Husband has walked out of family home to clear his head for 2 weeks

[ThatGirlx]

I’d really appreciate some opinions and advice on my current situation.
My husband has recently walked out of our family home, saying he’s booked somewhere to stay for two weeks. He told me that he’s no longer in love with me — and hasn’t been for many years — and that he needs space and time on his own to “clear his head” and decide what he really wants.
While I understand the need for space, I feel it’s extreme for him to completely leave the family home and leave me to care for our child alone. In the weeks leading up to this, he spent almost every weekend staying at his friends’ places, and when he did return, he didn’t bring up any of the serious things he had said — like not loving me or feeling that family life isn’t for him.
I’ve been extremely upset, but lately my feelings have shifted more toward frustration and anger. I’ve tried to be compassionate and understanding of how he feels, but he hasn’t shown the same toward me at all. When I’ve opened up about my feelings, he’s ignored them completely — not responding or engaging in any meaningful way.
Our communication has almost stopped. Even on WhatsApp, he rarely replies, or leaves my messages unread for hours or even all day. I’ve suggested that we spend more time together, and even try marriage counselling, because I feel our relationship is worth fighting for — but he’s shown no interest or effort.
He’s also said that being a father feels like “too much” for him, which I find really disappointing. I told him that it’s normal for life to change after having a child, but he keeps insisting that he hasn’t loved me for many years anyway.
It feels cowardly that he’s chosen to walk away and cut off contact rather than face what he’s said or the impact it’s had. To me, it seems like he’s avoiding the consequences of his actions and struggling with his own inner unhappiness. He’s always been quite a self-focused person, and this has made me seriously question whether he’s capable of being the kind of husband or father that my child and I need.
What hurts most is that he hasn’t even really checked in to see how our child is doing. I just feel completely abandoned and unsure how to move forward from here.

Oh he is. My friends husband did the same last year. Left her and his kids. Was adamant there was nobody else, he just needed time to think etc.
Eventually it all came out that he’d been having an affair and was now shacked up with the new woman.

You've got to take the power back. Stop contacting him (unless about childcare arrangements or money), get copies of docs, start divorce proceedings.

Even if he comes back, it will be brief and he will go again. Operate as though your marriage is over and start focusing on securing future financial security.

You've almost got to tackle it like a business deal. Which when you are in an emotionally charged state is so difficult - but fake it til you make it is my advice.

He will 100% be having an affair but that doesn't matter to you now. You just need to end this contract with the most favourable terms for you.

Yep my first thought was affair. He must think you are daft!!

My ex did this to me, but he wasn’t having an affair. He had a difficult childhood and as soon as our child was born, his abusive behaviour started - this also involved disappearing for days coming back and eventually leaving. He did try to get back together with me many times but I have always stood my ground as I know we deserve better than that.
I wouldn’t allow this behaviour - you need to tell him it’s completely over and start living your life as a solo parent (as you have been anyway). How is your financial situation?

This. My exhusband did exactly the same. Turned out he was shagging a 17 year old from work.

@ThatGirlx, it’s good that you have found your anger about your H’s heinous behavior. I believe he is having a 2 week holiday or staycation with his secret girlfriend, hence going incommunicado. I would assume that his affair has been going on for quite a while. As he is not your friend and has an agenda to gaslight you, at this point he is not going to acknowledge his infidelity.

He is rewriting history and claiming he hasn’t loved you for years to justify his disloyal transgressions and abandonment of you and your child. How dare he make you an option he may choose after he ‘clears his head’. I would absolutely take the decision out of his hands and file for divorce. He is not to be trusted, and I would not trash my life with a future filled with anxiety and uncertainty. What a toxic role model he is for your child.

Consult with a solicitor, @ThatGirlx, and tell H to stay away.

Looks like the trash has taken itself out. Make sure it stays that way. It will
be hard OP but OW or not this man will never make you happy 💐

So pathetic how they all follow the same lines. Yes an affair, it happened to me

I have known men behave like this without having an affair so I don't think it's a foregone conclusion, although likely. But that's not really the point.
For me what stands out is that it sounds like he has told you it's over but you are not hearing it. If he doesn't love you any more and doesn't want to be around you, that's the end. Make it quick - take back control now. It's horribly painful but the pain will pass far sooner if you take back control now. Don't waste your energy worrying about how he came to that conclusion, that's not for you to wonder. Your job now is to figure out a new way to live without him.

Blaming op for marrying him and having a child seems narrow minded. No one can see into the future. No one is a machine.men or women.

He won't admit he is having an affair. Why would he? It would make his life harder. This should be all about his behaviour do you really want him back or is it the future of managing alone, divorce stress, moving perhaps, that you don't want to face? Get organised. It's coming.

The courts do not care and are not interested in anything except the split of assets and then the split of the childcare.
Lose any emotion pdq.

Expect him to lie, cheat, fuck you over, fuck your child over, he is not your friend.

Oh, and Christmas/ NY. No playing happy families and the pick me dance.
Suggest you hide in a box that's taped up any jewellery or easily move able.

Don't involve him in anything and assume he won't be coming. Just say he has fallen out of love and is leaving.

Ensure the fucker is there to tell your child. Do it ASAP. Be there so they don't lie to child. Tell them you will tell child anyway as surely child wonders where they are.
Explain you won't be pretending happy families at Christmas and frankly of it was all do awful why didn't he fuck off years ago and allow you to meet someone else.

Sorry, op, divorce is war. Don't try and be fair. He won't. And don't tell him your plans etc. He is not your friend

Time to get control.of the situation.
Get copies of everything financial, every bank account, savings, mortgage, loans, house deeds.

Moved important documents like passports out of the house to a safe friend or family member.

See a solicitor. Knowledge is power. Find out what you are entitled to.

Get evidence that you are rhe main carer for your child, evidence that he disappears do.screenshot texts.

Go to the GP and get yourself into therapy.

You don't say how old your child.is, but inform school or nursery about the situation. Your husband's behaviour is erratic and not child.focused.

Write a list while you're angry about why this relationship is over. Use it as a reminder when you doubt yourself or remember the good times.

Kindly, you deserve better, your child deserves better. File for divorce and use that anger and frustration. How could you ever trust him again?

Get angry OP and take control.
Tell him the two weeks isn’t to sort his head out. It is for him to organise moving out, and removing his things. And negotiating parenting. He has shown in every way doesn’t care about you. But you should care about you.
You need legal advice on everything.

Of course he says 'no'
I'm so sorry that you have to go through this but now is the time to take control.
He says he doesn't know what he wants ....so make his mind up for him.

Definitely an affair op. Happened to me. He put us through 4 months of “talks “to save our marriage, couples counselling-where it was all my fault and I was the one who had to make the changes. All the time he denied an affair. He even told me it was important that I didn’t look elsewhere while we were having problems!!! Idiot me took that as a sign he still loved me. Eventually I discovered the affair. With a 24 year old. This is all years ago now and I have had another life since then. When I look back I wish I had been able to behave differently, more pride, more selfish, less begging etc but I also forgive myself. I was being lied to and I was being trusting and fighting for my family. I will always be able to tell the kids that. He will just have to admit he thew away their family for a shag that came to nothing .

op- you are about to have an awful few years. Keep your eye on the future when all this is past. In the next few years be kind to yourself and take as much support as you can get. You will get through this !

great advice here. It’s time to take out the trash OP. You can do this.

He's on holiday with his new squeeze!

Oh honey, he's a complete bastard. As others have said, he's having an affair. No doubt. How old is your child? You say you think your relationship is worth saving, but it really really isn't. He's totally checked out already. He just doesn't have the balls to be honest, but he'll gaslight you into thinking you're being unreasonable. Sounds like he's started on that already. You MUST take control. Get all your ducks in a row. Change the damned locks and text him telling him to pick his stuff up from the doorstep. Please please don't allow him to treat you like this. See a solicitor ASAP. YOU AND YOUR CHILD DESERVE BETTER!!!!

I agree, definitely an affair. When is he going to see your child in these two weeks? Is he even FaceTiming or calling them? Do you know where he’s staying as I wonder if he’s gone on holiday withOW?

Serve him a divorce paper and give him full custody of the kids!

The man has left you, he's too much of a coward to actually tell you he's left you that he's left you. Get a solicitor and divorce him. He's not going to tell you the truth, he's not going to give you closure he's a sniveling cowardly little s*. In this situation it really doesn't matter if it's having an affair or if he's got another woman the truth is he's gone. Stop being compassionate stop being nice, he doesn't deserve it start fighting back.

Save him the bother of clearing his head: tell him his behaviour had cleared yours and you’re not liking the view now you can see it clearly. Whilst he’s gone, clear his stuff into the spare room (if you’ve got one), get some legal advice, take any necessary measures to protect yourself financially, then when he returns, start the process of separating, with him In the spare room (or better still, ask him to extend his rental). You and your child deserve so much more than this selfish arsehole.

What ??????

Hell be having an affair. Why else is he suddenly ready to tell you all this? He has support and comfort elsewhere. Sorry OP this is really rough.

Well, he does if he so wishes. No court wili insist he has to have parental responsibilities!

If they leave near Christmas, it’s ALWAYS an affair. Happened to me 2 years ago. Anyone who can walk out on their children without an attempt to fix things, especially near Christmas, isn’t worth a minute more of time or consideration. OP, you will honestly be so much better off without him. It’s hard at first (nobody wants their life turning upside down) but soon you’ll realise how much heaviness there was in your life with him.