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Original poster

My DD has bulimia.

314 replies

StolenStollen · 02/02/2014 10:01

As the title really. My dd has bulimia. I found out on the 5th November 2013 and she's been in a eating disorder unit since.
Currently, she weighs 3st 4 Sad and last Wednesday she had a nasal-gastric drip inserted as she wasn't eating.
I am looking for advice and hands to hold please. I don't know if I'm posting this in the right place.
How can I not blame myself?

OP posts:
HotCrossBunting · 16/04/2014 07:06

I bet baby is beautiful. i'm getting broody Zing. Good news about the house and good luck with the school place. I've got my fingers crossed xx
Transfusion went well, she doesn't mind them anymore. I hate them - it is the worst sight I will ever see, a bag of blood and the blood dripping slowly down into her body. But... she needs them a d they are helping.
Weigh in later [busmile].

yegodsandlittlefishes · 17/04/2014 08:53

Hope all went well yesterday, Stollen. It is good that she is getting the transfusions, there is nothing like it for giving a body that extra boost without the work of having to digest and process food. I can understand your feelings about it though. You do have to trust the doctors, as you say, that it will do her the power of good.

DH means well but we have had a few communication breakdowns (faults on both sides). Enevitable with us, I'm afraid, with so much stress floating around and him being away most of the time. Things are better between us now we have had a chance to --argue- talk and make up, and see things from each others' point of view. I do need to be more positive in general and to assume/anticipate the best about people not the worst. We both need to talk and listen to each other a lot more.

HotCrossBunting · 17/04/2014 22:11

She's gained, 4st 2lbs! The extra feed is helping already Easter Smile.
I get what you mean about communication breakdowns Ye , too much information not enough time. I am glad things are better now x

yegodsandlittlefishes · 17/04/2014 22:55

Hooray for the extra feeds and gaining a little bit more each week. Grin

Happy Easter, Stollen! Flowers

And you, zing - happy Easter, lovely. Hope you have a great long weekend and get to put your feet up and enjoy some great times with the family.

ZingHasAHotCrossBunInTheOven · 18/04/2014 09:57

Hot

that is brilliant news, both the weight gain and the fact that extra feeds work, yay!Smile Thanks

yego

Thanks!
We are very busy for the next 4 days! today and on Sunday with church services (attending and DS1 singing in the chapel) and it's also DD's birthday today!Smile
I can't believe ZingGirl is 2! when did that happen?

Sat & Mon we are sorting/decluttering/boxing up stuff, but we'll make sure we rest as well.
DH needs it just as much as I do.

Happy Easter to both of you - I'm going to be offline for a few days or nothing will get done!Wink

x x

HotCrossBunting · 18/04/2014 22:41

Happy birthday Zing Girl!
DD is well, therapy is working. She's opening up to her counsellor and she's making progress. He's giving her ways to block the bad thoughts about her weight and food.
Happy easter Ye and Zing. Thank you both so much for everything xxx

yegodsandlittlefishes · 18/04/2014 22:50

Happy Birthday ?Zing Girl?

OH Hot, please do share any tips on how to deal with the negative thoughts! We could really do with some help in this area (me and DD both).

Am so glad f is doing so well, great progress!

Flowers Happy Easter!

HotCrossBunting · 20/04/2014 22:52

I don't know a lot of the techniques given to dd Ye as what is said between her and her counsellor remains confidential unless I need to know.
One I do know is this : DD has to keep a dairy. In this she writes how her day has gone, how she's feeling about her body that day on a scale of 1-10, 1 being bad and 10 excellent. Any negative thoughts are written down and then she discusses them with him. I don't know if that could help your DD.
She also has a sketch pad. She 'draws' her moods on this. Just a scribble or a sketch depending on how she is.
Some techniques i've been given are:

  1. RAT - rationalise the thought (this one is for my anxiety), approach it logically - why do I think this? Take the thought and store it away in my head - put it at the back of my mind because it is only a thought it isn't a fact.
  2. I've been told things like meditation etc work. I haven't tried meditation but i am starting to take long walks where I can think over everything that is happening. I will find the sheets of paper with more ttechniqueson and post them tomorrow xx
HotCrossBunting · 22/04/2014 16:44

Transfusion went well today. DD was asleep for most of it.
Weigh in tomorrow and family therapy on Friday.

yegodsandlittlefishes · 22/04/2014 19:02

Sounds like a good day. Flowers

How are you, bunting? (How would you like to be called Bunty for short?!)

Have had a lot of up and downs last couple of weeks. It didn't really work for DH to take over the food/parenting to give me a break while I was there, but it was good enough in terms of caring for DDs, and so I feel ok about leaving them while I make a trip abroad alone in the autumn. (Which was the point of it.)

Today I went to the first session of a local NHS course on positive emotional wellbeing. All pretty basic, but I'm more motivated now and I stayed behind to ask about a particular anxiety I have and that was really very helpful. Lots of things fell into place! Grin

HotCrossBunting · 22/04/2014 21:38

Bunty is fine. I loves getting the Bunty annual every Christmas! .
I'm sorry the last few weeks have been hard Ye but at least you feel able to leave your dd with your DH when you go away.
I'm really glad the course has helped you today, I wish there was something like that here.

yegodsandlittlefishes · 22/04/2014 21:53

There probably is something exactly like that somewhere near you. I can't look the link up until tomorrow, but it's one of several courses that are being offered nationally.

I even got a free spare work book to take home for DD. It isn't really anything very astounding, all common sense I suppose, but I feel I need the push to look at this sort of thing from my own point of view, separately from DD.

HotCrossBunting · 22/04/2014 22:22

I'll have a Google Ye, i've got a GP appointment for something unrelated to my anxiety and depression but I'll ask the doctor about a course for me. My counseling is helping but I don't feel like I deserve it.
You do need to look at the situation away from your DD. You've got to think about how your wellbeing is being affected and what can help.

ZingHasAHotCrossBunInTheOven · 23/04/2014 12:49

I kerp reading but stupid connection problems stopped me from posting!

how did it go today?

yegodsandlittlefishes · 23/04/2014 15:16

Here's a link to our local wellbeing courses There are others for low mood/anxiety/anger/mindfulness which I'll probably do some of too after this one.

yegodsandlittlefishes · 23/04/2014 15:24

Good to see you Zing! I have been having connection problems for a couple of weeks due to being away and not wanting to use up my data allowance (no wifi). Allowance is all used up for the month, but wifi is usually ok at home. (Not always though - I sympathise if that is what you're experiencing. So annoying when a service you pay for lets you down.)

Hope all went well today, Bunty. Smile You definitely deserve counselling, keep going to that it will pay off hugely. The courses I mentioned are run by IAPT I think, and should be available across the country. Here we can self refer online or by phone, but in other regions you might have to go through the GP at least initially.

yegodsandlittlefishes · 23/04/2014 19:18

Related to the wellbeing course, I just asked DD to name one thing she does to increase the quality of her liffe. (refers to another thread). She said not to ask her as that is a very srressful question for her.

It nicely encapsulates how we often relate to one another. What helps me are things she doesn't want to even discuss and she can't think about. Exercise? Healthy food? Looking after appearances? Sleep? These are the things we covered in the Wellbeing class this week - they are also all extremely stressful and taboo topics with DD! It is good for me to have somewhere to think of these things from just my own POV as they are such stressful topics at home. For so long everything I think has been filtered through her needs.

HotCrossBunting · 23/04/2014 22:25

Another gain! 4st 3!
There are courses like those Ye in this area. I asked the gp today and he has given me all the details. I know the counselling will work and I do deserve it but at times I feel like I don't.
I'm waiting on some blood tests now. GP took the bloods today and I've got to wait for the results. I don't want them back.

ZingWatermelon · 24/04/2014 00:17

she is doing so well, just brilliant!
well done!

aren't you due a birthday soon?

yegodsandlittlefishes · 24/04/2014 06:37

She gained again, that's great.

Is the blood test for yourself, Bunty? We'll wait with you. Hope there is nothing wrong, but if you have had symptoms of something which are bad enough to get tested, hope you find out what the matter is and you can do something about it.

A birthday you say, Zing? Grin Really, Bunty? Hapepy upcoming birthday! (If you don't want to say when it is, we could celebrate on another day.)

HotCrossBunting · 24/04/2014 08:44

The bloods are for me. I've been having symptoms linked to thyroid issues.
15th June is my 41st birthday! I don't feel 40. More like 100.

yegodsandlittlefishes · 24/04/2014 09:34

Ah, you're younger than me. Smile I skip into the 'late' forties this year.

I'm hypothyroid and anaemic. It's taken nearly a year to start feeling like I can really get some quality of life again. It is like colour, memory, time and energy slowly returning to my life.

There is a lot of support on Mumsnet for it, as it's very common, but let's wait to see what your results are. (((Bunty))) I know you myst be feeling pretty terrible to go along for a test for it, well done for doing it and whatever the results (e.g. if it isn't thyroid) keep asking the GP for answers. You have a right to see a GP in your own right.

HotCrossBunting · 26/04/2014 12:24

No news on my blood tests. Hopefully the results will be back Monday.

We had family therapy yesterday and it was horrendous. The therapist kept asking questions she knew the answers too. Asking why I didn't get DD help sooner. I had no idea about the Bulimia until last November. If I had known I'd have got her help much sooner.
I dragged DD to the doctors covered in sick and blood, I sat in a waiting room while people talked about us and stared. I yelled at doctors and refused to leave until she got help. I sat in the doctors room and rang the crisis team only to be told they couldn't do anything because I'd got her to a doctor who said she didn't need to be in the unit.
How is that not helping? I did everything I could do as soon as I knew about the ed.
Therapists have no life experience, they study how to help but you don't make much difference if you don't know how it affects peoples lives.

yegodsandlittlefishes · 26/04/2014 13:11

Oh that sounds awful. I just want to give you a big hug. And a big mug of tea and some home made Cake . There.
Is the family therapy with a psychiatrist or psychotherapist, or a lesser qualified person?

This might seem like a bad thing to ask, but could they have asked you that to see if you might have had some 'eating disordered thinking' before taking f to the doctors, in the months running up to it? I got asked about that, but not in such a direct way.

I must find out the qualifications of the person we see.

HotCrossBunting · 26/04/2014 13:23

I've been asked that Ye. I saw a few little signs but nothing great enough to cause concern. Things like leaving potatoes occasionally or not eating breakfast because she was rushing. She did weigh herself and she used to take the dog for very long walks but she had always done that. I wasn't worried and I should have been.
We see a psychiatrist.
Thank you for the hug and tea and cake. I've got some flapjacks in the kitchen.!