#makeithappen TTC through Donor IUI or Donor IVF or just undecided. All welcome. Thread 9

[kwick]

This thread is for anyone trying to conceive... or thinking about doing so through donor IUI or donor IVF. Nothing TMI - feel free to join, we are a lovely group here to support and help keep the cray-cray away!

Here is the link to the previous thread: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/donor_conception/2908645--makeithappen-TTC-through-Donor-IUI-or-Donor-IVF-or-just-undecided-All-welcome-Thread-8
And the one before that: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/donor_conception/2886793--makeithappen-TTC-through-Donor-IUI-or-Donor-IVF-or-just-undecided-All-welcome-Thread-7
And the one before that: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/donor_conception/2863056--makeithappen-TTC-through-Donor-IUI-or-Donor-IVF-or-just-undecided-all-welcome-Thread-6
Here is the link to the one before that: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2832207--makeithappen-TTC-through-Donor-IUI-or-Donor-IVF-or-just-undecided-all-welcome
Here is the link to the one before that one: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2769549-TTC-through-Donor-IUI-or-Donor-IVF-or-just-undecided-all-welcome-makeithappen-loadsofBFPs
Here is the link to the thread before that: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2688511-TTC-through-Donor-IUI-or-Donor-IVF-or-just-undecided-all-welcome-makeithappen
Here is the link to the one before that one: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2587046-TTC-through-Donor-IUI-or-Donor-IVF-or-just-undecided-all-welcome
And the one before that!: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/1877198-Donor-IUI

We also have a weight loss spin off thread: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/donor_conception/2889818-TTC-through-Donor-IUI-or-Donor-IVF-weight-loss-spin-off-thread

So, so true pez! It's ridiculous. And I've heard from other people, too, that these clinics seem to attract people who are really slapdash with admin.

I love the 'just seen'. Really! FFS.

Hi Juneybean welcome :)
I agree with pez it's worth having a fertility mot in case there is something obvious that can be easily resolved. Conceiving naturally (at all) is a tricky business,getting everything right is hard so could just be not everything right. So give up.
What is your arrangement with the donor?

Ah angliski this bit truly is horrible!!! Knowing one way or the other is far easier to deal with the uncertainty

LRD 🙄🙄🙄🙄** is all I can say! It really does add to the stress!! Hope it's sorted quickly!!!

I'm early haha are you surprised for my appointment, collected my meds, it just says take as directed in your treatment plan.....ummmmm which is what??? They are going to get someone to call me back (very limited as to what goes on on a Saturday so only one nurse in and she is in theatre. Don't need to start taking until 17th so time to find out.

Thanks for the welcome all!

I'm married to a female so she will be the legal other parent. He wants no involvement whatsoever.

I had some tests in 2014 as I was having DIUI which obviously failed, but I'm wondering about a day 21 test to see what my progesterone is like these days. Would the GP refer me for one of those or could I pay privately for that?

Hi juney, your GP should be able to order you the blood test to test your progesterone levels but Im not sure if they would be able to provide the progesterone supplements if they were needed. When I asked mine as they were costing me £25 a week from the clinic he said the NHS didn't provide this. I think it's something that is being piloted in some areas so always worth asking. You could also ask him to be tested for blood disorders while you're at it.

YY, different areas provide really different things so it is very worth asking!

A friend of mine was told she couldn't have much by way of testing on the NHS, because she and her wife have other children (her wife's the biological mother). Whereas I got a full miscarriage/infertility screening on the NHS despite the fact DP and I have another child together.

I know that's not quite the same, but I mention it because I know people sometimes think that if you're a lesbian couple you might be entitled to less 'stuff'.

Oh that's interesting! I'll have to make a good appointment on Monday as it usually takes two weeks to even get into the doctors!

So had my support counselling, told her about everything and she gave me some techniques to try to relax during iui and said I could come and see her in between my scans and iui which we've booked but I'll see how I feel as quite a long way to keep traveling down for. I hoping that opening up about things I won't feel so tense and then hopefully won't hurt as much/ affect me so much next time
She did suggest I ask for sedation at next one but such a faff trying to get someone to take me and don't really want to pay the extra money for 5 minutes of treatment

The sonographer I saw on Thursday couldn't believe I had to fund my treatment and she works for the NHS 😉 I had to tell her that single women don't get a penny and that even same sex couples struggled to get something. She seemed genuinely surprised to hear this.
She was so lovely though and really interested in my story. She took extra time during the scan and it was so nice not to feel rushed for once!

Good news Pickle. Honestly only my first IUI was really uncomfortable, after that I think I managed to relax more and it was ok so I'm sure the exercises she gave you will help. A lot depends if who does it too.

pez, one of the few people I've had a negative reaction from about DD, was a woman who lectured me about how the NHS shouldn't be spending money on my 'lifestyle' and taking it away from deserving heterosexual couples. I pointed out we'd funded it ourselves (which was simply because of DP's age/waiting times). I think it's quite commonly assumed that you get treatment freely, simply by rocking out to your GP with your hand out. Certainly there was a MN thread recently where many people seemed to imagine that was how it went.

pickle, glad the counselling was good. I hope next IUI is much better for you.

That's good pickle glad you feel better having talked about it and hopefully it makes it easier next time.

pez that's nice the sonographer was so good to you and interested. I often wonder how the midwives etc will react to the story.

Ok so now my dad knows too and he is totally supportive of what I am doing (as long as it's a boy and named after him 😂😂😂). It's definitely a relief to not have to hide it anymore. Now can just focus on the treatment without worrying about the big reveal (although feels like a bit more pressure on the success because before it was just my disappointment I had to think about).

My mum was worried that I was doing it without any support, I said I have had lots of support from everyone on here. 💓

Aw that's so nice Bear. I told my parents right from the start and they were really supportive. The downside as you say is that every month they were hoping so hard it would work and it was getting so difficult to give them the bad news month after month. I was dreading the moment I would have had to tell them if my ivf cycle hadn't worked. My dad was so worried I was spending so much money too. They never had a lot of money to spare so I actually never told them the total bill to date, they would totally freak out!!!

Haha yeah my mum asked about money today and what the process is. Also makes me feel a bit better that I can move onto IVF if IUi doesn't work because they would be available to drive me to appointments.

Your parents must have been so happy when you told them it had worked pez

Oh, bear, that's great!

Definitely good to have them onside.

It's horrifyingly expensive isn't it? I tried DIUI as a single person in 2014 and pretty much blew my savings on it! It's why I'm so keen to use a home donor this time to save a bit of money.

Welcome Juney! So lovely to have you here.

I'm feeling very pessimistic about my chances at the moment. Been 4 months since I was told if I wanted another child I had 6 months. At what point do you accept your body's not doing it? Statistically I know at 43 it's basically game over but I feel so aware that times slipping away.

@juney my best friend is co parenting with a gay friend ( she is a lesbian) - she got preg first try with home donor action- she used pre-seed and she also had an orgasm after doing it and I think she basted twice. She also said she did a ritual to ask if there was a child who wanted to come and have them be their parents - she swears it helped her. She is now due in eight weeks!!!

I on the other hand still have no sign of period and no symptoms - it's 15 days post iui but still a bit early in my cycle - my normal period day would be between Monday and weds of next week. What to do???? Bfn again this morning - bought a new test just in case it was the test. I am on cyclogest so wondering if that might be delaying my period - but last time
When I was preg I had sore boobs by now .

Oh phoenix I'm sorry to still see you on the conception boards I had been hopeful for you when we were cycling last month together. Are you still trying DIUI?

Angliski I would totally try that but my positive mental attitude flits from being "yes I'm pregnant" to "I'll never be pregnant".

Do you temp? I guess no news is good news for you!! Fingers crossed!

Welcome juney!!!
What pez said

angliski 🤞🏼🤞🏼🤞🏼🤞🏼🤞🏼🤞🏼

pickle I hope the techniques from the counsellor work for you. I think you are ever so brave.

Discrimination against single and same sex couples is outrageous. 😡😡😡😡😡

bear so nice you have your dad's support to - I hope he has a nice name

phoenix if you are still having periods you can still have a baby - this is what my consultant said. Is using donor eggs an option for you?

angliski cyclogest can definitely delay AF

Mmmm wonder what to do. I don't feel pregnant - shame.

@juney no don't temp - might start after this cycle if I need to

angliski the not knowing is so frustrating isn't it. What cycle day are you now? I have heard lots of stories of people not getting bfp until later in their cycle. If af not due till this week 🤞🏻you will get bfp soon

Juney Yes that's the plan but I'm struggling against time.money

Kwik I don't think I'd do donor eggs - from both a cost perspective but also because I really want the child to have a biological connection to both me and DD.

I hear you phoenix although recent studies have highlighted the makor influence the mummy who carries the baby plays on the genetics.