36 years and my husband left us for a 24 year old

[MydaughterandI]

I'm in pieces, I just don't want to carry on. Last week was supposed to be the nicest time for all of us, our 18 years old daughter starting university. Instead he left us without saying a word. we now know that he's been having an affair with a 24 year girl for the past year. He's 59 himself.
I just feel rubbish, humiliated. I'm missing him so much.
My daughter and I are missing eachother. But now are apart, until I sell this house.
What a mess. How can someone live their family like that?

That's a very good point @AngelicKaty The OP has only just found out, but he will have been planning his exit and is many steps ahead in the process, including potentially already having legal advice.

@MydaughterandI instead of selling the house, I'd try to get your divorce settled as quickly as possible. While he feels guilty, he's going to be more generous then he will be once the OW gets in his ear. It's the last thing you want to do right now, when your world is falling apart, but (if you're able) seeing a solicitor ASAP would be a good thing to do.

If the house was left to the OP as an inheritance it may be (Depending on the terms of the bequest) that it is indeed hers to do with as she wishes.

I know because a friend of a friends husband did pretty much what the OP's husband has. He basically banked on getting a load of money when the house was sold. Shock for him when he found he was getting not one red cent.

Oddly enough, OW dumped him and he wanted to go back to her.

This.

My dad left my mum not long before I went to uni. Also for a 25 year old colleague.

Going away to uni was the best thing for me. It allowed me to escape the drama and throw myself into a new life I was building for myself. Yes, it was all terribly upsetting, but uni was the distraction I needed.

Please don’t follow her to her new city. Let her make her own life. Also, as awful as this is going to sound, he didn’t leave her, he left you and your marriage.

My dad did almost EXACTLY this too. He just moved out of the family home, taking all of his stuff, and moved to another country. He just left a non specific note on my parents bed. Turns out he’d been having an affair for years with someone 20 years younger than him and left my mum for her.

'He's 59 himself'
'Our daughter turned 18' when you are 36

You have your answer.

🤣😂🤣

What a pathetic man-child. Be glad that you're rid of him @MydaughterandI , this probably isn't the first affair. When she leaves him and he comes crawling back you can enjoy laughing at the idea that you might take him back, or that his kids will forgive him.

How you working that out?

Some people can't tell the difference between a relationship of 36 years and an OP who is 36 years old!

I agree @BestZebbie, talk about sloppy seconds, The affair partner needs her head examining.

Your saying you feel no need to carry on but that’s selfish that your thinking that way over a man you’ve got your daughter to live for ! Remember that and your life will get better in time it hurts at the minute but instead of being sad get angry she will leave him within the next year and he will try come crawling back so you need to get stronger and say no if use was so happy he wouldn't of been sleeping with some else for a whole year please do yourself a favour and move on

THE OP IS NOT 36 YEARS OLD!!!!!

Her ex has fucked off after 36 years of marriage, ffs its not hard, simply read what the OP has written!

This makes no sense.

Lets spell this out.....

The OP said that they met when she was 19 and he was 21.

He is now 59.

So dah dah DAAAAH.........she is 57.

OK?

So now, how about focussing on what the poor woman is going through instead of the non existant "huge" age gap in her marriage?

I'm really sorry this has happened to you and i am really sorry to hear you feel this way. The emotions are just so overwhelming that it feels unbearable. But this feeling you have right now, it isn't permanent. You absolutely will not feel this way forever, yes it will be hard, some days worse than others, but bit by bit it will start to feel a little bit lighter.. it just doesn't feel that way right now because your brain is flooded and overwhelmed. Take care of the basics.. eat food that will nourish you, take care of your hygiene, get outdoors and try to stick to routine. Try to do things you enjoy, even small things like baking, going for a walk or watching a TV show. Open up to family and friends... maybe seek counselling to explore your feelings around this and keep talking on here. You aren't alone in this and the way you are feeling, the impact it is having on you, won't last forever. It will get better. You just need to make it through to tomorrow. Then tomorrow, you just need to make it to the next day and so on. One day at a time. You've got this ❤️

l don’t think l’ve ever seen a thread which demonstrates so clearly the appalling reading comprehension skills on MN. Why can so many posters not grasp the basics of what OP is saying ? They have been together (presume OP means married) 36 years. Their daughter is 18, so was born 18 years after they married. DH is 59 now, so was 23 when they married. This is not rocket science. I asked my ten year old nephew to work this out with OP”s information and he got it right within a minute or two. And yet posters are still debating this after eleven fucking pages !! Unbelievable.

He is a total twat. What a loser. He’s only embarrassing himself op. You will get through this.

My mistake 😭😭😭😭

I read it as the op was 36! I was disgusted!

Still am but less concerned!

FFS !!

No one will think badly of you they will be sickened by how he has treated his family. The age gap is huge. Just think in 10 years time she might have to beome his nurse. You have had his best years. Try to get the divorce over quickly and accept any help and support offered. Try to reassure your DD you will be fine even if you don't know you will be yet.

Dear everyone who thinks that OP is currently 36 and has an 18 year old, with a husband who is 59 and therefore 23 years older than her. If you were correct (you’re not) then OP would have had a baby at 18 with a man who was 41. In other words she’d have been a vulnerable teenager who was preyed upon by a sleazy older man. I can’t believe people are basically rubbing this in OP’s face saying she should have seen it coming because he’s preyed on a young woman before, ie her. Even if you were right about the OP’s age, how could you possibly think that should be something to count against her?!

Anyway, as most of us have discerned from the first post, OP is only a couple of years younger than her husband and they have been married for 36 years.

This is AWFUL. Dirty old man.

Get a solicitor and counselling ASAP.

He’ll be back when the 24 yo dumps him. Because, unless he can keep the money flowing, she will.

You need counselling to be strong enough to say no. They’ll help you reach the anger stage of grief initially which is what you need while you are sorting out finances.

Don’t sell the house or do anything else until you’ve had professional advice.

I don’t think it matters what the terms of the bequest are. If OP and her DH have lived in the house as their marital home he will have a claim on it. Inheritances have to be kept completely separate otherwise they are classed as joint marital assets.

This. I simply can’t believe how many posters are still debating it, and the fact that some are telling her he ‘has form’ based on their crap mental arithmetic and reading comprehension skills is pathetic.