TTC with a donor

[Waiting2BAMummy]

So it appears I posted the 1,000 message on our previous thread and now it's closed so I've opened us a new home!

@TimeIhadaNameChange
@LanieM87
@Freezerbump

Hope you're all OK guys, I've been reading a couple of pages of the thread.
Dont give up hope @Waiting2BAMummy it sounds like your future baby has everything they need from you. Hope everything is OK @KLO0224 I did bleed when pregnant but I can't remember what my pregnancy tests were like so early on.

Thank you @Busybee143. How are you doing? Hope all is going well with baby yoda x

BFN on a FRER at 10dpo this morning. I knew it would be. I've never had a line before 11dpo. Doesn't stop me keep squinting at it.

We all do it @bitheby, whatever gets you through I say.

The only person walking your path is you so you do you!

Hi all,

Sorry to bombard - tell me to post elsewhere /start a new thread please if it's not appropriate here.

A family member after many many heart-breaking rounds of IVF is now joyously pregnant (1st time) after using (for the first time) a donor egg. She's nearly 9 weeks pregnant now. She is absolutely over the moon as I am for her and her husband.

She is mid-40s and I am terrified that she will miscarry as it will absolutely break her heart. I will obviously not express my concerns but could anyone please tell me how risky this is now? Is there a time/date when she can relax and is 'out of the danger zone'? I have read that it is dependent on the age of the donor (I don't know this information)? If that's the case then is it 12 weeks or so when she can tell people / relax? Apparently everything else is fine and healthy although progesterone levels have had to be increased a lot..

Sorry if I'm a bit dim about all of this!

Hi @mindtheclegs. I’m no expert on the use of donor eggs but it is my understanding that the risk of miscarriage in older ladies is increased due to egg health. When you use an egg from a much younger donor this should, in theory, giver your family member no higher risk of miscarriage that a lady of the donors age, in my understanding.

Also, at 9 weeks she is almost out of the first trimester and as such the risk of miscarriage drops, in general, for ladies of any age.

Wish your family member every success and she is lucky to have you to look out for her welfare.

Thank you @Waiting2BAMummy. As I thought.

Really wishing all you wonderful women the best of luck this year. 🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻

@Waiting2BAMummy I'm good, so glad it's half term now! Baby yoda is good, I've got a 30 week scan next Friday 😁

30 weeks?? OMG @Busybee143! That's gone so fast!! Not long to go now. Hope everything goes well with the scan next week x

@Waiting2BAMummy it's crazy how fast its gone! I'm hoping baby is growing well so I won't have to go back for a few weeks!

99% sure that AF is on the way. I'm barely holding it together. The house is a horrendous mess. The guy I've been in some kind of relationship with for nearly 4 years and told me he loves me when I last saw him a couple of weeks ago (and incidentally doesn't know the meaning of the word) hasn't been in touch all weekend; not that I wanted him to be but it just shows how seriously messed up my life is.

I doubt I will ever get pregnant. I feel like I've fucked up my whole life and I don't want to be living it anymore. I've totally had enough; nothing in my life is making me happy, I'm endlessly stressed and TTC was the only thing giving me a purpose and it just isn't happening. I can't live the next 40 years with no kids. I don't want to. I can't do it.

I hear you @bitheby, I too feel like it’s never going to happen. I’m not quite as old as you but I am 40 this year and know that, that, significantly reduces my chances. My new donor who seemed awesome hasn’t responded to the email I sent him on a Friday and normally he responds within a couple of hours so guessing he isn’t going to help anymore. I went to Tesco on Saturday to buy some soy isoflavones and they don’t seem to sell them anymore so I’m going through this month without them.

I’ve decided that I’m going to start saving for IVF and have also started to resign myself to the fact that, that, may have to include egg donation at my age.

Is that something you would consider? I can’t say I’m happy about the thought and if I can avoid it I will but I think I would rather use donor eggs than not have a baby at all.

I don't really see the point when the baby would have no genetic relationship to me at all. Obviously I would love a child irrespective of biology but why go to the expense and put my body through all of that?

I would consider adoption but I reckon I wouldn't be approved. I have an autism diagnosis and I'm single, and my age all counts against me.

I really hate my job. I'm feeling completely stressed with it. I took this job on the understanding that I would TTC after 6 months and reassess after maternity leave. Now it's 21 months on and I'm not pregnant and don't know how to proceed.

Just to say that period is due tomorrow and I had a BFN on a FRER at 13dpo this morning so I'm not out but I know I am really.

The way I see it using donor eggs is no different to adoption only you would have a stronger bond because you would still have carried the child. It also removes any of the issues you stated around the adoption process. That’s just my opinion though, obviously, and you have to do what’s right for you. For me, as I said, I don’t want to go down the donor eggs route but would rather that that not have a child at all @bitheby. It would also mean that you would have that child from day 1 whereas most children who are adopted are at least a year old and everyone wants babies so chances of getting one even at that age are slim.

I’m looking at going abroad for IVF as it’s cheaper and they tend to have higher age thresholds. Maybe it might be worth looking at a clinic and you might be able to use your own eggs? I feel like the longer I drag it out try, unsuccessfully, using AI, the more chance I’m going to have of needing donor eggs so I’ve given myself a deadline of my birthday and if I’m not pregnant by then I’m contacting a clinic.

I can’t believe you’ve been in that job almost 2 years I remember you getting it. If the stress is really that bad maybe you need to look elsewhere as that isn’t going to help TTC either. I’m interviewing for a new job at the moment and it’s not ideal timing but I can’t stay where I am anymore.

Yeah, I started the beginning of June 2019.

To be honest, every single job I've ever had has been stressful. I'm not really cut out for full time and my boss is encouraging me to reduce my hours but I'm trying to stick it out to put me in the best financial position for maternity.

I'm in a state of overwhelm so my ability to cope with anything is diminished. It's not so much the job being stressful, as me having a limited capacity to deal with much at the moment.

Can you take some annual leave @bitheby? Maybe a couple of weeks off to regroup would help?

I've got 5 days left until the end of March and I'm saving it in case I end up driving to London again to see the donor. Really hoped I wouldn't have to do that again.

@bitheby you sound very stressed about the whole situation, do you think there is a hobby out there for you to focus some of this stress on, running really helped me let off some steam.

I know you really want to be pregnant but there are other options, there are children out there who I'm sure would adore the love you could give. Blood doesn't mean anything, I don't like phrasing it like this but I have no blood relation what so ever to my daughter (wife gave birth to her) but it doesn't change anything at all, I love her with all my heart and it doesn't matter we're not blood related as no one will ever take away from me the fact that I am her mummy and I dote on her every single day. You wouldn't believe the amount of people who comment on the similarities we have, which we have a little giggle about although I do think anyone who brings up a child will share similarities somewhere down the line.
Work seems a massive stress for you, my job has been quite stressful over the years and I genuinely used to contemplate going back to work in a supermarket like I did as a student, I knew it was boring but it was stress free and I left my work at work, sounds stupid but it really was something I thought about.
Hope you manage to destress soon, I'm sure you will get everything you want but maybe a different way x

@Waiting2BAMummy you sound like a woman on a mission! I'd love to hear where you go for your ivf, where are you thinking? I know a lot of people do it abroad as its cheaper, which is what we want isn't it x

I am absolutely a woman on a mission @Busybee143. Someone on another thread had her successful cycle at a clinic in Greece called Ovum, after unsuccessfully trying at clinics in the UK. They don’t have any prices on their website so have posted asked her how much she spent.

I’ve also looked at the Czech IVF clinic which is around £2200 plus sperm and drugs.

I’m going to make this happen one way or another x

@Waiting2BAMummy that's a great price. Get it done!!!! How long would you have to stay over there for?

I’m not sure @Busybee143 but I think I would probably go for a couple of weeks and make a holiday out of it. I’d prefer to have all my scans and everything there than be having scans here and then have to hurriedly book flights and things, especially as I cannot imagine availability will be what it was due to covid.

I need to save the money first so will keep trying with my donor until then but if it doesn’t work that’s my next step. I’m planning to take a short break out there for all the initial tests too as at least I’ll have met the team and seen the clinic so it won’t be as daunting when treatment actually starts.
#WomanOnAMission

@Waiting2BAMummy look at this clinic in Denmark - about 1k Euro inc sperm. I know someone who had a great experience there.

I’m so sorry to hear you’re still trying. I read this thread every wee while to see how you’re doing. x

@Waiting2BAMummy sounds like you would have a really good shot at it and you'd get a holiday too, what's not to love!!