Binge Eating Disorder Support

[FightingBed2014]

This is our second thread, helping each other through the ups and downs we experience with binge eating. The original thread can be found here
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/new_blog_posts/2029166-Eating-Disorder-Recovery

This is open to anyone, no mater how good or bad things are for you. We are all here for support and help to recover from our disordered eating. Talking about how we feel has been the first step to recovery for us. There is hope and life without it.

I blog about my recovery as I go through each new experience, if you want to have a read it's here

ellechapmanblog.wordpress.com

ANewMe I know you say you are broken and I hope you will find a way to put the pieces together into something new, and to come to terms with all that has happened. I am so sorry that this has happened and that you have to work through all this.

I think the fact you are working through it is good.

Have you had counselling before? I've had a lot in my life, I have not had a lot of problems in my life and had a very normal family life as a child, but I have had a lot of anxiety in my life, OCD, fertility issues etc and counselling has helped me. I now have a wonderful family achieved through fertility treatment and adoption.

ANewMe It is great you have children and I am sorry your dd has said out you are fat. My dd has said that to me. I have said at home that I do not want people to use the word 'fat' because it has connotations of more than just the other words one could use.

I would prefer to be called 'overweight'. I feel all the other words for this that relate to size e.g. 'big' or 'large' have a kind of connotation (as opposed to weight - e.g. 'heavy', which are just factual). If you are not happy for your daughter to call you fat I would explain in an age appropriate way that it is nicer/kinder/more accurate to say 'overweight'.

The most important thing (IMHO) is that you are able to concentrate on getting your eating and health how you want them without having to totally focus on your physical appearance. This is because, sometimes, I think, we can get so hung up on how we look that if we do not look ‘right’ it sets us back. But if we focus on health and being a more healthy weight we can say, I have lost a few pounds/kilos, if you do record this, and it is better for the body. Even though you may not notice the loss of a few pounds, it is better for your body. Does that make sense.

I created the situation with my dd by showing her weight loss stuff when she was small and had to back track once I realised for me 'slimming clubs' were not right. Of course my daughter wants me to be healthier and your daughter wants you to be healthier and to be able to run around with her. And you will get there. But you need (IMHO) to eliminate things that set you back.

I like the phrase ‘Every story has a happy ending. If you’re not happy, it’s not the end!’

So Fighting how are you doing today? When you said up thread A lot of us have found that focusing on emotional wellbeing rather than the food is key. you were so right.

Yesterday you said *While looking for a programme for DC to watch I stumbled upon the programme you mentioned Italian. I watched the first minute and had to turn it off. If you watch them maybe you can let us know how it all goes. I'm assuming it was along scientific lines for our biology and genetic make up requirements for food vary person to person?

I had to turn it off because I panicked I was going to see ways I should be eating.*

If by this you mean it will have ideas for the kind of diet certain types of people will follow, it does. It is not framed as being about people who have an eating disorder such as BED or Bulimia. It had 75 people who were all overweight and overeaters and it looked at why they overate. It did a number of biological tests on hormones etc and also some 'experiments' on them which were filmed, in some cases secretly at the location (so the people felt they were not being watched). The approach of the team was very friendly and nice, it was not a boot camp or 'shame' them thing at all.

They divided the group into three categories and each category had a type of diet that would help them. I can say what it is but you can also read more at

If you take a look at the link here it has information on the three categories. www.bbc.co.uk/guides/z2csfg8

It does have pictures of food, which some people will find triggering for eating but I think it is all 'healthy ‘food so hopefully inspiring rather than triggering.

I think by 'diet' here it means the type of food to eat for the type of person you are. So it is a diet but it is not a quick fix or a very restrictive thing. It is saying perhaps (my interpretation here) if you were dyslexic and had to write an essay for your school/degree/evening class what sort of help would you need to write it, you might be a person who needs a dictionary to help you, you might be a person who does well with a spell check or you might need to phone a friend!! Does that make any sense at all?

What about a group Skype call? I wonder where we all are! I am home counties.

Phew, all caught up, off to bed.

Bless you all

"There's a world out there and I wanna be in it
I got a life and I'm gonna live it
Don't tell me the sky's the limit
There's footprints on the moon
I wanna do my walkin' down the road less traveled
Sew my dreams where they won't unravel
If you play it safe you won't get nowhere
I can't stay in here when there's a world out there"

Ah italian, that's amazing that you took the effort to catch up with everyone, it's really good to have you back!

Unfortunately I won't be getting my pedicure this month as I went off the rails at the weekend, but I'll still try to keep it together for the rest of the month.

I was trying to think about why the binge happened when I was in such a positive frame of mind. Re-reading my post here I realised I'd sounded really smug and superior, and the binge was my punishment for thinking I had it all worked out. I just don't know anymore. I don't trust myself to make decisions, if I can't even do something as simple as not eating when I'm not hungry, which even small children have worked out.

I got the letter about the CBT service my GP recommended, I should take them up on it I suppose, as nothing else is working. I'm a good stone heavier than this time last year and although I'm tall, I can feel and see the difference now.

Hope everyone else is feeling positive today. fighting I love the idea of RL support, the only person I have to talk to is DP and he really doesn't get it. I'd be up for it!

And I watched some of the second part of that diet program, I think I'm a combo of all three of the categories - feaster, constant craver and emotional eater. I wasn't sure about the solutions they put forward, it seemed to be a lot about finding something / someone to blame; maybe I'm being unfair, but for me I need to take full responsibility for my eating. I haven't ever tried the 5:2 diet (one of the ones recommended), but I think it would send me into a state of panic and immediately trigger binges on both fast and non-fast days. The program didn't really consider BED as a possible cause of the participants' weight issues I guess.

Maggie hi my dear. I think the programme did not stray into eating disorders and that is fine as far as it goes because we don't know how much else they found out about people but you raise a good point. It was an area missed I feel. Maybe we should all (those interested) write to the programme and ask, why not!

You said I just don't know anymore. I don't trust myself to make decisions, if I can't even do something as simple as not eating when I'm not hungry, which even small children have worked out.

NO NO NO - do not compare yourself to a child who doesn't have food issues. You have got food issues so you can't just say they should not be there! IMHO. I think CBT would help. We can share tips and things. I am sure it will help. It has helped me.

You are right it is good to take control but give yourself a fighting chance! Where was all the food at the start of the binge? At home? Did you have a lot of tempting food around?

Hmm, I still haven't watched the programme (it was my birthday On Monday) but I've read about it, I find the hormonal category interesting and persuasive but really think that diets of any kind are a bad plan when it comes to emotional eating.

Maggie I am going to go against what others have said about the pedicure reward (sorry guys ), have the pedicure anyway, you are worth it, regardless of what you have or haven't eaten. Don't wrap up willpower around food with being deserving of treating your body/self well, it compounds the sense of restriction that increases the likelihood of a binge. Same with bubble baths, body lotion, haircuts etc - like the other 'fake it til you make it', treating your body as something you care for and respect even when you feel like you hate it an become self fulfilling.

If people are interested in having me assist an online group I'd be happy to, I'd envisage it being fairly fluid but could maybe provide a little direction and focus, perhaps ideas for different specific areas to focus on between sessions? Happy to butt out and let everyone just chat if you'd prefer though, I don't mind!

I am going to second sleep and say have the pedicure anyway, you are worth it

Sleep you are so helpful, why would we want you to but out?!

Hi ladies, just caught up with the posts. I also agree with sleep when you fiscussed the pedicure I hadn't thought it through. Having it as a reward isn't so great. Get one booked, if you can get as much you time in each week, take it. Take care of you, you absolutely deserve it. When you give youself permission to be kind to yourself a lot can happen. Sleep taught me that. When we first started I had mirrors hidden in my house. Now I can look in them no worries but im still the same person and body shape. Hell I even own dresses. now because I learnt I was worth new clothes that look good and suit me. Please try the fake it till you make it, it honestly works. Perhaps the support group will help?!

oh and at no time have you ever come across as smug. We have all gone through phases of worrying we have said the wrong thing on here. It is BED and our lack of self confidence trying to knock us back. We are glad your here and contributing what you have to say is valid and important too.

I must admit I was very nervous about the chat online but actually I think yesterday was just a crappy day. I'm excited about it and I think sleep guiding could be a good help. Keep us on a track that would be beneficial.x

Sorry last post was for maggie.

Italian Thank you for the info on the programme. I had a look and did the quiz (without panicking) I will probably uwe some of the meals suggested, only because I am lapsing into eating rubbish through lack of motivation. DH is helping though. As I said yesterday must have just been a bad day for anxiety. Today is a good day. it is a very good question why ED weren't touched on. Perhaps there is a plan to look separately, you hope anyway?

Thank you so much for the quotes too. They are great!

I meant to say, for me personally I'm not ready for Skype yet. (Not as in I'm a technophobe who can't work it ). Although I'm on here and blog, I'm not one for talking naturally about how I feel, years of having to deal with things alone. You're all so lovely that and I may just cry too. Maybe in the future though.

On a brighter note I have come out to DF DSM and MIL this week about BED and my history with ED. You ladies have all really helped with my confidence in that area, thank you. They have all been immensely supportive and want to help any way they can. It feels like a weight has been lifted as I don't have to hide it all now. I had expected it to be harder once people knew but happy to report its not.x

Fighting I'm so pleased you've spoken to those family members and had such a positive response . On the Skype idea, if you (or anyone) don't feel ready to speak, how about maybe just 'sitting in' with camera off until you feel you want to actively participate in the conversation?

You're all so lovely, it's ridiculous how I've never met any of you and you've already helped me more than any of my RL friends or family could. Thank you all.

Fighting I'm sure you look lovely in dresses, and I'm really pleased for you being 'out' and getting support. My family habitually mock anyone with mental health or weight problems, it's almost a hobby (I know, they're horrible when they get together - my dad's the ringleader, even though he could do with losing a few pounds himself), so I know I couldn't possibly raise it with them. I'm also known for being the 'together' one, so it would really discombobulate them if I said I was struggling.

I will have that pedicure, thank you ladies. I reckoned a treat to look forward to would be a good incentive but I now see that I should do nice things for myself anyway. DP has said he'll look after the DCs whenever I want to have one.

And I wish I could have avoided the weekend's binge by just not having those foods in the house but DP stockpiles cereal because he knows I will eat a whole box on a bad day, so we've had another chat and agreed he'll continue to buy it, but keep it out of sight (not locked away, just in a cupboard rather than at eye-level). I don't have an answer yet for not bingeing on cinema snacks (we went to see Birdman on Saturday) - I guess it's not buying them in the first place, or taking healthy snacks along instead.

Maggie it sounds like you are struggling to be someone you perhaps aren't with regards to being 'the together one'. That's a lot of pressure to have to deal with .

The cereal and cinema snacks....would you call them 'trigger foods' for you? I know you agreed with DH that he would keep buying them but, quite apart from the BED aspect, there's little to recommend cereal nutritionally (with a couple of exceptions). As a family it could be an idea to cut them down or out as a healthy change, I just kept 'forgetting' to buy anything except weetabix and porridge and eventually the dc's stopped asking for it , any chance of doing that and having a more nutritious breakfast that is fat and protein, rather than sugar based?

Ha Sleep - your suggestion makes me laugh because I've been telling DP this exact thing for such a long time.

I naturally tend towards a 'Paleo-ish' diet as I think I might have a gluten or wheat intolerance. I'm still trying to work out exactly what foods cause discomfort / bloating, but on a normal, non-binge day it wouldn't even occur to me to eat cereal. If I have breakfast it's generally scrambled eggs or an omelette of some sort, and I'll occasionally eat a small bowl of porridge before a long run or morning match. However DP is a man-child and says that cereal is his favourite food!! We only give the DCs porridge or Weetabix as they're too little to ask for anything else yet. But DP would genuinely feel very deprived if we said cereal was banned from the house. Can you think of any workaround?

It's tough to find a balance when the person you live with eats things we need to avoid. DH goes through phases of helping with eating healthy like he is currently. Other times he is the opposite. He is overweight but just like his food.

Shopping is best done by him as he buys what we need unlike me. If he cooked every night we would be better off too but it isn't possible.

Is anyone else struggling to get out of the comfort food period of Christmas? I have no motivation at all for healthy cooking. I don't know if I have just used my go to meals a bit much and I'm bored. The niggling thoughts to binge are creeping up. I just really want my referal appointment to come through. Even during the day my eating is creeping up too with biscuits and snacks.

Sleep besides the issues I already mentioned about skype for me, I have a huge anxiety around being outed here. No one actually knows about the thread apart from DH. MIL knows I have an online group and SDM knows I chat online to people but thats it. I love having this outlet and the blog.

I guess I worry that if I do skype someone may know a family member or such like. Basically DM would not take it well what I have said, even if its true.That would be what she would focus on and make a fuss. The fact I'm getting better etc wouldn't get a look in. Although she isn't talking to me just now but thats a whole other story! I did stand my ground this time and did well.

Tricky one Maggie , the only things that I can think of are to appeal to his desire (if he has one) to eat healthily and model good choices for the dc's (only a matter of time before they start demanding what Daddy is having and it's harder to break a taste for that stuff than avoid creating one). Or could he eat cereal at work, or just buy a box for the weekend? Of course you will have to find an alternative breakfast that he would enjoy to make it workable too. I also, however, suspect that even if that is your 'binge food', if there was none available you would likely find something else? I want to be clear, I'm not necessarily trying to stop the binge (stay with me on this ), but rather trying to separate any addictive 'switch' that a food might trigger for you from the emotional/psychological aspect? What are your thoughts about the distinction?

Hi all
So after finding out I won the personal training, I injured (don't ask me how, I have no idea!) my medial collateral knee ligament
So I've been having acupuncture, physio and ultrasound and hopefully can get back in the gym in about a fortnight
The eating plan is going well, one binge and that's it. Down 6lbs already. It's very, very strict but being quite regimented with food seems to help me. Particularly in the supermarket as there is no "oh I'll just try this", it's white meat, greens, cottage cheese and shop done!

Fantastic to hear you are happy with the programme. The injury sounds painful!x

I git a bit of new from the clinic I have a date for my initial assessment in Feb. Glad its sorted but I am now nervous that they will refuse me help after the work I have done on my own. I really want the help as it feels like its all sliding again. I have in the last month gone from having a low appetite from meds to over restriction weighing daily and then heading back the other way. I didn't say anything about the changes as I tried to convince myself it was ok so I could lose a little weight. I guess binges appearing could be because of that and a stressful Christmas.

I have heard from today DM a standard message so I know a call is coming soon to let me know how I have upset her. A few past events have already been mentioned, for effect. dont you just love the predictability .

Wow, Italian that was a power catch up! Need to catch up myself now.

But in the meantime I found this chat software site www.chatzy.com/83649137080995 Apart from the admin (which is me at the mo) all users have to do is enter username (suggest we stick to our names on here to help us keep track) and the password (thought that would be a good idea to keep trolls out?) and then we can chat - so no need to register or give your email address.

I like fighting don't really want to 'out' myself, so would prefer something like this. Sleep if you are willing to be involved I am sure we'd all be very grateful.

If everyone thinks this is a good idea, could I suggest we try one night next week? 20:30 GMT? For 45 mins and see how it goes? As sleep mentioned it would be good to focus on a topic around BED. I don't mind 'moderating' to get the conversation going, or happy to let you do it sleep.

You don't have to contribute you can just come and watch. I can do any day apart from Monday. That sound like a plan?

Sounds like a great plan to me Margo. I will check with DH to see what we have on next week and then let you know what I can do. Hopefully we can find a day we're all free.x

Weds or Thursday are best for me...