#makeithappen TTC through Donor IUI or Donor IVF or just undecided. All welcome. Thread 9

[kwick]

This thread is for anyone trying to conceive... or thinking about doing so through donor IUI or donor IVF. Nothing TMI - feel free to join, we are a lovely group here to support and help keep the cray-cray away!

Here is the link to the previous thread: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/donor_conception/2908645--makeithappen-TTC-through-Donor-IUI-or-Donor-IVF-or-just-undecided-All-welcome-Thread-8
And the one before that: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/donor_conception/2886793--makeithappen-TTC-through-Donor-IUI-or-Donor-IVF-or-just-undecided-All-welcome-Thread-7
And the one before that: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/donor_conception/2863056--makeithappen-TTC-through-Donor-IUI-or-Donor-IVF-or-just-undecided-all-welcome-Thread-6
Here is the link to the one before that: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2832207--makeithappen-TTC-through-Donor-IUI-or-Donor-IVF-or-just-undecided-all-welcome
Here is the link to the one before that one: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2769549-TTC-through-Donor-IUI-or-Donor-IVF-or-just-undecided-all-welcome-makeithappen-loadsofBFPs
Here is the link to the thread before that: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2688511-TTC-through-Donor-IUI-or-Donor-IVF-or-just-undecided-all-welcome-makeithappen
Here is the link to the one before that one: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2587046-TTC-through-Donor-IUI-or-Donor-IVF-or-just-undecided-all-welcome
And the one before that!: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/1877198-Donor-IUI

We also have a weight loss spin off thread: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/donor_conception/2889818-TTC-through-Donor-IUI-or-Donor-IVF-weight-loss-spin-off-thread

I didn't have pessaries but think pez and kwick have used

Enjoy your swim kwick

Yes I definitely used a few pessaries!
I had them on my first natural IUI, most likely by error from the clinic, and believe they're responsible for my first 2 failed cycles (oh well that's only over £3k thrown out of the window). The reason I say that is because they told me to start the night of the IUI and I read everywhere it was too early as it could have stopped me from ovulating. My body didn't reset itself after taking them so the following month I released 3 gigantic old follicles (about 30mm each) from the previous month on day 9 of cycle. I was sooooo with the clinic so felt so stupid for going ahead with the IUI (it's a learning curve).

I then refused to be on them again until my IVF cycle where I started taking them after egg collection to prep my uterus and all the way though to end of week 12 (210 pessaries went in there in total!!)

What I would say is, if you take them, make sure you take a month break if your cycle doesn't work as they can mess up with your cycle and make sure you start AFTER you're ovulated. As you're on a medicated cycle there won't be an issue.
Have you been tested for progesterone deficiency? With IVF it makes sense to them as a substitute to the corpus luteum but I don't really get what they would give them for IUI unless you had a luteal phase defect)

Also, stock up on panty liners!!!! And keep your best underwear for another time 😁

kwick shall measure when I get it home, but it folds flat(ish), so could go behind a sofa, that's where my mum keeps hers!

pickle I know, right? Just answer the mail! My nice clinic does embryo donation, so I'm talking about that today at my review. If it's a no for whatever reason, I will use serum in Athens for embryo donation.

In case anyone is interested:
It's €3k for embryo donation at Serum. That gives you a basic match of hair and skin tone. (You get other info like height, education, job etc, but it's only a match to those two variables). I look at embryo donation like giving birth to your adopted child, and I would be honest with the child, so similarities in terms of looks is good, but overly important to me I think(?)

If I want better matching then that's a fresh ivf donor cycle where I select both donors with the clinic, and that's €5k.

If embryo donation doesn't work on the first go around, then I will move to double donor fresh ivf cycle with Serum I think.

Look at me making those decisions! Didn't even realise I'd thought of that till I typed it.

Thank you kwick, pickle and Turtle, I am going to look into clinics near me and see about getting checked over. If anyone is in Scotland and can recommend somewhere, that would be great.

Right, really interesting review with my clinic today.

Embryo donation for single women In the UK is practically impossible due to our silly laws the biological father could actually be legally named as father... so most couples restrict adopters to couples only. So my clinic has put in a referral to IVI for embryo adoption which is apparently £2k for adoption round.

Now the difficulty. My consultant is saying that she thinks I could have my own baby given how many eggs I'm producing band t of course it could take another 1-4 cycles maybe to get there. Next time she would treat me with a course of testosterone which can improve egg quality and have me only on fostimon in case the LH in the merrionelle/menopur is adversely affecting me. Her point is that they see success with women who are only producing 2-3 eggs. I said, that this was the wxact same outcome again, loads of eggs, only two embryos, none in the freezer, and no bfp, and that if any thing had gone differently I would have more hope. She agreed that it was disappointing, and said if you want a better chance of growing your family quickly, then do donor. If you don't want to give up on having a biological child then try again because she thinks we can do it eventually....

Arghh! Would have been so much easier if she had said nope, your eggs are buggered! (Sounds awful and I don't mean t like that, but I'm finding this incredibly challenging.)

I gave myself three rounds of ivf, as I think it can become addictive and I wanted a cut off point...

Thoughts?

kwick ps I checked with my clinic re ivi and pricing as they are partnered. It's approx £8-10k for double donor. But apparently they have a big selection of embryos ready to adopt, all different hair/skin/ethnic backgrounds, so don't know if you'd consider that? My consultant always suggests that first to her clients as she's impressed with the selection. Thought I'd let you know anyway.

Ah stork what a mind fcuk. I totally get what you mean at least if she'd said there was problem with eggs it would have been a much simpler decision.
Do they def think it's a problem with egg quality rather than say a lining concern?Has your thyroid been checked etc?

As you say there has to be a cut off point and only you will know when that is,whether you have the funds to try another attempt with own eggs or whether if much higher chance of conceiving with donor egg.
Lot to think about and what your priorities are?
Have they said about trying an iui so not as much stims?

Hmm so difficult sweetie, do you have any initial thoughts of what you'd like to do?
Big hugs, we are all hear to listen/chat xx

pickle hey honey so IUIs likelihood of working is tiny, so no point paying to do that. It's one of those things, the only potential they have to go on is the eggs as my lining always looks great. 40eggs produced, and only 6viable embryos to implant (only 4 of those were blastocysts). So all roads seem to lead back to eggs, as have changed donors. Basically it's a case of tweaking the meds to see if it produces different results. At my age I could be ttc for 6-12months naturally so 3ivfs is nothing in the grand scheme of things.
Thyroid, er no not had it checked, but no indication that anything is wrong with it, I have no symptoms at all.

I could save up for another round, it'll take a while, Christmas probably at least. And call that my last round, when in my head this was my last round... at what point is enough enough and realise it's time to move onto the next thing?
Argh, I hate adulting sometimes.

Ah totally! So much easier when don't have to make decisions (or pay bills!)
Pez knows much more about it than me but apparently thyroid can be within normal range for every day life but for ttc there is a different level that is required. Maybe worth asking for a blood test from Gp
Maybe take a little time out from it (ha easier said than done) and just save up and then rethink nearer the time.

wish I have used cyclogest pessaries - they are progesterone for after the IUI. Prefer to use them up the fanjo rather than jacksie.

stork behind my sofa is my kitchen... really small flat!!!

Thanks stork about IVI information. This is a mindfcuk! My eggs are pretty much buggered as my two MCs show hence why I have resigned myself to donor eggs. Hmm maybe resigned is the wrong word - I am hopeful. And also recent research indicates a much more important role in the genetics for the mum that carries. I guess I still need to explore options with IVI - but time is not on my side so unless they tell me they are certain I can do it with my own eggs then I will do the donor route and I guess what will sway how I do it - adopting embryos, frssh cycle, and so on will depend on getting the ethnic profile I would like.

Got my AF today which I am glad about as day 1 is always yucky and I was up the allotment weeding and creating a new runner bean wigwam and was suitably distracted. I am pleased with my productive weekend

We also made a compost bin.

Ooops missed the last posts! Yep defo get thyroid checked - as Pickle says the range is different for TTC - I am on thyroxine and have no symptoms.
Good advice - taking a break even if it is enforced and you are pissed off about it can be a very good thing!

Sorry to hear about you've not got a positive this time stork. I agree it is a really difficult decision regarding to try again or go for a donor. I have been absolutely manic about tying to improve egg quality over the last 3 months after reading 'it starts with the egg'. A no sugar, no carbs, no caffeine, no alcohol diet is rubbish!

wonky and then how annoy He is it when it doesn't work?! Arghhhh! Pass the wine, sugar, carbs and fat!

I think (hope) fat is okay. Currently living on cheese!

Has anyone on here who is CMV negative used a CMV positive donor? Not much choice of CMV negative donors unfortunately so trying to decide if using a positive donor is worth the risk.

I did wonky. I did a lot of research and came up to the conclusion that the risk was minimal. I thought that if at 34 i was still cmv- then it probably meant my body was immune to the virus. The clinic didn't have an issue with it either

I am CMV neg and when we first went on the waiting list back in 2013 the NHS made u sign a disclaimer if u took a positive donor but now they have changed the poilcy as the research suggests such minimal risk. I'm lucky that there were still lots of neg donors so I have actually kept the restriction but wouldn't have if there wasn't donors.

I'm lucky in that our home donor is also cmv negative like me but in my many attempts to get pregnant I have took the risk and used cmv positive sperm and had no ill effects. It does seem rather minimal.

Also our clinic told us that mostly CMV is carried in the seamen and because donor sperm is washed and concentrated to only the sperm then there is a much smaller risk of infection compared to natural fertilisation

Also the virus isn't live in the donor sperm, it just means the donor had the virus in the past, so the risk of contamination, passing it onto the foetus and then for any defect to happen as a result is super low.

Thanks all. That's really helpful. Think I will go for a CMV positive donor then.

Yeh my clinic who are super fussy on everything no longer even test for cmv as hfea don't require it anymore as like the others have said such little evidence that it causes any trouble.
I don't know whether I'm positive or negative as they wouldn't even do the blood test-not that I'm bothered :)

wonky my FC would not let me - but I think the HEFA guidelines have sinced changed. The way I look at it is that those TTC through chukka-chukka do not check for this so why should we?

Chukka chukka that always makes me smile when you say this Kwick

Sorry on your bfn this time stork.

On the CMV front I didn't even get tested. I started looking into it and then realised that I hadn't even heard of it before therefore if I had a partner it wouldn't even cross my mind to ask their CMV status.

I am having a nice relaxing time here in Portugal. Still cutting out the caffeine but am having a glass or 2 of wine. I am sure that will be ok.