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Donor conception

For anyone with experience of sperm or egg donation to share support and advice. Please remember this board isn’t for debate about donor conception.

#makeithappen TTC through Donor IUI or Donor IVF or just undecided. All welcome. Thread 9

999 replies

kwick · 02/06/2017 07:52

This thread is for anyone trying to conceive... or thinking about doing so through donor IUI or donor IVF. Nothing TMI - feel free to join, we are a lovely group here to support and help keep the cray-cray away!

Here is the link to the previous thread: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/donor_conception/2908645--makeithappen-TTC-through-Donor-IUI-or-Donor-IVF-or-just-undecided-All-welcome-Thread-8
And the one before that: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/donor_conception/2886793--makeithappen-TTC-through-Donor-IUI-or-Donor-IVF-or-just-undecided-All-welcome-Thread-7
And the one before that: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/donor_conception/2863056--makeithappen-TTC-through-Donor-IUI-or-Donor-IVF-or-just-undecided-all-welcome-Thread-6
Here is the link to the one before that: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2832207--makeithappen-TTC-through-Donor-IUI-or-Donor-IVF-or-just-undecided-all-welcome
Here is the link to the one before that one: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2769549-TTC-through-Donor-IUI-or-Donor-IVF-or-just-undecided-all-welcome-makeithappen-loadsofBFPs
Here is the link to the thread before that: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2688511-TTC-through-Donor-IUI-or-Donor-IVF-or-just-undecided-all-welcome-makeithappen
Here is the link to the one before that one: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2587046-TTC-through-Donor-IUI-or-Donor-IVF-or-just-undecided-all-welcome
And the one before that!: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/1877198-Donor-IUI

We also have a weight loss spin off thread: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/donor_conception/2889818-TTC-through-Donor-IUI-or-Donor-IVF-weight-loss-spin-off-thread

#makeithappen TTC through Donor IUI or Donor IVF or just undecided. All welcome. Thread 9
OP posts:
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PhoenixMama · 11/06/2017 15:50

Kwik Do you have any info on that? I thought all genetic make up was in the egg.

Pez82 · 11/06/2017 17:11

A friend sent me this. It does show the bond between a mother and her baby goes beyond the genetic aspect

m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=1425281390850806&id=265106803534943

PhoenixMama · 11/06/2017 17:32

That's lovely Pez! (Although some of those facts are only true with genetic children and not, for example, surrogates eg the stem cells facts)

For me though I want DD and this child to be genetically linked. I don't want to do egg donor for the same reason I'm not interested in adoption (never mind that they wouldn't let me adopt lol). I know this is HIGHLY personal and totally respect people's choices and someone doing donor eggs. I mean they could even have 2 genetic siblings themselves. I just wouldn't have that and in my situation I think that it creates more division I bring in a child with no biological connection to DD and me. Not necessarily for us but potentially for them.

PhoenixMama · 11/06/2017 17:33

Arrrrgggggg - sometimes its all too much of a head fuck lol. Why can't it just be easy....

pickle162 · 11/06/2017 18:10

Hugs Phoenix it's very difficult, especially with extra pressure of where find money from, time off work etc....& with blur of the possibility of a known donor in the picture

LRDtheFeministDragon · 11/06/2017 18:44

phoenix, it's epigenetics. It's a newish field of study, but broadly, it is to way genetics and environment interact. The theory is that much of our genetic material isn't simply 'there'. It can be activated or lie latent, depending on the environment around the foetus as it develops. So, a mother who incubates a donor egg is providing her own unique biological stamp to shape some of that resulting baby's characteristics.

Also - and this is totally personal, but might be helpful - I thought I would very much be at a disadvantage that my DD wasn't biologically connected to me. It worried me. And I thought that, even though I was happy to be her mother, it would be a harder bond for me to forge, as she wouldn't be biologically mine.

She is only 11 weeks old and already it does not feel that way at all.

I do get where you're coming from, though, as it seems extremely unlikely DD will share a sperm donor with any future child we have, and that makes be inexplicably and irrationally sad. I am sure that I would not care once that future baby were here (if we get that far). But I understand the emotional reaction, and I know first-hand that it is possible to find your emotions shift.

Please don't feel I'm trying to tell you you should feel any certain way - I'm not - but I'm sharing my experience in case it is of any use at all.

CautionHormone · 11/06/2017 19:00

Phoenix, its such a hard decision... I agree with what Kwick said though; as long as you are having periods (and they're quite regular, as irregular ones show you don't ovulate well) you've got a chance to fall pregnant. Don't write yourself off yet; my 43y/o godmother has just had another baby, so it is possible!

Pickle, that's so strange - yet again, we've synced up in dates!! It's not long now... Less than a week! I'm so excited, but nervous too cos I don't know what to expect. Also nervous about the BMI aspect (even tho they said they'll treat patients with a BMI of 35-40 depending on circumstance - regular periods, general health, test results [AMH etc])... Fingers crossed it won't be a massive problem (as I have fallen before quite quickly - miscarriage 10wks 3 years ago) but I know you cannot go by that!

Hope everyone's having a lovely Sunday :)

Angliski · 11/06/2017 19:44

@caution I am bmi 35 but fell preg first iui if that helps?

Day 16 post iui still no af still
Totally bfn this morning! CMe off cyclogest so will see that helps either way. Funnily enough I feel more relaxed now than in actual two week wait- even though it's all still a mystery. Lovely meet up today with two single mothers both who successfully used donor sperm in iui so let's all stay upbeat!! Success is out there all around us. Love and luck to those starting treatment soon!

Angliski · 11/06/2017 19:45

@bear thank you- who knows - I don't feel PMs and I don't feel preggo either!! I feel really good though- very cheerful and stuff!!

Munrowalker · 11/06/2017 21:17

Wow you guys talk fast!!! I had 2-3pages to catch up on from being out of signal all weekend!
Welcome Juney 😄😄😄 this is a great group! Glad you've joined us.
Still fingers crossed for you angliski x
I've just returned from the wilderness of Skye! 30miles challenge in one day. 13+hours of hiking. I am pooped!
Here's the obligatory photo
There were nicer views but it was raining so didn't stop much.
Since my cycle dates have changed this month, all my plans for time off for iui is off kilter. Never Mind!!! This is a rolarcoaster and one which we cannot plan (even if I try!)

#makeithappen TTC through Donor IUI or Donor IVF or just undecided. All welcome. Thread 9
pickle162 · 11/06/2017 21:35

Beautiful pic as ever Munro
Have you spoken to your clinic yet-Is it likely to be same protocol as this month was?

Pez82 · 11/06/2017 21:51

Just got my latest TSH results and levels are now at 0.17!!! Down from 6,5, so I think baby has had enough thyroxine in the past weeks Smile I'm so relieved

Sounds like an amazing trip Munro despite the rain.

pickle162 · 11/06/2017 22:10

That's fab news pez! Bet you are so pleased
.Can you log on to something to get your tests results then?

Night all. X

Munrowalker · 11/06/2017 22:13

Great news pez!
Pickle I've spoken to the clinic. My cycle was short due to Clomid. It's a common side effect apparently.
I won't need a scan to see my Clomid response this month as they know how I respond from last month so it's back to the pee sticks this month, which I hate but at least the clinic gave me smiley face ones this time 🙄

CautionHormone · 11/06/2017 22:42

Angliski - that makes me more hopeful :) I know a lot of people do, just knowing my luck it won't be straight forward at all and will probably take me 100 tries 😂 I'm prepared for it, anyway!
My biggest fear is that I'll never have a child because of my bloody body (it's half broken) and that's coming to the forefront more now I'm getting ready for my consult and things...
Hopefully youll know one way or another soon; must be so frustrating for you :(

Munro, beautiful photo as per :)

Pez that's excellent news! Does this mean you can come off the medication(?) now? X

LRDtheFeministDragon · 11/06/2017 23:35

pez, that's great!

munro, I am in awe of the amount of walking you do. What an amazing picture!

Angliski · 12/06/2017 00:13

@munro how many Munro's have you got left?

Munrowalker · 12/06/2017 07:33

Oh loads angliski
I'm not really bagging them as I know if never finish. I'm too much of a wimp to do the scramble ones or the climbing ones. I just walk for fun but it's nice to have some challenges along the way. I've done a few long distance paths too.

PhoenixMama · 12/06/2017 09:16

HI ladies - thanks for all your lovely messages. I'm taking DD to the GP this morning as I think she has slapped cheek syndrome Shock but I'm going to talk to them about my mood as well. I'm really struggling at the moment. Totally overwhelmed and lost all sense of hopefulness about everything. I'm massively craving change which can be good but can also be a pattern of destructiveness for me. I feel like I could really use one of your big walks Munro to blow out all the cobwebs!

Can't believe it was this time last month we were having our IUIs Pickle & Bear! Feels like years ago!

StorkAhoy · 12/06/2017 09:33

Hi all! Yesterday I started my meds (norethisterone) so round 3 ivf has kicked off! And it's my 39th birthday today #21again...

a lovely weekend of friends and family and cake which saw me put on 2 of the 5 lbs I'd lost in the past 3wks! But it was good cake...and my friend and her twins are coming over later (more cake) so I get baby smell and baby cheek kissing! All is well in the world.

I've read about the woman carrying the embryo giving some of her genetic material to it, it was a study posted by the Cyprus clinic I was looking at using as they use a lot of egg donors for older mothers. This calmed me down from my anxiety about using donor eggs if I needed to!

juneybean · 12/06/2017 09:41

Happy birthday stork!

PhoenixMama · 12/06/2017 09:43

Happy birthday Stork!

Pez82 · 12/06/2017 10:23

Happy birthday Stork, and everything crossed that cycle number 3 is the lucky one. Sounds like you're in very positive mood Smile

Caution, no I won't be stopping my treatment, I'm on it most likely for life but on a lower dosage after birth. Everyone here, make sure you get your thyroid checked as I had no clue I had an issue with mine before ttc and it can stop you from getting pregnant or cause miscarriages.

CautionHormone · 12/06/2017 10:45

Happy birthday Stork! I'll have everything crossed that it's third time lucky for you Flowers

Pez ah I see. Makes sense really! Thanks for the heads up about the thyroid... I'll definitely be getting mine checked!

Munrowalker · 12/06/2017 11:01

Happy birthday stork!
Sorry to hear you're feeling that way phoneix. This journey is a hard one. I had some time off a few months back. I was a wreck. You know yourself best so make sure you listen to your body and your mind. I hope the gp can help.
Walking and exercise are my go to stress relief. I'm trying to cut back on the exercise so it's not cold turkey after my iuis. But i have to say I'm looking forward to circuits this week after a few weeks off. I know that makes me sound weird!!!

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