Binge Eating Disorder Support

[FightingBed2014]

This is our second thread, helping each other through the ups and downs we experience with binge eating. The original thread can be found here
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/new_blog_posts/2029166-Eating-Disorder-Recovery

This is open to anyone, no mater how good or bad things are for you. We are all here for support and help to recover from our disordered eating. Talking about how we feel has been the first step to recovery for us. There is hope and life without it.

I blog about my recovery as I go through each new experience, if you want to have a read it's here

ellechapmanblog.wordpress.com

Welcome newme

I walked home again today, so feeling good about that, as well as snacking on fruit and popcorn at work today. The walking makes me ravenous though, so I need to make sure I keep some good snacks on hand. Doing these things feels a bit like putting on an act - I want to do them often enough that they become habit.

I picked up a clothes order today - including jeans in the biggest size I've ever ordered :( , so that's keeping me focused at the moment

MrsMargo very of your home office, though I imagine it must definitely make things harder eating-wise with less structure.

Fighting going to look up the step by step thing as I also find it difficult not to do some kind of calorie counting or thinking about WW points

Hi, happy new year everyone, sorry for my absence, we finally got home on Monday night after our travels to find we had been burgled so I've been caught up dealing with police and insurance claim hassle, horrible way to start the year. Also, weirdly, as we've managed to keep it from them, the kids have been really unsettled, nightmares etc, all 3 of them, at night so I'm shattered.

Welcome newme , I would first like to say that willpower, as mrsmargot says, is not the answer here. Kindness (to yourself) is much more useful a tool . Also, you are not 'broken' . You are here, making an effort to improve your situation, that alone shows you aren't. With regard to your childhood, have you had any counselling? Finding a way to reframe what has happened and forgive those who hurt you can be hugely beneficial. When I say forgive, I don't mean saying that what happened to you was ok, but in the sense of letting go of the resentment you feel, so that they can no longer continue to hurt you? When you say you 'struggle', in what sense?

Oh sleep so sorry to hear that. Was much taken? Somebody got into our car this week (I had left it unlocked :() it is horrible that people/criminals feel they can help themselves to others stuff...Glad you managed to keep it from the kids.

newme - the Overcoming book talks about how one can be kind to oneself now even with a difficult past & that will help break the: something upsets me, I reach for food, I eat, I feel bad & fat, I reach for food, I feel bad & fat etc cycle... If you are anything like me I have a running internal dialogue of negative thoughts all day long, lots about my weight/how I look. The authors suggest that is a difficult place to make positive changes from.

Sorry to hear of your difficult past, do you still see your "interesting" family?

lego - well done on another walk. I ran in the rain last night which I was very impressed with myself about!

Try not to focus on the size of jeans. It is good you have clothes that fit and feel comfortable. Nothing makes me more aware of my sizes than tight clothes.

Could you think about 3 meals a day + snacks rather than the calories of each meal? I think (for myself) if I managed that, I would probably reduce in size as I'd have removed the binging.

I unfortunately reached for food yesterday and I think in part it was because I had a smaller lunch than I wanted as my DM was here and I didn't want to look greedy. A lesson there!

My home 'office' isn't as grand as it sounds. It is the end of our spare room. There is a doublebed the other end! However, I am v lucky to have a space for a desk, chair, printer & boards on the wall etc.

Wishing you all a good Thursday.

Sleep Im so sorry to hear your festive season ended in such a horrible way (Margo too). It must be heartbreaking, mostly because it's your babies home and safe place more than anything I suspect. I hope the police are successful in their investigations.

Lego, Margo has a very good point regarding the clothes. We all dread the idea of buying bigger sizes. It can feel like someone is screaming all our flaws at us (it is interal to us though). In order to implement what Margo talks about, changes needing to come from a positive rather than negative place, it may be worth working considering how you look in the new clothes. They will fit your body shape better, which will ultimately look smarter. When we are comfortable we carry ourselves better and are able to move more freely.

Rather than letting the tiny label drag you down, try pushing that thought aside and replace it with 'I need new clothes, I will buy them and choose something I like because I deserve to look nice and feel good'. Also remember in three different stores we can be three different sizes. We are worth far more than a bunch of measurements someone else deems acceptable this season.

We tend to only place these pressures on ourselves. Imagining what you would dqy if a friend approached you with these worries. what would you advise them? Chances are you would be loving and accepting and you can learn to be that person for yourself too.

It took me a long time to accept this but try the old fake it till you make it, it really does work.x

Thanks for the sympathy, it is a horrible thing, not so much the stuff we lost as you say Fighting but the sense of violation

MrsMargo you and Fighting make some great points about eating enough when you sit down for meals/snacks, also the clothes and trying to switch the mindset to how you would react to a friend saying the things you say to yourself about themself (to you). With that in mind mrsmargot, have you tried giving that internal negative dialogue a 'character ' in your head? Sort of devil on one shoulder, angel on the other idea, picture it as, say, an ugly cartoon parrot, telling you you aren't good enough/whatever. A little humour in this - imagine the thoughts in a grating, high pitched voice from the character perhaps - can help create a little distance for you too. Then create your alternate character, a kick ass female cat or a comforting, possibly mothering figure-and imagine their response?

Oh sleep, I'm really sorry to hear about your house, I hope you and your DCs can feel safe at home again soon.

Thankfully I'm continuing my no-binge streak - a week is almost certainly the longest I've gone for over a year. Something about the new year and a fresh start seems to be resonating. But at the same time I am very aware that there's no guarantee I'll keep it up. I seem to be queen of finding 'tricks' to stop binges, from pinging myself with a rubber band, tapping, chanting various mantras etc. what's keeping me going at the moment is a simple paper calendar with a mark for every non binge day. My deal with myself is that at the end of the month I get a (badly needed) pedicure. I'll let you know how I get on.

Well done maggie. Do whatever works for you. A pedicure sounds like a great reward.

Thanks sleep I will think about 'characterising' my inner voices. I am a v visual person, so that might work.

Maggie the ideas you mentioned to stay off binges sound great. You are well in the way to that pedicure.x

Sleep are the DC any more settled yet? I've been thinking of you all.

Margo, sleep's suggestions of a comedy voice reminded me the bad dog in the film 'Up'. Have you seen it?x

Newme how has the latter part of your week been?x

Lego how are you feeling now?

Goodas you still busy with photos? how are you settling into your training programme?x

Hi guys, sorry I have been away for so long. Got a bit caught up in Christmas!

Back on track now.

I am watching this, anyone else?

What's the right diet for you, Horizon Special

Hi. I started 2015 so motivated but have been absolutely exhausted. I joined a weightloss group but as I've put on 3lbs I've left as its obviously not helping! I'm Nealrly back to my biggest ever . I've binges more than ever this January. Stupid things like several packets of the kids hulahoops followed by camembert on crackers in the evening. Or eating kids leftovers....

So we moving much less and eating more :( I really don't know if I can crack it.

Thanks for the link Italian, I hadn't seen it but may follow up on catch up. Great to have you back.

Newme I have every faith in you that you will get to where you want to be. It will take a long time and lots of work on how you process thoughts but it is worth it.

When I have binges such as the one you describe it sounds like one to fill a void within you. If my binges consist of the same items that don't involve lots of flavour it can aldo be boredom. This is especially true when I jump from one food group to another unrelated one. When I feel like that no amount of foods will remove that empty feeling, so I keep going in search of something that is missing but at the same time not knowing what that something is. Does this sound at all like you feel?

I agree with your decision to stop the weight loss group. As you say it can be counterproductive. Looking at the reasons why we binge and learning to cope with them better are more likely to last long term. I understand how hard it is to separate the need to lose weight and be able to eat properly. I would still love to lose weight and I need to but I know if I embark on another diet it will do more harm than good. Instead I asses how I feel, I write and work on accepting that I am worth building self respect that isn't linked to my clothes size or weight. You are absolutely worth that same respect too.xx

I have had a feeling since January started. Having this thread is great and a wonderful way for us to all communicate. I have been wishing that it was a real life room where we could talk. Obviously we are likely to be all over (even different countries) it can't happen but at times like the constant chatter of new years resolutions and expectations a real life hug and smiling from an understanding face can be missed. I have found some great RL support in someone close to me and I was just wishing I could give you all the same. Anyway I hope you're all ok. I think of you all and always wish today is a good day for each of you.x

While looking for a programme for DC to watch I stumbled upon the programme you mentioned Italian. I watched the first minute and had to turn it off. If you watch them maybe you cam let us know how it all goes. I'm assuming it was along scientific lines for our biology and gentic make up requirements for food vary person to person?

I had to turn it off because I paniced I was going to see ways I should be eating. I will do a blog post as my reaction was a bit odd and threw me. I started by thinking I will make lunch as planned and stay with my good progress. Now I eaten it, I want to keep going. I'm hoping my assessment for the clinic arrives soon, I've never been so sure I need help than now. Note to self if it says diet in the title don't watch.

Fighting - could we do a private online chatroom? Have a specific time & aim to 'meet' there for an hour once a month/fortnight/week etc. Not sure I am ready to talk with my voice! I can try to find some free software?

Great you have somebody who is supporting you though. Sorry to hear of the negative reaction to the TV show.

Sorry you are struggling Newme. I feel the same. I feel massive :(

Another book (for our groaning bookshelves!) but I went for my assessment at the ED clinic last week and they were recommending this one - www.amazon.co.uk/Overcoming-Binge-Eating-Proven-Program/dp/1572305614/ref=pd_sim_b_2?ie=UTF8&refRID=08V7H9W3B37TSAM2CYB2

It is really interesting as it talks about EDs from a clinical point of view, which is a new perspective for me. It has a programme at the back.

I am hoping my DH's insurance will cover support as there is a waiting list on the NHS. However, the insurance co won't cover BED only Bulimia (something for me to challenge when I feel strong enough)....hoping the person I saw will write a 'helpful' referral letter. There is the option of a NHS support group, but it the only week day I don't have childcare. Not sure I can sort childcare for 10 weeks...

I haven't read that much so far but it does acknowledge that dieting is v difficult for BED sufferers.... :( Interesting it also says there is a link between BED and PCOS which I know somebody (sorry I don't recall who) suffers from as well as me.

Thinking of you all. Let's hope tomorrow is a better day :)

Margo that is the book that I followed. I must have got confused when we have spoken before regarding books. I thought that was the one you had, sorry. It really was life changing to have it! I perhaps need to get it out for a recap after today. I went for a nap and seem to be better this evening. I'm not so well at the minute so perhaps that contributed.

I will keep my fingers crossed that your letter was helpful for the insurance! The idea of the timed chat sounds like a good one. I think at the moment I feel the same regarding actually using my voice but a real time typing meet is appealing. Great idea!x

Hi all. I am trying to catch up after a few weeks off radar. I am sorry I think things went a bit crazy after Christmas and I kind of fell off the wagon a bit. That should have been the time I turned to you guys but I didn't I am so sorry.

sleep I am so sorry to hear about the burglary. I really hope you will feel comfortable in your home again soon.

good hi, re Well I just found out - I WON the personal training how exciting to have a personal trainer. Do keep us informed.

Margo I am sorry to hear things were stolen from your car.

I hope your DH's insurance will cover support. I am shocked the insurance co won't cover BED only Bulimia. Have you seen this website from USA, I wonder if it is at all helpful?

www.anad.org/get-information/about-eating-disorders/binge-eating-disorder/

For advice or support or anything to help you when you feel ready to write a letter. I just sometimes feel USA is ahead of us in some thinking!

Margo what do you think of Overcoming Overeating the book?

Margo I am also a very visual person too. How did you find this out and how are you using it to your advantage?

Margo I know about the negative voices, I really do feel it is good to challenge this voices.

As Sleep says, if someone else were saying this about themselves you would jump in and defend them. I am guessing even someone you did not know well, you would defend them if they were saying some nasty things about themselves or someone else was saying it about them.

Sometimes our own internal monologue can be a terrible bully who tells us all kind of evil things about ourselves which are not true.

If we weigh more than is healthy or eat more than is healthy, that is as far as it goes. We are still valuable, lovable, amazing, thinking, feeling, breathing people.

Just think how amazing our bodies are! We can think and talk and communicate, with people all over the country and all over the world. We can empathise with each other, share stories, share tips, share ideas. Think about our bodies able to process the food we eat and the liquid we drink.

Please Margo tell yourself you are amazing. You are! We all are.

Maggie I agree with Margo, that ... pedicure sounds like a great reward. I use a warm bubble bath as a reward, nice creams and lotions etc.

Maggie best wishes for the new year. You said I tried to stop counting a few months ago (in an effort to be 'normal' and things spiralled out of control very quickly), so the idea appeals to me. I don't feel like I can necessarily trust myself to eat intuitively, as I just know I'd ramp back up to 6,000+cals per day without some sort of accountability. What's the best way, does anyone know?*

I am not sure I do but I think working out a fairly normal meal and then trying to produce a plan for food might be the way I go in future. But that is because I finally feel I can stick to it more. Not for others, for myself.

You said I found a thread on here about Marie Kondo, a Japanese tidying consultant I saw that too, looks good!

lego hi. You said I walked home again today, so feeling good about that, as well as snacking on fruit and popcorn at work today. The walking makes me ravenous though, so I need to make sure I keep some good snacks on hand. Doing these things feels a bit like putting on an act - I want to do them often enough that they become habit. They will, fabulous news. Can you work out what snack would be powerful for you. I personally like mackerel in a tin. It is very filling and tasty.

You said on 1 Jan (sorry I am catching up), I woke up feeling really dizzy and started getting paranoid that I've got diabetes, not for the first time. I was diagnosed with diabetes about three months ago. Can you get checked out. My dad had it and my auntie has it (on my mum's side) so it was not a total surprise, but still a shock. Please do get checked out. Finding out I have it has helped my eating.

And you said I think about my weight more than anything else - it takes up so much space in my head. Sorry for the long post. I'm too embarrassed to go to the GP and have this on my medical record for all eternity so for the time being I'm going to try posting here.

I do know a friend who had PCOS and did a low GI diet especially for it, that helped. BUT you do need to be in the right head space for it. I go to OA (Overeaters Anonymous) and for some people it is a real help. I have found it helpful but to be honest the counselling I am having is also helping me to feel I can conquer this. My overeating came out of OCD I had in my teens and twenties, in my twenties the OCD went, or rather morphed into over eating, basically a kind of impulsive eating. I identified it a few years ago, left the slimming classes and focused on getting better internally to affect the eating.

It has been peaks and troughs, two steps forward and one step back. But I feel better than I have for a long time. Really so much better.

For me support is important and motivation. It is about finding out what is right for you. It is not about will power. I think overweight people have sometimes more will power than other people. We want to eat a lot of the time, and sometimes manage not to. Others don't necessarily want to eat all the time!

ANewMe hi, I am sorry to hear things are not going well. I wish you well with the counselling you are going to have.

I had to leave the weight loss group when I realised I would never find an answer in them. Last year I started counselling but due to circumstances beyond my control it got stopped. Now, I am delighted it has re started a few months ago and is really empowering. I really, really hope your counselling goes well too.

I really do think you can crack it. You need support that helps you, and to work through whatever it is that is driving you to eat more than you need. We are all in this together.

You said I ran in the rain last night which I was very impressed with myself about! You should be, that is great.