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Original poster

My DD has bulimia.

314 replies

StolenStollen · 02/02/2014 10:01

As the title really. My dd has bulimia. I found out on the 5th November 2013 and she's been in a eating disorder unit since.
Currently, she weighs 3st 4 Sad and last Wednesday she had a nasal-gastric drip inserted as she wasn't eating.
I am looking for advice and hands to hold please. I don't know if I'm posting this in the right place.
How can I not blame myself?

OP posts:
duchesse · 26/04/2014 13:23

I find it absolutely astonishing that a GP wouldn't take the sight of a child of 14 weighing the same as an average 7 year old seriously. She must have been skeletally thin- how could the GP not look at her and see that there was something dangerously wrong?

HotCrossBunting · 26/04/2014 13:24

She always left carbs. Never protein or veg. It was carbs.

HotCrossBunting · 26/04/2014 13:43

I don't know Duchesse, her bones were visible, skin hanging off her.
He said that the services were too pushed.

yegodsandlittlefishes · 26/04/2014 14:22

Please complain about him. He put your DDs life in danger. DD looked skeletal with a BMI of 16 and both her school and sports club were concerned. She was so active, it didn't seem possible that she could have an ED until I started really taking notice of how much she was (wasn't) eating. But then, the school had already picked up on her sh.

I think when it comes to eating disorders, it is a lot to expect a parent to do, to be the first to recognise the problem and seek professional help, without any signals from school or wider community.

I guess the psychiatrist was talking about before you took her to the doctor, and I guess you were managing the best you could with no support.

HotCrossBunting · 26/04/2014 14:43

I've complained Ye. He's still working (he's the gp I had to see re my thyroid). But he is under investigation.

yegodsandlittlefishes · 26/04/2014 15:11

Is there no other doctor at the practice you can see, if you need to go back again? I've seen all 5 doctors at my practice and I now won't see the nurses there. I'm considering changing back to the same doctors DD goes to, but not sure. The doctor I wasn't happy with there has left now, so maybe.

HotCrossBunting · 26/04/2014 17:58

There are other doctors but he was the only one with appointment I could do. I try to see other doctors but it's a small practise with 4 doctors.

HotCrossBunting · 28/04/2014 20:09

The visit was bad today. DD was upset for some reason unknown to me and the staff. She didn't want any attention or to be spoken to etc. When I went to leave, I hugged her and she slapped me on my back. I've got a huge red mark. The nurses took her away.
I wish i was there for her. I'm her mum I should be holding her.

ZingWatermelon · 28/04/2014 20:21

oh, sorry to hear she was in a bad mood today.Thanks

Is she allowed to use her phone etc? I'm guessing not, but if she is, maybe someone said/texted something upsetting to her?

I'm sure she has regretted smacking your back.

try not to cry and I hope you can rest tonight instead of worrying.

massive hugs, love and kisses

yegodsandlittlefishes · 28/04/2014 20:23

Ouch! Sorry to hear that, inust have hurt, and I know it hurts that the eating disorder drives them to these things. I have learned to read DD better and to keep away when she is most troubled, or she feels violated. It is because the eating disorder is controling them and they become aware of it. It is a good thing, it does show progress as it is a real part of her showing through, but it is so hard and exhausting for them, and the battle is in their own heads.

yegodsandlittlefishes · 28/04/2014 20:24

Inust = it must have

yegodsandlittlefishes · 28/04/2014 20:25

Have you had your test results back, Bunty?

ZingWatermelon · 28/04/2014 20:25

I think I see what you meanyego

it's like love me or hate me but just show some emotion - anything is better than apathy. is that what you meant?

HotCrossBunting · 28/04/2014 20:42

Not got my results back.
She can't have her phone so no texts that could have upset her.
I wonder if someone's said something too her.
It is like love me or hate me. They want some kind of affection but if it is the wrong kind then it is not good.
I've had a sob. It's helped a bit.

yegodsandlittlefishes · 28/04/2014 20:50

Oh sorry, I didn't really finish what I was trying to say, now I reread it...

I think it is like they have so little control inside themselves, over certain aspects of their own thinking, and so that is very difficult. So they are going to be frustrated about other things they cannot control, and things they have to make choices about (but can't) and even a hug can feel like an invasion of their personal space they have no control of. Perhaps hugs can feel all wrong to them sometimes, maybe sometimes they feel too big when they hug someone and they relax and the eating disorder gives them a nasty feeling and they feel angry and just lash out in frustration.

I don't really know, but the other thing is, DD doesn't remember any of the episodes when she lost her temper. Whatever it was affected her memory too. (It was very scary for her. It also means that she is not aware of how much better she is since being on Prozac. That's a whole other subject though.)

yegodsandlittlefishes · 28/04/2014 20:53

'They want some kind of affection but if it is the wrong kind then it is not good'

YES! it is like teenage hormones intensified x1000. I see it as them catching up on emotional maturity as they start to feel teenage emotions that have previously been masked by depression and ED thinking. Other parents agree with that, but DD doesn't.

HotCrossBunting · 28/04/2014 21:34

It is like hormones x 1000. You have to walk on eggshells.

I do agree that they begin to feel emotions that were hidden previously.

HotCrossBunting · 30/04/2014 21:02

4st 5! Another gain.
DD apologised for hitting me on Monday. She didn't know how to react when I said it had really upset me. She says she's getting cabin fever being stuck in the unit and the little garden. She wants a day out somewhere. I'm going to ask if I can take her out for a day. I doubt it'll be allowed but there is no harm in asking.

yegodsandlittlefishes · 30/04/2014 21:23

Good new that she has gained again. :) It is good she apologised for hurting you on Monday.
I'm so used to telling DD that she can't do things (in terms of exercise) that I got good at it and it was hard to adjust and not worry. I'd be surprised if they don't say it would be unwise for her to go out at her weight. What is her BMI now, 13 or 14? It must be very low still, she has a lot to gain yet.

HotCrossBunting · 30/04/2014 22:23

BMI is 14. Very low. Needs to be in the 30s minimum before she can be treated as an outpatient.
I have had to tell dd that xyz can't happen before because of circumstances out of my control exh. She usually takes it well.

HotCrossBunting · 30/04/2014 22:24

BMI is 14. Very low. Needs to be in the 30s minimum before she can be treated as an outpatient.
I have had to tell dd that xyz can't happen before because of circumstances out of my control exh. She usually takes it well.

ZingWatermelon · 30/04/2014 23:50

well done on more weight gainSmile Thanks

I hope she will be allowed out. it would do her good.
I'm not surprised she has cabin fever and got frustrated, but it's a very healthy sign that she apologised!

wishing you yego lots of strength, wisdom and health to deal with your respective situations.
lots of love to you both! xx

ZingWatermelon · 30/04/2014 23:50

ffs!

I meant you and yego....!

bloody phone

HotCrossBunting · 03/05/2014 08:16

Lots of love to you Zing.
Family therapy was cancelled yesterday as the therapist was ill. I wanted to try another session to see if it would be better than last weeks.

ZingWatermelon · 03/05/2014 15:58

saw your post on mine - thank you darling.

sorry about cancelled app - I hope you'll get another chance soon.

very sunny weather here, but I decided to rest after very busy and emotional week - we finally exchanged yesterday and will be moving on 23rd so full steam ahead.
well, apart from when it's choc o'clock!Wink

have you seen her today?
any chance of a little trip outside?