TTC with a donor continued

[Waiting2BAMummy]

Almost at 1000 posts so started a new thread

@KLO0224
@bitheby
@Overlyanxious
@Busybee143
@TimeIhadaNameChange

Sorry if I missed anyone

@KLO0224 you’ve been through so much this weekend. I’m glad they managed to save your ovary. The cremation service sounds lovely and I know some people find it helps to have their own little ceremony (e.g lighting a candle) to help them say goodbye.

I’m just so sorry this happened to you. Please be kind to yourself and when you are up to it make sure you get tests and see some specialists to help you when you do try again.

Also please do rant or vent if you need to on here x

Thanks for updating us @KLO0224. You've had a big shock and I would imagine that there's a huge amount to process and come to terms with.

I'm glad you're ok and that you had surgery before any more complications set in. I'm so glad you pushed for a scan.

Big hugs and thinking of you as you heal.

Thank you ladies 😊

I’m so sorry @KLO0224 there are no words that will make you feel better right now. I’m glad that they are finally going to refer you for recurrent miscarriage testing but that, of course, doesn’t change how you’re feeling.
I’m so glad that they caught it before it became a danger to your life, it’s sad though that you had to push so hard for them to do anything when they too had no idea what was going on.

You do need to take the time to heal now, physically and emotionally. It must have been so hard filling in that form, it’s all just so cruel and unfair. Maybe, when you’re feeling a little better physically you could go let off a balloon or something, whatever works for you, for your own little memorial.

I’m going to go against what people say in situations like these, don’t stay strong, shout, scream and do whatever you need to do right now. Your feelings are yours and ‘staying strong’ only pushes them down but they will find another way out.

We’re here for whatever you need. I understand that you may not feel like coming on here with not being able to try for 6 months but we’re here if you need us.

Sending you so much love 💔

Oh il be popping back on to see how you are all doing! That won’t change 😊 xx

That’s okay the, or I was gonna have to get on a train @KLO0224!! 🚂 😂

@KLO0224

Oh il be popping back on to see how you are all doing! That won’t change 😊 xx

So pleased to hear it

I hate this little period of time. I'm 8dpo today and so too early to test but noticing every little twinge and I am having a few and so could that be a good sign... Then when it gets to 10/11 dpo and I get BFNs it's really demoralising even though with both my (unsuccessful) pregnancies I never got a BFP until 12dpo so a BFN at that point means very little anyway. And then the last two cycles, AF has come early at 12dpo so I've barely had a TWW to feel hopeful in.

Ugh.

Just needed to vent.

I hear you @bitheby, it’s an awful cycle to be in, particularly when you’ve been trying for so long. I don’t even get tempted to test anymore as I’m so convinced it isn’t going to happen.

I’m not even going to tell you to try and not read anything into every twinge because it’s pointless. We all know we’re driving ourselves crazy and if it was that easy to not think about it then early pregnancy tests wouldn’t exist because nobody would be testing until they suddenly treatise their period didn’t come!

I truly hope you get your positive this month.

For me AF looks like she’s finally about to rear her ugly head.

How are you doing @Overlyanxious?

Hope you’re doing okay @KLO0224

@bitheby I hate this time as well - the second week always goes so slowly. I’ve stopped bothering testing as well as it’s too depressing.

@Waiting2BAMummy I’m ok - had a couple of days of feeling rubbish and a bit fed up - not as bad as usual though. AF is due this weekend/Monday depending on which app I look at. I’m pretty sure it’s going to turn up.

Fingers crossed for you both - really hope AF doesn’t turn up @Waiting2BAMummy

Glad you’re feeling a little better than usual @Overlyanxious. It’s definitely tough in the second week of the TWW. I think, in the first week you just know that there’s no way anything would really be happening yet so it’s easier to switch off, and if you’re anything like me you breathe a sigh of relief from not having to hold your wee so you can use your OPK’s anymore, but by the second week it just starts to feel like an eternity until you will know one way or the other.

Then you start reading threads about those ladies who got their BFP’s 30 seconds after they ovulated (I’m exaggerating, obviously) and you start obsessing.

Well, that’s how it used to be for me but I’m now so convinced it’s never going to happen that I don’t even think that much about it anymore.

AF has arrived and it’s the most painful it’s been for a long time, probably because last month was almost a 50 day cycle.

Not sure if I should start taking my supplements again or just accept this isn’t going to happen and move on.

Sorry AF got you @Waiting2BAMummy. I can't remember whether you've ever asked your GP to refer you for any fertility investigations? With me, they were super quick due to my age.

I might crack open a FRER tomorrow. Shining a torch at a bit of plastic gives me something to do when I'm bored.

@Waiting2BAMummy I’m sorry AF turned up and is painful. Mine is always painful - it’s horrible.

As @bitheby has said I think it’s worth going for fertility tests etc if you haven’t already. Before I give up I want to give it as good a go as I can otherwise I think I will always wonder. So my plan is go back to the Dr in June if I haven’t got anywhere as that’s a year and then if that doesn’t show anything I’m going to give till September and then do IVF and have a massive credit card bill 🙁

@bitheby good luck for the frer if you do it tomorrow.

I haven’t been to the doctors @bitheby It’s been 2 and a half years now and I think I’m ready to throw in the towel.

Good luck with your test if you decide to do it tomorrow.

Sounds like you have a plan @Overlyanxious I hope that it doesn’t come to the need for IVF For you.

Look, I'm 44. I was hugely embarrassed about going to my GP because I thought she would say, well, you've left it far too late, of course your pregnancies aren't sticking but she could not have been nicer and kinder even as I sobbed all that down the phone! And everyone at the fertility clinic too - they've said they wouldn't turn me down on age grounds given my test results.

If there is a simple thing they can fix, then wouldn't it be useful to know? I had a polyp removed in case that was affecting implantation and now hopefully will have some tests to see whether anything is causing miscarriages.

It's that 'what if' there is something there that can be fixed? Would I always kick myself for not finding out?

You’re right @bitheby, I know you are. I think I was just feeling sorry for myself yesterday and started trying to convince myself that maybe I don’t even want this after all.

Need to have a word in my shell....

Thought I might have gone too far. Glad I didn't.

Think I'm out. 10dpo and wiped pink. Blinkin hell. I probably am too late. Not gonna happen is it.

@Waiting2BAMummy we are here to try to keep you positive and I sometimes feel the way you do - but I think we all do it when we are feeling sorry for ourselves. The reason I have a bit of a plan is to keep myself going - I also feel like I need an end date as it’s too much to keep going every month. So I think basically this time next year roughly is when I will stop.

I think I also like going to the Dr for tests as it makes me feel like I’m being proactive.

@bitheby I’m sorry to hear that. Remember there are lots of good news stories of people having babies when older and after miscarriages. You can be one of them. Remember you’ve got your miscarriage consultation which may bring up some things to help and still have the IUI and IVF option.

I could not sleep last night so I’m knackered today. I feel a little bit on edge. I’m expecting AF in next few days

Yeah AF definitely here this morning.

I have very little hope with IUI or IVF and it feels like I would be throwing money at something that has a low chance of success. I genuinely don't know what my next step is now.

I'm pretty sure I'm depressed. Every time AF comes I feel suicidal; not in a desperate way, just in a matter of fact, it will inevitably be how my life ends way. This is not great tbh.

@bitheby that doesn’t sound great. I understand your point on the IUI and IVF. I’m thinking perhaps some therapy would help to get you to a better place and for you to then be able to decide if it’s worth going down that route. I think to end TTC you need to be in a good place so that you can let it go and know you’ve done everything you can but that there is still life out there and other things to enjoy - which I don’t think any of us feel right now.

I’m out this month. I guess on to the next go. ...

How's everyone doing? I'm in a new TWW. Think I ovulated yesterday.

@bitheby how are you feeling?

I’m annoyed. My donor is messing me about. We had agreed to meet tonight and then I checked last night and he said he may be busy and so I asked can he do tomorrow and he said yes. Then today he said probably can’t do today and might be able to do tomorrow. I’m just annoyed that he’s messing me about. If he can’t do it that’s fine but don’t keep me waiting. I have another donor I can use next month - he had the decency to tell me early on that he couldn’t do this month.

That's really frustrating @Overlyanxious

I'm ok. Tired as work is so busy at the moment.

He finally got in contact and I got a donation at 7am Sunday. It’s just a shame it ended up being stressful.

Keeping my fingers crossed for you @bith