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On the Mumsnet Donor Conception forum, you can discuss sperm and egg donation with people in the same situation.

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On the Mumsnet Donor Conception forum, you can discuss sperm and egg donation with people in the same situation.

Donor conception

#makeithappen TTC through Donor IUI or Donor IVF or just undecided. All welcome. Thread 8

999 replies

kwick · 20/04/2017 20:51

This thread is for anyone trying to conceive... or thinking about doing so through donor IUI or donor IVF. Nothing TMI - feel free to join, we are a lovely group here to support and help keep the cray-cray away!

Here is the link to the previous thread: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/donor_conception/2886793--makeithappen-TTC-through-Donor-IUI-or-Donor-IVF-or-just-undecided-All-welcome-Thread-7
And the one before that: //www.mumsnet.com/Talk/donor_conception/2863056--makeithappen-TTC-through-Donor-IUI-or-Donor-IVF-or-just-undecided-all-welcome-Thread-6
Here is the link to the one before that: //www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2832207--makeithappen-TTC-through-Donor-IUI-or-Donor-IVF-or-just-undecided-all-welcome
Here is the link to the one before that one: //www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2769549-TTC-through-Donor-IUI-or-Donor-IVF-or-just-undecided-all-welcome-makeithappen-loadsofBFPs
Here is the link to the thread before that: //www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2688511-TTC-through-Donor-IUI-or-Donor-IVF-or-just-undecided-all-welcome-makeithappen
Here is the link to the one before that one: //www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2587046-TTC-through-Donor-IUI-or-Donor-IVF-or-just-undecided-all-welcome
And the one before that!: //www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/1877198-Donor-IUI
We also have a weight loss spin off thread:www.mumsnet.com/Talk/donor_conception/2889818-TTC-through-Donor-IUI-or-Donor-IVF-weight-loss-spin-off-thread

#makeithappen TTC through Donor IUI or Donor IVF or just undecided. All welcome. Thread 8

OP posts:

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LRDtheFeministDragon · 01/06/2017 21:28

pug - I think it's normal to worry. I felt worried for DP when she was going through it and now I'm going through it I feel guilty. But you can't change things.

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Pugmumfornow · 01/06/2017 21:39

Thanks LDR! If you have experienced it from the other side, which is harder? Is there anything I can do to help her?

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LRDtheFeministDragon · 01/06/2017 21:46

Oh, gosh, I don't know really.

Our situation is that DP, who's 35, tried first, because there was no reason to think she'd struggle. We did IUI with donor sperm and minimal medication, and we were so very, very lucky, and it worked. We have DD who is 9 weeks. I have had several miscarriages during a previous relationship (with a man, natural conceptions), so we knew I was a less good bet. I've been investigated on the NHS, and have several interacting issues, but I'm trying IUI. Last cycle was cancelled because I had an undiagnosed ovarian cyst. Trying again this cycle.

So, that's the context. I felt awful for DP when she was trying, because she was so convinced it'd work first time and be easy. And, even though she did get pregnant, her pregnancy was hard and her labour was very hard (she has PTSD and she and DD nearly died), so I felt guilty for not having taken that burden - even though of course it was her choice. Then, I felt guilty last month for not being able to try. And I do feel worried that I may not be able to sustain a pregnancy - especially since she would want to try again, and I know it was so hard on her last time.

That all sounds very negative. I think from my perspective, what DP could do to help would be just to accept that I worry for different reasons from her, and they're valid too. We all react differently. You just need to listen to the partner who's currently trying - even if they're being totally hormonal and strange!

I just asked DP and she says having a back up plan is reassuring. We talked about what we'd do, when we'd stop trying, how we'd feel - that helped.

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Pugmumfornow · 01/06/2017 21:57

Thanks! Congratulations on DD!! And that birth sounds horrible, glad they made it through the other side!

We did it the other way, no reason the suspect DP would have anything wrong so we started with me as I had PCOS. We have no fixed timeline (both 29) and I knew I'd get investigations and possible Treatment from the NHS, no idea at that point I had blocked tubes, if we had previous child in our area we wouldn't get any help. Hopefully she can go on to have straight forward IUI after me, of if I'm unsuccessful.

I just worry she's so invested, I had to stop her cancelling a holiday we have booked for march, cause she's got it in her head 100% I'll be heavily pregnant by that point.

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Pugmumfornow · 01/06/2017 21:58

A back up plan discussion is a good idea I think that would help us both to be honest ☺️

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LRDtheFeministDragon · 01/06/2017 22:12

Well: you could go on holiday any time. And you could also cancel a holiday at any point (though you might not want to financially!). So nothing is irrevocable.

DP was very like your partner, very keen to plan in her head and speculate about what would be the case when, assuming everything would go smoothly. I did find it quite unlike my way of thinking, but I do think it helped her that I went along with it - she needed to feel in control and her way of doing it was to imagine things. It's her way of not feeling she's somehow given up hope, I think.

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Munrowalker · 01/06/2017 22:34

So annoying. I wrote a huge post about NHS sperm donors and it never appeared 😣 humph

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Pugmumfornow · 01/06/2017 22:49

Hiya, it did come up thanks! It's in page 38? Or did you write another? Thank you so much all your experience has helped so much!! X

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Bear1980 · 02/06/2017 05:53

@pickle162 good luck at the doctors today, hope it is just a cyst and everything is ok x

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pickle162 · 02/06/2017 06:30

Thanks @Bear1980, appointment is in half hour, didn't sleep well last night.
Just worrying about how I can organise next try around work 🙄very tired! Thank goodness I'm not at work. Out during the day and evening but quiet weekend so can have some snoozes

How did your counsellors appointment go?

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Bear1980 · 02/06/2017 07:10

Counsellors appointment was good not much I haven't thought about but a couple of things we discussed did help. She said that even though there wasn't a physical loss I still need to grieve for the baby that might have been which I hadn't really thought about. Also talked a bit about talking to the child about the situation but also what if it doesn't work, whats next.

I found sorting everything out this time much harder because its all so close together. I am a day further ahead in my cycle this month so assuming iui will be 12th June but who knows what the body will do. If its not 12th or 13th June then I will run into some issues with work. Honestly I have found it quite stressful jumping straight into this cycle so if it doesn't work I will be glad to take a couple months off I think.

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pickle162 · 02/06/2017 07:14

Ok, so she was lovely (asked if I wanted a chaperone-I was like don't worry about it everyone has seen everything recently) so she thinks it's likely to be due to hormones and not the best time to check as on AF but has booked me back for 2weeks time to review and if no changes will refer me to breast clinic
Also managed to get my prescription for my asthma inhalers which ran out of ages ago-yay!

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Bear1980 · 02/06/2017 07:20

Thats good, hopefully put your mind at rest and you can enjoy your day off

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kwick · 02/06/2017 07:57

Ladies - I do apologise I am very behind on the thread, but as you have all been very busy I have started a new thread before this one runs out!!

#makeithappen TTC through Donor IUI or Donor IVF or just undecided. All welcome. Thread 9
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/donor_conception/2944496--makeithappen-TTC-through-Donor-IUI-or-Donor-IVF-or-just-undecided-All-welcome-Thread-9

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