days but we're all well again. Emotionally I am in a difficult place, after the reply from DM. I haven't been feeling like a binge which is good. I think these are emotions that have perhaps driven my need to abuse food, coming up. No more hiding them I guess.

Hope you have all had a good evening.x

dusky, kate & jassS how did the weekend go for you? Thinking of you all.x

Hope everyone is doing ok.

We have just baked some dairy free biscuits. The DC are loving them whilst I'm thinking a different recipe is needed. Sticking to the dairy free is working so far. Rather than thinking I shouldn't eat it, I am trying to take care of myself. Hopefully it will become a new habit as I definitely feel the benefit of not feeling ill after eating. I don't need to punish myself anymore but ditching that mindset will take a while.

I have been feeling incredibly low these last few days but not been binging. I want to but I know I won't feel any better. Plus a lot of my go to foods have been eliminated with the dairy. Instead I am trying to work through how I'm feeling but its going to be a while before I feel ok. Keeping the guilt at bay is a bit easier as DH has and others who know have been immensely supportive. I guess the overriding thought is time and putting no limits on when I need to be ok again.

Thinking of you all.x

Hi it's ANewMein2015 determined not to overshare all over mn quite so much (apart from this thread ;)). I haven't read back up the thread but will do.

I've had a chest infection, jaw operation and child that wont sleep so far this year - so the "new me" hasn't really taken off. Finally asked my husband to take my child off me at 4am and I don't manage to actually sleep! Mad.
After lying there determined to yet again start some form of exercise/eating plan I go downstairs to make a cup of tea.... and eat cake left on the side!?

I feel like I'm really struggling to know where to get started. We're not supposed to "diet" or impose rules but I feel without any rules I'm just eating all the time. I don't have the ability to self regulate I need help. Any ideas? I think I want an "eating plan" - is that possible without it being a bad thing. Its easier to just say no to everything offerered or is that setting myself up to fail again.

I can see anything I try seems to fail, but I don't really know what to do. I'm so very very very overweight. Its affecting my health. I need to change. I'm hoping to reread this thread and maybe check in regularly. Maybe I can manage more exercise... and I'm really not sure what to do with respects to food....

Hi Teacup, good to see you.

I hope the healing went well. I'm sure we can all understand the panic of what to do and how to start. Not having a diet in place to give you structure is scary at first, it takes time to accept. Just remember that no diet has ever served us well, it just makes things worse. It is possible to get by without them, the structure of restrictions needs to be replaced with one that looks after your health and wellbeing.

Did you manage to read the other book you ordered? You said you got stuck with Fairburn. Do you still feel it wasn't the right one for you?

I can't recall whether you have already seen your GP? If not do you think now could be a time to try this, given how lost you are feeling?x

Hi Teacup

Sorry to hear of illnesses and non-sleeping child....sounds like a difficult time. Try to be kind to yourself.

Have you sought professional help? If not, it would be worth going to the Dr.

We are all different....but I have found that committing to eating regulary as Fairburn suggests has helped me. I am no way cured (!) but it is such a relief to feel permission to eat. I literally approached every meal with a head full of conflicting rules and approaches all focused on eating less/not eating & bereating myself for doing so.

I haven't restricted what food I eat but I am trying to be sensible.

I haven't put on weight. I haven't lost either. I have come to accept (and this took a while), that stablising my eating is my first priority. For all the thinking/mentally beating myself up about dieting I have done over the past few years I am at my heaviest. So I kinda think it is worth giving it a go.

I do desperately want to lose weight too but it feels like I need to give a new approach (Fairburn) a try.

I am exercising but nothing too extreme.

I think I have also decided I need to try, rather than expect 100% compliance. Not following something religiously is just another reason to feel bad.

It isn't always easy. When I get upset, about something (which happens a lot) it is hard to stick to and sometimes I don't. But on balance I am happier and feel better about my eating.

I think I felt like you when I first joined the thread. fighting and sleep helped me to realise that being kind to myself and trying to accept myself as an ok person (even though I am overweight) is really important.

Not sure if this is any help....