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Binge Eating Disorder Support

999 replies

FightingBed2014 · 23/10/2014 16:41

This is our second thread, helping each other through the ups and downs we experience with binge eating. The original thread can be found here
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/new_blog_posts/2029166-Eating-Disorder-Recovery

This is open to anyone, no mater how good or bad things are for you. We are all here for support and help to recover from our disordered eating. Talking about how we feel has been the first step to recovery for us. There is hope and life without it.

I blog about my recovery as I go through each new experience, if you want to have a read it's here

ellechapmanblog.wordpress.com

OP posts:
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6
Italiangreyhound · 10/12/2014 12:03

Welcome siiiiiiiiigh.

Marogt can I ask how old your kids are? Did you get the treatment you needed for PND or are you still suffering with it? Sorry if this is common knowledge and I should know or private and I should not!

MY dd is 10, dyslexic and struggles at school, a lot! we have sought help from school and Dyslexia Research Trust. She is good at art and quite sporty and fit so we praise to the hilt all she can do. She is also just about to go up to Guides and Rainbows and Brownies is the only thing she has stuck with (ballet, swimming and Taekwan-do all explored and ditched!) but she is also an excellent swimmer. Can I ask what your ds is good at and if you have found ways to praise for that to help raise self esteem. Not trying to teach my grandmother to suck eggs! Issues for DD sneaked up on us so it is easy not to feel there is a problem at first.

Italiangreyhound · 10/12/2014 12:05

Actually, Margot, to be honest we do not praise to the hilt! Blush I mean to, then see her ULTRA messy bedroom and nag! Sad

I need to stop myself and make sure I do praise for all good behaviour, achievements etc.

MrsMargoLeadbetter · 10/12/2014 17:18

Thanks Italian. He is 6. He is really good at computer games Hmm . Last night we had a go at the 'Hour of Code' which is a free online resource which gives people (inc kids) a go at coding.

We do try to bolster him up when he does try and when he does well. He does karate, tennis and swimming.

I did ask his teacher if she thought he was dyslexic but she said no.

Sorry to hear of your DD struggles.

Do you worry about her relationship with food? That is my concern with DD (being a girl) who is 1.5.

No other treatment for PND other than mild anti-ds. However, they worked really well (literally snapped back to feeling like myself at 6 weeks of tabs) so I kind of felt that was the right treatment. I just didn't have the same thoughts/feelings on the tabs. I am hoping it is hormonal and will wear off....

MrsMargoLeadbetter · 10/12/2014 17:21

And Italian I understand about trying not to nag/be negative. It is so easy to do and all they hear is "bad, wrong" etc.

It is just so difficult when we are tired/busy.

Sometimes I dream that being a SAHP would enable me to be the perfect parent. However I am not cut out to be at home.

Italiangreyhound · 11/12/2014 00:17

Margot I do know what you mean. Easy when you are tired.

I cannot afford to be a stay at home mum but I only work part time - 3/5.

I used to worry about dd and food but she eats very normally and ds is getting there (although he tends to under-eat, I think, and is quite fussy). They both love sweets and I limit those and I limit juice and squash drinks but aside from that they tend to eat what they like, all in moderation.

I am sorry your ds is struggling a bit. You could think about other things that might be affecting him - tiredness, friends worries, bullying, etc etc.

At least you can watch out for these things and he is young enough for you to have a chat and hopefully he will tell you what is on his mind. BUT the good news is that possibly while you are looking into different areas of possible concern he will suddenly be fine!

If you think your ds does have problems that might come under dyslexia, remember dyslexia is a big spectrum and you may find he cannot really be accessed until he is 7. So in the coming months until he is 7 you may wish to watch out for any of the following areas of concerns.

www.dyslexiaaction.org.uk/general-indicators-dyslexia

"Ages seven to 11:

Seems bright in some ways but unexpectedly struggles in others
Other members of the family have similar difficulties
Has difficulties carrying out three instructions in sequence
Struggles to learn sequences such as days of the week or the alphabet
Is a slow reader or makes unexpected errors when reading aloud
Often reads a word, then fails to recognise it further down the page
Struggles to remember what has been read
Puts letters and numbers the wrong way: for example, 15 for 51, b for d or “was” for “saw”
Has poor handwriting and/or struggles to hold the pen/pencil correctly and/or learn cursive writing
Spells a word several different ways
Appears to have poor concentration
Struggles with mental arithmetic or learning times tables
Seems to struggle with maths and/or understanding the terminology in maths: for example, knowing when to add, subtract or multiply
Has difficulties understanding time and tense
Confuses left and right
Can answer questions orally but has difficulties writing the answer down
Has trouble learning nursery rhymes or songs
Struggles with phonics and learning the letter to sound rules
Seems to get frustrated or suffers unduly with stress and/or low self-esteem
Struggles to copy information down when reading from the board
Needs an unexpected amount of support with homework and struggles to get it done on time
Is excessively tired after a day at school"

I think 1 in 10 people has dyslexia so it is quite common.

If you suspect that dyslexia may be involved pursue some help because it really is good to know and if not then at least you can stop worrying about that.

Good luck.

Italiangreyhound · 11/12/2014 00:19

Margot Also take a look at

www.dyslexic.org.uk/about-dyslexia

FightingBed2014 · 11/12/2014 11:37

Hi ladies, thank you for the lovely posts. It was a good nudge to look at the positives. I am really grateful for all your support. We have indeed come along way this year, all of us.

Italian seeing that missing your OA affected you can be banked as a reminder that; even if you don't feel up to it, making yourself go is important for your recovery. I agree with Margo, self sabotage can be a bad habit to break. I know I do it too.

Margo it must be very hard to know what to do for DS. But I think the key thing is your are doing your best and thats all anyone can ask. (If only they came with an instruction manual). You question your own behaviour and amend it where you feel nessecary. This act alone means you are not becoming your DF.

Welcome to the thread siiiigh, I hope you find it helpful.x

OP posts:
EEVEElution · 11/12/2014 17:25

Hello, I'd like to join if I may. I haven't read all the previous messages, I have been trying to but I have an 8 month old DD who is quite demanding for attention!

I don't really know where to start though, I'm not even sure I can call what I have an eating disorder as I don't throw up or anything afterwards.. but I have felt out of control for a long time and have been desperately seeking some kind of support... so here I am. Hope that's ok.

Italiangreyhound · 11/12/2014 17:34

Welcome EEVEElution I don't exactly binge either but definitely have an eating disorder because I have disordered eating. I still feel odd telling people as I have not been officially diagnosed by almost 25 years of this as left me overweight and not really knowing when I am full or hungry etc etc. Please feel free to share as much or as little as you wish to. And congratulations on your new dd.

Fighting I had to miss last week as dh was ill and it felt unfair for him to come home from work and look after two (badly behaved!) children. I am slightly worried as I won't be going for two weeks over Christmas, my group is a Wednesday, so my regular group will fall on Christmas Eve and New Year's Eve! Just not fair to dh to abandon him BUT I can watch a pod cast talk, text my OA buddies or read my book and I could do that on the Monday or go to the other group on the Sunday etc etc. Planning I guess. Thanks for understanding.

Italiangreyhound · 11/12/2014 17:34

Sleep how are you?

FightingBed2014 · 11/12/2014 19:35

Italian it sounds like it as a hard but necessary situation to miss OA. Planning now to get through the Christmas period id a great idea. Even if you can't make the meeting knowing the structure is in place will hopefully carry you through.

Welcome Eeveeloution. Many of us aren't officially diagnosed but we all know we have disordered eating. The label isn't really important, getting to a place where we can be happy is. It may help to tead back through from thread one, when baby lets you. I appreciate that may take time though.x

OP posts:
Italiangreyhound · 11/12/2014 21:57

Thanks Fighting I do feel a bit out of control at moment! Confused

Italiangreyhound · 11/12/2014 21:57
Xmas Confused
goodasitgets · 11/12/2014 23:57

Bad food day. Oh well. Grabbed toast this morning and a coffee from Starbucks, photoshoot from 3pm - 8pm, got a call from another photographer so had a coffee and a quick shoot with him and just walked in the door

Italiangreyhound · 13/12/2014 00:38

good it sounds a very busy life! My day was much more mundane! Hope you get some more nutrition tomorrow.

IronMaggie · 13/12/2014 07:39

Welcome eeveelution, hope you find the thread supportive. Everyone's lovely here.

And Italian, I'm feeling a bit unbalanced at the moment as well. Are you able to pinpoint what might have changed?

I had a few good days earlier in the week, but that was followed by three almighty binge days in a row, 7000+ calorie days where I go out of my way to eat until I feel uncomfortable. I'm still reeling from this as I don't have any understanding of why it's happening. I always start of the day well, so full of hope and resolve but things go to pot in the evening. I'm also worried that I might be ruining my health in the long term, which I'd be distraught about. Will try to be positive and start fresh today.

Hope everyone has fun plans for the weekend?

Sleepwhenidie · 13/12/2014 09:18

Welcome eevee, hope we can help Flowers.

Maggie what makes a day you describe as 'good' for you and what else is going on generally in your life?

MrsMargoLeadbetter · 13/12/2014 09:50

Thanks Italian for the links. The teacher seemed sure he wasn't, but I guess other parents have heard that.

Good to hear your DC have ok eating habits, gives me hope.

Thanks fighting for the reassurance. I am trying my best, it is good to be reminded of that.

Sorry to hear you are struggling Italian and Maggie.

Italian do you finding DH being ill difficult? I know I feel like Cinderella when I am dealing with the DC alone! And without the ball to attend!

EEVEE - welcome. All are welcome. I think most of us on this thread share eating food we don't need which is linked to 'head' issues rather than actual hunger/need for food. I think the key, although it is hard to do, is to work out why we reach in the first place. For me it is low self-esteem. It isn't easy but this thread has been very helpful to many.

Maggie can you write down how you feel? Aside from any personal issues, I do feel there is lots of pressure this time of year to be having a marvellous time. Whether it is taking the DCs on magical Christmassy days out, having a ball at your works do with your great colleagues, planning the most wonderful family yule tide, catching up with friends for mulled wine etc. The reality can be v different. :(

We are at FILs. He has replaced his "easy to use" electric kettle with a gas hob one - how annoying!!! I did joke to DH I will bring our spare kettle with us at xmas. I have previously bought air freshner for the bathroom. It is a bungalow and I hate the idea (and reality!) of 'bathroom smells' circulating downstairs where we all are.

Anyway, thinking of you all.

Italiangreyhound · 13/12/2014 10:32

Ironmaggie I am very affected by other people so if a friend or even someone on the news is having a very hard time, or some international injustice is happening it seems to unsettle me That's all I can think.

Good luck to you.

Margot our teachers and Senco would not attempt to 'diagnose' at 6. I think they do not start doing any kind of 'diagnosis' until 7. Before she was told she was dyslexic I had felt that I would really not want to hear that she was but by the time we actually got an assessment I was actually glad that there was a reason for her disorganised, chaotic behaviour and her really, really struggling at school. But my daughter's dyslexia teacher has a son who is 3 or 4 years younger than my dd and can read brilliantly but hates homework. So to be honest at 6 it could be anything.

I would just try and see if things are better or worse at different times. Keep a diary to see if some things upset him or whatever and see what happens in the long run. Dyslexia affects about 10% of the population so it is not necessary the most likely thing. Do you trust this teacher's judgement? I would say teachers vary so much, some are brilliant some not, when he gets older you can get him assessed if you wish to, you may find a charity is useful for an assessment but as I say it is not necessarily the most likely thing.

My DH is so rarely ill, it is normally me moaning about this or that ailment!

I too hate bathrooms smells!! I have superhuman sense of smell, so it is worse for me!

IronMaggie · 13/12/2014 11:01

Sleep, at the moment a 'good' day for me simply means one when I don't binge. Even if it took a superhman amount of effort, and I'd overeaten (vs what I need), I'd still class that as a good day. Is that the wrong way to be thinking about it?

I don't think there are any particular strains or stresses in my life that are causing this. Yes, things are busy and chaotic with work pressure & the DCs (I have two lovely but very active toddlers), but most of us here probably have similar day-to-day tribulations. Maybe I have had a particularly stressful time this year with the change in job and a horrible legal situation, but I'm hoping to be near the end of it now. I also have a lovely DP who is very kind and supportive - he doesn't understand why I don't just stop eating though. I wish I knew.

Bon courage Margo - and I vote for taking along any home comforts that make the stay more pleasant for you!

MrsMargoLeadbetter · 13/12/2014 11:23

Maggie legal situ sounds stressful!

My prompts to reach are often related to thoughts I am having. So today: worrying about being fat on another holiday (which I booked yest for summer '15), having eaten a teacake yest when I am trying to cut out sugar, thinking about a work thing I need to do but don't really have time etc. Does that sort of thought process resonate?

Italian thanks again. I 'take on' other people's stresses/strains too. I want to make it better for them and soothe the pain.

I think mine is linked to having the appeasing role with my DF, but I am also an emotional and caring person, so that is wrapped up in it.

Sleep recommended a book (something to do with the Moon, haven't read it all yet Blush) and that talks a lot about the natural qualities of women and how we have all been encouraged to moderate them so we are more 'straight forward' and logical like men. What I am trying to say is that being caring is a good quality. Thanks

IronMaggie · 14/12/2014 16:52

Margo it's great that you can pinpoint the exact causes of your urges, I'm still really struggling to do that. I don't seem to be able to link what I'm thinking to my actions, because I go into such a mental frazzle. If I could just slow things down for long enough to think, maybe I could make the connection.

And yes, the whole legal thing has caused me and my family many many tears over the last 2 years. It'll be a huge relief when it's all over, in hopefully a few months. I wish I could say that will be the magic cure I've been looking for, but it doesn't feel like it.

I've spent today and yesterday avoiding sugar, apart from the four jelly beans I popped in my mouth earlier without thinking - should I also be cutting down on artificial sweeteners? (I think I know the answer to that) :)

MrsMargoLeadbetter · 14/12/2014 23:32

Oh Maggie that sounds so stressful, I am sorry you are having to go through it. You are right to think that it 'ending' probably won't just solve everything.

I think this thread has helped me accept that there is not going to be a light bulb moment for me when I suddenly stop overeating.

And Maggie just to clarify (should it help you/others) I don't experience a clear thought "I am worried about my holiday next year, I only have 8 months to lose weight" and then go and eat.

I have what I'd describe as a "flash" in my mind, which with the holiday was a memory of booking it, then a memory of my most recent holiday when I was overweight (However, I enjoyed more than normal thanks to this thread helping me enjoy the present, not be so obsessed about my weight) and then a thought of the sensation of my thighs rubbing together more than they did, probably signalling a weight gain. I'd described them as small flashes of thoughts/images in my head which lead to an uncomfortable feeling 'inside' (sort of under my chest, it feels like something pulsing Shock) and it is that feeling that then leads to the overeating. At the actual moment of overeating I find it difficult to clearly think what is wrong. But I can work it out if I either stop or reflect afterwards but that takes effort, shoving the food in doesn't!

I guess it is a bit like a negative internal dialogue. Underneath it all is the message that I am not good enough :(

And for me when the food goes in, the 'feeling' is suspended and I generally feel a release/relief. But then it is quickly replaced with guilt/disgust etc which only increases the 'feeling' and off we go again.

Hope my post isn't triggering. Never sure how far one should go....

Italiangreyhound · 14/12/2014 23:47

Today has been a horrible day, feeling a bit unwell and worried about work, plus kids driving me crackers! The good news is I have not eaten lots today, in fact I ate very normally all day and so I feel quite pleased about that.

Maggie Re artificial sweeteners I have heard that they are bad as they give your body a sweet taste and you crave more but the dietician I saw in relation to my diabetes said they get an unfair rap and they are safe.

For me the full extent of my 'use' of them is probably about one or two glasses of no sugar squash a week, or perhaps one no sugar squash and one no sugar cola, one or two no sugar jelly pots and one bar of no sugar diabetic chocolate or one packet of diabetic no sugar biscuits. They do all have calories and I expect they have no nutritional benefit but especially at this time of year it is nice to have a treat. Also they can cause diarrhoea if you eat too much and they cost more than regular stuff so literally one bar (100g) lasts me a week.

I could post a picture of a bar but do not want to trigger anyone! It is called something like No Added Sugar Swiss Milk Chocolate with Fruit and Hazelnuts.

The squash and jellies are available everywhere and just taste normal, the best is Ribena no sugar, it just tastes the same!

Maybe Sleep can advise us on the 'use' of artificial sweeteners! Please! Grin

Italiangreyhound · 14/12/2014 23:49

Of course water is better but I don't like the taste (at least I don't when it is cold and I want something nicer!) and I have managed really to cut down on squash and all sweet things since my diagnosis about 7 weeks ago.