Ex wants house in divorce with massive discount

[Childofstrife]

I’m trying to come to a financial settlement by mediation. We have each about the same amount of pension. House is all paid up and worth £1.7m. Stbxh wants the house, even though it’s far too big, citing chronic fatigue (which is true.. mostly). But we don’t have a huge amount of cash and his current proposal to buy me out would effectively mean I’d give him a £530k discount on the house. It wouldn’t give me enough cash to buy a house in the area I want. I can’t access my pension for another 18 months so can’t top it up with my tax free cash yet, either.

He can access his pension now and get £268k tax free cash, but he says he needs it (because he’s sick). But even after withdrawing £268k he’d still have nearly £1.4m in there.

i feel bad about this all because I was the one who left and it’s true that he’s sick. But I’ve worked so hard for the house and everything else, I hate the idea of a £500k discount. And just find it incredible that he would suggest it at all.

does anyone have experience in splitting up with someone with chronic fatigue?

What if you put a legal charge on the house and he pays you ££££s a month?

Otherwise, court it may well need to be.

Don't show that you're considering it, he doesn't know what you're thinking. Absolutely not, you'd be insane to give him that discount. You left, so what, presumably you left for a reason and even if you didn't tough. He's got loads of money, he can buy another house or else release the moths. Let him go to court. He might well back down before it gets to that.

It’s worth £1.7m so half would be £850k and he wants to give you only £300k

and his reasoning is he can’t work and he needs a cleaner as the house is too big?

is he insane?

Um.. yes. I guess. This thread, and all of your responses, has made me realise that more.

reviewed by his lawyers and they think it is fair! You do realise they are acting on his instructions cos he is paying them? They will be an echo chamber for his bleating. Come on - wake up and smell the coffee. I expect he has been bullying and bossing you for years?

So the 500k just comes from your share?! No bloody chance. Court will be cheaper.

He’s trying it on and please don’t agree to any of his demands. There is plenty of money to be split fairly. His solicitor will try and get him whatever he is asking for therefore that doesn’t make his suggestion fair just because his lawyer might be backing him up. It’s just his lawyer doing as the client is asking and coming up with a ridiculous starting point.

He can ask for whatever he wants however that doesn’t make it fair or reasonable or likely that he will get it either.

OP, please think about yourself and not about him. He will have more than enough money to PAY other people to do the hard work for him.

@Childofstrife With this amount of money at stake, you do need to go to court. Assuming you aren’t young, he’s got some needs but there’s enough money for that. Does he have an ill health pension already? Or is he working? Court should absolutely not be the last thing you want unless you want to agree to his demands. Not agreeing at mediation means court and you need advice. He absolutely doesn’t need this house. He needs a house or bungalow!

I am sorry to hear that 💐

you are getting away from him now and you don't need to believe him anymore. Put yourself first, he certainly is and get your solicitor to deal with him.

and of course he doesn't want to go to court - there's no way a court would make an order in his favour like that!

No, that doesn't work for you. He gives you £850k or you sell the house. He has enough money to hire movers to pack and unpack for him and it sounds like he can pay for any other help he needs. Possibly a short term PA?

Much better for a one bed ground floor flat for him them then.

You Could be ill in 6 weeks.

Its 50/50 and that’s it - take it or leave it

If he’s looking for a 500k discount on your house, court will be cheaper for you.

You sound very worried about what he and the lawyers he pays are saying must happen.
Yes moving is stressful. He can pay people to do absolutely everything. I’ll do it for £50k. I’ll even piggy back him down the road to the new place and make him a cup of tea.

he does not need that particular house he can easily find another to be comfortable in like you.
Do not give in

He's actually looking for a £1.1M discount if he thinks £300k is fair as he is only valuing the house as being worth £600k.

I would go back and say that your offer to him is ( set the amount you are happy with ). That that offer is time limited. And keep that time short.
That if he fails to agree it then you will opt for a higher amount,
and further on if still no luck go for selling the property.

His lawyer may have told him it’s batshit but he’s refused to follow advice and insisted on this approach. It’s only his first pitch he’s probably just trying his luck. There is no way my exH was following advice with some of what his lawyer said in court. It was nasty and personal and irrelevant and the lawyer must have known it would backfire but said it anyway. It’s amazing what money will buy.

This is insane
No judge would sign this off
50/50 would be half house value and you keep your respective pension pots
Lawyer up and get your offer sorted now
Hes delulu

With that amount of money involved he can easily afford to pay someone to pack and fully unpack and set up the new
place, and if he has chronic fatigue a smaller more manageable home
will be better for him and reduce his long term care costs. It’s a win win when you think about it.

First session of mediation = opening offer, surely? It’s not the end point.

Are you in therapy at all, for yourself? Who is in your corner?

i never heard of an illness that required you to live in a house worth north of a million. As you say, he would struggle to maintain something that size. You’d be doing him no favours to bend over at this point.

Nope. Also factor in you’ll have to pay stamp duty and he wouldn’t if he stayed there.

If he wants to stay there he can take an equity loan to buy you out from one of those companies for old people

From bitter experience, plenty of solicitors will put forward whatever their client asks them to and then try to support the client in getting it whilst costing them a fortune in fees.

The more the divorcing couple argue over finances the more fees the solicitors make but if you've both done accurate form E declarations and attempted mediation, you've made a good start.

If you've had a long marriage and kids are over 18 (which was mine and ex-h's situation), the starting point is generally 50/50 and him making a big deal over his health issue is the only way he can see to try and get a favourable deviation away from that fair split.

If you can't get him to accept 50/50 split, then depending on which court your case is allocated to (some courts have back-logs), the divorce could well drag on for 18 months at which point you'd be able to use your pension lump sum, but please don't consider doing that. Consider your own health going forward and whether there is/has been an impact on your earning ability by being the default back-up care for your disabled adult child.

The judge who decided for us was clearly of the opinion that my ex-h was being unrealistic. One of us was awarded the marital home and the other the holiday cottage. The difference in these 2 property values was evened out by splitting other cash/investment assets in a different ration to balance things out back to 50/50 overall.

Our pensions were considered separately to all other assets/liabilities.
Based on annual pension update documentation, our pensions didn't look that different however we were obliged to use a pensions expert to consider and calculate equivalent values for all the different types of pension funds we had accumulated over our working lives to the point of divorce. It turned out that ex-h's were more valuable than mine so I was awarded a share of one of his to even that up too.

He isn't asking for £500k discount. He is asking for £1million. That is ridiculous.