Ex wants house in divorce with massive discount

[Childofstrife]

I’m trying to come to a financial settlement by mediation. We have each about the same amount of pension. House is all paid up and worth £1.7m. Stbxh wants the house, even though it’s far too big, citing chronic fatigue (which is true.. mostly). But we don’t have a huge amount of cash and his current proposal to buy me out would effectively mean I’d give him a £530k discount on the house. It wouldn’t give me enough cash to buy a house in the area I want. I can’t access my pension for another 18 months so can’t top it up with my tax free cash yet, either.

He can access his pension now and get £268k tax free cash, but he says he needs it (because he’s sick). But even after withdrawing £268k he’d still have nearly £1.4m in there.

i feel bad about this all because I was the one who left and it’s true that he’s sick. But I’ve worked so hard for the house and everything else, I hate the idea of a £500k discount. And just find it incredible that he would suggest it at all.

does anyone have experience in splitting up with someone with chronic fatigue?

Adopt the Grange Hill defence.

"Just say no"

My advice, Lawyer up , he may be fully recovered after you sold it him for peanuts , he's playing on your guilty conscience. 50/50 or on the open market it goes . Don't be a mug @Childofstrife.

This

Don’t be silly OP. Why should you give up so much? I suggest he gets a mortgage to cover what he needs to buy you out.

Have you tried mediation? Cheaper than lawyers and may make him realise it's not in his interests to be unreasonable.

Say no. Sell the house and you Split the profit. He will have enough to buy another house, albeit smaller, so don't feel sorry for him.

He won’t get a mortgage because he can’t work any more because he’s sick. FWIW I do believe him.

Good grief forget guilt and don't let him get away with this!!! My exh tried everything and I was only asking for half the house. In the end after messing me around, asking for this, that and the other and delaying everything I told my solicitor to get what he could. He was pleased to be able to do his "job" and I found that my ex had been hiding money!! Not only did I get awarded a bigger share of the property I got a very nice "retirement package" compliments of the deceitful whinger who claimed he was struggling to buy his apartment 😉

Discounts on houses don’t really work, any tax liable is for the full market value.
Absolutely dispute just how plausible his future care needs are, not downplaying how debilitating CF is, but if he doesn’t have the capacity to earn, he won’t have capacity to upkeep a big house either.
I do have experience of divorcing someone with a degenerative condition, although the marital pot wasn’t so big. He did very well out of it financially as he’d secured himself a nurse with a purse in the interim and she was able to get them a decent mortgage while he provided a hefty deposit. I was left with slightly over 50% , just enough to keep the family home, and 2 children to raise.

Hes written a thesis on why moving house would hugely affect his health. He’d never agree to it, we’d have to go to court , which is the last thing I want.

Feeling sorry for him shouldn’t cost you half a million pounds 🤷‍♀️🤦‍♀️

buy him a bunch of flowers 💐

you literally NEED the money, stop being soft

Absolutely do not - don’t feel bad. You’ll spend the rest of your life sick with anger

Please please please DO NOT AGREE to this!! He is screwing u over and knows it! U need a solicitor asap.

Yes we are in mediation. This was the result of his first session

Sell the house and get half each.

Go to mediation.

Hes being ridiculous. He doesn’t need more than half plus that pension. He’ll be fine

Just say no, indeed! Cheeky fuckery.

court will be much cheaper than £500k.

He's not going to be destitute with half the value of the house and his decent pension.

Of course it's rubbish that his poorly but as you know from your gut- gifting him half a million quid because he's poorly and you are not is not fair in the slightest.

Also- horrible thought - what if you give him half a million pounds and the next day some awful life circumstance clobbers you? Protect yourself. He certainly is.

I know someone this happened to. His ex wife was sick, couldn't work couldn't move as it would disrupt child. She got the house, within a year the house was sold, she was remarried and child coped with move.

It doesn't sound as if mediation will work. Go to court.

Exactly, it's a huge amount of money anyway, pension plus half the house. How much money can anyone really need??

Fucking hell OP, I mean really??

I assume you left him for a concrete reason not for shits and giggles? And you think you'll assuage whatever guilt you might feel even though you did have a reason to leave to the tune of £500,000 because he's written a looong essay about why he totally deserves a big discount and you're a big meanie if you say no

i hate to use this phrase but give your head a serious wobble

They’re doing mediation , it’s in the first sentence.

I've had/have chronic fatigue. For 18 months I slept 18 hours a day. A five minute drive would exhaust me to the point I'd have to sleep for 15 mins in the car before driving home. Ten years later I work and have a relatively normal life. I do still build rest times into my day and normal things tire me out more than most people but unless I told you, you would never know. There's no reason to discount him working ever again.

It might be the last thing you want but you can't just give him so much money for a house that sounds to big for his needs anyway.

Mate, he’s got over ONE AND A HALF MILLION POUNDS in his pension.