Binge Eating Disorder Support

[FightingBed2014]

This is our second thread, helping each other through the ups and downs we experience with binge eating. The original thread can be found here
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/new_blog_posts/2029166-Eating-Disorder-Recovery

This is open to anyone, no mater how good or bad things are for you. We are all here for support and help to recover from our disordered eating. Talking about how we feel has been the first step to recovery for us. There is hope and life without it.

I blog about my recovery as I go through each new experience, if you want to have a read it's here

ellechapmanblog.wordpress.com

How is everyone doing?x

Am ok.

Left a long term client today which should mean things will be easier going forward although I am v worried about the prospect of not making enough without the buffer of them!

How you feeling about your work issue now?

I am trying to decide about whether or not to go on the pill. I am hopefull it will even out my moods and lessen the bloating around my period. However, there was lots of talk of blood clots, breast cancer.

Think I am going to look at taking evening primrose oil etc first.

Sleep thanks for the link. I am less of a perfectionist than I was but it is still there. Do you see that a lot in people you treat?

Saw that there is extra funding for eating disorders in the budget. Mainly aimed at young people and anorexia I think but good it is being addressed. Apparently anorexia is the biggest cause of mental health related deaths.

On a different topic looking forward to the Fall tonight on TV.

How is everyone else?

Hi Margo, I'm not too bad. Your idea of the pill etc sounds worth a try. Hormones really can make life so much harder, I can relate to your struggle each month.

Although your concerned, having less to cope with a reduction in work will hopefully help you find you feet. I found that I haven't coped well with being madly busy, things are slowing down now. I want to just hide at home but I'm on, so it's clouding things. My medication review is next week, so see how that goes.

How are you feeling about Christmas approaching?x

Hello ladies, hope it's ok that I come back and join in again.

I was keeping up with the original thread and found everyone incredibly kind and supportive, but fell into a bit of a hole when things took a turn for the worse. I didn't feel like I deserved help. I effectively had a month long binge and got to the point where I was physically incapacitated by the side effects. (I won't go into too much detail).

That bought me a few days worth of clarity but hasn't actually changed anything long term; over the last two days I've eaten three full boxes of cereal, a whole tin of Celebrations, an entire loaf of bread, plus many other things I really didn't need to, and wouldn't normally eat. I start the day off really well, feeling positive and in control, but come evening it all goes very very wrong.

Things have got gradually worse, to the point where I binge maybe 5 / 6 days out of 7, rather than 1 or 2. Needless to say, despite continuing to train almost as much as usual, I've started to put on weight - about 10lbs or so in the last month.

Fighting, I think it was - I took your advice and saw a GP earlier this week. She was nice about it and gave me a form I can use to self-refer for cognitive behavioural therapy. She also wanted me to get blood tests to check my thyroid levels, to make sure nothing else might be affecting my eating. I haven't had periods for a long time, which she wants to check out. I thought that it might be because my body fat % was too low, but I think I'm normal weight now, so I should be having them.

I've skimmed through this thread and found so much that resonated with me - italian, I could have written some of your posts myself. I'll try and keep up with you and contribute a bit more actively from now on. I hope you're all well and managing to find healthy solutions.

Hi Maggie, it's lovely that you feel able to post again. Going to the GP took strength so well done for taking that step for yourself. Make the call for the CBT as soon as you can. It sounds like you're ready to accept outside help, keeping the ball rolling will help keep that feeling. Do you have anyone in RL to talk to?x

Hi everyone, I am out and about but just a quick post, MrsM before going back on the pill have a think about trying a month or two of cutting out sugar, it honestly makes such an enormous difference to pms for the majority of women, it's scary the effect sugar has on hormones. Better for all aspects of health too - a tough process to go through but so worth it and your tastes will change so it gets easy after a while to resist (promise)

Quick post (waves!)
Loving my personal training, back eating "clean" and it's helping so much with binges. Enjoying food and getting a weekly veg and fruit box

Hi all

Oh Maggie I just want to reach out through the screen and hug you. I have so much empathy of being 'stuck' in the middle of a difficult binge cycle. Nice to hear from you. Keep posting, we understand how s**t it can be....

Are you able to pinpoint the feelings that are behind it? Although I am not 'cured' by any means, I do think that is the key for most of us.

Fighting glad work has calmed down a bit for you. Hope the meds review is ok.

Good great to hear you sounding so positive. What is 'clean' food? I have never that been that keen on a veg box, do you meal plan after it turns up or do you know what is coming?

To answer Fighting 's question. I am looking forward to Christmas for the family time etc but all the excess food/focus on food is difficult.

Sleep - that is an interesting point, but the idea of giving up sugar feels me with dread!!! Do you think there are levels of 'giving up'? I would still like to have the occasional glass of wine etc. I also worry that it is too much like restricting. It is no coincidence that I bought cakes yesterday (which I ate too many of) after reading about the idea of giving up sugar! Obviously not blaming you, it was my decision etc.

We are off to see Santa today which should be good. :)

How is the job going purple? How you coping not having any time with DH?

And thanks for the support re Doctors.

Will call private med to see if a recent diagnosis would be covered - good point - thanks Italian. How are you?

I'm vaguely following james duigan clean and lean - basically it's unprocessed food so meat, fish, veg etc
Veg box I don't really plan as luckily it's just me to cater for and sometimes they sub things
I'm finding it quite inspiring though, so this week it turned up and I was "ohhh butternut squash, I'll do roasted veg, mushrooms - yum, with scrambled eggs" And it's stuff I wouldn't necessarily buy in the supermarket

Ahh good sounds like it is working for you, which is good. I like butternut squash too especially in risotto.

Not feeling great. Think I am reeling from the past few months of heavy workload. I am going to give using the app (Recover Record) a proper go, writing stuff does help me, it is just being motivated enough to do it. I also don't like writing down binges. I like to record a perfect record of eating only! I do like physically writing but with DS able to now read most things I think the safety of an app on my phone is better.

On a more positive note, we went out with DF (and DM) yesterday. Eating out with him is always a challenge as he finds something disagreeable in the meal/the place/the other diners etc. Normally I would 'take on' his displeasure and try to solve it. But yesterday I sat there and felt comfortably removed from it. And actually he snapped out of it after a few mins. So I wonder if giving attention to his behaviour previously only made it worse! Anyway, it was a refreshing to not feel responsible. And that is thanks to this thread and self-reflection/seeking recover over the past months.

And also a friend who I thought I'd upset has got in touch. I am guessing something has happened in her life (from her message) so her lack of reply was nothing to do with my text message (well intentioned, but my instinct thought she might not be 100% about it). Thought back to fighting comments about narcissism and thinking it is all about me/us etc, when it generally isn't!

And finally, went for a run in the dark with my running buddy last night and it was great! I am not that keen on the idea of exercising later in the day, as it requires a 2nd shower of the day which doesn't seem very efficient. But actually it was better than a 6am run, as we were able to stay out longer and not worry about having to get back to help with getting the kids up/getting to work etc. It was nice seeing the xmas lights too.

Anyway, hope you all had a good weekend, would be nice to know how you are doing.

Hey Mrsmargo it sounds like you are doing well, and I get the sense that you are unwinding a little after a hectic period of work. Well done for stepping back a little with DF antics - great work there. The more you can be curious about situations and feelings in that way, the less out of control you are likely to feel, and therefore less likely to binge. It's a practice and you will get better the more you do it, to the point where it becomes habit and the feelings won't be so overwhelming

On the sugar... I totally get that it seems to contradict what I always say about no restrictions, but...it is an addictive substance and some effort to stop, with the knowledge that it is an experiment, and still not an absolute ban can reap enormous rewards. I worked with one lady for weight loss - she was facing gastric band surgery and very unhappy, but when I spoke to her about her diet it was clear that she wasn't particularly overeating, nor was she a binge/emotional eater. So we agreed she would do a very strict elimination diet (no sugar, gluten, caffeine, alcohol, eggs, dairy etc etc) for a few weeks to see if there were food intolerances. We had discussed her many health issues but not pms. She called me in a panic after 2 weeks or so though, turns out she always had dreadful pms, every symptom you can think of, severely, up to 8 days prior to AF. The day she called me, AF had arrived without any warning at all and was much 'cleaner' - much less clotted and dark than usual - she was so shocked that she was thinking of calling the nurse! I've seen similar with lots of other women too, just from eliminating sugar. I wouldn't cut out wine necessarily but I would try and stay off any added sugar, cereals, juices, pre-prepared sauces/meals, obvious stuff like sweets, chocolate, biscuits, cakes. Have fresh fruit, dark chocolate if you like. Remember, this isn't a life sentence it is an alternative to taking hormones which can potentially do so much damage. This is something you are just trying for a short period to see what it does for you. Maybe wait until after Christmas if you think it is too hard now

Margo a huge well fone on setting yourself back from DF. It's not easy at all. I am so nervous about Christmas with DM, so when something comes up, you will be my inspiration to remove myself from it.

Your run sounded lovely. Nothing better than being abke to take your time, removes the pressure. Running with your friend must make it feel more social too. Added to your new found free time, I hope you start to feel more relaxed soon. It may take time but you seem to have aknowledged that the pace has been hard. Are you getting extra time with DC now?x

I have come off now, so after a deep crash in emotions last week, I feel more myself. I have been battling thoughts of restrictions. My meds give me a reduced appetite which I probably could exploit easily. My journey so far has shown that isn't where I want to be going. So I have told DH about my thoughts and making a concerted effort to make sure I am eating. If can't face it, I've got things in that my body needs like fruit and nuts. Dinners have been proper meals (with hidden veg as planned for th DC) as my appetite come back later in the day. I have lost weight but nothing drastic. I don't really snack now, so that will be reducing my intake. Compared to this time last year its a big difference. Its hard to believe that in less than a month it will be a year since I started this journey. How life has changed!

Fighting, it seems like you've had a complete transformation! I just hope I'll have made that kind of progress a year from now. Over the last week I've definitely overeaten, but not to the point of feeling ill, perhaps in the hundreds rather than thousands of calories.

But Margo, you actually sound like you're going through a positive period, and discovering lots about yourself? Maybe you need a bit longer to decompress...?

I took your advice and yesterday I sat and wrote down my (long) list of triggers, in an effort to take away their power. I'm not sure if it's working yet, but it feels good to have done it. Weighing myself is definitely one of them, so I've stopped doing it. There are also a few times of day / situations that inevitably lead to a binge, so I've tried to be aware of them and come up with alternatives - having a shower, having a cup of tea, brushing my teeth etc. I'm not sure if that's the right approach, but I'll see how I get on. I've stopped mid-binge a couple of times but let's see if the novelty wears off.

Sleep, would you recommend going sugar-free to everyone, regardless of what stage of recovery they're at? Ie. is that something I should be focusing on now, or should I wait before I can trust myself not to binge before I start restricting particular food groups?

Hi Maggie, on the sugar...I'd suggest thinking about how you would feel about trying a period of cutting it out. If you could genuinely approach it as a choice you plan to make, multiple times a day, out of curiosity (about how different it might make you feel) and a desire to improve your health - and no guilt or beating yourself up if you end up making the 'wrong' choice from time to time, then that would be fantastic. If it's a hard rule you are imposing on yourself that has a good chance of feeling like a restriction and therefore likely to lead to a binge, then maybe not yet . You can cut down gradually of course, but in order to properly identify a difference in things like pms or any other symptoms it is much better to have a stricter elimination period.

The list you've made is great by the way. Try and think about seeing a binge as being ok, just as ok as going for a walk to de-stress or calling a friend to rant about someone who has annoyed you...hard I know, but a shift to the mindset whereby you own the choice to binge and observe what is going on, with regard to your emotions and the situation/incident/discussion that led to it, then the power starts to shift from it to you.....does that make any sense?

Hi Maggie, it was lovely to see that you are finding writing theraputic. I think we have all found that oulet (in various forms) to help massively. let us know how you get on with it.

I was thinking about what you said, regarding a transformation. In some ways I have done a complete turn around but I'd be lying if I said I as recovered. Today has shown that I have a long way to go. The weight loss has been easy due to my meds and I have been weighing myslef most days. That in itself is bad. I skipped lunch today and intentionally napped instead, after only a yogurt for breakfast I will talk to DH when he gets in as I am obviously going too far the other way. I don't binge now as I know food won't make me feel better. But that plus reduced appetite is bringing up old habits. Time to get strict with myself. I have a balanced dinner cooking.

I heard from the eating disorder clinic. Apparently I have to have a blood test first. They will then decide if they will take me on or not. It's a triage system, so I suspect I may not be seen for a long time, I can imagine their funding isn't great. I have also been diagnosed with Generalised Anxiety Disorder, I need to do some research on it. maybe there are some answers there too.

I have generalised anxiety disorder too (hand hold)
Today I wanted pizza, I ordered it, ate what I wanted and left four slices. I feel content and not guilty at all

Thanks goodas, it means a lot.x

Hey goodas , well done on the pizza !

Fighting you have made amazing progress. There may well be much further to go, but put a year into perspective of your life, how many of those were spent in a far worse place? It's the blink of an eye in terms of your lifetime yet the changes you have made are huge. You have also helped so many other people along the way too, with this thread and your blog. You should be very proud and take lots of encouragement from that to keep moving forward .

Hey ladies been absent for a week, not sure why! The last two days have gone very badly so maybe being absent was not a good idea.

Off to bed, feeling cross with myself as I am pigging out on crips, savoury crackers, nuts and the odd date too.

IronMaggie I am now diabetic and was told to leave off sweets, chocolate, cakes, biscuits and sweet drinks. I have got diabetic chocolate and biscuits, managed to eat less than two largish (not as big as slas, aybe 10 squares) bars of choc and two packs of biscuits (again small, maybe 8 portions in a pack) in about a month, so that is one packet a week. I do not recommend it as it has certain diuretic properties! But with sugar free squash about twice a week and about two sugar free jellies a week it gives me a taste of something sweet without the sugar. I still eat baked beans but now have the low salt low sugar ones.

Good luck.

Missed OA last week, first time in two months. May explain the bad week. Saw counsellor in person, which was lovely.

Hugs fighting.

found this thread.

Sounds familiar.

Will lurk and read up.

Hi all

Sleep thanks very much on the sugar steer. That all sounds more manageable than when it has been suggested before as 'Cut out sugar, go low GI, eat nuts' - it all felt overwhelming! Am starting with the obvious sugary stuff. Chose cheese for pudding in a restaurant last night. :) Interesting to hear about your client's AF too.

Fighting I am not sure "we" will ever be 'recovered'? I think for me there will always be the potential there? But you had made so many changes for the better and inspired and cheerlead so many of us on here.

As sleep says compare this year to all the others which have probably been a cycle of eating/self-loathing etc - well if my years are similar that is! You are an inspiration to us all, you have reached almost no bingeing - that surely is the Holy Grail? Having said that, I think the fact your life hasn't just magically transformed into the perfect life is a reminder to us all that life will still be life even without the binges.

And sorry to hear of the additional diagnosis and the rather lacking experience at the clinic. Blood test for what!?!? I do get the sense that mental health services are unfunded and they are trying to exclude from treatment rather than to include. It all feels a bit 'box ticking' to me.

I had a horrible experience when referred for my PND. I was referred to a service which I think was probably for low income/single parents but the Dr desperately wanted to do something for me. I took DD along as there was nobody to have her (having asked the receptionist if I could when I booked and she said yes) and the person who was accessing me 'told me off' for having brought her. She then listened to me cry for about 30 mins and said I wasn't eligible for the service and that was that. It was so horrible. Thankfully the meds have helped me with it.

Well done good on the pizza, it is an empowering feeling only eating what you need isn't it? Not that I do it very often!

Nice to hear from you Italian. Sorry you missed a meeting, do you think not going to OA and eating more is self-sabotage? Sort of thing I would do.

However, going for two months is great, as you find it helpful, can you commit to going back or doing an online meeting? I think the key is to get back on the 'horse' as it were? Glad the counsellor was good too.

Welcome siiiiiiiiigh :) How you feeling having read some of the thread?

I am upset that my final piece of work for the year has come back with spelling errors highlighted by the client. Feel so embarrassed about it and annoyed at myself.

I did proof it a few times, but I worked until 12.30 am and then got up at 5am to finish it for the deadline, so I doubt my mind was as its sharpest. :( I do sometimes use a proofer, but I'd vastly underestimated how long the project would take, so didn't have time. A lesson there for next time. They are a new client too. My challenge today will be to not binge because of this. Just called DH at work which has helped a bit.

Also feeling a bit anxious about how I am dealing with DS. We are having battles over homework and I found myself storming upstairs on Sunday, which is horrendously the sort of thing my DF would have done. So ashamed at that.

However, I did come down and apologise and try to talk to DS about it, which is something my DF never did, so I hoping that even though those traits are there I am trying to manage them a bit better.

Last night DS ended up under the dinner table crying about being on the lowest table in the class. It was heart breaking. This was additional stuff I was trying to get him to do (ie not set homework). But instead of helping him to develop it feels like I am just making himself feel bad about himself. Although, I need to ensure I am not projecting my adult consideration of the situation onto him. Arrh.

Sorry for the epic post, needed to get it out!

Hope you are all having a good Wednesday.