Ex wants house in divorce with massive discount

[Childofstrife]

I’m trying to come to a financial settlement by mediation. We have each about the same amount of pension. House is all paid up and worth £1.7m. Stbxh wants the house, even though it’s far too big, citing chronic fatigue (which is true.. mostly). But we don’t have a huge amount of cash and his current proposal to buy me out would effectively mean I’d give him a £530k discount on the house. It wouldn’t give me enough cash to buy a house in the area I want. I can’t access my pension for another 18 months so can’t top it up with my tax free cash yet, either.

He can access his pension now and get £268k tax free cash, but he says he needs it (because he’s sick). But even after withdrawing £268k he’d still have nearly £1.4m in there.

i feel bad about this all because I was the one who left and it’s true that he’s sick. But I’ve worked so hard for the house and everything else, I hate the idea of a £500k discount. And just find it incredible that he would suggest it at all.

does anyone have experience in splitting up with someone with chronic fatigue?

why is your lawyer not dealing with this shit? come on - you are not considering letting him scam you in this way surely?

If this was your first mediation session you can counter with an equally unfair suggestion and work towards a compromise.

Honestly houses in thos range arent shifting now. Letting him keep it even at a discount may work well.

I'd tell him okay but the discount is too much... if he gives you 500k of his pension it's a deal

18months is no time...so i wouldnt rule it out on principle rent for a bit or go travelling and get him out of your life.

No, that isn't fair.
If you wanted to stay in the house would he let you buy him out for that same amount?
It's a shame he is in a vulnerable position, but the marriage is ending and you can't be responsible for his wealth, health, or wellbeing anymore.
If you want him to be able to keep the house, work out the absolute least you can accept / would be happy to accept (whilst still ensuring your own future) and offer him that - but be clear that you will not be negotiating further. If he can't or won't reach that figure, you'll have to call his bluff and go to court.

Don’t do it! You’d be bonkers. He is playing you like a fiddle. You both walk away with half and do the best you can depending on your circumstances.

I wouldn't do mediation with this twat. What kind of illness does he have, just approximately? Lawyer up and don't waste time.

Do you really live somewhere that it's not possible to buy a home with £850k?

If he wants the house he pays you your full half maybe less a token amount for the saving on estate agents fees

I am sure no lawyer would let you agree to this deal. Dont be a mug.

It's what you might have to do, though. Surely, if he has chronic fatigue, it's too much house for him to look after, anyhow.

It’s London, I would have less than that, and I have to be fairly close to my disabled adult kid

Tell him to fuck the fuck off! Or even better, get a lawyer to tell him this. Just tell him that clearly mediation isn't going to work if he's not going to make a reasonable proposal, so you'll be hiring a lawyer and going through the courts for a fair settlement. He can pay for removalists to pack and unpack the house, so his CFS is not a good enough reason to keep the house at a discount of half a million quid!

Yes it is too big. He also wants to take into account the fact that he needs money for a cleaner for the rest of his life because the house is too big!

Thanks that’s an interesting point.

That's half of the value of current property. Why wouldn't you have that much? Surely both of you can buy somewhere with that amount of money?

And no judge would sign it off either.

i do have a lawyer (in fact the mediator is also a lawyer) and from previous discussions I know they will say don’t accept it, sell the house and split 50:50. But also, I know that his proposal was reviewed by his lawyers so they must think it’s a fair offer given his health. And he must think he’s being reasonable.
I’m having a 1:1 mediation session next week.

@Childofstrifesounds unlikely he will back down through mediation. 50/50 is more than fair. His health needs balanced out with your extended caring responsibilities for your adult disabled child.
Court might be the only way to get to that though. If so I wouldn't bother with a solicitor, try to get a recommendation for a specialist direct access barrister. Cuts out a lot of faff and expense.

If the husband wants it with a 500k discount, doesn't that mean that OP would end up with roughly 600k? 1.7m - 500k is 1.2m, divided by 2 is 600k.

OP correct me if I'm wrong please.

Also lawyers will put anything forward for their client. Don't think it's a sign it's a reasonable proposal.

He balances out the house discount with his pension.

there is zero reason he can not do this. If he says no then it’s all up for grabs for you as it shows he is not thinking about fairness. If he is thinking of himself only then why are you thinking of him?

Who is choosing divorce is irrelevant also. Even if he party was leaving to haven’t someone else, it’s irrelevant when it comes to asset split.

illness is irrelevant. You have no idea what your own future holds

No way. Your divorce lawyer should be advising you not to do this.

Yes if I ended up with £850k I could buy where I want. It’s just that he’s proposing he gives me about £300k cash for the house. I can’t buy what I want with that

@Childofstrife

"I know that his proposal was reviewed by his lawyers so they must think it’s a fair offer"

He is their client, they're trying to get the best deal for him.

There is absolutely nothing fair about it IF they expect you to take a massive loss.

Why should you @Childofstrife? What on earth are you thinking?

You sound very defeated in your posts OP like you just believe what he says

was your marriage like that?

Solicitors will type what their client wants (unless illegal)

Are you getting any of his pension, any other assets?