Ex is having a laugh

[Munchkinjack]

This divorce offer sucks. Ex who left me and the family home and shacked up with another only offered 60/40 of assets to me .. and half his pension .. how's that fair when I have 2 DS to house (19&22)?? 20 years we have been together!!

My wages aren't a lot he's on way loads more there's no way I could borrow enough for a house for us 3. My pension isn't big like my ex's either.

Jesus that sounds like a fantastic offer. Why do you want/expect more??

I would take it and run OP, he could come back with a lower offer. Neither of your “children” are actually children and will be expected to support themselves.

YABVU, that is a very fair offer

60-40 is likely best you’ll get. If you don’t earn much then need to look at ways of maximising income. Kids are not kids anymore and can work and contribute to housing costs.

That seems more than fair to me, especially as your kids are adults.

You may need to look at a rental.

He has no obligation to pay to house an unrelated adult.

When he gives you half of his it will be.

Yes that does seem reasonable.

You could offer to give up pension in return for more of the “now” assets.

Realistically the ratio will be painful though. If he is a high earner then paying into his pension will come with a huge tax advantage for him so replacing the pension will be easier than replacing the assets. He might be willing to take £100k of pension for £50k of assets. It won’t be less than 2:1 though.

What’s your suggestion?

Legally you don’t need a house for three. You need a house for 1

this, do you work? Do the adult children?

That’s a pretty good offer tbh.

You need to be realistic. He’s making what sounds like a fair offer: obviously you can negotiate, but if it goes to court then, unless your adult DC are profoundly disabled and unable to live independently, an assessment of your housing needs isn’t going to include them. Likewise, whilst some financial concession may be given to you as a lower earner, the expectation will be that you maximise your income rather than rely on your ex to support you.

If you can’t afford to buy a three-bedroom house large enough for all of you then it’s going to be time to let the DC know they need to move out; or you can rent something large enough and have them contribute to the rent until they’re ready to move out, at which point you use your settlement from the divorce to buy a smaller place of your own.

As someone going through divorce with much younger children than yours and where the ex has reneged on all previously agreed offers, don’t drag this out too long… also, my understanding is that once the children are adults, they have to fend for themselves (unless they’re SEN/have additional/life limiting needs).

His offer is reasonable, I would take it without hesitation.

As your children are adults, you have to take them out of the equation.

Whats been offered in that sense is then more than fair.

Your children are adults and need to contribute to the house of they have jobs.

After 22 years of child care & unpaid work worth millions

Excellent offer - bite his hand off before he changes his mind. Tell your kids to go get jobs so they can pay you rent.

That sounds perfectly reasonable. If you can’t house your adult children then he can.

Generous offer the children are adults so would normally be 50/50.

More than I got with a young child to house. Your kids are grown up and should be working to support themselves if not in uni. I think it's a very fair offer.

@Munchkinjackwhy do you need a place big enough for 3? Are the adult kids not independent (are there disabilities you haven’t mentioned?) and are they both his kids?